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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1947-05-01, Page 2JUST IN FUN .. Overdone A doctor who had a neuracthcn- iepatient said to hlm: "Say each morning 'The Mediterranean sun is beating down on me and curing me I'" A week afterwards his patient' went to report progress. "Doctor," he said, "I'm much better." "Good," replied the doctor. "Go on with the treatment and don't forget the Mediterranean sun is beating down on you." In another week the doctor called on him and was horrified tofind the blinds down. "What's happened?" he inquir- ed of the maid. "Please, sir, Mr. Robinson's very ill." "Heavens, what was the cause?" "Sunstroke, sir." Free Air! One of those tiny new postwar motor cars was stopped in front of a service station, "Gimme a pint of gasoline and three ounces of oil, please," re- quested the big man squeezed in behind the wheel. "O.K.," said the station attend- ant, "Would you like me to sneeze in your tires?" Handy Gadget On her first visit to the city, little Mary, who had always lived on a farm, saw a sprinkling cart for the first time. "Mummy, mummy, come here quick," she called excitedly, "see what this man has fixed on the back of his wagon to keep the kids from hooking a ride!" Thrifty Then there was the Scotsman who returned home unexpectedly and found his wife with her lover. "Stand one behind the other," ordered the enraged husband, draw- ing a revolver, 'Then I can make one bullet do." VICTORY AWARDS Two new bronze medals, above, will soon be ready for distribution to United States veterans. At top is the World War II Victory Medal which will go to veterans who served from December 7, 1941, to December 31, 1946. The Amer- ican Defence Service Medal, below, Is for service between September 8, 1939, and December 7, 1941. Scrubbing Comes High A Far Rodkaway, N.Y., resident reports this incident as true: An- swering the front door bell the housewife was confronted by a colored lady who asked: "Does you need abody to doa day's cleaning?" To which the housewife counter- ed: "What do you charge?" The reply came: " Ah gets a dollar an hour; and when Ah bends. Ah gets a dollar -and -a -half." Temptation As the train pulled up at the way- side station the guard noticed smoke pouring Out of a compart- ment labelled "No Smoking," Open- ing the door, he eyed the six guilty - looking passengers seated inside. "Gentlemen," he remarked, "there are two rules on this line which are repeatedly broken. First, that smok- ing is forbidden in carriages not set aside for that purpose. Second, that the company's servants may not accept bribes, You have already broken one of these rules." Same Occupation A story goes that a wealthy visitor to an English elementary school offered a whole crown to the studentwho could propound the best riddle. A shrewd young lady of ten won the prize when she inquired, "Why ant I like Princess Elizabeth?" The visitor stumped and request- ed the answer. "Because," replied the young Miss demurely, "1 am waiting for the crown I" Eyeopeners An elderly minister thought it advisable to marry. Calling on one of his elders to inform hint of his intention, he said: "You see, I'm an old man now and I cannot ex- pect to be here very long, so I feel that when the time comes I would like to have someone to close my eyes." "Aweel," replied the elder, "I've had twa, and I can tell ye they opened nine." Well Caught Gert: Did you ever catch your husband flirting? Bess: Yes, that's how I did catch him. Book Parade A quarter placed in a new U.S. slot machine will start a "parade" of 96 of the latest paper -backed books. Pull a lever when you see the one you want and it slides out. It Pays To . Provide - `Lounge' For Cows That milk from contented cows has extra nutritive as well as ad- vertising value has been demon- strated in experiments conducted under the auspices of New York State, says The New York Sun. A cow at liberty to wander about in a "loafing barn" pays off with milk of higher nutritional content than does her sister anchored to a stanchion. Such a bovine lounge should have a ceiling at least ten feet high and the cow should be free to enter and leave at will. Al- lowed to pick her own spot for rumination, she will keep herself cleaner, run less risk of suffering injury and consume more of the roughage essential to the best milk. There was a time when few dairy farmers could consider providing lounges for their cows. But in these days of guaranteed prices the cow has brought a more abundant life to many farms. It seems only just that she should share in the bene- fits. HOME -TOWN ECHOES GOhd' T SR 114' BLACK 02CnK, AT 111' OPEf2's 1-10t1S', T'NIGIIT, '51.44E2 Iii R09a UTADDEU. , tt14CNES PR COueIE MACK THIS YEAR. TH' ArNLenc'r WILL. 0-44 TN' PENiMT ! By C. Kessler orf our 'e iilE eekR?ET7 ALIJA`l'S S144JED 'ME BACIL C)F Dlll2 DECK--' t ' ME`Mf3i=%2, 2 Historian Claim s Hitler Really Dead Killing a legend is like laying a ghost — an unsatisfactory achieve- ment because people will continue to believe in both. The legend that Hitler was not dead was so persistent thet to avert its, political dangers in Germany, the British government in Septem- ber 1945 commissioned a noted his- torian, Mr. H, F. Trevor -Roper, to examine into all the evidence of the last hours of the infamous dictator in the underground "bunker" where with Eva Braun he took refuge as the Red Array was breaking into his flame -and -bomb shattered capi- tal, says the Ottawa Citizen. The historian's findings have just been published, He met and questioned many of the actors in the terrible `drama who remained alive after the capture of Berlin. He sifted all the written evidence derived from the questioning of others. His conclusions are that Hitler shot himself through the mouth and that Eva Braun poison- ed herself. Her face was seen as her body was carried out of the shelter but Hitler's smashed face was covered with a cloth, His black trousers, however, were recognized by witnesses who after- wards testified to the fact. "That another body could have been substituted for Hitler's no witness questioned would consider for a moment. It was Hitler and none other, they maintained, who killed•himself on that day in April 1945 when he realized that his blood -bespattered rule was ended and with it the existence of the German nation. VOICE OF THE 1PIIIESS Where Peace Is Needed A dispatch from Nanking says China has been working for several months on preliminary drafts of a peace treaty with Japan. It might be much more to the point if China were to work on a peace with China. Brantford Expositor. Her Holiday Postcard front girl on vacation: "Having a wonderful time. Wish I could afford it." —Abbott Pharm Agraph. Evolution 1895—Look! A horse! 1925—Look! A motor -car! 1955—Look! A pedestrian! For Sale—One Idea D. C Abbott says his "personal" sympathies" are in favor of Income- tax reduction. Now it remains to be seen if he can sell the idea to the Minister of Finance. —Ottawa Journal. Safe Bet You can safely bet on a girl's. wedding if she starts her married life with more kitchen aprons than lounging robes. —Chatham News, For The Indians It's old-fashioned to suggest giv- ing this country back to he Indians. The modern plan is to let the War Assets Corporation sell it back to them at 20 per cent discount. —Peterborough Examiner. Save the Walk If you buy a car you do not have to walk to the bank to make de- posits. You have none to make. —Brandon Sun. Cheap At Any Price Cost of weather information dur- ing the uring'the war years was $11,000,000, says Andrew Thomson, of the Meteorological Bureau. What we would like to know is how much some warm weather -would cost? --Owen Sound Sun -Times. Improved Turkey The experts are attempting to produce a bigger and better turkey. We are fairly well pleased with that bird as it is, but could go for one with a couple more drumsticks. And no neck! —Ottawa Citizen, Come June It is predicted that we shall reach the all-time high in the cost of living by June and that's the time so many decide two can live as cheaply as one! —Brandon Sun. Playing Safe In a microscopic study of pocket change, girl students of St. Navicr's Academy in Providence, Rhode Island, have discovered that bac- teria avoid dimes but cuddle up to nickels. Maybe that explains why so many people avoid attending church. They're afraid of the germs on the collection plates. St. Thomas Times -Journal. You win nnloa Staying At. The SL Regis Hotel TORONTO • 8fvery Room With Bath *)S9JJ1 ,gtc, 6t.ti0 uuho • .p�pble, 83.10 lin p U pd Food, Dining and Bane - Bit Nightly o,er an e n Sherbourne at Carlton Tel. RA, 41115 ROOMS BEAUTIFULLY FORNrSBED $1.50 up HOTEL METROPOLE NIAGARA FALLS OPP. — 0.N,R. STATION flMiVTh Am? We in Canada have now come through the hardest part of the post-war adjustment period. By buying in moderation only what we really needed, by resisting the natural desire to rush madly after long -absent luxuries, we have been able to keep prices at reasonable levels. We have been able—so far—to escape the strife and the uselessness of inflation. Knowing where we want to go, we have also known how to get there. Credit for this lies with the foresighted planning of our Government—the wisdom of the people— and the Canadian habit of moderation in all things, which as The House of Seagram has long maintained; is unquestionably one of this country's finest assets. geacti,CG ,4i(o!%Pinz4o L Oda / THE HOUSE OF SEAGIRAM li • M-195 POP—Not Contagious By J. MILLAR WATT MATTE MATTER, a ii TIDE 5014 fV1lrH I'M H4VINC-1 TROUBLC LcZ MA 4 iC • GRAGIOUS� H01V p11 YOII GCT THAT , 1 MAVENT GOY IT': X CAN'T SPELL '`g I=i `` _ . a