HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1947-05-01, Page 2JUST IN FUN ..
Overdone
A doctor who had a neuracthcn-
iepatient said to hlm: "Say each
morning 'The Mediterranean sun is
beating down on me and curing
me I'"
A week afterwards his patient'
went to report progress. "Doctor,"
he said, "I'm much better."
"Good," replied the doctor. "Go
on with the treatment and don't
forget the Mediterranean sun is
beating down on you."
In another week the doctor called
on him and was horrified tofind
the blinds down.
"What's happened?" he inquir-
ed of the maid.
"Please, sir, Mr. Robinson's very
ill."
"Heavens, what was the cause?"
"Sunstroke, sir."
Free Air!
One of those tiny new postwar
motor cars was stopped in front of
a service station,
"Gimme a pint of gasoline and
three ounces of oil, please," re-
quested the big man squeezed in
behind the wheel.
"O.K.," said the station attend-
ant, "Would you like me to sneeze
in your tires?"
Handy Gadget
On her first visit to the city,
little Mary, who had always lived
on a farm, saw a sprinkling cart
for the first time.
"Mummy, mummy, come here
quick," she called excitedly, "see
what this man has fixed on the
back of his wagon to keep the
kids from hooking a ride!"
Thrifty
Then there was the Scotsman
who returned home unexpectedly
and found his wife with her lover.
"Stand one behind the other,"
ordered the enraged husband, draw-
ing a revolver, 'Then I can make
one bullet do."
VICTORY AWARDS
Two new bronze medals, above,
will soon be ready for distribution
to United States veterans. At top
is the World War II Victory
Medal which will go to veterans
who served from December 7, 1941,
to December 31, 1946. The Amer-
ican Defence Service Medal, below,
Is for service between September 8,
1939, and December 7, 1941.
Scrubbing Comes High
A Far Rodkaway, N.Y., resident
reports this incident as true: An-
swering the front door bell the
housewife was confronted by a
colored lady who asked:
"Does you need abody to doa
day's cleaning?"
To which the housewife counter-
ed: "What do you charge?"
The reply came: " Ah gets a
dollar an hour; and when Ah
bends. Ah gets a dollar -and -a -half."
Temptation
As the train pulled up at the way-
side station the guard noticed
smoke pouring Out of a compart-
ment labelled "No Smoking," Open-
ing the door, he eyed the six guilty -
looking passengers seated inside.
"Gentlemen," he remarked, "there
are two rules on this line which are
repeatedly broken. First, that smok-
ing is forbidden in carriages not
set aside for that purpose. Second,
that the company's servants may
not accept bribes, You have already
broken one of these rules."
Same Occupation
A story goes that a wealthy
visitor to an English elementary
school offered a whole crown to
the studentwho could propound
the best riddle. A shrewd young
lady of ten won the prize when
she inquired, "Why ant I like
Princess Elizabeth?"
The visitor stumped and request-
ed the answer.
"Because," replied the young
Miss demurely, "1 am waiting for
the crown I"
Eyeopeners
An elderly minister thought it
advisable to marry. Calling on one
of his elders to inform hint of his
intention, he said: "You see, I'm
an old man now and I cannot ex-
pect to be here very long, so I feel
that when the time comes I would
like to have someone to close my
eyes."
"Aweel," replied the elder, "I've
had twa, and I can tell ye they
opened nine."
Well Caught
Gert: Did you ever catch your
husband flirting?
Bess: Yes, that's how I did catch
him.
Book Parade
A quarter placed in a new U.S.
slot machine will start a "parade"
of 96 of the latest paper -backed
books. Pull a lever when you see
the one you want and it slides out.
It Pays To . Provide
- `Lounge' For Cows
That milk from contented cows
has extra nutritive as well as ad-
vertising value has been demon-
strated in experiments conducted
under the auspices of New York
State, says The New York Sun.
A cow at liberty to wander about
in a "loafing barn" pays off with
milk of higher nutritional content
than does her sister anchored to
a stanchion. Such a bovine lounge
should have a ceiling at least ten
feet high and the cow should be
free to enter and leave at will. Al-
lowed to pick her own spot for
rumination, she will keep herself
cleaner, run less risk of suffering
injury and consume more of the
roughage essential to the best milk.
There was a time when few dairy
farmers could consider providing
lounges for their cows. But in these
days of guaranteed prices the cow
has brought a more abundant life
to many farms. It seems only just
that she should share in the bene-
fits.
HOME -TOWN ECHOES
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COueIE MACK
THIS YEAR.
TH' ArNLenc'r
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By C. Kessler
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ALIJA`l'S S144JED 'ME
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Historian Claim s
Hitler Really Dead
Killing a legend is like laying a
ghost — an unsatisfactory achieve-
ment because people will continue
to believe in both.
The legend that Hitler was not
dead was so persistent thet to avert
its, political dangers in Germany,
the British government in Septem-
ber 1945 commissioned a noted his-
torian, Mr. H, F. Trevor -Roper, to
examine into all the evidence of the
last hours of the infamous dictator
in the underground "bunker" where
with Eva Braun he took refuge as
the Red Array was breaking into
his flame -and -bomb shattered capi-
tal, says the Ottawa Citizen.
The historian's findings have
just been published, He met and
questioned many of the actors in
the terrible `drama who remained
alive after the capture of Berlin.
He sifted all the written evidence
derived from the questioning of
others. His conclusions are that
Hitler shot himself through the
mouth and that Eva Braun poison-
ed herself. Her face was seen as
her body was carried out of the
shelter but Hitler's smashed face
was covered with a cloth, His
black trousers, however, were
recognized by witnesses who after-
wards testified to the fact.
"That another body could have
been substituted for Hitler's no
witness questioned would consider
for a moment. It was Hitler and
none other, they maintained, who
killed•himself on that day in April
1945 when he realized that his
blood -bespattered rule was ended
and with it the existence of the
German nation.
VOICE OF THE 1PIIIESS
Where Peace Is Needed
A dispatch from Nanking says
China has been working for several
months on preliminary drafts of a
peace treaty with Japan. It might
be much more to the point if
China were to work on a peace
with China.
Brantford Expositor.
Her Holiday
Postcard front girl on vacation:
"Having a wonderful time. Wish
I could afford it."
—Abbott Pharm Agraph.
Evolution
1895—Look! A horse!
1925—Look! A motor -car!
1955—Look! A pedestrian!
For Sale—One Idea
D. C Abbott says his "personal"
sympathies" are in favor of Income-
tax reduction. Now it remains to be
seen if he can sell the idea to the
Minister of Finance.
—Ottawa Journal.
Safe Bet
You can safely bet on a girl's.
wedding if she starts her married
life with more kitchen aprons than
lounging robes.
—Chatham News,
For The Indians
It's old-fashioned to suggest giv-
ing this country back to he Indians.
The modern plan is to let the War
Assets Corporation sell it back to
them at 20 per cent discount.
—Peterborough Examiner.
Save the Walk
If you buy a car you do not have
to walk to the bank to make de-
posits. You have none to make.
—Brandon Sun.
Cheap At Any Price
Cost of weather information dur-
ing the
uring'the war years was $11,000,000,
says Andrew Thomson, of the
Meteorological Bureau. What we
would like to know is how much
some warm weather -would cost?
--Owen Sound Sun -Times.
Improved Turkey
The experts are attempting to
produce a bigger and better turkey.
We are fairly well pleased with
that bird as it is, but could go for
one with a couple more drumsticks.
And no neck!
—Ottawa Citizen,
Come June
It is predicted that we shall reach
the all-time high in the cost of
living by June and that's the time
so many decide two can live as
cheaply as one!
—Brandon Sun.
Playing Safe
In a microscopic study of pocket
change, girl students of St. Navicr's
Academy in Providence, Rhode
Island, have discovered that bac-
teria avoid dimes but cuddle up to
nickels. Maybe that explains why
so many people avoid attending
church. They're afraid of the
germs on the collection plates.
St. Thomas Times -Journal.
You
win
nnloa Staying At.
The SL Regis Hotel
TORONTO
• 8fvery Room With Bath
*)S9JJ1 ,gtc, 6t.ti0 uuho •
.p�pble, 83.10 lin
p U pd Food, Dining and Bane -
Bit Nightly
o,er an e n
Sherbourne at Carlton
Tel. RA, 41115
ROOMS BEAUTIFULLY
FORNrSBED $1.50 up
HOTEL METROPOLE
NIAGARA FALLS
OPP. — 0.N,R. STATION
flMiVTh
Am?
We in Canada have now come through the hardest
part of the post-war adjustment period. By buying in
moderation only what we really needed, by resisting the
natural desire to rush madly after long -absent luxuries,
we have been able to keep prices at reasonable levels.
We have been able—so far—to escape the strife and the uselessness of inflation.
Knowing where we want to go, we have also known how to get there.
Credit for this lies with the foresighted
planning of our Government—the wisdom of the people—
and the Canadian habit of moderation in all things,
which as The House of Seagram has long maintained;
is unquestionably one of this country's finest assets.
geacti,CG ,4i(o!%Pinz4o L Oda /
THE HOUSE OF SEAGIRAM
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POP—Not Contagious By J. MILLAR WATT
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