The Seaforth News, 1947-04-17, Page 2`JUST IN FUN
Familiar 'Pattern
A proud and happy young man
hurrying down the street to his
business islet neighbor Brown.
"Congratulate me, Brown," he
cried, "we have a new baby girl
in our house."
"I'm glad to hear it," said Brown.
"And she is very beautiful,"
"Indeed she is,". replied the
young father,
"And she is very intelligent,"
added Brown.
"See here, Brown," asked the
now suspicious young father, "how
do you know so much abort our
baby?"
T have 'six of my own," was the
calm reply.
Almost, Plenty
"Boy;" said the busy business
man, "can you change a dollar
bill?"
"Well, yes sir, in a way, sort of
replied the frank lad. "I can
change it into about eighty-seven
cents, sir."
Found
The absent-minded professor was
having a physical examination.
"Stick out your tongue and say
" commanded the doctor.
"Ab," obeyed the professor.
"It looks all right," nodded the '
M.D., "but why the 'postage.
stamp?"
"Oh -ho," said the professor. ''So
that's where I left it!"
Just Interested
Brown was awakened one night
by a strange moaning outside his
.bedroom window. After he had list-
ened to it for some time he got up
and looked out to sec what was
causing the weird sound.
By this time bfrs. Brown was
awake too. Sitting up in bed she
c:.11ed to her husband: "What is it
John?"
He replied in a hoarse whisper:
."It looks like a ghost."
"Oh, really?" she asked. "Any-
body we knew?"
HOLD EVERYTHING
"But Buster, my headaches are
different from yours!"
Adequate Alibi
Five-year-old' William had been
taught that Sunday is not a day
for play. One Sunday morning his
mother found hint sailing his toy
boat in the bathtub.
"William," she said, "don't you
know it is wicked to sail boats on
Sunday?"
"Don't get excited Mother," he
replied. "This isn't a pleasure trip.
This is a missionary boat going to
A frica."
'lid Them Like Fish
A boarder bought some sausages
and asked his landlady to cook them
for his breakfast.
"How'll J cook them?" she asked.
"Just fry 'em like fish," replied
the lodger,
The next morning, when the land-
lady served them, she remarked: "I
hope you'll enjoy your breakfast,
• sir, but there's not much in these
things when they're. cleaned out"
Perfectly Plain
Passenger to porter while on
train for New York): "What time
do we get to New York, George?"
Porter: "We is due to get there
at 1:15 unless you has set your
watch for eastern time, which
would make it 2:15. Then, of co'se
if you is goin' by daylight savin'
time, it would be 3:15, unless we
is an hour an' fifty minutes late—
which we is."
SHIPSHAPE—Baudouys coil hawser _on foredeck of their home.
CORKING OFF — With three children snugly bunked, Mrs
Baudouy has goodnight talk with fourth youngster.
ALL ABOARD - AND LODGING
Faced by France'§ critical housing shortage, Marcel Baudouy, French war veteran, bought a former
British naval patrol boat and converted it into a home for his English wife, Sonia, and their children..
As a member of the Free French forces during the war, he commanded a small torpedo boat, These
pictures, taken by NEA correspondent Rene Henry, show Baudouy and his family at home afloat
in the Seine River during recent sightseeing trip to the French capital.
MESS CALL COMING — Mrs. Baudouy sets the dinner table while her husband keeps one son
amused and other children await dinner bell.
Ulster Sends
Vast Supplies
Of f: o. d To U.K.
In peace, as in war, Ulster sends
immense supplies of food to Great
Britain. The figures for 1246, just
published, show how great is this
contribution to the national larder
—particularly welcome in these
days of world shortages and con-
tinued rationing,
For a number of years Ulster has
helped materially to meet the milk
shortage in Scotland during the
winter months. Supplies have been
progressively increased until some
three million gallons of Ulster milk
are sent across the Irish Sea each
year, the cash value being about
£230,000.
Cattle and Sheep
Last year fat cattle and sheep to
the value of £5,357,000 were ship-
ped from Ulster to Great Britain.
In the same period the shipments
of eggs totalled 311,000,000, repre-
senting a value of £1,200,000. The
value of Ulster's egg production
for the year exceeded £5,000,000.
Before the present seasqn ends
Ulster will have shipped from the
1246 crop 330,000 tons of ware
potatoes, value £2,000,000, besides
110,000 tons of ware potatoes, worth
more than £1,000,000, sent to Great
Britain and elsewhere. -
Poultry supplies from Ulster last
year amounted to 9,400,000 pounds
weight—quite a substantial contri-
bution to cross -Channel luncheon
and dinner tables.
Ryegrass Seed -
Farmers in Great Britain depend
almost entirely upon Ulster for the
ryegrass seed which they sow every
year. In 1946, 295,000 cwt of this
seed, all of which had to conform
to the highest standards of purity
and germination was supplied.
On the average Ulster sends to
Great Britain apples ranging in
annual value from £500,000 to
£1,000,000.
Although the production of pigs
in Ulster bas had to be drastically
curtailed owing to the shortage of
feeding stuffs, the farmers are
ready, as soon as the opportunity
presents itself, to restore pig pro-
duction rapidly and to recover for
the Ulster' bacon industry the high
place it formerly held on the British
market.
CRACK -UFS
By Irving Roir
"It's nice to be near you and just relax."
V
E OF THE PRESS
Where It Is Needed
Thanks to the Russians, the Sal-
vation Army is being barred from
Germany. But what region needs
salvation more?
—London Free Press
Britain's Strength
Britain, it is occasionally pointed
out, may astonish the world by her
recovery. Her failure to recover
would astonish us more.
—Sault Daily Star
U.K. Coming Along
The remarkable reconversion feat
of United Kingdom automobile in-
dustry is underlined by the an-
nouncement that production is al-
ready 95 per cent. that of prewar.
—Ottawa Citizen
War and Peace Costly
The modern war is as expensive
to tin as to lose.
—Brandon Sun
Primary Responsibility
Don't do all, your cussing- at the
Communists who hold seats in par-
liament or official positions in the
ranks of organized Labor ... The
first criticism should be of the
people who would elect such candi-
dates to parliament or permit them
to direct and control the policies of
labor unions ... The Reds wouldn't
sit in our halls of parliament and in
the high offices of Labor if the
people did not put them there...
That is where the real danger lies.
—St. Thomas Times -Journal
Yes, Where?
We still have that fine Canadian
sentiment to live and let live—but
where?
—Brandon. Sun
Modern Day Skeptics
A direct descendant of Christo-
pher Columbus plans to sail his
yacht to America. We must warn
hint, though, that this time it is
learned economists who hold the
world is flat.
—Winnipeg Tribune
Apron Brides
You can safely bet on a girl's
wedding if she starts her married
life with more kitchen aprons than
lounging robes.
—Guelph Mercury.
ADO GSGOTTAHAVEANAME
Whatchagotna package?
Sabook,
Wassanaimovit?
Sadickshunery. Wife gonna getta-
pleecedog angottagettanainsferini
—Kanawha, Iowa, Reporter;
Teachers in Politics
In Alberta's 00 -member Legisla-
ture, there are no fewer than 14
teachers, of whom 12 belong to the
Social Credit Party. It .would be
correct, we think, to say that teach-
ers play a larger role in Alberta's
political life than they play in the
political life of any other province,
and that this condition has existed
since 1935.
-Calgary Herald
Old Saying 'Extended
The old saying about a fool and
his money still holds good, but mil-
lions of intelligent people are also
learning that they and their money
are soon parted nowadays.
—Kingston Whig -Standard
Apple Sense
At a meeting held in St. Thomas
commercial fruit -growers approved
a plan to dispose of cull apples, so
that none but better grades would
be offered to the public. The deci-
sion was wise and far-sighted; if
the growers adhere to it, Ontario
apples should regain the preferred
place they once held in- the fruit
market,
-Kitchener Whig -Standard.
Junior Escapes
Because he h ad been playing
marbles and was slipping in late, a
Sudbury youngster discovered a fire
and his school was saved from
disaster. For the life of us we
can't figure out any way of convert-
ing the incident into an opportunity
to lecture' Junior.
—Sault Daily Star.
Desperate Wonsan
A schoolteacher in `New Hamp-
shire has resigned from her fob in
order to marry a millionaire. Of
course, if schoolteachers continue to
be underpaid, they will do these
desperate things from time to time.
—Peterborough Examiner.
U.K. Production Up
In Many Industries
It should be pointed out that
sweeping statements to the effect
that the British industrial plant is
obsolete should be taken with a
large grain of salt. Certain indus-
tries such as mining and textiles
have not kept pace with the mech-
anization of similar industries ill
other countries. However, in other
fields Britain leads the world. The
tremendous production of motors,
machine tools and electrical equip-
ment, ships and vehiclesof all kinds
during the war is indication enough
that Britain is far from backward
industrially.—Winnipeg Tribune.
Some Wild Animals
Multiply Abnormally
During War Years
There are many examples of wild
animals multiplying abnormally
while man makes war, says The
Manchester Guardian. During the
Spanish Civil War and in France
1914-18 and 1939-46, wildswine be-
came a serious nuisance, and even
in Britain foxes were unusually
numerous and destructive between
1440 and 1946. But the scale of the
field mice "plague" in parts of
Poland does seem to be exception-
al. It is reported that, as a result of
the multiplication of field mice,
more than 1,000,000 acres are pro-
ducing less than 30 per cent of
what they should. There are said
to be about 3,000 mice to the acre
over large areas, and as nsany as 40
or 50 mice may sonletinies be
counted running in front of the
bloodstained plowshares. The -trou-
ble is believed to arise front lack
of cultivation—complete lack dur-
ing
some war years and too shallow
plowing since. It is hoped that deep,
plowing by Unrra tractors may im-
prove the situation. ,
Animals Groomed
By Vacuum Cleaners
A United Kingdom firm has de-
veloped a new use for suction clean-
ers -that of grooming animals. A
special machine which it has pro-
duced for tliis purpose is mounted
on a small push handle base fitted
with caterpillar tracks for mobility
'and capable of being driven either
by a minature petrol engine or by a
1.5' horsepower motor. The filter
container has a removable top, thus
enabling the internal dust bag to be
emptied. Equipment includes an
assortment of cleaning tools and
brushes,
Enlightenment
"Of course," said the lecturer,
turning to the chairman of the
meeting,. "you ail know what the
inside of a corpuscle looks like."
"I guess, most of us do," said the
. chairman, "but you'd better explain
for those that haven't been inside
one." _
You 1;111 r:nJor `staying Al
The St. aegis Hotel
TORONTO
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Sberboorne at Carlton
Tat, RA. 4133
•
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19-46
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