Loading...
HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1947-02-06, Page 2SUET IN -SUN Absent "T" The perfect pun is said to have had its origin in the House of Cora - mons An Irishman made a State- ment which called from an English. opponent the cry, "Treason!" The Irishman replied: "I would have the honorable gentleman know that what is treason in Eng- land become' reason in Ireland— because of the absentee" Took a Stroll A 'henpecked husband reached the end of his patience and, after a final, row with his wife, took his bowler hat from the peg in the hall and said, "I'm going." Three years later he -returned and his wife demanded, "Where on earth have you been?" "Out" he replied, and hung his hat on the same. peg. Be Reasonable- Guest: "Look herel How long must I wait for the half portion of duck I ordered?" Waiter: "Till somebody orders the l other half. We can't go out and kill half a duck." The Beat Way Fitznook: "How do you find business, sir?" Mr. Hustle: "I go out and look for it, sir!" Exciting After a successful business career, Robinson retired to lead the ilfe of a country gentleman. One of their new neighbors, call- ing on hlrs. Robinson, remarked: "I hear your husband has taken up hunting. Do you approve of shat?" "I don't know about approving," said the sportsman's wife, "but it makes life more exciting. We never know which to expect home first— say husband or the horse." No Secrets A. bombastic man met his hen- pecked friend, whose face suggest- ed a recent accident "How did this happen:" his friend asked. "My wife "Your wife? Alt evidently you have not acquired the secret of married bliss. I never have a row with my wife. 1 have no secrets from her." "Neither have I!" the other sighed. "That's the trouble. I only thought I 1 -ad'•" Fif ty-Fifty Dunninger, who likes to be known as 'the master mentalist" called on Blackstone, who doesn't mind being known as a plain magi- cian. iv ed 'aa. WhenDunninger a r he found the magician ransacking the bedroom for a white tie. "You're the great mind reader,". !Blackstone finally exploded, "Sup- pose you tell me where I put that tie' Dunninger (-omcee:rated. "It's in that box." he said, Blackstone ha r r i e t: l y went through the box, found the tie which he held up scornfully. "You are a fine mind reader,' he said, "It's black." Dunninger shrugged, "If you're any kind of magician." he answered, ''yon can change it into a white one. HE'S A "HUSKY" He's a Husky, member of the last medieval guild to survive in modern Paris. Huskies carry produce to and from the Central Market, and, la their floppy, wide brimmed hats go kelp moistttae fr6m fists crates eta:, from running down their necks) and blue blouses they are tourist attractions. The man above Is toting a crate of approximately 1000 eggs. For membership Huskies require literacy, morality, ability to carry 400 -pound Load 65 yards with- out a struggle. They are petitioning for civil servant status. "HIRING FAIR" IN ENGLAND • In the city of Carlisle in England a novel fair is held about twice a year. It is called a hiring fair and as such has been operating for many years. Farm laborers who want to work crowd High Street and wait for an offer from a farmer in need of help. Many generations of farm workers have stood on the stone steps of the statue in the middle of the High Street waiting for an offer. :Mita et' the * ROARIN' CAME (.0 By BILLY ROSE Sedgewick, Alta. Canadian Curling Champion, 1946. - This is one of a series by out- standing Canadian curlers relat- ing what they consider their "most thrilling moment" in com- petition for the Macdonald's Brier Tankard, representing the Canadian single rink curling title. While there are many thrilling incidents I recall during the course of the 1946 Brier at Saskatoon, two of the 1945 Brier at Saskatoon, one stands out in my .memory very vividly. The ''thriller" occurred in the first game my rink played against Howard Palmer and his Calgary Club rink in the Provincial finals at Edmonton. Howard Palmer is a wonderful curler and a swell fel- low to boot. We had met in two previous British Consol finals and Howard had had much the best of it, winning both. In this year's final Howard was three up going home in the first game of a best of three series. When I went to throw my last rock he was lying in front of my lead rock and it would take a very accurate shot to displace his with- out losing my back rock or rolling out myself. I was lucky enough to get the right "Broom" and weight, making the shot to lay three and tie the game, forcing an extra end. In the extra end my rink sewed things up so tight that neither Howard or myself could do very much about it when our turns came to shoot, The making of this shot, was naturally quite a thrill to me and no doubt to the hundreds of spec- tators, but I believe that the mak- ing of that shot also provided added inspiration to the other members of my rink to such an extent that they went into the second and what proved to be the final game with plenty of confidence and this game was not so dose. It is also quite possible that this shot coming as it did when the game seemed over, had somewhat of an adverse effect on the playing of the Calgary boys in the second game. All Consumers Tucked away behind the big news of the week was a little item from Oshawa a few days ago stat- ing that members of a C.I.O. steel- workers' union thele had decWed fo -coup their own hair, now that the price of haircuts had gone up a bit. What is so striking about the news is that it places one set of workers against another set of aporkers, and prove_ so clearly that every worker is, aborti all, a con- sumer. -St. Catl-arices Surtat+l. "Victory" Wins Another Victory H.M.S. Victory has proved a durable as well as a famous ship. Built in 1765, she is not only some thirty years older than the Con- stellation, dean of American war- ships, but is eleven years senior to the United States itself. She has' survived storm and shot, the simple iron projectiles front French and Spanish guns and the bombs that Nazi airmen rained sown on Ports- mouth, says the New York Herald Tribune. And now it appears that this victorious symbol will be vic- torious again—over beetles. The borer beetles were first re- ported sapping the Victory's heart of oak in 1930, and the campaign against them began. It was not as spectacular as Trafalgar, , when the Victory led a British .squadron into action and flew Nelson's fa- mous signal, nor did it have the same significance for history. But if it had been lost it would have been just as fatal to the Victory as if the gunners of Admiral Ville neuve's fleet had been more accur- ate in their fire at Trafalgar. For- tunately, D.D.T. came to the res- cue; the insecticide was blown into holes bored in the timbers, and last year, it is reported, some 60,- 000 beetles a day succumbed. Now there is reason to believe that 'the Victory has at least fifty years of service left in her," which would bring her to the ripe age of 231 years. Maybe there is a moral here; a victory which sustains the shock of battle must fight its hardest cam- paign against insidious insects. Un- fortunately, there is no scientific formula for insecticide to safeguard a victory of the spirit — indeed, it is rather difficult to get any general agreement as to' what is worth saving and how to detect the insects. But the effort is worth making if the victory was worth winning. Fast Camera A super -camera which can take a picture, develop it and throw it on a screen in 15 seconds automatic- ally, is reported from the U.S., ac- cording to The Financial Post De- signed secretly during the war, it takes photographs at 1/10,000 -sec- ond speed on special 16 mm. film. A container squirts chemicals,pre- heated to 140 degrees F., on the iilm; and a vacuum process handles the rest of the job in nine seconds flat. BACK -SAVER Hugh McEachern of Afton, N.S., believes in saving his. back. Since adding a third deck to his poultry househe has installed an elevator by which feed goes up and he and the eggs come down. VOICE OF THE PRESS Getting Skinned Some mink coats are said to have dropped 35 per cent in price to only $4,000. Even a that a lot of the lads that buy them are getting just as much skinned as the mink. —Owen Sound "Sun -Times. Shirtless Laundries ' The shirt situation must be hope- less. A hold up of a Chinese laun- dry in Winnipeg did not reveal one man's shirt. —Brandon Sun. Straining at Gnats We probably shall never get over our inferiority . complex in respect to scientific matters. Despite all the elaborate explanations we have read, we still cannot understand why it netiessary to use a twenty- ton machine to break an atom, the smallest particle of matter known. —Windsor Star. Portal -To -Portal Asked why he wanted two bucks for a 15 -minute snow -shovelling job, the high school boy said there was a front door and a back door, thus making_it portal-to-portal. —Stratford Beacon -Herald. Know Your Hockey Stars By ED FITKIII Heads don't come any harder than the one owned by Joe Klukay, rookie left-winger of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Young Mr. Klukay has proved this on at least two occasions in the twice in past; amateur ranks crashing bead - on into goal- posts, being ree- dered. hors de combat tettipor- arily and then coming back each time to score the winning goal. * s * The rawboned winger. a Gradu- ate of Pittsburgh I-Iorncts, was born at Sault Ste. Marie, Nov. 6, 1922, is an inch shy of the 6 -foot mark and weighs 180. He gained his hockey schooling in the Soo, playing two seasons with the Junior "B" team of that city and helping them to the Northern O.H.A. championship -in 1041-42. * * * A standout with Stratfor d's Junior "A" team in 1942-43, Klukay turned pro with the Leafs before the season ended and managed to squeeze into the Stanley Cup fin- als against Detroit as a temporary replacement for Sweeney Schriner, s * * Klukay joined •the RCN VR in April, 1943, and qualified as a Phy- sical Training Instructor with the rank of Able Seaman. Joe played hockey with Toronto Navy in 1943-94 and the following season was a star with the II.H.C.S. Corn- wallis team. Maritime service sham - pions. * a Throughout the 1945-46 season, Klukay played a starring role for the Pittsburgh Hornets in the American Hockey League. 1 -lis rugged play and scoring punch netted hint 26 goals and 23 assists for 49 points .in 17 league games. In six playoff engagements, Joe bagged 4 goats and one assist. ,e With One Exception Kingston Whig -Standard says "there is probably nothing as cold as a fish." Excepting Mother's eye, when Father, instead of being his age, tries to be "the life of the party." -Ottalwa Citizen.. Can't Be Too Bad Some wheat -growers and politi- cians are making a fuss about the British -Canadian . wheat . contract. But it can't be such a bad thing, for the apple -growers of Nova Scotia are asking Canada to make a simi- lar deal with apples. -Niagara Falls Review. Too Much A. whiskey made of aviation gas by. Jap bootleggers is pronounced a failure. It is better so. A jet-pro- pelled drunk -would be more than the highway traffic could bear. =Winnipeg Tribune. It's a Gift A Hamilton woman celebrating her 100th birthday says she has been too busy to learn to drink. With some people ft's a gift, seems to take no learning. —Ottawa Journal. Deserves Medal A 00 -year-old Toronto m a u should get that city's "Man of the Year" accolade, He hasn't missed casting a ballot in any civic, pro- vincial or federal election since he was 21, and that was in 1877. —St.Catharines Standard. But They Don't Know Already an unusually large num- ber of multiple births have been re- corded this new year. If babies knew what a tough world this is now, they wouldn't be flocking to it in droves, --Kitchener Record. Small Courtesies. We do not suggest that posing- sters should be trainee) to call their elders Sir and Ma'am, or instructed in any elaborate code of etiquette, says the Ottawa Journal. It is a pity, though, that a boy should grow into a youth, and the youth into a man, without having come to an instinctive knowledge and use of the small courtesies which do so much to smooth the rough edges of our crowded lives. The lad who forces his way first into a tramand sits while women stand is not to be blamed too much—he doesn't know any better-. But somebody is to blame for a duty neglected, Long Intprovemeht in rail travel, long overdue, are bound to come in 1047-4S,', with 2,800 lightweight, streamlined cars (equivalent to 400 fast trains) on order. They'll have such built-in comforts as filtered air, -sound -deadening, balanced, de- sign for smoother ride, dome "vistas", bedrooms to replace up- pers and lowers. —Pathfinder. When your BACK ACHES... Backache is often caused by lacy kidney action. When kidneys get out of order events acids and poisons remain in the system, rhea backache, headache, rheumatic pain, ciia turned rest or that 'tired out' feeling' may soon follow. To help keep your lirdueys working properly—use Dodd's Kidney 'fellla. Time -tested' popular, safe, n -habit Perm ing: Demand Dodd's Kidney ills, in the blue bog -with the red'band Sold everywhere. IV LARGE [CONOMICAL ear 65e tivti illatt01\ "KING OF Pp11U" ' Usu./m:141 17-48 /tut inhale the ,Doti.^ sag healing • fumes, for quick relief. 1t'o fiat acting! Get a bottle today. The quick, easy PHILLIPS' Tablet way 1orea000 nroaer Ait ts MIL Qom QERSDQHLIZED MATCHES Smait...Distincilvu TME /DER[ OFF �,,�a�xd�' Reoutu size: 50. x p t �i ly r ii s'w •' Billboard size: 25 1 \ t�IlNy boobs. Select cover calor • Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, an e Black Pink t oassorted. 4 . n•`•o ed. n hire or' asv n +,a LevPtdryour!y t:di! ate ■ names or a. Prinl- mg may bo Geld, Sliver, Red, Blue, Green, Black or White. 31.00 per box, Postpaid. O5Dre TODAY. r•✓ t , Ji I Ney:C,u z e,70 D. J 8,5 repo IP . w. n; 161211611 ,Rens Individualized monogrammed stationery $2..00 per box. • Choice of colors - blue, pink, white or tan. • Highest quality hexagon pencils with your name 01.00 dozen (Type style #7 only on pIUcx). t • de Pk. ersonalized playing cards 0 loo 5SSn t'I,OTI:n I N'I i Irl llt$l'Y •t' of 1'. Box 1841. 1.000 ncAI n. 1 A1,11'. Maar rad 1110 ---110:0", •nr mslvbre. Altarh d Is cAMP or tansy Order. 111 50 IM, Oar 11Q5 Prroold.l , !Print 'Now or tnhrnial leaved an gatepost rola! Myhre n.ln, P001 f]Trpe No. ❑ nesutar05.0 11l1lhonrl,01so ' ASIP 5,141eee Pur etate a MATO] OCl It CO6011. 01tr Clic N1111I'II''P.1.•n WITHIN 24 11(013115. 11 01• IlS'1ITUTIO;:b 11 PlitlMtarrEn• 11 Canadian Orders Shipped Espreau Collect." Poeta bye Proha,lcnai Mode Think of it! An. INTERNAL treatmentthat frees burning, quick bnm the itching irrilnLan and g, painful soreness of piles Piles arc caused by internal conditions. No lasting freedom floor pile 1105458y can be had until you relieve the cause. And the cause is INTEINALI So the best way to treat your sore., painful piles 0 with an internal treatment like.Hemroid. Hemroid is a formula that las been used for over 40 years by thousandaof pile sufferers. f t is a small, highly concentrated tablet which directs its medical action to the relief of the congestion that i5 the real, cause of all piles. Hen)roid wakes up your lazy liver and gall bladder, promotes free, easy 1,10 comfortable bowel movements, relieves itching and burn- ing and stimulates better circulation of blood in the lower bowel. Hemroid strikes right at het Relief From Piles This iialazil gly Easy Way the cause of your pile trouble quickly and effectively. .e Pc invite you to try i'lenlro,d and let it prove itself. You can melte your-testnr 1111, privacy of your own home, without cost it 000 are not quickly. convinced that here nt last is an amazingly easy and surprisingly effective method of treating your sore', painful pile;. Get a package of Hemroid today at any drug store. Use it for three or four days. If youare not delighted withit, go get y0111 money back, NOTE: The sponsor of this notice Is an old reliable firm doing business in Canada for over. 20 years. liomrold must help your sore, painful piles -must do it quickly, easily and pleasantly or your own test at this remarkably sucoessful formula coats you nothing. Try It today. POP --A Fine Stunt By J. 'MIiLLAR WATT { �!►It .-, ' Lt. .STUNT FP/114e — -,_ STUNT +Ir = 7 I '- -.r'.'^ let --1 .' 111 ' '. l e�•\\;. -. 5-` - ' � • {yylpy - _ - • G .----•-'-.r_-r: '� `i �T� f �: IAa a'. %..If_ .11 6J dN.t,. !acyl= �, -. ts. `'�''-- +._ -.� ' J .