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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1947-01-09, Page 2JUST IN FUN Untold Ones "Why," site said, "women have been famous for ages." "Yes," he replied, "untold ages," Bored He(not a brilliant. conversation- alist): "Something came into niy mind just now and went away again," She (bored): "Perhaps it was lonely." QuitePossible A Tennessee woman 80 years old, has never seen an automobile: 'Which may the reason she is 80 years old. Funny Mistress: "And I want even the kitchen floor clean ehough to have Our meals 00." New Maid: 'You will look funny." Ar imal Crackers "No, Son, f don't feel so good —in fact I'm sick as a man." Civilization Described Civilization is that, state of af- fairs in which money is collected from women who make up their faces and tint their nails, in order to send missionaries abroad to teach the savages not to do the sante. Mutilated \Vagg: "Say! .More than one per- son has been guilty of mutilating the books I lent them, but my latest experience caps the climax:' Wiggs: "What was it?" Wagg: "I lent Blank my dic- tionary last week and yesterday he returned it without a word." Zoo at Home "No, thank you. P11 stay at home!" said a man who had been invited to join a party visiting the Zoological Gardens. "My eldest daughter does the kangaroo walk, my second daughter talks like a hyena, my wife watches me like a hawk, my cook's as cross as a bear, and my mother-in-law says I'm an old gorilla. When I go any- where I want a change." That Should Hold Him Puffing and blowing, the young man just managed to jump into a carriage as the train left the sta- lion. The middle-aged man in the cor- ner eyed him with scorn. "When I was your age, my he said, "I could run half stmile,, catch a train by the skin of my teeth, and yet be as fresh as a daisy." "Yes." gasped the young fellow "but I missed this one at the last statim." It's A. Fact The one who thinks our jokes are poor Would straightway change his views Could he compare the jokes we print With those we could not use. Try Again An old waiter at the club was giving the new hand a few tips. "See that fellow who's just come in?" he whispered. "He's. got a twin brother and they're as alike as two peas, only this one's hard of hearing. Watch the fun!" Going to the member's side, he smiled politely and said in an or- dinary voice: 'Well pieface. and what do you want in the nosebag today "I'll have a chop," was the reply, "And by the way, its my brother who doesn't hear so well." Better Be Quiet The newly -rich woman was try- ing to make an impression I clean my diamonds with am- monia, she said nn- rubies with Bordeaux wine, inv emerald with Dahzig brandy. and any sapphires with fresh mill 'I dont clean mine." said the m' -t nwman sitting next to her. "When they get dirty I just a row t:tern away." OH BOY, OH BOY! Unbounded joy is expressed by this 6 -year-old Viennese orphan after receiving pair of hew shoes from American Red Cross. Hun- dreds of Austrian children like him would face winter of bitter suffering without the clothing and shoes distributed by the ARC. Know Your Hockey Stars By ED. FITKIN If Ted (Teeder) Kennedy can re- capture the sniping deadliness and all-round brilliance that character- ised his - pro hockey play up until last sea- son, one of the big problems in the rebuilding of the Mapie Leafs will be eliminated. The learned men of hockey Ted Kennedy say that 21 - Centre year-old Ken- nedy possesses all the intrinsic qualities of a great hockey player. He's big, rugged, strong, a crafty* puck manipulator with a hockey "saws," and stickhandling penchant that put the stamp of potential greatness upon him, Yet Kennedy, after two amazing wartime seasons in which he scored a total of 55 goals, is still trying to prove him- self, simply because, as far as Ted and the Leafs were concerned, the 1945-46 season was a complete bust. Shifted to right wing, he couldn't get going. Moved back to centre, he still failed to untrack himself. And then, just before Christmas, with 3 goals and 2 as- sists to his credit, • Kennedy suf- fered a tendon cut that kept him out of action for the rest of the season. • * # r • This season, backat centre and looking sharper than ever, Teeder is determined to double back to stardom in spades. Boosting his determination (psychologically, at least) is the fact that he is finally wearing his idol's number—Chuck Conacher's famed No. 9. Ever since he was old enough to take an intesest in hockey, Kennedy has idolized Conacher. Right front the outset. when he was a "rink rat" around Port Colborne Arena, Teeder was doing his best to emu- late Big Chas. In Lions Club hockey in Port Colborne, all the way no from bantam, midget and juvenile ranks. Kennedy insisted on wearing No. 9. He wore that sweater number. in fact, until he became a Leaf, at which time Lorne Carr was in possession of that hal- lowed digit. Kennedy was given No. 10 --which was a pretty good number. too, having last been worn by Syl Apps and before that by Joe Printeau. Apps came back from the service and T,ed lost No. 10; then Carr retired after last season and in no time, Kennedy had writ- ten a letter to the Leaf bosses ask- ing for the privilege of wearing No. 5. This was agreed to — and to cap the occasion, Ted's idol, Chuck Conacher, presented hint with No. 9 and wished hint all the best for 1040-47 and on. * r * Born at I•Inniberstone, Ontario, (which is a stone's throw from Port Colborne) on Dec. 12, 1925, Ken- ' nedy's rise to the N.H.L. can be attributed largely to his hero wor- ship of Conacher and the expert tutoring of one of hockey's great- est scorers—Nets (Old Poison) Stewart. Actually Ted's a reason- able facsimile of Stewart — with more speed. It was Nels who gave him the inside tips on what to do around an enemy net—and no one in hockey could come close to Old Poison in that department. Ken- nedy still remembers Stewart's words: "Always look up when you are around the goalie, then either draw him or pick your corner. But the main thing is TAKE YOUR TIME. And LOOK UP." * % * Stewart took a liking to your Kennedy when he was playing ju- venile hockey in Port Colborne and signed him for the Port Senior O,H.A• team in 1942-43. Ted, with- out benefit of junior hockey school- ing and only 17, proved to be an outstanding star for the Port Seniors and when the league sche- dule terminated he was only one point behind the scoring champion —Dillon Brady of Hamilton. Hap Day, who had watched Kennedy with mounting enthusiasm all through that season, decided he would be a sensation with the Leafs. But there was one flaw -- Kennedy Kennedy was on Montreal Can - adieus' list: To acquire the rights to dicker with Ted, the Leafs gave CHECKED •in f or Money'Back For quick relief from itching caused by eczema, athlete's foot, scabies, pimples and other Itching conditions. use pure. cooling, medicated, liquid D. D. D. PRESCRIPTION. Greaseless and stainless. Soothes, comforts and quickly calms iatense itching. Don't suffer. Mk your druggist codas for D. D. D. PRESCRIPTION. VOICE OF THE PRESS The Snappy Kind Field Marshall Montgomery has now been made a Knight of the Garter, though s o m e partisan American critics have claimed that he didn't have a leg to stand on. Perhaps these critics need a more elastic judgment. Christiana Science Monitor. Who So Blind As Husbands? Married men are startled when strangers - whistle at . their wives whom they have begun to take for. granted. - -Quebec Chronicle -Telegraph. Some Eyebrows! 'We rather like Phil Baker's conl- ment'on the coat st7ike court pro ceedings. He saidit took a $3,600,- 000 fine to raise 'John L. Lewis' eyebrows; - St. Thomas Times -Journal. Sad State of Affairs Canada at one time had a great reputation for its cheddar cheese,. but we are apparently ois the way out. Ontario has 27 fewer cheese factories than a year ago. Bruce county had 80 cheese factories 50 years ago and has only four today. —Niagara Falls Record, Go-Slowers Penalized Apparently things are different in England.• T h er e the National Union of Railwaymen promptly suspended from membership 1,500 porters and other railwaymen for indulging in a "go-slow" strike. -Fort Erie Times -Review. Good Work The British have lived up to their pledge that they would complete the withdrawal of their military forces from Indonesia by the end of November. The- record of Great Britain's intervention in the affairs of the East Indies should be a source of satisfaction to the entire English-speaking world. —Kansas City Times. Cows And Cars This contented cow business is not all it's cracked up to be. It seems, according to Dr. John Van- derleck, a milk plant chemist, that cows are like cars. You can feed a car 100 octane gasoline and. she'll go like heck for a while, then — bang! — she blows a gasket. It's the sante with a cow, says the doc- tor. But, wouldn't the cow blow its horn as warning? —Windsor Star, up Frankie Eddolls to the Habi- tants — -which was quite a sacri- fice in view of the high regard in which the Toronto management has always held Eddolls. Few kids breaking into the. N.H.L. at the age of 18 have ever been accorded such unanimous and wholehearted endorsation from the sideline critics as this cagey young- ster. He actually made his pro de- but at 17 when he played two games for the Leafs in the spring of 1943 but it wasn't until his first full season (1943-44) that Teeder began to make the hard-bitten war- time hockey critics sit up and take notice, In two full campaigns with the Leafs, Kennedy scored 55 goals -26 In his first year and 20 in 1944-45. O * e His biggest disappointment, skip- ping last year and his greatest thrill Were packed into the 1944-45 sea- son. The disappointment? Failing to get Goal N. 30 in the final game of the schedule despite the fact that the Leafs were playing Rangers and were feeding "Teeder" pass after piss. Greatest thrill? That, he 'says, is divided between the payoff goals he scored against Canadiens and Detroit in the Stan- ley Cup finals and the ultimate -win- ning of the Stanley Cup. This fine medicine is very effective to relieve pain, nervous distress and weak, dragged out" restless feelings, of "certain: days"—whey due to functional monthly disturbances. L171/A111117lidt J COMPOUND The Better Way Don't get all steamed up and shake your fist at high prices, You can get much better results by keeping cool and shaking your. head, Kitchener Record. Helpless A man who has to borrow money - to pay his debts is a selpless as ii sailor swimming from a ihll'ning ship throughsharlc-infested waters to reach a cannibal island. Kiwanis Magaslne, Reason For Indignation The Admiralty rightly is indig- nant over Russian charges' that British convoys carrying war goods to Soviet ports were mishandled, ' 'that British-and,'American sailors showed cowardice, But for this convoy system, maintained at a ter- rific cost inships and lives, Russia might well have suffered de?cat for lack of the thousands of aircraft, tanks, guns and shells it delivered to their hard-pressed forces, —Ottawa Journal. Mr. King in '86 In the 1896 election, when Wil- frid Laurier became premier, Mr. Mackenzie Ring was a newspaper reporter at a dollar a' day. —Toronto Star. Alack, Alack! Up in Alaska they're importing the Asiatic yak for dairy purposes. We know the how of milking a cow, but lack the knack of milking a yak. —Ottawa Citizen. Diamonds Survive Atomic Bomb Blast The marriage -minded young man with a slim ;pocket -book can't use the atomic age as an excuse for edging the lady of his choice away from the diamond counter In the s jewelery store. For diamonds; according to tests made at Bikini for the American Museum of Natural History, are one thing that can be expected to survive atom• bombs—even if the wearer doesn't. Two diamonds, valued at about $3,000 were put on display by Dr. Frederick H. Pough, curator of physical geology and mineralogyat the museum, who borrowed them, from a diamond firm and sent them to Bikini for the tests. The larger diamond, a multofacet stone, rode out the blast of the fourth atom bomb unharmed on the deck of one of the ships nearest the explosion. Smaller diamonds turn- ed from blue -white to slightly brownish. They're Finding Out Palestine Jews are beginning to see how their whittling away at British power to defend them is scarcely the wisest policy, com- ments The Fort Erie Times -Re- view, Lt is, in a very real sense, something close to suicide, for, while Mr. Byrnes has admitted U.S. concern over Palestine, he has not yet pledged military protection, and U.N. is far from having an international police force as yet. As in India, Palestine is evidence that the destruction of "British Im- perialism" is not a guarantee of continued maintenance of peace and order. SANTA GOT THERE When the maritime strike tied up shipping to-Alaska,,it looked as if there would be no visit from Santa. But Seattle, Wash., business uteri and civic groups came to the res- cue and flew a planeload of gift packages up there. One of .the 4,000 Alaskan youngsters made - happy was Agnes Betook, above, Eskimo girl from Fairbanks, pic- tured opening her belated, but wet - come; Christmas present. Eating Out The eating -out habit has bec'ime continent -wide, remarks The Win- nipeg Tribune. The National Asso- ciation of Restaurants estimates that more than 0,000,000,000 meals a year are served annually in res- taurants in the -United States. Ca- nadians eat about 550,000,000 meals a year in their favorite restaurants, tea shoppes or snack bars. Obvi- ously, eating out has become big business. ,. You Will Enjoy Staying . At The St. Regis Hotel TORONTO Every ROOM' With Bath Shower and Telephone • Single, $2.50 up— Double, $3.50 up • d Good y rood. and Danc- ing Sherbournc nt Cnrlton Tel. RA. 4184 ROOMS DIAUTIFU7.1.9 FURNISHED $1.50 up HOTEL METROPOLE NIAGARA PALLS OI'P. O.N.R. STATION KIDNEi(ACIDS Rob your Rest.. Manypeoplenever teem to get agood night'srest. They tum and toss—blame it on'nerves'—when it they be Their Iddney,.. 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REG'LAR FELLERS—One-Man Rescue Squad By GENE BYRNES THE REASON YOU DON'T SEE ANY DIRDS AROUND NOW J5, THEY'YE ALL GONE SOUTI.1 FOR: 'VH t WE SHOULD PITY ANY POOR BIRDS Tl-'ATGET CAI?T LC UP TI -IIS WAY IN 'THIS COLOy WEATHER! THEY'D PROBABLY • •r f / y; i ' '' i- `THERE'S A POOR. 81817 IN COME. ON, ROGER, YOU'D BETTER COME. DOWN BY Th' KITCHEN STAVE WHERE- ITS WARM! WINTER. FREEZE 10' t*ATH!j -i _ TROUBLE! L%- j iia ' r .d'- { �_ �• ��i Y .I ,� 0. 1:11 - om. _ � �� c.5 `./ . 1 .;r jIjI ILi x r, �.�' ,. r.. ...+ �.ms__ f ,: ,: i�*!a ti �-� ,,,,`e` _•,.._ . c:.,r r g .�,//Cnn< a fir "\ `:tea.) y�". _ -. V id. !r