HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1946-12-05, Page 3JUST IN FUN
11
Economical
A Scottish farmer's son .ha(1 the
misfortune to fall in love with two
girls at once. One was tall and
$trapping, the•, other small and
slim.
The puzzled lover at last asked
his father's advice.
"Well," said his father, ''there's
sae muckle machinery used in
farmin' nooadays that a big, active
wife is no' o' muckle use; so I
advise ye to tak the little ane —
she'll eat less, onywayl"
In the Sticks
Tourist: "Any big men 'born
around here "
Native: Nope. Not very progres-
sive 'round here: best we kin do'is
babies. Diff'rent in the city, I
s'pose'
Why Worry
The young wife was feeling and
looking gloomy.
'What's the trouble dear?" her
friend, a wife of ten years stand-
ing, inquired.
"Oh—my husband has beenout
all the evening and I haven't the
faintest idea where he is."
"Oh, you shouldn't worry about
that," her friend replied, breezily.
"You'd probably be twice as mis-
erable if you did know!"
A Demonstration
The teacher had been giving a
lesson on the use of the word
"immaterial," and to discover what
the children had learned asked
them to bring some article to
school demonstrating the word.
Next day she said to one bright
youth, "Now, Johnny, show me
what you have brought."
"Well," said Johnny, rising, "will
you please hold this stick tightly
at both ends."
Having done this, the teacher
inquired what was to be done
next.
"Let go one end of the stick,"
commanded the pupil.
"Which end?" asked the teacher.
"Oh, it's immaterial," replied
Johnny; "there's glue on both
ends."
Bitten Once
Old Gentleman: "You're an hon-
est lad, but it was a $10.00 bill, not
10 ones."
Small Boy: "I know, mister, it
was a $10.00 bill I picked up. But
the last time I found one, the man
who owned it didn't have any
change."
Outlived Them
"Yes," said the old man. "I be
ainety-six tomorrow, and I haven't
an enemy in the world."
"A beautiful thought," answered
the new vicar.
"Yes; sir," went on the old man,
"I've outlived them all."
On Points
For many months the canny
Scottish wooer had courted with-
out committing himself, Then he
felt the time had come to speak.
Producing a well -thumbed note-
book, he said: "Maggie, I've been
weighing ;up your good points, and
I've counted up to ten. When 1
get to the dozen I'll ha'e something
to say."
"Well, I wish ye luck, jock," was
the girl's cool reponse. "I've been
reckoning up your bad points, and
I've reached nineteen. When it
gets to twenty I'm marrying Fer-
guson, the plumber." k
Quite Unusual
First Doctor: "I had an unusual
case today."
Second Doctor: "What was it?"
First Doctor: "I attended a grass
widow with hay fever."
The Ground Floor
Into an already crowded rush-
hour train on the Underground a
mother pushed her small son, and
squeezed in after him,
He complained of being squash-
ed, and was told to "shut up." But
he continued to grumble,- and pres-
ently was heard to shout, peevish-
ly: "Mind me 'earl) Mind me 'eadl"
"Olt, 'old your row, Alfie," cried
his mother, "you've got to be a
sardine in 'ere."
"It's all right for you," replied
Alfie, angrily. "You're not at the
bottom of the hloomin' tin,l"
Clerical Appeal
T'ie vicar of a little church in
rural England was mortified to
find two buttons in the collection.
The next week he announced the
find as follows!
"The collection for last Sunday
amounted to seventeen shillings,
three pence and two buttons. The
choir will now sing: 'Rend Your
Hearts, But Not Your Garments.' "
You Do Now
"Tell me: Who was braver than
Lancelot, wiser than Solomon,
snore honest than Lincoln, wittier
than Mark Twain, and more hand-
some than Apollo?"
"I. didn't know you knew my
first husband."
U.S. TAKES WRAPS OFF NEW .SUPER.SUPER BOMBER
Range, 10,000 miles with-
out extra fuel tanks
Six pusher -type, 28 -cylinder
engines develop 18,000 horse-
power, equal to power of 200
average passenger automobiles
Cabin is pres-
surized for fly-
ing at 40,000 -
foot ceiling
B-29 Superfortress
Wing tanks hold
21,000 gallons of
gas and 1200 gal -
1 ___ _ Ions of oil
At reduced range, carries
36 tons of bombs or more
than three times B -29's
Toad for same distance
•
The United States Army Air Forces has just revealed construction and performance data on its giant B-36 heavy bomber, which can
"carry an atomic bomb to any inhabited region in the world and r eturn home without refueling."' Picto-diagram above shows the air
monster dwarfing a B-29 Superfortress, which plane it will replac e as the major striking weapon of the Strategic Air Force. Built
by Consolidated Vultee, the' B-26 carries a crew of 12, plus a four -man relief crew.
VOICE OF THE PRESS
No Laughing Matter
Savant claims that in 20 years
people will have nothing to laugh at
What does he find so funny right
now?
—Hamilton Spectator.
When Kissing
Quebec health department warns
that kissing on tate mouth is a com-
mon cause of colds. The thing to
do, it appears, is to turn the other
cheek.
—Hamilton Spectator.
In Fact, No Houses
Whatever became of those post-
war "dream houses"? Also, what-
ever bcame or just ordinary houses?
—Edmonton Journal
Why People Are Cheap
There is nothing wrong with the
people except there are too many
of us. Any crop is cheap when
there is overproduction.
—Brandon Sun.
When Inflation Comes
We won't really have inflation
in Canada until the 25 -cent meal,
which has cost 50 cents for so
long, goes up to a dollar.
—Peterborough Examiner.
Common "Stumpers"
It's the common, everyday things
that stump the scientists. They have
never been able to learn how water
freezes, how fire burns, or what
causes the common cold.
—Kitchener Record.
Amazing
A shocked traveller tells of native
girls in the jungles of Borneo flout-
ing the authority of the village ell-
ers. Isn't it amazing how fasf
civilization is spreading?
—Edmonton Journal.
' Round And Round
An Idaho couple were married
on a merry-go-round. Let's hope
that from now on they'll keep on
going around together.
—Chatham News.
Sympathetic Fellow
Dad sympathizes with himself
when he is sick, and when mother
is sick •he sympathizes with him-
self because he has a sick wife.
—Brandon Sun.
No Doubt!
No doubt it is merely an inter-
esting coincidence that as the fish-
ing season draws to a close strikers
vote to go back to work.
—Ottawa Journal.
The End
An Amos boy„ walking along a
street completely empty of traffic,
was knocked down by a descend-
ing helicopter. For pedestrians of
the machine 'age, this is the last
mechanized straw.
—Toronto Saturday Night.
And Fewer Errors
When labor and management
learn to play ball, there will be
fewer strikes.
—Edmonton Journal.
An Australian who has won
$130,000 in lotteries says that all he
wants to win now is a wife. Well,
we've seen plenty of wives who
looked as though they were won at
raffles.
— Peterboruogh Examiner.
If a woman arives late she al-
ways has a reason. If a man ar-
rives late she always has an argu-
ment.
— Guelph Mercury,
Buried Alive!
In his tales of mystery and im-
agination, Edgar Allen Poe keeps
harking back to the horror of be-
ing buried alive. But most of our
turtles and frogs look fotward to
it. Some have been doing it for
years.
At the Royal Ontario Museum
you may see the painted turtle and
his big• cousin the snapper prowl
ing around in the glass cases up on
the third floor. But those in the
swamps and ponds cease their ac-
tivities when the cold weather sets
in.
The turtles feed well during the
summer and are in a nice comfort-
able
omfortable condition when it's time for
their long winter nap. Down they
sink into the soft mud at the bot•
torn of the pond, there to remain.
buried alive until the warmth of
spring calls them forth again.
Many species of 'frogs do likewise,
and they may be frozen stiff with
out suffering harm.
Largest Suspension
Bridge In Europe
With a centre span of 8,000 feet
over the navigable waterway and
two sidespans of about 1,000 ft.
each the proposed new Severn
Bridge in Britain will be the larg-
est in Europe and will exceed the
span of the Oakland Bridge, San
Francisco, by 700 feet though com-
ing 1200 feet short of the Golden
Gate Bridge, San Francisco.
The total span across the Severn
will exceed by nearly 000 feet the
span of the great orid'ge across
Sydney Harbour.
The Severn •Bridge will give ship-
ping about 120 feet clearance at
high water while the steel towers
supporting the main cables and
resting on concrete piers willrise
to a height of 450 feet.
Milk Production
The limit of milk production for
each cow is set by heredity, a
Swedish scientist has declared re-
cently. If a cow is given more food
than corresponds to her maximum
milk production within that limit,
the latter will not be increased at
all, or only very slightly.
11
To free
;i>:oLOCKED NOSES
Soviet Demobilizing
The newspaper Evening Moscow
announced that "hundreds of sol-
diers". of the Moscow garrison
would return to their homes shortly
after demobilization in the Capital.
The men are being mustered out
of service under a gneral.denTobil-
ization decree.
CHESS'
Co
OLD
yield quickly
to faster penetrating
EMU C Ev"C
BLIP elrHiTrm 6iu,I2
TONLYs 25 DRUG TORES
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says Montreal man.
"I had rheumatic aches and stiff
back—couhl hardly straighten up
after bending. A friend advised
Gin Pills ... ,sow I'm ever so
much better".—I.F., Montreal.
For more than 40cars Gin Pills
have brought relief to victims of
Rheumatic Pain, Backache, Sciatica,
Lumbago. Get a package today. Use
proves their merit.
Regular size, 40 Pills
Economy size, 00 Pills
PILLS
'�xC;IDNEy
(In tho 1.0.5. ask for Gino Pills)
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S
D'J' E V E R? ( Try to observe these rules when hunting)
ALWAYS MAKE SURE YOUR GUN HAS THE SAFETY
CATCH ON, OR YOU MIGHT BLOW YOUR PALS HEAD
OFF INSTEAD OF HIS HAT....
WATCH ME
PICK THAT GUY
OFF THAT
BRANCH ,i
0
y5 f.
REMEMBER THAT THERE $ BIGGER GAME TO BE
HAD THAN KNOCKING OFF SQUIRRELS IN YOUR
SPARE TIME ....
DAWES
NEVER STRAY TOO FAR AWAY FROM YOUR COM-
PANIONS OR YOU MIGHT FIND YOURSELF SPENDING
A FEW ANXIOUS AND LONELY NIGHTS IN THE BUSH ....
iv ,�5 x a ixl
1.
=1,`wr.,, � .
ihy
�i M„ 1 �+§
n+riat sa-y -..,,,,..k,,,,,_
'••_,..:." y Fc 5s> L:
AND, FINALLY, DONT COME BACK AND TELL U5
THAT OLD STORY ABOUTALMOST BAGGING A
400 -POUND BEAR
6-25 W
BREWERY
REG'LAR FELLERS—Trouble Afoot
/UGIT
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