HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1946-09-12, Page 7dot BURNS ESCALDS
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II JUST IN FUN 11
Real Ones
"Darling, if you marry . rue, I'll
satisfy your smallest wishes."
"And what do you propose to do
about the big ones?"
Changebale
Throughout the evening meal,
neither had spoken. But as soon
as the dishes had been cleared
away and they were seated before
the fire, the husband's face lost
some of its hardness.
"You know, dear," he said,
breaking the long silence. "I've
been thinking over our argument"
"Well!" she snapped, without
looking up from her sewing.
"Yes, dear, I've decided • to agree
with you after all," he said meekly.
"That won't be any good," she
sniffed. "Ive changed my mind."
All With "H"
American Woman (to English
Lady) —"What a large family yon
have, Mrs. Jones."
English Lady—"Yes'm and the
funniest thing is that all the names
begin with a haitch. There's 'Or -
ace, Erbert, Enry, Ugh, Ubert, Ar -
old, Arriett and Etty — all except
the last one, and we had her nam-
ed Halice."
,Fishy
Mrs. Young, passing the fish-
monger whilst out shopping, stop-
ped to make a complaint.
"Those soles I bought from you
yesterday, Mr. Jones, were not
fresh."
"Well, ma'am," answered Mr.
Jones, "that's your fault, not mine.
I've offered them to you every day
this week, and you could've 'ad
them on Monday if you'de liked.
Missing Fixture
"Where's your rear light?" de-
manded the traffic cop.
The drive climbed down from
Ms cab and walked to the back of
his truck. He peered in all direc-
tions for a second or two, and
then stood scratching his head.
"Well, what about It?" demand-
ed the cop, extracting his note-
book.
"I dunno. I had a—"
"Now, you can't tell me that
tale", remarked the officer, grim-
ly. "Anybody can see you haven't
had a light there because there's
no bracket."
"Yes," said the driver, "but look
here,—r'
"No good making excuses," said
the cop. "You've no light and
that's that."
"That's not what I'm worrying
about," answered the driver sad-
ly. "What I'd like to know is—
where in the world is my trailer?"
Single Thought
• Tim: "What was the cause of
the collision at that corner today?"
Jim: "Two motorists after the
same pedestrian."
Suspicious Guest
A prosperous but frugal Irish-
man stopped for a while at a cer-
tain famous New York hotel,
where accommodations are splen-
did but expensive beyond all im-
agination.
"Pat" remarked a friend, "I sup-,
pose you are enjoying the advan-
tages of this wonderful place to
the limit. By the way, do you put
your shoes outside your door at
night to be blacked?"
"Begorra, no," replied the genial
Irishman. "I'm afraid they'll gild
'em 1"
The Genius
"Dad, it says here that certain
man was a financial genius. What
does that mean?"
"That he could earn money
faster than his family could spend
it."
Modern
Father had decided that he must
administer a stern lecture to his
six-year-old son. The boy had
Men naughty, but did not seem to
appreciate the fact and it was with
some reluctance that the parent un-
dertook a scolding.
He spoke judiciously but sev-
erely; he recounted the lad's mis-
deeds, and explained the whys and
wherefores of his solemn rebuke,
while his wife sat by, duly im-
pressed.
Finally, when the father paused
for breath and incidentally to hear
the culprits acknowledgment of er-
ror, the lad, his face beaming with
admiration, turned to his mother
and said: "Mother, isn't father in-
teresting?"
Sort of Handicap
"Those new people across the
road seem very devoted," said Mrs.
Jones to the newspaper which hid
her husband.
A rustle of the sheet was all the
reply she got, but she was used to
that.
Every time he goes out he
kisses her, and goes on throwing
kisses all clown the road. Edward,
why don't you do that?"
"Me?" snorted the man behind
the news. "I don't know her!"
By Roland Coe
=dr:.na Vrteneltealy SIM r"rore,l
"How'd you ever find THIS spot, Fred? The fish jump
up and grab the flies I keep stuck in my hat!"
HE MEANS WELL
By Gluyas Williams
e er�T�he .11 e,nnn,., le..l
t•
TO POANEX1' FWHEN IN CARRY 6DAR5TA K OF D15NE5
01110 THE ?AWRY, FIND5 WSW' 0l ONE 51DE OF'kiE
NIONED
BY 11E DOORiHE WHc HH 5 WED6EDi9Y A VARIEN HIS OF L0EHOI P
OBJEL'(5 '(HAI HAVE „Egg LOOSE fROM BEND t( — '
Witty
One of John's best friends had
died, so he called on the widow to
express his sympathy.
"Jim and I were friends," he
said. "Isn't there something I
could have a memento of him?"
She raised her velvety brown
eyes, which a few seconds before
had been wet'with tears.
"How would I do?" she mur-
mured.
Too Safe
One morning a young clerk re-
ported to his chief that he had lost
the key of the safe, so he could
not get at the important hooks and
documents.
But I gave you a duplicate
key," said the chief. "You haven't
lost that as well, I suppose?"
sir, I know where that is."
"Well, then, you can open the
safe."
"Please, sir, I thought I might
lose the duplicate key, so I put it
in the safe!"
CANADA'S
STANDARD.PIPE TOBACCO
VOICE
Could Be Criminal
W.P.T.B, Chairman Donald Gor-
don has warned that a high wage
pattern will mean the end of price
control in Canada. It would be
criminal if 25 percent of Canadian
workers were responsible for put-
ting the 75 percent into a Bole like
that.
—Woodstock Sentinel -Review.
Prices Involved
Farmers say sales of fresh fruit
are being effected by the shortage
of sugar for preserving, and com-
plain that "10 pounds isn't enough."
Some people, even at this date,
seem to have difficulty in getting
the idea that there is a world
shortage of sugar and will be for
some time come, and that bewail-
ing the fact will not make a particle
of improvement. Also, it may have
occurred to the objective observer
that the prices may have something
to do with the sales!
—Brantford Expositor.
Surplus Cargo
It is said that a lot of cities would
progress faster if a lot - of their
citizens would take a ship and
when in mid -ocean, jump over.
board. '
—Chatham News.
OF .THE PRESS
When Genius Goes To Work
Alexander Hamilton once said to
an ,intimate friend: ''Men give me
some credit for genius. When 1
have a subject in hand 1 study it
profoundly. Day and night it is be-
fore me. I explore it in all its bear-
ings. My mind becomes pervaded
with it. Then the efforts which I
make the people are pleased to call
the fruits of genius. It is the fruit
of labor and thought.'
- Church Management.
School for Husbands
The Illinois State Fair is con-
ducting a cooking school for war
brides. Fifty-one have registered
from England, Australia, Ireland,
Wales and French Morocco.
Since the fair is taking care of
the brides' education, we shall
limit our own efforts to the edu-
cation of their husbands, 'This is it,
Eat what she cooks and pretend
to like it, even if it kills you. It
really won't, and you will live hap-
pily ever after.
— Chicago Daily News.
Start Early
The electric chair has something
to do with deterring criminals, but
the proper place to start is in the
high chair.
— Guelph Mercury.
D'J'EVER?
EVERYBODY
1N ?
• 1'M sRINGINa
OUR PUPPY
II 111111IOji I� TOO, DADDY
ps � I � � ! I
// r ` • ate,
641
13dEVER PILE THE FAMILY
INTO THE CAR <=Oi .A NICE
SUNDAY DRIVE"...
We Hope,
What with the human life -span
increasing steadily, the time may
eventually come when a person
may live long enough to reach the
age of discretion.
—Kitchener Record.
Where Income Leads
A larger income leads to every- .
body indulging in that fine old
American practice of "keeping up
with the Joneses".
—Minneapolis Star Journal.
Shoemaaers To Strike?
Refusal of the U. S. Office of
Price Administration to decontrol
or raise price ceilings on hides,
leather and footwear means, the
industry says, that 250,000 shoe
workers in the country will be out
of work by the end of the month.
The manufacturers say they cannot
carry on at present prices.
— St, Thomas Times -Journal.
1'tA SuRE
WERE GOING
700 FAST,
e OHN
BoY!'PHE
OLD 8uS
CAN STILL
TRAVEL /
AND WHEN You HIT•TNE HIGH WAy
You GET THE URGE Tc:5TE13 oN 17'a
SuletlUsTA51'!OIIRE cLIPeIre ALONG AT 60 •
N6VER MAiN!
I'VE HAD MY
LESSON/
WE MIGHT
ALL HAVE BEEN
KILLED
"7
You CET A FLAT ANO ONLYA MIRACLE
SAVES YcU FROM OiSAST•E1
AWE, BLACK
f'tI' ! l
• •. di EVER DEC OE RIGHT THERE
AND THEN THAT CAREFUL DRIVING
IS A VIRTUE
RS
BREWERY
POP—Pass the Duck By J. MILLAR WATT
I LOST A TEN
DOLLAR
BILL
ALL Wir'VE HAD HANDED
IN IS 'THIS ONE
DOLLAR BILL
I'LL TAKE THAT
ON
ACCOUNT
,Roteaeed 5, The nen syndlcnte, Ing.)
`..]tt.:
tom{
p-.
�j
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'..:::::.:::••••••
';s
REG'LAR FELLERS—Who Said Sleep?
LEPVE
THAT 'MERE f
LEAVE
1.44A1" 'T+IERE°
PUDPINNEAD--
'TOLD 141M1.,
HE COiJLD TAKE.
A TOY it,
BED WITH
H K.
You HADN'T ORTER
PONE.-Tf1ATj MOM!
A PAPE LIKE. HIM
DONT KNOW WHERE.
"r'17RAW T}I' LINE!,
By GENE BYRNES