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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1946-08-15, Page 3JUST IN FUN. Must You Be Different A man found it necessary to have his grandfather clock re- paired and because it was difficult to get it brznsported to the . repair shop, he undertook to carry it hint - The clock obstructed his vision somewhat, and unfortunately he collided with a lady pedestrian, who refused to be appeased by his pro- fuse apologies, "Why don't youwear a wrist watch like anybody else?" she de- manded. English Influence There's a good story told about the deep impression that years of being stationed in Scotlandhashad on Polish soldiers. One of the; Poles, on leave in London, England, was asked: "Have you learned' to speak En- glish yet?" The Polish 'soldier replied with a smile: "Ay, a wee bit, mon." Warning The boys were advancing in Burma and the heat was terrific, Tommy wrote home to his mum and said in his letter: "The heat is sizzling, mum, it's 108 in the shade." Some months later he got a let- ter back from his mum, who wrote: "Very worried about you, son. For goodness sake keep out of the shade." One Remedy The Teacher wrote on the black- board. "I ain't had no fun all sum - Then she asked a youngster on the front row: "Harry, what should 1 do to correct that?" "Mebbe—get a boy friend?" he suggested helpfully. Too Bad A merry party was going on in one the rooms of a hotel when the festivities were interrupted by an attendant, who said: 'Gentlemen, I've been sent to ask you to make less noise. The guest in the next room says he can't read." "Can't re:.d?" replied the host. "Well tell him he ought to be ashamed of himself. Why, 1 could read when I was five." Paving The Way "Please, sir," said the small boy nervously on coming into class, 'ought I to be punished for some- thing I haven't done?" "Of course not," said the master kindly. "Please, sir," said the small boy with a sigh of relief, "1 haven't done my homework." Only Dusty Mistress: "Look here, Mary. This chair is covered with dust." Mary: "Ycs, ma'am. I reckon no- body has sat in it lately." Mistaken Identity A parrot, escaping from its cage, sat sunning itself upon the roof of a neighbouring house. A workman, sent to bring it down, crawled on all fours across the slates and was about to stretch out his hand to grab the fugitive, when he found himself exposed to a merciless bar- rage of rich and lusty swear words. The man sat back on his haunches and raised his hat respect- fully, "1 beg your pardon, sir," he said, "1 thought you was a bird." Stumped One of the gucsts turned to a man by his side to criticize the singing of a woman who was try- ing to entertain them. "What a terrible voice! Do you know who she is?" "Yes," was the answer. "She's my wife." "Oh, 1 beg your pardon. Of coure it isn't her voice, really. It's the stuff she has to sing. 1 won- der who wrote that awful song?" "I did," was the answer. Keep It Going A young woman stalled her car at a traffic light. She stamped on the starter, tried again, choked her engine, while,' behind her, an im- patient motorist honked his horn steadily. Finally site got out and walked hack. "I'm awfully sorry, but I don't seen able to start my car," she told the driver of the other car pleasantly. "1f you'll go up there and start it for me, ['11 stay here and lean on your horn." An Open Mind Woman: "I'm not prejudiced at all. I'm going with a perfectly open and unbiased mind to listen to what I'm convinced is pure rub- bish." Not Long "1 wonder if Howard will -love me when I'm old?" "You'll know pretty soon now, dear." LIFE'S LIKE THAT By Fred Neher 10.l....a b, Ca..IIE ,..,o -.➢"1 r") ou think YOUR wife is thrifty, she made you ate cut of her old bathing suit . - my wife made herself a bathing suit out of one of my ties! !" U. S. Army Group ■ HORIZONTAL 48 Indian 1 Depicted is 49 Falter insigne of the VERTICAL U. S. Army 1 Bounded 84th 2 Within 7 Light brown 3 Fish 4 Drunkard 5 Upon 6 Cuddle 7 Hurl 10 Blow a horn 11 Trial 12 South Dakota (ab.) 13 Like 15 Employed 16 Regret's I moi. 8 Accomplish 9 Seine 11 Pinnacle 12 Caterpillar hair 14 French coin 16•Paused 18 Bristly 21 German city 22 Change 23 Pint (ab.) 24 Delirium tre- mens (ab.) 25 Symbol for y selenium 26 Decimeter (ab.) 27 Negative 29 Right (ab.) 30 Cloth measure 32 Debit note (ab.) 33 Test 35 Hindu queen 37 Make sad 39 Repeals 40 Hawaiian wreath 41 Footless 44 Late Ameri- can humorist 45 Tree 47 Either 16 21 L3 2? 3 tn,myer to Pry-vloort Purzme OMlom©DIROrioM© MUM ESIMIAICIMMIRMIGNEI 1II:41®C 1 ®©©lu1 i OGIIi DOM fes[ 1 011�©I PHIL fZ1151111 V0 17G1 171;aG1L1 SPITALNYON MN LIDOMMOMUMMWMPO M OMMIRI 8'9dO8i1]MENNL88l MEIN WMAINM=0121 OUUMMMMUMMMM 17 N•1me 96 B'n-e 18 Pertaining to 38 Symbol for the East sodium 20 Animals 39 Paid notice 28 Verbal 42 Hawaiian food 29 Vegetable 43 Morsel 31 Woolly 46 Him 32 Strike out 48 Note in Gni. 34 Notion do's scale 3 4 5 9 6 10 IlX12 JEFF? IF HE KNOWS AS MUCH ABOUT CANOES AS HE THINKS HE -BUT IF HE DOESN'T KNOW ANY MORE ABOUT THINK HE DOES. , HESS 0)RV'NG! y ? 'e �r , r+a c� + � . 13 :g1tl ION, GOSH! I WAS NEARLY DROWNED! I FELL INTO THE WATER UP To MY KNEES A, .Tl ,, ..1-,1.� a •, �., �// ;'r'y nl IS DEAR FELLOW, _. I :I - How coin ovou DROWN IN WATER FELL �j�t KNEES? TO YOUR IN L OEFF? DoE HE'S OUT pULLEp MEouT! ? ` M ~ HEAD FIRST t v s •(r3 •f`� \ { ji r4. `f�ri. Olt u.. U CANOEING: _ _ V� ,. •S �% �r s` y( V`y li .,�• d �I 9 c {� p e, ; �r, '+h c• ir G ' .why ;,;, n, c �f i mp zL I ! a. •_ 4 M' I x — , E•29 AtOW 25 ,,,r 26 :`JYr t�tte. 29 at,11: .: !r tS 30 31 5.G !31. 3e 77;et'i elgy 31 40 st,�vR!'r.'il 42 43 :%j:t � 4 y 45 96 47 4A 0 0 Highlights of the News No Garden of Eden Yet In case anyone thought every- thing in the proverbial garden ivas lovely, let it be noted that the United Kingdon is still going on bread rationing, that there is still famine in China and India, and near -starvation over half of Europe. —Brantford Expositor. Reason For Tragedies So long as people drive automo- biles carelessly, so long as small boats are overloaded, so long as non -swimmers and swimmers of limited capacity go into water un- safe for them, so long shall we have tragedies. — Ottawa Journal, Comparison Someone has said that love is like a baseball game. You can't get to first base without a diamond. —Dunnville Chronicle. Dual -Purpose Cow Mixed farming appears to be malting some headway in the west. Ad, in the Saskatoon Star -Phoenix: "For sale—Jersey cow that gives milk and new potatoes." — Ottawa Citizen. :Mistaken Many men think it is their work which is burdensome, when it is the chip on their shoulder which is holding them down. —Kiwanis Magazine. Hitler Was Too Late Three-quarters of a ton of uran- ium ore was discovered amid the wreckage of the Krupp works in Germany. Hitler was a bit too late with his atomic research, and the Western Allies beat him to the draw. —Hamilton Spectator. A Falling Bottom A financial columnist believes that it will be another year before the bottom ;falls out of the used car market. But we clouht if we can keep the bottom of our own car frarn falling out for this length of time. -Toronto "Saturday Night". Isn't It So? :If you talk about your troubles And tell them o'er and o'er, The world will think you, like 'em And proceed to give you more. —Exchange. Not Much! An association of pipers has been formed in Manitoba to foster the art of pibroch playing. And yet it was Sir James Barrie who laid it down -that the "grandest moral attribute of a Scotsman" was that "he will do nothing which might damage his career." — Ottawa Citizen. Tough Foot Folk Pedestrians are becoming tough- er all the time and they may yet succeed in avoiding extinction. The other day a St. Louis jaywalker, who was bowled over by a street- car and then run over by a truck, got up and knocked down a traffic cop who bawled him out. —Kitchener Record. Only Two Exceptions Perhaps you don't like onions, And perhaps the very thought of a trans-Atlantic airplane trip gives you the jitters. Nevertheless, we would advise you to invest in Both, just a natter of principle. They are the only two commodities in post-war memory on which the price has gone down. — Chatham News. That's Allt Russia does not really differ from other nations. She only wants peace, unity: and understanding and her Owtt way, -. -Brandon Sun. We Hope Hush, little dollar, don't you cry; you'll buy a dollar's worth, bye and bye! —Windsor Star. YOU CAN BUY superb Maxwell House Coffee in either a Super-Vacuuin Tin in Drip or Regular Grind, or in a Glassine Lined Bag in an All Pur- pose Grind. THE -ESPWAYTO KILL FLIES Effectiveness proven by 66 years public acceptance. WHY EXPERIMENT—WILSON'S will kill more flies at less cost than any other fly killer. USE WILSON'S FLY PADS ONLY IOC AT ANY RETAILER 1 Vb.:.�:.. '�b �:�s;.,,`'S,.'• ^v"''�`'; 3> •��,.• t�3�".:>` a?` "'.z , ;tet. .,..'.,..c.`:.'% jDii. ...:;;. � .. l; ;� .. ; w. 3 «:n «.tt ,,.,�•'.kk ..sa:.: ?>�: .... 5::>:t>,t ...,,...... e.�ri•..z:r MACDONALD'S Fine Cut t Makes a better cigarette ®®®Ell Mill I® NIB lib ® MIN MIN MIN MEM liEN THE SPORTING THING "Ghastly, isn't it?" . MUTT AND JEFF— Our Old Friend "Sir Sidney" Must be Back for the Conference By BUD FISHER MUTT, WHERE IS JEFF? IF HE KNOWS AS MUCH ABOUT CANOES AS HE THINKS HE -BUT IF HE DOESN'T KNOW ANY MORE ABOUT THINK HE DOES. , HESS 0)RV'NG! y ? 'e �r , r+a c� + � . .� "x s ION, GOSH! I WAS NEARLY DROWNED! I FELL INTO THE WATER UP To MY KNEES A, .Tl ,, ..1-,1.� a •, �., �// ;'r'y nl -BUT MyuMY GIRL, C NCEE, DEAR FELLOW, _. I :I - How coin ovou DROWN IN WATER FELL �j�t KNEES? TO YOUR IN L OEFF? DoE HE'S OUT pULLEp MEouT! ? ` M ~ HEAD FIRST t v s •(r3 •f`� \ { ji r4. `f�ri. Olt u.. U CANOEING: _ _ V� ,. •S �% �r s` y( V`y li .,�• d �I 9 c {� p e, ; �r, '+h c• ir G ' .why ;,;, n, c �f i r '•a t, I ! a. •_ 4 M' I x — , POP—Pop Believes in Signs CHILDREN ACCOMPANI ED BY PARENTS UNDER TEN YEARS OF AGE FREE (Roleaocd by The Bell eyndleato, loc,) By J. MILLAR WATT REG'LAR FELLERS—Topsy-turvy 1 ThilNI<. •1NE:'GOT' A \ 111 UpSE1 STUMMICK, MOM! HOW;'DIIY YOU MANAGE. TO GOT' AN; UPET' STOM'ACN. ?,. - By GENE BYRNES I ET HAFFA DOZEN APPLE. , '? 1 *MRM -OVERS AN' TOPPED 'EM OFF WITH A PUNKA UPSIDE -DO CAKE! tpdp nM �4en r