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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1946-08-08, Page 7T • INN l DOST IN FON: lI Easy One He was enlarging on the dangers. of modern foods and with a dra- matic gesture he pointed an em- phatic finger ::t a rather harassed - looking and inoffensive listener and demanded: "What is it? We all eat it some- time or other, yet it's the worst thing in the world for us. What la it, I say? Do you know?" It appeared that the little man did know, for he replieds in a husky whisper: "Wedding cake." By Instalments Although he had his good points, Tommy was no scholar. When the rchoo'l exams came along, his, fa- ther said: "If you score fifty marks out of a hundred, my boy, I'll buy you a bicycle." Then, one day, Tommy brought home the results and handed them over in silence. Father ran his eye down the list. Then he asked sadly: "Well, Tommy, what will you have—two spokes or a brake efp? Two In One The weary father was marching tap and down at 1 a,m. with a wail- ing infant in his arms, when there camel knock at the door. It was the tenant from below, carrying a pair of new shoes. "I say, old man," he aid, "while you're about it, you might break these in for me." r!' Keep Cool The sergeant raged as his squad of recruits turned left when they should have turned right and vice versa. Private Higgins was the greatest offender, and the sergeant, going up to him, bawled in his ear: "Haven't you ever drilled before in your life?" "Yes, sergeant," replied Higgins. "I once drilled for three years." "Oh, _ indeed . . . and where" snapped the sergeant. "In a quarry," grinned Higgins. It Would Too A dear old lady had been pre- vailed upon by a young relative to attend his school's sports. She was much interested fn the tug-of-war, and after a long tussle between two teams she turned to her escort and said: "But wouldn't it save a lot of trouble, dear, if they were to cut the rope in the middle?" Fifty -Fifty Young Bill: Look at your old worn boots and your father a shoemaker. You ought to .be ashamed of them. toung Phil: That's nothing. Your baby brother's got only one tooth and your father's a dentist. Not On Water Proprietor: "You come into my restaurant, you order a glass of water, you drink it, and you calmly walk outl" Scot: What were ye expectin' me to do, mon? Stagger oot?" Too Bad Three men arrived at the rail- way' station wit the intention of catching the last train, es tl ey reached the platform the train be- gan to move out. The men ran for ft, and the guard and a porter bun died two of them into the guard's van. By this time the train was going too fast for the third man to get in, and he stood disconsolately on the -platform watching it disap- pear, "Hard luck, sir," said the porter. "I'm sorry you were unable to get on." Yes," replied the man. "My friends will be sorry, too. They were only seeing me off." An Insult Mrs. Dinsmore: "I wonder why Mrs. Scadds got so angry when 1 mai d 1 never would let myhusband dictate to me?" Mrs. Cradwcb: iShe took it for a personal allusion. She used to be Mr, Scadd's typist." And They Did Hoping to inspire his workers with promptness and energy, a business man hung a number of signs reading "DO IT NOW" around his factory and office, When he was asked some weeks later how his staff had reacted, he shook his head sadly. "1 don't even like to talk about it," he said. "The cashier skipped 'with $1,090; the head bookkeeper eloped with the best secretary I ever had; three typists asked for an increase; the factory hands decid- ed to go on strike, and the office boy joined the Navy." The Answer Is Yes Two men who had 'been bachelor cronies met for the first time in ten years. Tell nle, Tom," said one, "did you marry that girl, or do you still darn your own 'socks and do your own cooking?" "Yes," was Tom's laconic reply, OUT OUR WAY HERE'S -NH' COMPLETE BLUE PRINT OF ALL TF1' RE.COiL MECHANISM NOW RiGHT HERE 15 -- LESSEE -- -THAT POOR GUY:.. I NEVER SEEN A MAN GIT OUT OF A COAT SO QUICK/ GOT CAUGHT 11') THAT MAO -M.15 -- HE MIGHT^ BEEN KILLED --HE MAY BE MAIMED FER LIFE -- By J. R. Williams LET ON YOU DIDN'T SEE IT; YOU FATHEAD/ DON'T MAKE AN ENEMY--ND- BODY ELSE SAW IT.' NEVER LET A MAN KNOW YOU SAW HIS STUPIDITY LET HIM GIT BACk 1NTO HIS COAT AN' LOOK LIKE NOTHIN' HAPPENED AN' HE'LL LOVE EV- ERYBODY --EVEN you. Illllllllllllllllllll IIIIHmInIIIIli tom'- MEI,,,,,,I'lui - w Ind))11 011' ft • , 11 IOalllllh7lal iiligl0aalllll. WHea. NOT TO AIOOie '9wi`ru ene"n e. TRw"4. 1 Orchestra Leader 'HORIZONTAL 3 Hypothetical 1 Pictured • structural ' orchestra unit leader, 4 Street (ab.) 5 Post 11 Help 6 Metal 12 Ripped 7 Tellurium 13 Pedal digit '• (symbol) 14 Fastener 48 Lieutenant 25 Knock 15 Behold! (ab.) 26Arrival (ab.) 16 Male 9 Alaskan city 28 Also 18 Singing voice 10 12 months 29 Cured hog 20 Canvas shelter 14 Father thigh 21 Period of 17 New Mexico 33 Provide with office (ab.) weapons 22 Upward 19 Absent 34 You (Bib.) 24 Italian river 21 Plaything 35 Exclamation 25 Rodents 23 Postscript 36 Beverage 27 Fable (ab.) 39 Symbol for 30 Measure of 24 Afternoon gold area (ab.) 40 Pull ,answer to Previous Puzzle I moria ml swwwa'?m I Yif_7C�7CdG\ft�.lY: a—ffi©i"MPIM f- 71Oh�1L�J6fiCG3t7©iS UMOilt /_lair -ii 6f,L7G71:ommommm0 f�L-7W�Yls C7riL�MbdL7[�t►lr PIN . n1 ME ATET,ti,lttTS'0t_QUD RQQQ M 6 E YOU NT GOT A SISTER! / ' / c�1iT / , �` % ` Yy 4 a EE P FISHER % i ar"s"e V!/ t 4' / �� / � �1!'I:i. ' sss /1 01 / tom- �'J'p��'1�'nl��•`1/ is 1#4145 JEFF, LET Ho LD THE UMBRELLA! ITS BETTER, THAT WAY! J ��//` :- DIFFGEN GEORGE. 41 48' 45 QR i � ,/`i -,- • • 1 L." 1 oDo _—WO - 1 •�,r GTO[t - % E'O C. 9 ' u F2 S E R S'ARATEMEYER 31 On account (ab.) 32 Supplicate 35 Small particle 37 Musical note 38 Him 39 First man 42 Not fast 45 Too 49' Vase 50 Iridium (symbol) 51 Electrified particle 52 Dined 54 Units of measure 56 For 57 His orchestra is made up of ----s VERTICAL 1 Bucket 2 Suggestion 41 Against 43 PIace 44 Native metals 46 Italian money 47 Shortly 48 Upon 53 Erbium (symbol) 54 Frequency modulation (ab.) 55 Palm lily 56 Tumbled type illillillailiiiIIIIIIMill il. r■®■■.:2®.■ 1 ELIii11111111DiliallMr, MIN=NMI MilOIL.', .............. ..,, MOM 1 e 10 35.40 MUTT AND JEFF, WHERE ! ITS DID Voti GIFT GET THAT i SISTER! UMBRELLA? / 1 //////// 41 YOU NT GOT A SISTER! / ' / c�1iT / , �` % ` Yy ANOTHER / I KNOW - THAI'S WNATS ENGRAVED ON -nAs HANDLE! 1tw , ` / s.'� ►rif , "' � ,f id I a 43. r44 FISHER % i ar"s"e V!/ t 4' / �� / � �1!'I:i. ' sss /1 01 / tom- �'J'p��'1�'nl��•`1/ is 1#4145 JEFF, LET Ho LD THE UMBRELLA! ITS BETTER, THAT WAY! J ��//` :- 4b 41 48' 45 ' i � ,/`i -,- • • 1 L." g-edaso _—WO - 1 •�,r , ,,, l��y ��6J/ / Y�/�r.+ - % ' la 5' 51 53 gy/? 54 55 5t. 5t. j 1 57 VOICE OF THE PRESS Saluting Saluting of officers will he con- tinued in Canada's army. It is a part of the discipline which in turn means efficiency, . That ' its 'aboli- tion should have been suggested is carrying democracy a little bit be- yond the limit. —Port Arthur News -Chronicle. High Cost of Destruction It's a queer old world, with strange modern ideas. A world in which_ millions and millions of dol- lars are being spent in learning whether atomic bombs have reached the point where they can destroy the world. —St. Thomas Times -Journal. In Fact, Strainer A native of India has a 64 -inch moustache. It must be quite a strain —especially during the soup course.• —Kitchener Record. They Dig It Up A lot of folk who say they have buried the hatchet, always remem- ber where they put it. —London Free Press. Canadian Illiteracy You cannot call Canada a literate nation when her motorists cannot read "No Parking" or "School— Go Slow" signs. —Quebec Chronicle -Telegraph. Outmoded Virtues A businese executive says the greatest asset of the working girl is personality. Competency, willing- ness and being on time in the morning are just old-fashioned vir- tues. -Saskatoon Star -Phoenix. Hot and Cold Furs It is said that, as the result of thefts, there are a large number of hot furs. They can't be the ones women wear during the heat waves, Those must be cold furs, —Toronto Star. Most Often Wrong A dictionary is a book to which you refer after an argument over how to spell a word—only to find out you were wrong. —Guelph Mercury. Likely Well -Founded Then there are girls who suspect father must have kissed mother a day or two before they were mar- ried. —Brandon Sun. Hurtful Extremism Extremism injures rather than helps even the best of causes. Jew- ish Zionists in a New York parade walked behind a Union Jack be- smirched by a super -imposed Nazi Swastika. —St. Catharines Standard. LIFE'S LIKE THAT By Fred Neher "1 think she's a gold digger ... first word she said was 'daddy' !" Nature Still Working Farmers in Ontario are reported to be in better hopes of a bumper crop than they have been for many years. At least mother nature hasn't gone on strike.. —Hamilton Spectator, Spread It Around An economist says that only half - a -dozen men in the world under- stand money. Perhaps if the stuff were more general, understanding would be more widespread. —Peterborough Examiner. Latest Models And in the back of the dream house, it seems, is a mirage where the veteran can keep his car, —Winnipeg Tribune. UDAYLITE" DUST A specially developed and highly effective fungicide for daytime dust - 002 on potatoes, pumpkins, cucum- bers, tomatoes, melons, sugar beets and squash. Does not require dew to complete its reaction. Contains 7% metallic copper content with tri- 1,asic copper sulphate as the active ingredient. 'Trademark Reg'd. A"GREEN CROSS" FIELD LEADER PRODUCT Sweet and cool in any Pipe CANADA'S STANDARD PIPE TOBACCO 115 THE SPORTING THING "I told you not to walk thru that fence!" REG'LAR FELLERS—Doubly Protected HELP ME 'TAKE MISTER- F IIJETUN'S PANTS To TB' TAILOR'S AN' I'LL SPLIT THI5 DIME. WITH YA' OH! OHI TH.' WHOLE. GAS -HOUSE, GANG IS AROUND TH' CORNER. AN' THEY'RE AFTER U3' By GENE BYRNES ' WAIT"LL IDO SOME, THINKIN t 44,040114 Jr '1'�hwrr wow 5 GETTIN' OUT O' l-1 ERE' 11 SEAT IT YELLERS T0 -l' STRFFT IS HAUNTED' SHUT UP AN' KEEP VER.. HEAD DOWN I MUTT AND JEFF, WHERE ! ITS DID Voti GIFT GET THAT i SISTER! UMBRELLA? / 1 //////// JEFF—JUST A /BUT FRolA - � /� /,Iyi ,// ---sl • g• YOU NT GOT A SISTER! / ' / c�1iT / , �` % ` Yy ANOTHER / I KNOW - THAI'S WNATS ENGRAVED ON -nAs HANDLE! 1tw , ` / s.'� ►rif , "' � ,f id I MATTER OF "LEND LEASE" By LEGS AND HAT BUD FISHER % i ar"s"e V!/ t 4' / �� / � �1!'I:i. ' sss /1 01 / tom- �'J'p��'1�'nl��•`1/ is HAS STI" JEFF, LET Ho LD THE UMBRELLA! ITS BETTER, THAT WAY! J ��//` :- MY GETTIN WET 1/ // / � ,�(�! 4\�� / {�� 9 a- �\`, i �kJ`/: = r ,911,x, •The SII,, J1=` pi,• MUTT, I THINK tT'S BET%ERIFY 0 NOLO THE UMBRELLA' OUR LEGS ri /4 ARE GETTIN ALL WET! V/ I KNOW BUT MY ti FORTYYEARS '/Q� _OLD . i j MY G" '! IS BRAND NEW ,1 / � s/ /���,�� G t:. � \. ,.. , os' ,/ day //11/ VI �: �- ]r,�r�,�t,■pgp���;HL JL""w'� !, � 1 ., ` t41 In - ' �,-, i � ,/`i -,- • • 1 L." �� #/. / /, _—WO - 1 •�,r , ,,, l��y ��6J/ / Y�/�r.+ - % -' � REG'LAR FELLERS—Doubly Protected HELP ME 'TAKE MISTER- F IIJETUN'S PANTS To TB' TAILOR'S AN' I'LL SPLIT THI5 DIME. WITH YA' OH! OHI TH.' WHOLE. GAS -HOUSE, GANG IS AROUND TH' CORNER. AN' THEY'RE AFTER U3' By GENE BYRNES ' WAIT"LL IDO SOME, THINKIN t 44,040114 Jr '1'�hwrr wow 5 GETTIN' OUT O' l-1 ERE' 11 SEAT IT YELLERS T0 -l' STRFFT IS HAUNTED' SHUT UP AN' KEEP VER.. HEAD DOWN I POP—A Vacancy t By J. MILLAR WATT HAS STI" YOUR ZOT HOME TOWN A VILLAGE IDIOT I DON'T KNOW 1 LEFT YEARS AGO to°1°.°°a w ?� rn. ern sr.al..e.: mea v B -' � :ii :: ttg.0 116\4" 414 .Avt,e„ REG'LAR FELLERS—Doubly Protected HELP ME 'TAKE MISTER- F IIJETUN'S PANTS To TB' TAILOR'S AN' I'LL SPLIT THI5 DIME. WITH YA' OH! OHI TH.' WHOLE. GAS -HOUSE, GANG IS AROUND TH' CORNER. AN' THEY'RE AFTER U3' By GENE BYRNES ' WAIT"LL IDO SOME, THINKIN t 44,040114 Jr '1'�hwrr wow 5 GETTIN' OUT O' l-1 ERE' 11 SEAT IT YELLERS T0 -l' STRFFT IS HAUNTED' SHUT UP AN' KEEP VER.. HEAD DOWN I