HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1946-07-25, Page 7JUST IN FUN 11
Take Your Choice
Rastas and Liza were married
but a short time when he came
home with a big wash tub a wash-
board and a handsome three-foot
mirror.
Liza: "What's all de truck you
Krung?"
Rastus:: "You -all kin take you'
pick. Yo' kin take de tub an' wash-
boare an' go to work, or you kin
take de mirror an' set down and
watch you'se'f starve."
Two Ways
A bumptious fellow was giving
evidence in a police -court.
"You say you stood up?" asked
the magistrate.
"I said," retorted the conceited
one, that I stood. If one stands
one must stand up. There's no
other way of standing,"
"Oh, ,isn't there?" replied the
magistrate. "Pay two pounds for
contempt of court, and ... stand
down!" "
Proper Exit
" What happened after you were
tl.rown out of the side exit on
your face?"
"I told the fellow I belonged to
a very important family."
• "And then?"
"He begged my pardon, asked
me in again and threw me out of
the front door."
Good Reason
The park orator looked around.
"You, my friend," be said, gaz-
ing intently at a member of his au-
dience, "arc' you treading the
straight and narrow path?"
The man nodded. "I am."
"And do you find it easy?"
'Whets t started I didn't, but.
now it comes naturally to me. 1
don't ksiow how I'd get on if I
didn't stick rigidly to it and keep
my mind- on nothing else."
"And will you explain to these
ladies and gentlemen why you feel
you should continue on the straight
and narrow path?"
"Certainly. 1f 1 didn't I should
fall off. I'm a tight -rope walker?'
The Test
One Sunday morning the pastor
of a congregation noticed that an.
old face had reappeared among
his flock and after the sermon wel-
comed the supposedly repentent
backslider.
This is the first time you've
been to church for a long time,"
• he said. "I'm glad to see you."
"Ah done had to come. Ah
needs strcngthcnin'. Ise got a job
white-tvashin' a chicken coop an'
buildin' a fence 'round a water-
melon patch."
Profitable
Father had been teaching little
Bobby how to do sums. Six times
he had held out a ,hrecpenny-piece
and a penny and asked his sot
which he would have. Each time
Bobby had taken the penny.
"Surely, Bobby," said father at
Last, "you know a threepenny -
piece is worth more to you than a
penny?"
Not the way you're teaching
me said the youngster. "I've
made threepence on the deal
already,"
An Idea
He had taken a long time com-
ing'home from work, and his wife
nagged at him for being late for
dinner. At last she decided to
change the conversation, and said
chattily:
"I hear poor Mr. Jones has had
his wife killed."
"And not a bad idea, neither,'
replied her husband sourly.
Assistance
As the second sponged the bad-
ly battered feutures of the would-
be world champion, he nturmered
ii tones of ds.gust: Its all right,
Bill We've sent for a private
detective."
What the dickens do I want a
private detective for?" sorrow-
fully asked the fighter
"Well,' sneerinzly piped the
stcond, "he'll help > n. to find the
chap you'v'. been :yicg to bit
during the last nine •oneds,"
Horne Agair
A colored parson, calling upon
one of 'lois flock, fountl the object
of his visit out in the back yard
working :among lois hen coops.
He noticed with surprise that
there were no chickens.
"Why, )!rudder Brown," he ask-
ed, "whaler all you' chickens?"
"Huh,," grunted Brother Brown,
without looking up, "sone fool
niggah lef' de elo' open an' dey all
went home."
He Flew
"Hallo, old man, I havn't soon
you For some time."
"I've been in bed for seven
weeks."
"That's t o o 1i a d. It 1 u, I
suppose?"
"Yes, and crashed."
VOICE
OF THE PRESS
i
"Goo(' Luck" Fracture
• Not to the superstitious:- The
otherday :r man broke his armr
throwing salt over his shoulder.
Kitchener Record.
A Tougher Job
It's easy turning out ships and
planes like doughnuts in time of
war. The truly Herculean feat is
to build a couple of million houses
amid the distractions of peace.
Detroit News'
Glad They're, Cows
An Australian farmer has in-
stalled a radio in his milking shed,
because it keeps the cows quiet,
and "they seem to like the news."
After what they hear, it is likely
that the beasts appreciate the ad-
vantage of being cows.
—Toronto Saturday Night
Extinct
What has become of the old-
fashioned business man who said,
"I can't complain"?
—Winnipeg Tribune
Change To Farmers
If all the swords were beaten in-
to plowshares and all the cannon
into pruning forks, what a bunch
Of farmersthese armament Manu-
facturers woilld look like.
-Chatham News
No More—No Less
Five -day -week advocates pos-
sibly have forgotten the Fourth
Commandment "Six days -shalt
thou' labor."
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
Given a Chance
One thing about those Nazi war
criminals; they are at least being
given a chance to die of old age.
—Hamilton Spectator.
Deodorized Pets
Deodorized sl unks are being
sold at 040 apiece in the State of
Oregon as household pets, more
comp •ionable than cats and not a
menace to bird life either.
-St. Catharies Spectator.
■
1 Stage Actress
HORIZONTAL 50 Myself
1,5 Pictured 51 Fish eggs
actress 52 Southeast
10 Erbium (ab.)
(Symbol) 53 Upon
11 Each (ab.) 54 Sainted ones
12 Measures of 55 She is a
cloth -- star
13 Account of VERTICAL
(ab.) 1 Honey maker
14 Electrical 2 Before
engineer (ab.) 3 Shouts
I5 Lieutenant 4 Tardy
(ab.) 5 Sell
16 Born 6 On the shelt-
17 Transpose ered side
(ab.) 7 Employers
18 Conductor 8 Chapeau
19 Toward 9Neither
21 Like 19 Tantalum
Answer to Previous Puzzle
-ILKENNETHWOLFE
ENidtCAREEN,,t0I
MUTT AND JEFF—PLEASE PAGE ME A HUNK OF LIGHTNING(
By BUD FISHER
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24 Exclamation
26 Inspires
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28 Accomplished
30 Short sleep
31 Possess
32 Network
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dance,
35 Measure of
area
36 Nova Scotia
(ab.)
38 Any
39 Greek letter
40 Fishes
44 And (Latin)
46 Age
47 Bone
48 Iron (symbol)
(symbol)
20 Possessor
21 Species of
tree
23 Decorate
24 Subjoin
25 Him
27 Dine
29 Be indebted
32 Egyptian
sun god
34 Long Island
1
(ab.)
37 Determined
38 Property item
41 Underground
part of plant
42 Individuals
43 Misfortune
44 Printer's
measures
45 Beverage
48 Mist
49 Compass point
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Well -Traveled, Road
Up at Fort Frances, Ont., they
•are buildiig'a road to a place call-
ed Despair. We thought the path
to the place was well-worn already.
—Peterborough Examiner.
Solving Unemployment
A farmer's wife points out that if
a girl wishes to solve permanently
the problem of personal unemploy-
ment, she should starry a farmer.
-Kitchener Record.
Sticktoitiveness
Perseverance is sticking to some-
thing you are not stuck on.
--Quebec Chronicle Telegraph
Easy Time
The seamen's union demands re-
duced hours on ships 'at sea. And
what would seamen do with' their
spare tine? Lean over and watch
the mermaids?
—Brandon Sun,
Might Be
"Goats Survive Bikini Bombing."
But supposing next time you're the
goat!
—Windsor Star.
And Not a Slip One
"Courtship" . is defined by a col-
umnist as "that period in which a
girl wraps a man around her little
Singer, preparatory to putting him.
under her thumb." But that's only,
part of the story, She takes the
poor guy to a preacher and has
hint tied in a knot:
-Ottawa Citizen.
Credit Canada's Sunshine
Sugar beets in Alberta show a
sugar recovery of about 3,400
pounds per acre, in Britain about
2,850 pounds per acre, Credit the
difference to our sunshine.
Lethbridge Herald:.
D'J'EVER?
IT6 A8ouT TIME
TRIS JUNK WAS
CLEARED OUT —
IT6, N0 u5E7o US
FOR coonNESs
SAKE, DEAR,
LEAVE ITALONE,
You ONLY MAKE
A MESS of
THE PLACE
SAY,THERE'S No-n-IING
WRONG WITH THIS COAT
1F THE CUFFS WERE
FIXED UP—ITSASHAME
'- To THROW ITOUT
WHY, DAD
HERE'S THAT
SLEIGH I'VE SEEN
LOOKING' FoR—
1 CAN Pb THIS
BROKEH RUNNER
WITH MY NEW
SET OF TooLS
k -r\
is EVER GET THE ANNUAL URGE TO
CLEAN OUT THE CUPBOARDS AND THE ATTIC
DESPITE YOUR WIFE'S PROTESTS
iS THAT THE TAILOR?
I'VE GOT SOME,REPAIRING
FOR You HERE, HOW
ABOUT PICKING IT UP
TO MORROW?
f
I KNEW
!COULD
FIX IT,
MOM
WiTHTHE RESULT THAT BEFORE You
REALIZE IT YOU'VE SAVEDYouRSELF
QUITE A FEW PENNIES
AND, AS USUAL, WHEN YOU GO THROUGH
THE SO-CALLED JUNK YoU FWD A FLOCK
OF STUFF THAT, WITH AFEW REPAIRS,
CAN 13E MADE USEFUL AGAIN
I'LL 8ET I'VE 3AV ED * 6 0 --
AND THA -rt WHAT THE
GOVERNMENT WANTS
US To DO
(NEVER
THOUGHT OP
THAT, DEA R--.-
MAYBE1COULD
GET THAT OLD FUR
COAT OF MINE
FikED UP
G/ AFTER ALL
ee.DJEVa~R FEEL LIKE PATTING YoURSELF
ON THE BACK WHEN YOU REALlx
THAT You'RE ALSO i•iELPtNC TO
FIGHT INFLATION'
BLACK NORSE
DAWES BREWERY
THE SPORTING THING
" first became interested 'n
buttons while checking the col-
lection plates!"
POP—A Farmer's Threat By J. MILLAR WATT
MUTT AND JEFF—PLEASE PAGE ME A HUNK OF LIGHTNING(
By BUD FISHER
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JEFF, ARE YOU FADING)
secAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID
LIGHTNING?
/IF LIGHTNINGS GOIN'To�'
NIT You, ITS GONNA HIT
YOU, NO MATTER WHERE
YOU Got
so
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POP—A Farmer's Threat By J. MILLAR WATT
VOU•WANT TO TAKE
PLENTY OP SPINACH IF
YOU WISH TO INCREASE
-THE IRON IN YOUt�
SYS TEM
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a 00005 6 60 Ben 0 .d..(0, t,C.)
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REG'LAR FELLERS—Bound to Come Clean
,yam
AL1. (LIGHT, Tl r(
ITS ABOUT T(M'k.
YOU HAD YOUR.
ANNUM
BATH l
ST 'Y PUT
OKAY- WELL
FiGGER QJT
SOMETHIN' NEW 1
WHE12E- ARE: YA?
COME BACK
HERE-,
By GENE BYRNES
./•
•
wER,
Dgif
CLEANING
HOJ08 T00 TouGH
FOR' us!
TRY US °MEI
G v�ene
!e
Toole 515515 An ,ichi..; .e,,,..'.... Y?n5' •