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Home My WebLink AboutThe Seaforth News, 1946-07-04, Page 3JOST IN F 11 Easy The vicar ,was tailing one of the young men of his parish to task "William," he said gravely, : "1 hear that you have been raising false hopes In several maiden hearts. Rumor says that you're es• gaged to one girl in this village. another in Little Murlard, and a thirdin Ditchley. How can you do snch a thing?" With an uneasy grin, William replied: "Well, sir, I've got a bicycle." Triple Order 1n preparation for a coming event tlitle Joan had been told that Daddy was ordering a small brother, Triplets arrived, and when Joan heard that she said to her mother: "Why didn't you order a baby yourself? You know how Daddy stutters?" Not Responsible The wife of a recently -married Aberdonian had successfully under- gone an operation for appendicitis. A day or two after the operation her husband was having a whisky with the doctor, who in a moment of forgetfulness mentioned that the operation should have taken place two or three years earlier. The father-in-law received the bill, Embarrasing Little Boy: "I met Idr. Jones in the street going to school and he said he w.nted to sec papa about something, and he called papa a calking encyclopedia." Mama: "Indeed) And what did my little pet say to Mr. Jones?" Little Boy: "I called him an old centipede and threw a snowball at him." The Attraction Shopwalke . "T li a t customer was hanging round fur a long time. What dial he want to see?" Pretty assistant (coyly): ".1I1 e, sir.' Superstitious The young man wrapped his arms round the pretty girl, "My darling," he breathed, "you're ail the world to me. I don't know what I'd do without you. 1 love—" At that moment, the doorbell rang. The girl jumped up. "It's my fiance," she gasped. 'Yon must leave at once. Oh, hurry!" The young man looked around nervously, vBut how am 1 going to leave?" he asked anxiously, "1 can't go out by the door. Your fiance would sec ate." The girl thought quickly. "Jump out of the window," she advised, "But we're on the thirteenth floor." The girl stamped her foot. "So what?" she rasped. "At this stage are you going to tell me you're superstitious." Needs Encouragement "You sold me a car two weeks ago." "Yes, sir." "Tell me again all you said abous it then. I'm getting dtscouraged." Misunderstood The customer was choosing a book at the library. "Have you had "Seven Years With the Wrong Woman?" asked the assistant. "No, twelve!" snapped the cus- tomer, But what's that to do with' you?" Doubting Tommy Th (1 sailor hone on leave was ,clung his fiancees family some rather tall tales of his adventures. All listened enthralled, except the youngest son, who was obvi- ously unimpressed. "You .see, Tommy," said the sailor, after one extra - startling story."I always believe in fighting the enemy with his own weapons." "Oh, yeah!" sneered the lad. "And how long does it take von In sting a. wasp?" She Would At a local first-aid class, the question of fainting carte up. The instructor explained to the class that tate cause of fainting was primarily a 'fault of circulation and that it could • he prevented by getting tibe head lower then the heart. • "For instane d," he ;aid. "if yrn, feel faint, and don't want to call attention to it, just lean down and, tie your shoe lace over atain. A woman iu Front asked: "What sort 'at knot is used?" VOICE OF THE PRESS TIIE HARD WAY It can't be very good, for people to get the idea — as they easily might —chat one infallible way to have industrial .Peace is to have. world war on at the sante time. — Vancouver Province, THE LITTLE FELLOW The logging strike in British Co. lumbia has operators and loggers "up a free." And, as usual, the little guy way out on the dead branch is John Pubic. —St. Catherincs Standard, DIFFERENT WORK And if some men expended as much energy in trying to earn a dollar as they do in trying to bor- • row one, they would never have heed to borrow.' — Brandon Sun. THOUGHT FOR TOMORROW The world, says a contemporary, scents to be at the stage of deciding whcthc, it will go all out for good or go out for good and all. — St. Thomas Times -Journal. MODERN TRAGEDY Add modern tragedies: the predic- ament of the catl,entan who ship- ped all his steers to Chicago,. then • nttt'de the rounds of the restaurants 'but couldn't find one steak! — Christian Science Monitor. COMMON SENSE ON ROADS Good motor cars and good roads have added much to the sunt total of human happiness. Used properly, they form one of the greatest bene- fits of the age. Abused they be- come a source of serious danger, it is onl common sense to do our utmost to secure safety on the highways. — -Guelph Mercury. THAT'S A TRAGEDY More accidents occur in the kit- then than in any other room in the house. Included, perhaps, are in- stances of cakes falling in the oven. — Stratford Beacon -Hera Id. BUT NOT MOUTHS The mind is like a parachute; it works best when it's open. — Stratford Beacon -Herald. U. S. State Head HORIZONTAL VERTICAL 1 Pictured gov- 1 Cautioned error, — 2 Pressed 3 Limb 4 Lone Scout (ab.) 5 Affirm 6 Female servant 7 Within amphibian 8 Permit 15 Blood vessel 9 Greater in 17 Snare size 18 Girl's name 10 Posture 20 City on Mont- 14 Card game real island 36 Votre Entt- 22 African nence (ab,) antelope 16 Chaos 23 Female ruff 18 Places 25 Build 20 He is gover- 27 More unusual 28 Solicitudes 29 Symbol for samarium 30 Thoron (synt.l 31 Muse of poetry 34 Be in accord 38 Native of Rome 39 Driving lines 90 Short sleep 91 Gateways. 46 Make an edging 47 Merganser 49 Low sand hull 50 Third power (math.) 51'Great Lake 53 Near 54 Fuel 55 Judicable 11 War god 12 It proceeds (music) 13 Tidy 14 Leaping i Tc hm,,.rr to Previnue P,rartr I NEI LORD ;Ric AFAR ibORE STY AR f. S >.a?i �'% T E NE T SWEAT TC•,E TO EEr51 eT TE i fE 3 SNts-MET jA�T '? E 111 CEn IDRo1 DEBT GTRE 55 no• of-- 3' Royal 1 allan 21 Drinks of the family name bods 42 Alleged force 24 Roman god- 43 480 sheets dell 44 Against 20 Stove 45 Compass point 31 Sea eagles 48 Intellect 32 Wandered 50 Male swan 33 Unit. of 52 Ells English electricity (ab.) 35 Ceremony 59 Symbol for 36 Render capable calcium PA L AR ')11,R u N R 0 o s T PAULINE LORD A I S d E N N A M T v T E s TOO MANY BOSSES Everybody wants to boss sotne- body and there is always sornebotdy_ who wants to boss everybody. — Brandon Sun EIGHT PLUS EIGHT Most fanners are on eight-hour shifts — eight hours before dinner, and eight hours after. — Farmer's Advocate. MISLEADING Next time a girl boasts to you of her bird -like appetit. be sureto tell her that a bird cats the equiv- alent of its own weight every day. — Peterborough Examiner. HUSH Please don't tell that . Detroit nnion, but we painted one of our kitchen chairs last night. Windsor Star, NOTE TO MOTORISTS The motorist who picks up strangers is not only liable to be robbed, but he is helping someone to break the law, He may be help ing a criminal escape pursuit. The best advice that can be offerer, is, do not pick up hitcn-bikers, it is hard to pass a seemingly honest seeker of a ride, but this 15 a case where it is better to he safe than sorry. Saint John Telegraph -Journal. CATCH 'EM YOUNG There's nothing like snaffling the young delinquent before it's too late, Note in a• Valparaiso, Ltd., paper: "At the age of 90 he joined the church, and thereafter led an exemplary life." — Ottawa Citizen, INDIA 'PROBLEM At the same time the failure of the Indian leaders to agree will scarcely surprise the unprejudiced observer, Indian nationalism has demanded independence for ninny years noiv; at no time have Indian leaders been able to conceive of a formula that will achieve that in. dependence and at the sante time. guar mec minority rights. — \lontreal Gazette. Ji'A•IlL11 ,S MPREC[ATE the grand, satisfying flavor of Maxwell House Coffee. They love the fragrant goodness of the choice Latin-American coffees that distinguish this su- premely fine and delicious blend. D'J'EVER CoLLSGE FEES, SCHOOL PEES,, 8OO4<S AND MORE 800kiS. THEYMusr THINK I'M A Jf MILLIONAIRE OH, NOW, d0HN,Yoi WANT THE CHILDREN To 8E SMART, DON'T you O'J'EVE2 START TO GRIPE ABOUT HOW MUCH ITS CosriNC YOU 7o PUT YOUR. SoN THROUGH CoLLECE AND oAl1GHTER 7HROUCia HIGH SCHOOL.. NICE GOING ,KIDS, 1 KNEW Youl O come 'THROUGH -- PM PROUD OF YOU/ it,"\A BuT THE NEXT YEAR,WHEN YOUR SON GETS H18 DEGREE AND THE DAUGHTER PASSES WITH TOP HONORS IN HER CLASS, You FEEL PROUD AS PUNCH • THE 1008 To -DAY •PEND HALF THEIR LIVES IN SCHOOL. 1 WAS DARNING MY OWN LIVING WHEN 3 .) \WAS THEIR AGE/ 1! (( lllGfeair'/rri AND YOU DO A SONO AND OANCE A8ouT HAVING DONE ALL. RIGHT IN THE 8Le1NES5 WORLO,EVENTHOUCH You DID LEAVE SCHOOL AT FOUR.TEEiN NOTHING LIKE GIVING CHILDREN A Coop EDUCATION .--NO MATTER How MUCH IT COSTS, THAT'S WHAT 1 SAY ..• QV6VER DECIDE RICHT THERE AND THEN THAT HELPING Tb PAY IOR,AND TAKING AN INTEREST El THE PROPER EDUCATION ()P- OUR GOUR YOUTH)IS A REAL PRIVILEGE/ PUBLISHED IN THE NAT ONAI INTEREST BY 6-6W DAWES BLACK HORSIE BREWERY STUFF AND THINGS - i, ->i wl l' li IIID "I don't recognize the face— but the whistle is familiar." STUFF AND THINGS aoM°S�a4 ^•i�1 "Well, whadda ya know! Ev- erything just as I left it twen- ty -years ago-" POP—Hat News THI5 PAPER ROASTS EY1=RYgoIJY By J. MILLAR WATT Oh Boy! Throw Me a Few Thousand Shovels By BUD FISHER NOW,JEFF, IN oROER To FACILITATE 7H8 DIGGING OF THIS WELL, WE'LL, WORK IN RELAYS! I II MUTT, IF 1 KEPf,'OH,YOU DiGGiNG STRAIGHT DOWN THROUGH 7HE EARTH WHERE D COME OUT IN CHINA oR �p la,UiEf.,Ound un'''''' "Cr. 554 ' 1 I MUTT, LOOK! ��'1" WHATS /'14'' THATs a T77 j 1 III *r l' t�!'1 $QN i , AM I GONNA 1 HAVE ....,.s. t1>4 `� VVV11114�� ---(lft SEE WHERE 1 GET THE FIRST RELAY! WOULD I COME OUT? • __.� � U. /I/ l�f(IYrn,'��I��It1U I'1'!I' JAPAN! !! •^'� ] C 9✓'1 ,aIle THIS COMIN' 'THROUGH THE GROUND? A GOPHER? !1 ftp ' ! J li:, i!' ��f , %fl'1. � �I `+ II !9 Vl,�ilw. a: 'y\ _ � ;- SAP, + .�_ • 1 '"�ttl� ' �I! 1 •• .•' (fj�� ..rU+mJ,� A o ' ,'� dAp • 1 - 11 I 1 1 1�„/! III ', ?n+� 'I 1 .c\' .� , �(l r S,( a�__ �Illll FUN! 1 1 � !f 1 1 1 I 1, '� f lil, \ _ J4 _ . ,Gl,�� v a. 14 •■16 Ir`�ll iT al, 11 ■■ also so ■■■■21 1 }N a 23 ■■$4 ■ a5 ab ■ �■ ■ aT II .■■ allZo n. :, ze, ■■■■i 111138 ■■ 3,1 ■35 Sb 37 35 39 40 ■■ CO/ 91 ill40 44 45 . 46 ■■, J.4 53 M ■■��■.■■ 11 TOO MANY BOSSES Everybody wants to boss sotne- body and there is always sornebotdy_ who wants to boss everybody. — Brandon Sun EIGHT PLUS EIGHT Most fanners are on eight-hour shifts — eight hours before dinner, and eight hours after. — Farmer's Advocate. MISLEADING Next time a girl boasts to you of her bird -like appetit. be sureto tell her that a bird cats the equiv- alent of its own weight every day. — Peterborough Examiner. HUSH Please don't tell that . Detroit nnion, but we painted one of our kitchen chairs last night. Windsor Star, NOTE TO MOTORISTS The motorist who picks up strangers is not only liable to be robbed, but he is helping someone to break the law, He may be help ing a criminal escape pursuit. The best advice that can be offerer, is, do not pick up hitcn-bikers, it is hard to pass a seemingly honest seeker of a ride, but this 15 a case where it is better to he safe than sorry. Saint John Telegraph -Journal. CATCH 'EM YOUNG There's nothing like snaffling the young delinquent before it's too late, Note in a• Valparaiso, Ltd., paper: "At the age of 90 he joined the church, and thereafter led an exemplary life." — Ottawa Citizen, INDIA 'PROBLEM At the same time the failure of the Indian leaders to agree will scarcely surprise the unprejudiced observer, Indian nationalism has demanded independence for ninny years noiv; at no time have Indian leaders been able to conceive of a formula that will achieve that in. dependence and at the sante time. guar mec minority rights. — \lontreal Gazette. Ji'A•IlL11 ,S MPREC[ATE the grand, satisfying flavor of Maxwell House Coffee. They love the fragrant goodness of the choice Latin-American coffees that distinguish this su- premely fine and delicious blend. D'J'EVER CoLLSGE FEES, SCHOOL PEES,, 8OO4<S AND MORE 800kiS. THEYMusr THINK I'M A Jf MILLIONAIRE OH, NOW, d0HN,Yoi WANT THE CHILDREN To 8E SMART, DON'T you O'J'EVE2 START TO GRIPE ABOUT HOW MUCH ITS CosriNC YOU 7o PUT YOUR. SoN THROUGH CoLLECE AND oAl1GHTER 7HROUCia HIGH SCHOOL.. NICE GOING ,KIDS, 1 KNEW Youl O come 'THROUGH -- PM PROUD OF YOU/ it,"\A BuT THE NEXT YEAR,WHEN YOUR SON GETS H18 DEGREE AND THE DAUGHTER PASSES WITH TOP HONORS IN HER CLASS, You FEEL PROUD AS PUNCH • THE 1008 To -DAY •PEND HALF THEIR LIVES IN SCHOOL. 1 WAS DARNING MY OWN LIVING WHEN 3 .) \WAS THEIR AGE/ 1! (( lllGfeair'/rri AND YOU DO A SONO AND OANCE A8ouT HAVING DONE ALL. RIGHT IN THE 8Le1NES5 WORLO,EVENTHOUCH You DID LEAVE SCHOOL AT FOUR.TEEiN NOTHING LIKE GIVING CHILDREN A Coop EDUCATION .--NO MATTER How MUCH IT COSTS, THAT'S WHAT 1 SAY ..• QV6VER DECIDE RICHT THERE AND THEN THAT HELPING Tb PAY IOR,AND TAKING AN INTEREST El THE PROPER EDUCATION ()P- OUR GOUR YOUTH)IS A REAL PRIVILEGE/ PUBLISHED IN THE NAT ONAI INTEREST BY 6-6W DAWES BLACK HORSIE BREWERY STUFF AND THINGS - i, ->i wl l' li IIID "I don't recognize the face— but the whistle is familiar." STUFF AND THINGS aoM°S�a4 ^•i�1 "Well, whadda ya know! Ev- erything just as I left it twen- ty -years ago-" POP—Hat News THI5 PAPER ROASTS EY1=RYgoIJY By J. MILLAR WATT Oh Boy! Throw Me a Few Thousand Shovels By BUD FISHER NOW,JEFF, IN oROER To FACILITATE 7H8 DIGGING OF THIS WELL, WE'LL, WORK IN RELAYS! I II MUTT, IF 1 KEPf,'OH,YOU DiGGiNG STRAIGHT DOWN THROUGH 7HE EARTH WHERE D COME OUT IN CHINA oR �p la,UiEf.,Ound un'''''' "Cr. 554 ' 1 I MUTT, LOOK! ��'1" WHATS /'14'' THATs a T77 j 1 III *r l' t�!'1 $QN i , AM I GONNA 1 HAVE ....,.s. t1>4 `� VVV11114�� ---(lft SEE WHERE 1 GET THE FIRST RELAY! WOULD I COME OUT? • __.� � U. /I/ l�f(IYrn,'��I��It1U I'1'!I' JAPAN! !! •^'� ] C 9✓'1 ,aIle THIS COMIN' 'THROUGH THE GROUND? A GOPHER? !1 ftp ' ! J li:, i!' ��f , %fl'1. � �I `+ II !9 Vl,�ilw. a: 'y\ _ � ;- SAP, + .�_ • 1 '"�ttl� ' �I! 1 •• .•' (fj�� ..rU+mJ,� A o ' ,'� dAp • 1 - 11 I 1 1 1�„/! III ', ?n+� 'I 1 .c\' .� , �(l r S,( a�__ �Illll FUN! 1 1 � !f 1 1 1 I 1, '� f lil, \ _ J4 _ . ,Gl,�� v a. Id;FC.'i Ate FRI./FRS—Wonder Child By GENE BYRNES WELL: WELL! MY GOSH! C WHAT OF iT? --YOU AST ME WHAT OM1 IT'. SURE I7.5 ONEy A BABY CARRIAGE SOMEONE, IS SELLIN'! KNOW - etlTf THIS ONE 35 FC3 e MIMING SPA''Y• D10W YA GET THAT? Ge"c A