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The Seaforth News, 1946-06-13, Page 7JUST IN FUN Nowhere First; Irishman; "Which would ycz rather be in, -Pat -an explosion: or a collision? Second ditto: "In a collision, be- cause in a collision there yez are, but in an explosion where are yez?" Not His Coat "Ha, ha!" laughed Bingham. "Poor old Henpecked) 1 saw you yesterday sewing a button on your coat. "You're a fibber," snapped Hen- pecked. "I tell you 1 did," said Bingham. "I saw you with my own eyes." klenpecked gave a superior smile; "You didn't," he replied. "It was -'.ray wife's coat." STUFF AND THINGS "I sat on it!" Very Very Slow • As the plaster of the house smoked his pipe thi old gardener was busy at his digging. Suddenly the old chap straight- ened up with a jerk, seemed to think hard for a minute, then gave the spade a vicious kick. "What's the trouble, Mac?" asked his employer. 'Weel, sir, ye niind that Annie, who was maid here about twenty year ago? replied Mac, angrily. "I was standing at the back door wi' her one nicht and she said she was cault; so I gicd her my muff - kr. Whiles, she said she was still mulct, so I gi'ed her my coat An' it's just struck me that the lass wanted me to cuddle her. I'm that mad I didn't think of it before." The Time Had to Come A friend of ours lunching in a crowded midtown restaurant broached to his waitress the sub- ject of a second lump of sugar and got sternly turned, and dressed down. When she had gone, he felt a tug at his sleeve and looked up into the eyes of a fragile -appearing old lady in a choker collar who had been sitting at the next table. "Here you are, young man," she said in a conspiratorial whisper, and pressed into his hand a lump of sugar that she had undoubtedly dredged up from a large mesh reti- cule she had with her. "I always carry sonic. In case 1 meet a horse, von know." Too Fast Johnny "I fell in a mud puddle." Mother: "What, with your new pants on? Johnny: "Yes. I fell so fast 1 didn't have a chance to take them off." His Name The boy was being interviewed by the rector of a select Glasgow school with a view to his enrol- ment. "What's your name?" he was asked -and replied: "Pa'erson." "What slid you say your name was?" the rector demanded severely. "Pa'erson," repeated the boy, add- ing, 'with two t's." Partly Understood A young wife, wishing to an• pounce the birth- of her .first child to a friend in a distant city, tele- graphed: "'Isaiah !!: 11," Which passage be- gins: "For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given." Her friend, unfamiliar with the Scriptures, said 'to her husband. 'Margaret evidently has a boy who weighs nine pounds and six ounces, !111t why on earth did they 0551e hint Isaiah.' No Chances A newspaper reporter was invitee to lake itis first airplane trip with a stunt flyer for the films. He was filled with dismal forebodings, which increased when a parachute was strapped on to !line and 11e was given careful instructions regard- ing its use. 't -he stunt man also wore a parachute, and when he put a Heavy leather coat on over it the reporter aseed, nervously: "Blow can you use the parachute with that coat on?" "Oh," replied the pilot, nunchal- I.,ntly, "1'd have plenty al time to take the coat off when we fall. They went up and new, for sev• era! minutes, until, feeling warm, the stunt 11i511 began to remove his eclat. "Hot, isn't it?" he said, genially, but there was no reply. 'I' he report cr had jumped overboard. 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Swa 13 14 7-•"'1C qt, 1b l'1 Ig 113 tit 46 47 45 `aj-. s, , 49 To = ��3t: si ea 53 54 ;�'; 55 `�v.�` :56 57 6. r ?HE S'PORT'ING THING dy LANG ARMSTRONG .1 "You of cut-up!" STUFF AND THINGS "Oh—it's some fool stunt he picked up in the army!" "You're new here, aren't you?" VOICE OF THE PRESS Gettting Better Calgary Herald thinks that by the time the government returns our compulsory savings, one third of the recipients will be dead, one third in jail, and the rest will have spent all their's in advance. That's better than the last estimate we saw, which had 'em all dead. -Ottawa Citizen. "Striking" Fact It is a "striking" fact that -the standard wage of John L.'Lewis's soft coal miner is $03.40 per week. Thomas Times -Journal. In now ably ours Sombre Thought those planets where life is extinct, the scientists prob- got just a little farther than have got. --Dublin Opinion. They Also Ran Most people who follow the horses bet on the horses who follow the horses. -Timmins Press. 'Mornin'. "Mornin', Ili." "Mornin' Si.' "How's that city feller you hired fer the summer gittin' along?" "Ain't got him no more -he went back to the city." "Fire him?" "Nope; he -quit." "What'd he quit ter?" "Guess he was afeared I'd work the Daylight Savin' outa him." "Ivfornin', Hi." "Mornin' Si.'. -Hank in St. Thomas Times - journal. l )I Waste of Flour Because restaurants -and many housewivesaswell-think that the only way in which to make a pala- table sandwich is to cut, off all the crust, vast quantities of bread are being wasted everyday throughout the length and breadth of 11113 country. -Brockville Recorder and Times, THEY'LL ALL HURRY HOME if you serve Max- well House. This extra - delicious coffee is bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee in the world. /T CERTA/NLY TAKES THE WORK AND WORRY OUT OF BREAD FMK/Nei Mado in Canada w'"'"` Faster Acting ROYAL Ends Overnight BotherRisk! MEW Fast Rising Royal is here! The IN modern baking discovery that lets you do all your baking in a few hours . . by daylight! No "setting bread" the night before -no baking disappointments because dough spoiled during the night when the kitchen tem- perature changed. New Fast Rising Royal is ready for action 10 minutes after it's dissolved in water! And the rich, home -baked flavor of bread baked with New Fast Rising Royal will make your family brag about your baking more titan ever. You get 4 packets in each carton of New Fast Rising Royal -4 large loaves to a packet. Stays full-strength, ready for immedi- ate use, for weeks on your pantry shelf. At your grocer's -now! POP—Forced Labor -RRFU6ES TO HELP 1-116 WIFE WA1FI-I DISHEC, By J. MILLAR WATT GUT IN THE- -WASHING THE I715 t.4 S Pel MUTT AND JEFF— It's Either An Early Summer or a Late Spring 0114 --ON BOY) AM I GLAD I WOKE , UP! WHAT A DREAM! GOSH, IT WAS So REAL! JUST LIKE IT REALLY HAPPENED! WHAT WAS 1T, MUTT? WE WERE POOR - WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING To EAT AND WE WERE '-`STARVING! / I WAS So .HUNGRY I DREAMED I WAS REALLY EATING THE MATTRESS FOR BREAKFAST! By BUD FISHER BURP! 1 :TEE • HEE THAT'S NNY! lii�3!{9Ei l!I!gtthlIaIIf7L8-- i\ REG'LAR FELLERS—Standing Order WHAT'S YOUR 6ROTt-!ER ( DOI 4' $UMP '. WELL, YOU KNOW HES TAKIN'A COURSE FROM A CORRESPONDENCE SCHOOL WELL-- LAST WEEK HE MAILED IN , ALL H15- LE.55OH5 SO- p 2 . By GENE BYRNES TODAY MAILMAN MADE HIM STAND ON THE CORNER! 1 , I.M1I. "!ono. P% • -a °`��-✓�