HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1946-05-16, Page 7JUST IN ricw 11
Lr.;s Tears Please
She was complaining 'to her
dairyman about the quality of his
stills.
"Short' o' grass feed, mum; short
o' grass feed at this time of the
year," said the milkman. " Bless
you, them cows of mine are hist as
sorry as 1 am, I often stands and
watches 'em crying because they
feel somehow as their milk don't
do 'en, credit. You don't believe
me?"
"Oh, yes, I believe you," said
the woman, coldly, "but 1 wish in
future you'd sec they don't let all
the tears go into my bottle."
Very Considerate
• The elderly spinsters were look-
ing after two evacuee children.
Later a third arrived, an indepen-
dent little Londoner, aged 11.
On his first evening he was al-
lowed to sit up with his hostesses
after tine ihitdrcn had gone to bed.
Polite boredom set in, At about
a quarter to 10 the lad could bear
it no longer.
"Well," he said brightly, "if you
two would like to pop out for a
quick one, I'll keep my eye on the
kids upstairs."
THE SPORTING THING
( �~
to
'1
• y-13
<;qtr
"No, you tell me your score -
1 gave mine first last time!"
A Good Thing
"I Ilam," said the house -hunter,
"a small hou,e in an isolated pos-
ition at least five miles front any
other house " -
"I see, said the house agent,
with an understanding smile,
"you want to practise the simple
life.
"No" answered the huusehun-
ter;"1 leant to practise the lrslit•
bone."
.shortened Life
if you get up earlier in the
morning dial) your neighbour,"
ra :lile tuts ti philosopher, "and
work harder and scheme more anti
stay up later planning how to
make more money than your
neighbour, and burn the midnight
oil planning holy to get ahead of
hint while lie is snoozing, not only
will you leave more money when
yo die than he will, but you will
do it a clam sight sooner."
Which?
The conceited young man was
wen Wore boring than usual,
"It's a fact," he said with pride,
"that people often take me for a
member of the Guards."
His pretty companion was not
impressed.
"Really?. she drawled. "Fire--
railway—mud—or black?
THE SPORTING THING
"--..an't seem to recall the
name, but the face is familiar!"
Aid Needed
A bishop attended a banquet and
a elms? waiter dropped a plate of
hot soup in his lap. The clergy-
man glanced around with a look of
agony and exclaimed:
"Will sonic layman please say
something appropriate."
Cruel
It was out of those very small
cars and it had, run out of gaso-
line. Knowing the nearest garage
was three -miles away, the motor-
ist stood beside the road and sig-
nalled for Lett).
A large and magnificent car
stopped, and out stepped a man in
a fur -lined coat.
"Could you spam me a drop of
gas? . asked the stranded one.
"I've run right out."
The •expensively dressed man
eyed the tiny vehicle and said
curtly:
"It's not gas you want. it's a
TIM 81•' .,.
LIFE'S LIKE THAT By Fred
/✓
it;
N eheir
SI
"But I do pay some attention to your lectures on economy .
don't tell me you haven't noticed how skimpy your lunches
have beers lately.
Novelist
HORIZONTAL (symbol)
1 Pictured 4 Path
author, — 5 Before
6 East Central
13 Age (ab.)
14 Architectural 7 New Hamp-
units shire (ab.)
15 Be indebted 8 Tiny
16 Biblical 9 Ideologies
pronoun 10 Therefore
L7 Individual 11 Have
18 Australian 12 Bright color
bird 17 Ocean (ab.)
20 North Dakota 19 Upward
(ab.) 21 Skill
21 High card 23 Mimic
22 Health resort 24 Afternoon
24 By (ab.)
26 Vegetable 25 Each (ab.)
29 Partners 27 Erbium
32 Equals (symbol)
34 Negative 28 Like
35 Aluminum 30 Finish
(symbol)
36 Transmits
39 South Pacific
island
43 Exclamation
of laughter
44 Lyric poem
45 Barricade
48 Head covering
50 Rhode Island
(ab.)
52 Female deer
54 Vat
55 Father
57 Vase
59 Sharpshooter
62 Possesses
63 She has Nvrit-
ten one of the
VERTICAL
1 Lock opener
2 Exist
5 Tantalum
11 3untrec to Prrs0*i r'uzrfe
to
RE
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51
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1 LLts O 1
ELEMENT
ADMITS
31 D'st'ess signa1 49 Bachelor of
32 St •ike lightly Arts (ab.)
33 Yale 50 Go swiftly
36 South Amer- 51 Anger
ica (ab.) 53 Abstract beint
37 Exclamation 54 Golf device
38 Grab 55 Standard of
40 Cleaning value
device 56 Donkey
41 Hypothetical 58 Northwest
force (ab.)
42 Musical note 60 That one
46 Paid notice 61 Postscript
47 Flower (ab.)
48 Wavy hair '62 Him
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/ SAY WE
PASSEDaltDNA
CORNERS
WHERE IS
•---'-4"et
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DOWN
ARO
THUNDE
CORNER
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OF rFL.t E • 13f.t 141:ss
Another . Killer
Toronto's principal coroner act -
vises men who are over 11) to avoid
fatigue. The trouble is that if you
devote yourself .to avoiding fatigue,
which is had for you, it is quite
likely that you will stake the' ac-
quaintance of boredom, which will
!:ill you just as fast
—Peterborough Examiner.
- Self -Control First
A" United States senator conies
close to the truth when he claims
that what we must control is not
the atomic bomb, nor the scientist
%vho males it, but the ability to
make war. In short, we must con-
trol ourselves.
—Chatham News.
Many Succeed
The Woolworth heiress, denying
she would marry a fourth time, said
"you can't go on being a fool for-
ever." However, one can always
try, and it's astonishing how many
people succeed.
—Ottawa Journal.
Please Pass the Eggs
Among the numerous schemes
for easing the treat shortage,
there's a recipe out for "mock
sausage" made of cereal. But in face
of the wheat shortage it would
obviously have to be a "mock
cereal" made of sawdust, which in
view of the lumber shortage would
have to be a "mock sawdust" made
of hevvins knows what. We shall
pass up the sausage and eat CMS
—Ottawa Citizen.
Long, Long Ago
Then there were the good old
days when housewives had a bag
of sugar in the attic, a barrel of
apples in the cellar and a bit; crock
of butter in the ice -box. O. mem
ories
..Stratford Beacon -Herald
Up But Not On
Asphalt roofing has gone up
but not on new housing.
—Quebec Chronicle -Telegraph.
Professor at Large
Absent-minded professors are the
subject of a good many jokes. Be-
lieve it or not, some time ago, a
professor of an Ontario university
could not find his train ticket for
the conductor. He was told he
would have to buy another ticket.
His distress was terrific, because he
had to find his original ticket to
know where he was going.
—St. Catharines Standard.
Hid It In The Store
In a Winnipeg groceteria a
woman shopper halted at the cash-
ier's counter with a package of
shortening atop her basket. The
cashier clerk stared for a moment,
then said: "Madam, where did you
get that? We had shortening yes-
terday, but it was sold in a few
minutes."
T know," said the shopper tri-
umphantly, "1 was here yesterday
too, but 1 didn't have enough
money. So I hid the shortening in
the store until today!"
—Maclean's Magazine
SUBURBAN HEIGHTS
GLUYAs W¢,LIAMS
A DEfiIdli PATI.5Ef'fISO OVER MR5.YERLP('5
B1RfODAY'PARf/ WHEN 5HE'1HNsIk1D MR6.1P1UMER TOR
THE. BOOR END5 WHICH,11 SEEMS, MR5 PLUMER Nap RECEIVED
AT Ci•)gI 1'MA5 FROM MRS. RIG,5f3Y WHO HAD WON '(HEM IPE
SUMMER BEFORE A'('fr1F. FRIDGE'PAW Al'14: !-APPEfE5'
.I11ale.e,1 Fr'RL 0.51 a eoia,.,.t .' $9ot7•.k{.i ge-1.3 A,r,y
POP—Went to 'pop's Head
O
By J. MILLAR WATT
MUTT AND JEFF— Oh Well, You Might As Well Sit Down and Wait a While By BUD FISHER
WHAT
GIRL'S
YoU'
BRAG
ABOU
S THIS I DUNNO YET,
A
REDOLL. TE BUT WHAT YOU
GING NEVER INYOU'
Tp LIFE GIRL LEEN A
IRLJIKEti
GIRL!
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1 1- 1
B,.61
f3ik•
I I DONT
BELIEVE
SHOW
TO
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SURE!
You OH,BOY,
HER WHAT
ME! A
PEACW!
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COME
WHERE
DOES
.LIVE?
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THE
STREET
0NT115
CORNER?
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WHAT
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ON
COhNER1JP7NIS
STREET!
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THE
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/ SAY WE
PASSEDaltDNA
CORNERS
WHERE IS
•---'-4"et
: 1 .i
f
1\
Il
III �'
,�-illill,li. i,
DOWN
ARO
THUNDE
CORNER
DoWN
STREET!
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WELL,
IS WHEIT? RE 60
CANT
FURTHER
7OMORRom
WE'RE
END
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UP ON '1'1._
NER,BUTt9E
Go ANY
TILL'
AT THE
OF THIS
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Most Are Happy
We would .do well to bear in
mind that for every war bride who,
is dissatisfied with life in this new
country there may be ' scores who
are very well pleased to be here and
who in ten to remain. Unfortunate-
ly it is of the discontented that we
hear the most.
—Brockville Recorder and Times.
/2 Tigols 50 DRUGSTORES
kl
Sweet and cool in any Pipe
CANADA'S
STANDARD PIPE TOBACCO
17
SAY BILL ..4-I0W
COME YOU DON'T
SEEM TO DOiNG
MUCH FENCING LATELY?OT
I'VE BEEN USING
03/€90SE MY
POSTS ARE NOW
LASTING. 3TO S
TIMES LONG%Zi
SPECIAL
FENCE POST'
MIXTURE
It's true — 80% to 90e; of the
time and money spent on fencing
can be saved by using "Osmose
Special Fence Post Mixture".
Treat the ground line only and
make the whole post last 3 to 5
times longer for 3c to 4c per post.
Any kind of post — Pine --Spru-
ce — Poplar --= Willow or Cedar
can be effectively treated with
this well-known preservative mix-
ture. Over 2,000,000 power
and telephone poles and the
millions:of Farmers' Fence posts
(recited with "Osmose" prove
these facts "Osmose"reallydoes
a lob, even on green wood.
Your dealer con supply you
REG'LAR FELLERS—Backing Him Up
Il-!
HE GOT
AWAY!
HE WA5
A BEAUT Too'- -
HE. MUSTA itECN
FIFTEEN 'NINCHES
,ON6
( WHATCI•IA
GIViN'
AW CWWAN! US ?
AiN'TA PI51.1
h) 711' POND
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TEN INCrES
LOP th• ' '
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By GENE BYRNES
'tee Le.t;iiP
HE PRO$ERLY / TFVE LITTLE o
NAD A L''!t GUY'S RiGHT
TWO Ft BOYS -- f THERE ! +
MINNINCOW! l'M EXACTLY
t4Va INCHES w
I TOLL YA
LONG!
FIG WAS
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