The Seaforth News, 1946-04-25, Page 7� LOST IN FUN
Don't Worry
The head of the house was read-
ing a newspaper article very care-
fully. When he had come to the
end he remarked to his wife: "Do
you know, dear, 1 think there's
something in what this article says
—that the cleverness of the father
often proves a stumbling -block to
the son."
His wife heaved a sigh of relief..
"Well, thank goodness," she
said, "our Bobby won't have any-
thing to fall overt"
Pick Another
The sea was calm and the cap-
tain decided it .would be a good
time to satisfy the cabin boy's de-
sire to take the helm. He pointed
out the North Star to the boy, and
gave him explicit directions to steer
toward it all the time.
For a while everything went
well, but finally the young pilot
got into difficulty. "Captain," he
called "I've passed that star, will
you please come and pick out an-
other?"
Worth Disgrace
He was once the black sheep of
the family.
When he had won success he
presented himself at home again.
He told his father how Fortune
had smiled on him; he was earning
up to 150 a week.
"What—a week?" cried his
father.
A week," was the reply.
"Then come inside," said dad.
"The family can stand a lot of dis-
grace for that"
Verified
Mrs. Jones was very proud of
her son, who showed promise as an
athlete.
"Yes, he must be a very fast
runner," she explained proudly to
s neighbor. "Look at this news-
paper report of the sports yester-
day. It says he fairly burned up
the track.
"And it's quite true," she added,
confidentially. "I went to see the
track this morning, and it's noth-
ing but cinders."
THE SPORTING THING
"Please; No Whistlinpl",
CIose Anyway
"Auntie, were you ever proposed
to?"
"Once, dear, a getleman asked
me to marry him over the tele-
phone, but he had the wrong
number."
Misunderstood
Counsel for the defence was
cross-examining a wil .ess.
"You have accounted for your
movements in the early afternoon
and evening," he said, "so will you
please .tell the Court what you
were doing it. the interim?"
"I didn't go there," replied the
nervous witness. "I was in the
drawing room all the time."
Rather Breezy
The admiral was examining his
youngest officer's knowledge of
nautical matters.
"Suppose, young man," he rap-
peL out, "you were in charge- of
this ship and steaming slowly up
the Ganges when you received a
wireless message reporting a cy-
clone at sea. What would you do?"
The young man, somewhat flus-
tered, stammered: "I—I'd drop an
anchor, sir."
"Supposing you received anoth,.r
message half an hour later that the
cyclone was over Calcutta. What
would you do then?"
"I -I'd drop another anchor,
air."
The admiral Looked far from sat-
isfied.
"But, suppose it was ten times
worse than that, What would you
do?"
The young man strove despair-
ingly to think of something bright.
At last he whispered: "I'd -I'd
drop another anchor, sir."
"Good Heavens!" roared the ad-
miral, "where the deuce do you
get all the anchors?"
"And where the deuce," ,the jun-
Ior officer flung at hint desperate-
iy, "do you get all the wind?"
THIS CURIOUS WORLD
By William Ferguson
(FWE EVER TRAVEL TO THE IIAOON,
WHICH AT ITS NEAREST POSITION IS STILL
221, 000 4/LES ,AWAY... WE'LL
HAVE ATMOSPHERE ONLY POR THE
F'/,wSr ZOO 4.4 ZS./
COPS, 1944 BY Fir.A SERVICE, 111
t<9
v
THE SUFFIX "NKILL7 COMMON IN
EASTERN AMERICAN NAMES,
MEANS WHAT
,t,t /���-MII�S1( /gip
/M1A VLk:JtOS06Vq
/WA/ S 'ne
ONCE WALKED /4.64 Tr7E.eS
INA SINGLE GAME...AND
ONCE WENT 68 /N/1//NGS
WITHOUT WALKINGAA/V/
Y. M. 5E0. 5. e, PAT. OFF
ANSWER.! tt means "creek, river, or• •stream;' In Dutch.'
■
U. S. ADMIRAL -
HORIZONTAL
1 Pictured U. S.
admiral, ---
-,
— Jr. Ff
11 North Amer-
ica (abbr.)
12 Dines.
13 Admit.
19 From.
16 Half an em.
17 Encourage. Y
18 Interdiction. A
19 "Cracker P
State" (abbr.) E
20 Pass.
22 Lesser.
24 Leave out. 45 Ask a ms.
26 Over (poet.). 46 Street (abbr.)
28 Fabulous bird. 97 Toward.
29 Monkey. 98 Entangle.
30 Persian 51 Pound (abbr.)
governor. 53 Rifle.
33 Twisted 55 Either.
worsted yarn. 56 Whirlwind.
36 Upon. 57 Cereal grain.
37 Collar button. 59 South Dakota
39 Servant. (abbr.),
Answer to Previous Puzzle
BARONEs5ORCZY
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40 Us.
41 Alkaline
solution,
93 Self,
49 Age.
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60 Period of
darkness.
62 Rocks.
64 Circular roof.
65 Singing voice.
S
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10 Ascetic.
11 His headquar-
ters are in
— Zealand.
15 Obese.
21 Negative word
23 At this time.
29 Operatic air.
30 He won
victories in
the —
Islands.
31 An
32 Kind of dog.
VERTICAL 33 Vehicle.
1 Decrease. 34 Female sheep.
2 He is one of 35 Tales.
the U. S. 38 Perform.
naval — in 39 Myself.
the Pa.ciflc. 42 Is (Latin).
3 Labrador 45 Morass.
(abbr.). 49 Dry.
4 Article. 50 Festival.
5 Active. 51 Missing.
6 Devastation, 52 Diminish.
7 Affirm. 54 One who uses.
8 Land parcel. 56 Electrical unit
9 His planes 58 2000 pounds.
— to attack 61 Proceed.
Jap ships. 63 Negative.
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VOICE OF THE PRESS
Definition
A boarding house has been de-
fined as a place where hot water
comes out of the cold tap, and
cold water comes out of the hot
tap, and nobody ever comes out' If
the bathroom.
- Peterborough Examiner,
Good News for Stingers
Mosquitoes, bees, sand flies and
just ordinary house and horse flies,
were no doubt delighted with th,:
style announcement that bare mid-
riffs were to be the vogue for
young -ladies at summer resorts.
—St. Thomas Times -Journal.
Smart Fellows
A. Tokyo paper reveals that the
average Jap makes $120 a month
and spends $200, which shows how
darn'd clever those people are at
catching onto the white man's sys-
tem.
—Ottawa Citizen.
Heel Marks
We all make footprints in the
sands of time.' But some leave th
imprint of a great soul, others the
narks of a heel.
—Edmonton Journal.
A Good Rule
Another good rule for motorists
to observe is that pedestrians
should be seen and not hurt.
— Kingston Whig -Standard.
Sure Bet
Ten -foot spinach is prophesied
by an expert grouter in Wyoming.
And even at that height, there
will be sand right to the top of it.
—Windsor Star.
Kurds and Way
The office punster wants to
know more about these Kurds in
Iran, and their whey of life.
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
Wrong Method
You can't straighten out the
guy by hammering at him —that
only flattens him out.
— Edmonton Journal.
Chance for 8,000
We read that 8,000 Ontario,
farms are vacant. And yet "there
are people who say that this is no
longer a land of opportunity. We
should be interested to see what
immigrants from Belgium, Nor-
way and Denmark would do with
those farms.
—Peterborough Examiner.
Kilts Remain
We expected that to happen.
Defence Minister Abbott has an-
nounced that the kilt will continue
to be authorized for walking out
purposes, but that battle -dress will
be used for operational duty; so
the picturesgtte dress will remain
to please all Scots and those who
like it. •
— Niagara Falls Review
Slap Them Into Jail
A• black-market butter dealer in
Montreal was fined $1,000. That is
all very well, but a fine alone is
not enough for those who make
a dirty profit for themselves out
of the butter shortage and obstruct
urficial efforts at even distribution
—Ottawa Journal.
• Keep Them Busy
Judge Juseph \Veering says the
need today is a sane, modern
method of dealing with juvenile
crime. Greater use of the strap
and shorter prison terms ,s'are sug-
gested. The suggestion may be all
right from a prison angle but the
real way to curb juvenile crime is
to start with the parents and then
keep the youtl.s so busy at con-
trolled activities they will not have
time for crime.
— London, Ont., Echo.
Not To Be Caught
The young politician stood flash-
ed 'th pride and happiness as
his fri:ncls gathered about him to
congratulate him upon his nomina-
tion to the state legislature.
"Were you surprised when they
nominated you?" a friend inquired.
"Was I?" exclaimed the not -so -
dumb vote -seeker. "I was so sur-
prised that my acceptance speech
nearly fell out of my hand."
— Wall Street Journal.
Faster Than Nylons
A Newark woman wouldn't
come out of a burning house be-
cause she couldn't find her stock-
ings. The firemen, though, had
plenty of hose, so she was rescued.
— Guelph Mercury,
And Find It
Some men go about looking for
temptation to yield to.
— Brandon Sun,
THP SPOPTING THING
"He just giggles"
TO BE POPULAR as a
hostess, serve Maxwell
House Coffee. It contains
choice Latin-American
coffees ... the finest ob-
tainable. It's blended by
experts with traditional
knowledge and skill.
•`T,T.js 250 DRU STORES
REG'LAR FELLERS—Alarming Symptoms
o
WELL FOR ONCE
YOUR FACE, 1S'
WASHED AND YOUR
CLOTHES ARZE CLEAN!
AND 1 SEE.
YOU'VE PUT YOUR
TOYS AWAY AND
TIOIED UP
YOUR ROOM!
VF4AT? SAY
WHAT GOES
ON HEPL?
By GENE BYRNES
LOOK HIM OVER THOROUGHLY
DOCTOR, AND TELL ME THE. WORs7
IT'S ALL TOO GOOD TO
zQ5.-TRUE.!
HUM`.
POP—Wrong Audience
NbT A 13LIN,GING.
PENNY IN T-1 EF
MILES OF 'JM!
I'M NOT SURP'RIEE17!
By J. MILLAR WATT
THEY DO T4-IEIR CSN!
WHISTLING
I N THIS
FRIGADE i
e 5s5 5051'