HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1946-04-18, Page 7JUST IN FUN
rhrif.v
'Phomas was rather thrifty. On
a visit ti the UnitedStates he de-
cided to s, tr.: a telegram to his
On inquiring at the Dost office
he was to' the charge but that
the sender's name would be free.
"That'° splendi•d," he replied,
'I'm a Red Indian and my name
"Cannacumthemorn Tam,"
His Reason
"Why didn't you marry?" in-
quired the- young man of the old
bachelor.
"Weil, you see," replied the hitch.
elor, "when I was quite young 1
resolved that 1 wouldn't marry un-
til I found the ideal woman. After
atany years 1 found her."
"And then?"
"She was looking for the ideal
man," replied the bachelor, sadly.
Just Like That
Marriage resembles a pair of
shears, so joined that they cannot
be separated; often moving in op-
posite directions; yet always pun-
ishing anyone who comes between
them:
THE SPORTING THING
"Never mind Johnston —
they'll do that at the mill!"
To His Adva.ttage
Two strangers in a first class
compartmen, were in a friendly
conversation. The ,viadows had
been closed by previous occupants,
'and the desultory talk had drifted
to the subject of ventilation.
"I make it," said one, "an invari-
able practice to advise people to
sleep with their bedroom windows
open all the year round."
"Ho, ho!" laughed the other. "It
is easy to see your profession."
"Indeed, and what do you think
it is?"
"It is fairly obvious," came the
re;tly in lofty tones, 'that you're a
doctor."
Not at nit," retorted the first,
very confidentially. "To tell you
the truth, I'm—a burglar!"
Learned His Lesson
The memory expert had been
giving his turn in the village hall.
The audience had not been enthusi-
astic, and the questions asked at
the end of the show really infuri-
ated the man.
When one dear old lady came up
and asked hint to what he attri-
buted his remarkable memory, he
thought it was tints to call it a day.
"Well, madam," he explained,
without a smile, "when 1 was in
the Air Force, I once had to make
a parachute jump from a height
never before attempted. Just as 1
lumped from the 'plane, the pilot
leaned over the side and yelled: '111,
you've forgotten your parachute!'
Believe it or not, madam, that
taught me a lesson, and I've never
forgotten anything since."
1n the Cart
"What's this 1 hear, Bight-1ieu-
tentant? 1Sn told you were so
drunk last night you pushed a
wheelbarrow .through •tlie .native
quarter. Is that the way to keep
op our prestige with these people?"
"You ought to know, sir. You
were in the barrow."
Time Wasted
"This theory of governing child,
ren by appealing to their rens .i
isn't all is utade out to be," said
n worried school-teacnet recently
"A youngster •reeds a little
spanking once in a while.
"One of my little boys had skip•
ped his classes, deceived his moth-
er, been found out, 'and caused
much unhappiness al' round. I
took hint aside, ai,d we had a
heart -to- cart talk. Johnny sat
still, looki,.y at me intently.
"I thought 1 was making great
headway. L never .taw a child who
seemed so absorbed, even fascin-
ated, by my line or argument. But
you can never tell. Just as I had
reached the climax in my appeal
to his better ^elf a light of discov•
ery broke over Johnny's face.
"Please, teacher," Le *said ,ager -
Ry; "it's your lower jaw that
moves, isn't it?"
Hard Luck
Atte: try[]; m- vain 10 get a
house, Brown set out one morning
with a find :-hot .e -or -die look uii
Ids face. I•le 11 utdered about all
day without being successful, till
at last his steps Icd him to the
river.
"Ah i" he said, in utter despair,
"how tewp'iilg it looks1" ,
Suddenly he heard a splash, and
looking round, he saw his friend
Green struggling in the water.
Without attempting .o save him,
he 1esl cd all to the 'local house
agent.
" (,iaick," be gospel. "('seen has
fallen in the rive'. Can 1 have
his house?
Surly, sir said, the house
agent. 1 already let it to the iiia.:
who pushed him in."
Changed
"By Jove," said a stranger at a,
dance, "what a long. and lanky girl
that is over there!"
"Hush," his host whispered. "She
used to be long and lanky — but
nowadays she's tall and stately,
She's just inherited a million."
t5
NOVELIST
HORIZONTAL
1 Pictured
writer, --
1?tphoistery
gimp,
13 Seine,
14 Woody plants.
16 hastened.
17 Sedate.
19 Seasoning,
20 Insurance
(abbr.),
21 Trades, •
23 Lady Literate -
in Arts
(abbr.).
24 Giant king of
Bashan,
25 Numerous,
26 Ooze.
28 Either.
29 Suffer,
31 Permit.
33 Exists.
34 Electrical
term.
36 Oriler of Merit
(abbr.).
37 Symbol for
erbium.
38 Make slower.
40 Landed
15
to
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43
48
53
56
Answer to Previous Puzzle
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property. Barstow.
43 Palm lily. VERRTICAL
44 Street (abbr). 1 Conveys.
45 Alleged force. 2 War god.
46 Compass point .3 Disencumber,
48 Hail! 4 Bone.
50 Daybreak 5 Vestibule.
(comb. form). 6 Chair.
52 Paid notices. 7 Pig pens.
53 Peel. 8 Right (abbr.).
55 Daze. 9 Creditors
56 Nullify. (abbr.)
58 Shop. 10 Ardor.
59 Cringe. 11 Color.
60 Her — is 12 "Buckeye
now Mrs, State."
Montagu 15 Heavenly
body,
17 Sandpapering
machine,
18 Sleeping
visions.
21 Rumanian
coin.
22 Selections
(abbr.).
25 Ship's spars.
27 Supplicate.
30 Cravat.
32 Swedish
weight.
35 South Dakota
(abbr.).
36 Whirlwind.
38 Opponents.
39 Consumed.
41 Spinning toy.
42 Undergo.
43 Narrow fillet
of cotton.
47 Slave.
49 Ireland.
51 'Upon.
52 Small particle.
54 Dutch city.
55 Station
(abbr,).
57 Babylonian
deity.
58 Tin (symbol).
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l VOICE OF
Truth Comes Out
Strange as it may seem, truth.
occasionally pops out at Nazis tes-
tify at Nuernberg. For instance,
1:.s admission that the annihila-
tion of Coventry was deliberately
planned, after all these years of
claims that the bombing resulted
from the planes getting lost trying
tr find another target.
—\Vindsor Star.
Faith in Humanity
In all my travels over the world
I have never Lost hope for the hu-
man race because in the lowest
slums of the big cities and the
hovels of the blighted lands there's
always someone bravely strug•
gling to make a flower grow,
—Detroit Free Press.
Something to Laugh At
Commenting on international
affairs, a London newspaper sug-
gests that the greatest need of the
world today is a revival of laugh-
ter. This opinion seems to he
shared by tttc designers of the
new spring bonnets.
—Toronto Saturday Night.
Situation Worsens
Fewer men are now applying for
farm work than at any time during
the war. In Canada's most essen-
tial industry the labor situation has
worsened,
—Farmers' Advocate.
Hot Stuff
Among the hottest news is the
story froin New York that the
pepper shortage in the United
States may last for years.
—Stratford Beacon -herald,
Classy Robbers
Some bandits show more class
than others. Down in Missouri,
a bank was robbed of $7,000, the
robber going away in the bank
president's car.
—St. Thomas Times -Journal,
Heckle; 1
Accident statistics reveal that
home is the most dangerous of all
places. But with a reckless un-
concern for their own safety, peo-
ple still persist in hunting houses.
Peterborough Examiner.
S :king Secret
Rome newspaper charges Sov-
111 Russia with running an exten-
sive spy service m Italy with the
cooperation of Yugoslavia. Evi-
dently they seek the secret of why
Musso didn't topple front that bal-
cony soon r,
— Windsor Star.
THE PRESS 11
His Annual Fit
With spring styles in the offing
father is due to have bis annual
fit,
—Chatham News.
Aim to Please
"Do you serve prunes?” the
guest asked the waiter. "Ma'am,"
he said, "'we serve anybody.
What'll you have?"
—Ottawa -Citizen.
Reminiscent.
A Japanese volcano, now in
eruption, can be heard twenty
miles away, doubtless reminding
the natives of Tojo in his better
days.
—Edmonton Journal.
Why?
We turned out ships in time of
v r easily but it is impossible to
build houses the same way amid
the distractions of peace.
—Brandon Sun.
Bound to Get You
There's no use. If you make out
your income tax return wrong, you
are in the hands of the law; if you
make it out right, you are in the
hands of the receiver,
—Farmers' Advocate.
The Stalin Way
A man like Stalin, we under-
stand, is so used to getting his
own way that he writes his diary
three weeks in advance.
—Windsor Star.
Mass Production
Three hundred typists art need-
ed in Britain to speed divorces.
Anglophobes will say the British
were always slow on mass produc-
tion.
—Hamilton Spectator.
Or Morel
Harnessing the atomic bomb
will be like putting the saddle on
a hundred million bucking bron-
chos.
—St, Thomas Times -Journal.
Upside Down
Pan lit Nehru potential Indian
Prime Minister, stands on his head
every morning before 'breakfast.
We feel like doing the same when
trying to understand the Iridian
problem.
— Hamilton Spectato.r
Adual-purposeDDT Pow.
der. Mixed with water
one pound makes one
gallon of Barn Spray OR
five gallons of Livestock
Spray in their most effec-
tve form Convenient,
economical and no fire
hazard. 1/2 Ib., 2 lb. cans
eReg'd trademark+
ASK YOUR 1S
DEALER FOR
puit moo
THE SPORTING THING
"His mother was frightened by
a bulldozer!"
4.11.1i0la MON
MUTT AND JEFF— Even at that, it's a good thing the ration book held out,
By BUD FISHER
HO DELIVERY SERVICE
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REG'LAR FELLERS—A Worth•w pile Hardship •
WELL
I'LL (3E —
010 YOU SEE
THIS A.0 IN
114' PAPER.
MOM?
IT SAYS
HERE THAI
iCE. CREAM
15 A HEAL71-1 FOOD,
00 YOU
\. ii'LE,EVi?.
T?LAT?
WHY Y[S—"Ns-
I GUE55 50, 1T3 MADE
Cl= MILK. AND SUGAR
AND EGG5'
By GENE BYRNES
WELL, WHY
DONYCHA PAY ME
T'EAT MOR.E. OF IT
LIKE YOU DO
MY SPINACH,
MOM'.
:3-
nmr- �.n .vm. re„raw.
—�:trznSrs•
POP --The Trench, Colonel; Not Pop!
-11-1 i is SAP
jail A$'PEATiS HEi2E
AND TURNS (Ji,
AGAIN! AT THE
VILLACCC !NIV,
51 !
811/1/55 by. Tbo 11011 ayndlonto,
By BUD FISHER