HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1946-04-11, Page 2HOLD EVERYTHING
"He takes his bath willingly
*ince I started calling it am-
phibious training!"
Unscientific Report
The great scientist scanned the
'.heavens through the huge tele-
scope. He studied his tables and
maps, then he remarked to a col-
league, "It's going to rain!"
"What makes you think so?"
"My corns hurtl"
No Doubt About It
A man was giving some advice
to his son. At the end of a rather
stern lecture, he said: "Now, my
boy, you understand perfectly
what I mean?"
"Yes". replied the boy, "what it
boils down to is this: If I do well
it's because of heredity, and if I
fail it's my own fault",
Naughty
The young husband had just ar-
rived home from the office.
"What's the matter; darling?" he
asked. "You look flustered."
"Oh, I've had a dreadful day,"
bis wife answered. "First baby cut
bis first tooth, then he took his
first step, and then he fell and
knocked out his tooth."
"Well, and then what happen-
ed?" asked her husband,
"Oh, darling," she answered in
a shocked voice, "he said his first
word!"
Plenty of Space
Two Canadian soldiers stopped a
Civil Servant in London. They
pointed to an impressive building
and asked what it was. He told
them it was the Ministry of In-
formation.
I thought the Ministry must be
about that size," said one, " to
atore up all the information they
never give away."
THE SPORTING THING
"Oh, Boy — OOF!"
Hardly Dumb
A Red Indian of considerable
culture was engaged to play a part
ir, a Hollywood film.
One clay, while he was in the
studio awaiting instructions, a film
star approached him with the idea
of showing a little consideration to
"the poor savage."
"Well," he said kindly, "how do
you like our city?" •
"Very well, thank you," replied
the Red Indian; "how do you like
our country?"
Keep It Dark
She was notorious as the village
gossip. There was littre she did not
see or hear, and she knew the inner
history of every resident. One
morning she met the local builder
in the grocer's shop. The builder
remarked to her: "I sasv the nave
in the church this morning.
The gossip nodded her head
gravely, and said: "No need to
mention names — 1 know who you
mean!"
Answered
A doctor who was superintend-
ent of the Sunday School asked
one of the boys this question:
"Willie, will you tell me what
we must do in order to get to
heaven?"
"We must die," said Willie.
"Very true,' replied the doctor.
"but tell me what we 51 ut do be-
fore we die."
'We must get sick," said Willie,
"and send for yon:"
Not At All
One mar, was buying some Meat
1• the hatcher shop \lien another
entered in a great hurry and rudely
interrupted.
"Give me some dog meat, quid:."
he said to the butcher 'l'Iten. turn•
ing to the other 'customar: "i hope
you don't mind my 51,11tnti ill,"
"Not at all." ,aid to, tiller.
:.5 idly "Not if you're- that hungry."
t
SILENT -FILM STAR
8IORIZONTAL
1,5 Pictured
actress,
L
A
Answer to Previous Puzzle 12 Plant.
VRA HOP CRE 13 Lease,
SER 0
A
N
W S 18 Snakes.
E L 19 Having pedal'
O E digits.
S W. 22 Crowns.
25 Gives
T I N . credence,
O 0 27 Direction.
OAT 28 Bustle.
29 Fowl.
32 River barrier.
33 Be indebted.
38 Deaden,
40 Knocks.
42 Makes more
fa . comfortable.
64 Footed vases 44 Diner.
VERTICAL 45 Gossip.
1 Cloak. , 46 Rabbit.
2 Oleum 47 Move.
(comb. form). 48 Scandinavian
3 Pertaining 'mythical king:'
to law. 49 Volume.
4 One (Scot.). 51 Thin.
6 Horse, 52 God of war.
6 Ages. 55 Removed.
7 Sand. - 56 Manuscripts
8 Cut into strips (abbr.).
Inches (abbr.). 59 Near.
10 Spain (abbr.). 61 Tungsten
it Flavor. (abbr.).
Q
A
E
10 She was a NOELS LET -
— in silent E N D i=s
films. N I L i�Q
140n the lee (S T R A N D
side. T E A R "�°` HOPE
15 Island off EDGERS CWS.
Scotland. ,S E E
16 Wan. Al L'VATP0A
17 Limb. STAGE • ARE M
18 opposed to, PATER N E E
20 Male child.
ti
DEER
E
21 Burdens.
23 Standard 42 Australian
(abbr.). b•rd.
24 Group of • 43 Detest.
eight singers. 45 Abyss.
26 Part of mouth 47 Was seated.
27 Withered. 50 Sacred song.
28 Exclamation. 53 Possesses.
30 Like. 54 Lees.
31 Lyric poem. 57 Beverage.
32 Accomplish. 58 Extent.
34 Lifeless. 60 She starred
35 Sketch. in many
36 Upon. silent
37 Half an em. 61 Rip.
39 Three (prefix) 62 Try.
41 Myself, 63 Cooks in hot
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Too Careful
The editor impressed the young
reporter with the dire conse-
quences of making ill-founded
statements. "You can't be too
careful," he said, then sent him to
report a church bazaar.
The sub -editor later on was
handed this bit of copy:
"The bazaar was apparently
opened by a Mrs. Johnson, alleged
to be the wife of Councillor John-
son, commonly supposed to be a
more or less highly esteemed
tradesman of this town. She was
dressed in what some might de-
scribe as fashionable attire, and
wore a hat of nondescript appear-
ance. She was supported on the
platform by a clergyman alleged
to be the vicar of the parish, and
by other reputed ladies and gentle-
men said to belong to the church."
Quite Clear
Having received from his tailor
a bill and a note reading. "Please
remit by return — 51 st notice. Sto-
ney Broke •replied; "Dear Sir, —
I do not remember ordering a • suit
such as you mention. If I did order
it you certainly never made it for
me. If you did make it 1 never got
it. Furthermore, if I got it 1 must
have paid for it. And if I didn't, I
I can't."
5
Poor Workmanship
The small boy went into the
lounge to see a visitor who was
with his father.
"Well, my little man," said his
father's friend, "why are you look-
ing at nye so hard?"
"Why," replied the boy, "Daddy
told inc you were a self-made man,
and 1 wanted to see what you look
like,"
"Quite right," said the gratified
guest, "I am a self-made man."
'But why did you make yourself
like that?" said the boy with sur-
prise.
ofraEFi_VOE10E
PRESS —•
BRITAIN'S ONLY COURSE
From a New York editorial:
"With het back to the wall, Bri-
tain's lot is a hard one. on the one
hand she is opposed by Russian
communism, and on the other by
American capitalism." Which just'
about leaves her the sante old way
to travel. namely, forward,
—Toronto Saturday Night
TOO STRONG A FOE
Operation Muskox, planned to
demonstrate that man with mod-
ern equipment can conquer Arctic
weather, is succeeding in its pur-
pose, except on those days when
it is held up by weather.
-Windsor Star
BARELY COVERS 'EM
Nylons are now said to be 011
many "receptive" legs. That is to
say, on fat, lean, straight, warped,
shapely and "otherwise". legs—
covering, with sheet loveliness, a
multitude of shins.
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
DREAM CAR
Without steel, it seems, Detroit
can turn out no cars. What ever
became of the wonder vehicle
which was to be constructed en-
tirely of soybeans, and other for-
eign matter?
—Detroit News.
STILL FIGHTING
The war is over now in most
parts of the world except for some
fighting.
—Quebec Chronicle Telegraph
TOO EASY
A psychologist suggests that it is
possible to reduce weight by mental
concentration. Wishful shrinking,
this . is called.—Peterborough Ex-
aminer.
IF EVER
That good time that is coming,
now that the war is over, looks as
if it will be a good time coming,
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
SELF-DEFENSE
"Cops picked up a vagrant wear-
ing seven shirts, four pair of pants
and three overcoats." That was
no "vag"—just an average citizen
protecting himself from his wife's
yen for giving his wardrobe away.
—Ottawa Citizen.
TOO GENERAL IDEA -
Apparently the contention is that
everybody should get ' more for
what he produces and pay less for
what he consumes.—Brandon $un,
YOUR MOVE
The greatest trouble with a
checkered career is that it's, always
your move.
—Kitchener Record.
12 Tocr' 250 DRUGSTORES
Sweet and cool in any Pipe
1)
CANADA'S I l
STANDARD PIPE TOBACCO
IID
"But Murgatroyd— you don't have to wait until morning
before you eat your crisp delicious Grape -Nuts Flakes."
"I don't? Then pull up a cake of ice "Two grains — wheat and malted
and we'll sit down to a couple of bowl- barley—are the double-barreled usa-
fuls of these malty -rich, honey- son for that Grape -Nuts Flakes good -
golden Post's Grape -Nuts Flakes!" ness. They're specially blended. baked.
"Son, you'll be able to wrestle a wal- and toasted for golden -brown, de-
rus on all that grand nourishment in licious crispness and easy digestion."
Grape -Nuts Flakes: carbohydrates "I'm going to fill up the sled with
for energy; proteins for muscle; phos- some giant economy packages of
phorus for teeth and bones; iron for Grape -Nuts Flakes next time we're
the blood; and other food essentials." down at the trading post!"
MUTT AND JEFF — AS FOR THIS ONE, NO CROSS EXAMINATION PLEASE By BUD FISHER
rLLTEACHYouTHE V_
ALPHABET IF rr'STHE =
LAST THING I DO NOW
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REG'LAR FELLERS — Very Practical Arithmetic
M4 WORD !
ONLY FIVE BANANAS
LEFT OUT OF A
DOZEN? WHAT
BECAME OF
THEM ?
HERE. IT I5 -
HOW MUCH 15
SEVEN
BANANAS
FROM TWELVE
ESFlNANA$--
WELL'- WELL—
MY LITTLE.
MATHEMATICIAM:-
By GENE BYRNES
LETS'SEEE:, NOW FIGURE
TvlO TABLESPOONS OF
CASTOR OIL FROf11
ONE f 't
'YOU'RE,. AT IT HiLfc
Qt,:sisi MOM
d
pl(iTeAl:
TPOI
POP — Long Tail
By J. MILLAR WATT
CLOSE UP
TO THE
k1 ECK
.1nel,anan 1 the 11n11 a,4,Qlsnse. Ins