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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1946-03-28, Page 2JUST IN FUN 11 Five-In-One Late one afternoon an insurance agent secured admittance to the office of a big business man by dint of perserverance. "You • ought to feel flattered, young man," said the business man. "Do you know, I have al- ready refused to see five insurance agents today "Yes, I know," replied the 'agent, "1 m all of them." Up To Him Hubby: "Isn't dinner ready yet? I have a goad mind to go to a restaurant." Wife: "Well, please wait ten minutes." Hubby: "Will dinner be ready then?" Wife: "No, but in ten minutes I can change my dress and go with you," Well -Sr -sea An . English manufacturer of motor can tires was the speaker at a businessmen's luncheon. In response to a toast he said: "I have no desire or intention to inflict upon you a long speech, for it is well known in our trade that the longer the spoke, the big- ger the tire." Not Accepted The tall, long-haired youth en- tered the music publisher's office carrying under his arm a small roll of paper. "Good afternoon 1• said the pub- lisher. "What can I do for you?" The youth looked nervous. "1We11--er—I have a song here," he began, "and I was wondering if you would publish it. Er—shall I sing it?" Oh, yes, let's hear itl" said t publisher; and the youth stood up and burst forth, • When the song was finished the publisher sat very still and said nothing. "Well," asked the young man, 'what do I get for it?" "Oh," replied the publisher, with an air of resignation, "I'm a pub- lisher. not a magistrate!" Fire Fighter Staying at a boarding house was a man not noted for his early ris- ing. One morning about six o'clock he surprised the landlady by walk- ing into the kitchen in his dressing gown. a small medicine glass in his hand. He asked for some water. She filled the glass and he returned to his room. Three minutes later he returned, still yawning, with the same glass and the sante request, and five mirutes later he again askd her to fill the glass. "Whatever is the matter?" in- quired the landaldy. "Aren't you well?" The young man yawned.. "I'ni all right, but my — my room's on fire." Still Undecided For more than an hour, the can- didate for the Legislature had dili- gently sawed wood in his quest for the rural young widow's vote. Now she came from the house, smiling her approval, as he mopped pers- piration from his brow. "I declare," she *air, "I don't know who to vote for—you or Mr. Billings. Why, right now, he's in the kitchen ch Inning." THE SPORTING THING "Never mind Johnston-- they'll ohnston—they'll do that at the mill!" NHyME$ "He just giggles" Two 2onclusions were group of workmen we e dis- cussing the evolution and origin of man. One of the party remained silent, wlien a companion turned to him and demaudec' his opinion. "I ain't goin' to say," he replied doggedly, "I remember as 'ow Henry Green and m. thrashed that out once before ar,d it's settled as far as I'm concerned. "But what conclusion did you come to?" "Well," he said, slowly, "we didn't arrive a' the •same conclu- sion—no, we didn't. Henry ar- rived at the 'orspital an' me at the police station." Some Chicken ,— 'rhe landlady glanced round the table at her twelve hungry board- ers before starting to carve the rather' sad -looking chicken. In rapid succession she asked each which part of the fowl he preferred. Ten o, then, decided on legs. The carver Cropped her knife with a clatter on the dish. "What do you imagine this is?" she said sarcastically, pointing to the chicken. "A centipede, or what?" '. "Oh, no," replied the boarder who had been served. "Judging by the piece of neck I've got, I should imagine it was a giraffe." MOVIE ACTRESS ■ HORIZONTAL 1,7 pictured movie actress. 10 Heavy barge. 11 Neither. 12 Baseball stick. 14 Request. 18 Breezy. 17 Fact, 19 Singing voice. 20 Frozen water. 22 Period. 24 Hearing organ 25 Music note, 26 Turn toward east. 30 Symbol for titanium. 31 Kind of finch. 33 Reluctant. 35 Mother. 313 Like, 38 Behold! 39 Therefore. 40 Flight. 42 Sorceress. 44 Any. 45 Catch. 47 From, Answer to Previous Puzzle OLIN ;IMO©o©l0 MAROIDAWUMBULIN 000 �©®lwl{,r�ooia"'�oo© ©00©© sNalitriiinagRUS 0© oma -i SOUTH ooc?o DAKOTA ©® ©C i00 t0 DUB ®ofitli=o®M©oo© 111i4©12102!©01©®07.4 p000flA©©nf-ii® 49 Courts (abbr.) 51 "Pelican State" (abbr.). 52 Unit, 53 Excursion, 54 Buzz. 55 Fondle. 56 Rested. 57 Spread for drying. 58 Employ. 59 Spanish dollar 60 Half an em. 9 Property. 10 She has long 13 Part of "be." 15 African bustard, 18 2000 pounds. 21 Three (prefix) 23 Dined. 26 Kind, of plant. 27 Not suitable. 28 Acknowledge. 29 Formerly. • 32 Type measures. 34 Jurisdiction. 27 Sequester: 40 Ensnare. 41 Endeavor. .43,Tust. '44 She --- In screen plays. 46 Meat, 48 Festival. 50 Location. 52 Musical composition. 54 Him. 57 Toward, 61 St •eet (abbr.). VERTICAL 1 Utters. 2 Itineration. 3 Upon. 4 Slight bow. 5 Turkish decree. 6 Headland. 7 Lieutenant (abbr.). 8 Cabbage variety. 3 I4 IS 6' ' '% 8 9 1p OH,YEAH? WELL, LEi'S HEAR Wli!n YOU KNOW! _ ,4 _ k I 1 ,I7A/i• /....-1. t� is ',.,;-z,-,.,.0Af` ALL RIGHT! ETFOCB lANL'MNXUY ZAKSVH r3 WHERE DIDYOU� EVER LEARN AN ALPHABET LIKE THATp '02414 WELL,TNAT ISI KNOW BUT MOST IT! � _„..„ DON'T 1T ALL I KNOW Of B 15. IC _ PDWRGIJQ WHEN I HAD MY �$q>lifj i r}l.`�j1-• 17 fl�il '4i4drr , ....o,.,.. 18 pI' 'i`, f i9 20 7o1 at Mat .70y VA 23 04 it 24 25 Ax� ,i 1,4 26 27 28 25 ?,k, Ri 30 44 49 53 31 32 3J• 35 ea i 45 so 36 37 41 4,4 lea4 4s 54 56 i,gArg7 __IT 51 38 39 741747 43 47 48 52 55 58 61 II (VOICE OF THE PRESS y ASKING FOR IT These Canadians who are sug- gesting that they will marry Jap- anese women in order to save them from deportation deserve just what they get. — Windsor Star. EXCLUSIVE The Soviet Embassy is the only diplomatic establishment in Wash- ington which does s of employ any United States citizens as household help. - Newsweek. REQUIRED SOON Radar should be used at the time of spring' house cleaning to prevent husbands entering dark rooms and sitting down where tin., chesterfield used to be. — Braindon Sun. NOW WE KNOW Clothing manufacturers report that lack of pants is holding 1p men's suit. Ant: we always • filo-light it was the pan s that need- ed holding tip. — Christian Science Monitor. APPLIES TO ALL This call (for greater produc- tion) not oily applies to the farm- ers of (Mario, bu. also to the tuwnspeopie. Back garch.ns that hitherto have supplied but a few vegetables during the summer must now be made to produce more. than ever before. The camp- aign for more prr duction can , be helped by almost everyone in city or country, and the question is; What arc we going to do about it: --Chatham News. WATCH FOR 1T NEXT WEEK A NEW FEATURE SPOTS OF SPORTS By FRANK MANN HARRIS ("SIXBITS") ]FILA 3sc InAERIS—better known In *porta circles as 'The Six Dit Critic', — at one time conducted columns of rport- ing comment 111 The Toronto Daily Star and The Star Weekly, Morn In Teeswater, Ont., more years ago than he cares to admit, Harris has agent most of his life In Toronto where he was In the book publishing business for n considerable time before taking to a.rlting professionally, "Slxblte„ has had many short ',torten published In the Saturday Evening Post, MacLean** and other well-known magazines. MACDONALD'S BIER SlcatriGha Adze 5o SALVATION FOR FOES Already the United States Is crnteanplltmg making a loan to Germany. It invariably costs us about as much to save an enemy after we lick aim a. it does to lick hind. ` St. Louis Star -Times, NOT CONVINCING At the presrnt juncture, there's added point in the maxim that it takes niore than sweeping state- ments to clean things up. Stratford Beacon -Herald. SUPER VALUAB.E In Bombay the Aga Khan is held to be worth his weight in dia- monds. Here we should use butter, if we could get 243 pounds of it: Ottawa Journal. EASE PAIN' OF COLDS, SORE THROATS FAST! It's ready to go to work in 2 seconds See for yourself how quickly Aspirin acts1 Drop one in a glass of water and "clock" it. Within two seconds, it will start to disintegrate. It does the same when you take it. As a result, it provides relief with remark- able speed. Get Aspirin today. The "Bayer" cross on each tablet is your guarantee that it's Aspirin. ASPIRIN. NOW—New Low Prices! Pocket box of 12s'. . only l8e Economy bottle of 24 . . only 29e Family size of 100 ... only 79c THE SPORTING THING U8 BBY SQUAD' d "You and your feathered friends!" MUTT AND JEFF — IS THIS A CASE OF VISIBILITY OR UNVISIBILITY? By BUD FISHER You PooR SIMP! VOL) DON'T KNOW THE ALPHABET! OH,YEAH? WELL, LEi'S HEAR Wli!n YOU KNOW! _ ,4 _ k I WHATS fl EVCOME SENSE?NOBODY CAN HEAR ME ANYHOW! THiS AIN'T A SOUND PICTURE! 1' 1_ y' ewy f f'`111 /....-1. t� ON! QUtf $TALLIH'. *SAY WHAT YOU,I< OW! ALL RIGHT! ETFOCB lANL'MNXUY ZAKSVH >. f WHERE DIDYOU� EVER LEARN AN ALPHABET LIKE THATp 1 LET'S HEAR YOU RECITE ITT �6 LL ,.. — �... rf,Yl✓!- WELL,TNAT ISI KNOW BUT MOST IT! � _„..„ DON'T 1T ALL I KNOW Of B - I I KNOW , i. �" ALPHABET! '. I - ,., DO Too, THE �01.; _ , �t Ift- _ PDWRGIJQ WHEN I HAD MY C (p .21 .-..er •. M ��:-✓ �/ 1y i .. EYES TESTED AT _ .. _THE DRUG STORE _ � , OPTICIANS INC VA e. am, Tx5 e L --r: .... 4. 011 fl�il '4i4drr , ....o,.,.. REG'LAR FELLERS — Too Much Relativity I KNOW 1 DON'T NEED A EVER. MAN BUT TH' GUYS A RELATIVE OF MINE. --I HADDA GIVE HIM A JOB' ME, KETCH! �._. e4g AV THINK ILL MOSEY OVER 7' TH' CLUB A WHILE --WATCH TH' WORKS WHILE. I'Nl GONa,BOYS! CLEAVE IT ff (- wow! WHAT Busuies5! WHERE)•TH' CUSTOMERS COME FRONy? CUSTOMERS MY EYE! iI By GENE BYRNES THEY'RE ALL WORKIN' FOR. YA- - THEY'RE YOUR. RELATIVE'S RELATIVES .AN' THEIR RELATIVES! IV.e. s.i.' .',Mu ,.,,e.1, POP — It Is I'M USED TO SLEEPING IW A BED TEM 'FEET LOIJG BY SI)<' FEET WIDE 1 By J. MILLAR WATT