HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1946-01-31, Page 6HOLD
EVERYTHING
'He says he's a bigarrrist and
he wants two furloughs!"
From Missouri
A doctor's telephone rang one
night, awakening him from fitful
slumber. It was one of his regular
patients, a man in a wild state of
alarm.
"My wife, doctor," he shouted.
"It's her appendix. You'd better
come round and see her at once."
The doctor sighed and told the
man to go back to bed.
"Give her some bicarbonate and
.ginger ale, a.id I'll look in tomor-
row," he said. "She hasn't got ap-
pendicitis."
The husband became even wild-
er, insisting that she did have ap-
pendicitis,
"Well! she can't have!" the doc-
tor shouted. I took her appendix
out three years ago, and I never
heard of anyone having two ap-
pendixes."
"Ever heard of anybody having
two wives?" the pian asked, bit-
terly,
THE SPORTING THING
"I wish you'd be more careful
where you put your head!"
Scores
A well-known bishop was just
home in England after a long stay
at one of our distant colonies.
Broad in mind as well as physique
he was strolling round the crowded
London streets. Suddenly out of
the sea of faces he recognized a
friend of many years past. He
stopped in front of him and put
out his hand. The friend looked
puzzled and said:
"Where in hell have 1 met you
before—"
The bishop, equal to the occa-
sion, and in no wise disconcerted
by the tactless remark, asked
good-naturedly:
"Let me sce—cr—what part of
hell do you come frau?"
THE SPORTING THING
"In summer he chases
ambulances!"
Barometer Was Right
A man on the coast of Florida
wrote to a New York store for a
barometer. When it arrived he
unpacked it and discovered that
the instrument was set at "Hurri-
cane."
He tapped it, and it did not
budge. He hung it on the wall,
tapped it again, and still it did
not budge.
Very angry, he wrote a strong
,letter to the store, and then went
out topost it.
When he returned his house as
well as the new barometer had
been blown away.
Bright
An ambitious young man heard
of the death of the junior partner
of a big firm. Being full of self-
confidence, he hurried to the -of-
flces of the firm whose senior part
per was a friend of his father's.
"How about my taking your
partner's place," he asked.
"Excellentl" ; said the senior
artner. "1f you can fix things with
the; undertaker."
El
HEIRESS
HORIZONTAL
1 Pictured
heiress, --
13 Biblical
mountain.
14 Satisfy,
15 Eternally.
16 Direction,
17 Electrical
term.
19 Babylonian
deity.
20 Cereal grass.
23 Rupees
(abbr.).
24 Size of shot.
26 Rebel
(colloq.),
28 Deviate.
31 Town (Cor-
nish prefix).
32,34 Sheds the
wife of ---
-, movie
actor.
85 Kite end.
38 Type of rib in
Gothic
vaulting.
88 Aggregates.
40 Copper coins.
41 Shoots.
Answer to Previous Puzzle
17 Unit of energy
Cars of
s.
ons
G
AMAFIE
URGE
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SANDERS
20
21
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27 Pick
29 Inflt
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E GOdRIDAM
AIL
• GONDOLA
RE
I G
as
NS 31 0Cea.
43 Before.
44 Postscript
(abbr.).
45 Call for help
at sea.
46 Like.
47 Dry.
48 Mine. 7 Horsepower
50 French article. (abbr.).
51 Sound. 8 Rubber tree,
52 Footlike part. 9 Drops of eye
54 Air raid fluid.
warning 10 Scottish
device. drinking cup.
55 Den. 11 Hops' kiln.
57 Vigilant. 12 Symbol for
58 Sea eagle. neon.
tellation.
as
ars,
husband
born in
England.
al quince.
le.
=atom?.
e.
e bone.
VERTICAL 33 Longing
1 Soul (Egypt), (slang).
2 Exist. 35 Philippine
3 Storm. peasant.
4 Staff of life. 37 That which
5 Swiss river. ripens.
6•Right (abbr,), 39 Tread
underfoot.
40 Vegetable,
42 Compass point
47 Painful.
49 12 months.
51 Sesame.
53 Transgression.
54 Symbol for
samarium.
56 Music note.
2
3
4
s
7
e
9
to
12
Nrpi
14
Ig
i/
18
19
'33
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20
21
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58
49
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53
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56
31
Hearts of Oak
"Hallo!" said Mrs. Jones to Mrs.
Higgins when they met in the fish
queue. "How's your old man? He
didn't 'alf put on weight in the
Navy, didn't he?"
"Oh, he's been doin' reducin' ex-
ercises since then," said Mrs, Hig-
gins.
"Well 1 never l" replied Mrs.
Jones. "How's he doin'?"
"You'd be surprised," said Mrs.
Higgins. "The battleship that was
tattooed on 'is chest is now only
a rowing boat!" '
Keeping It Confidential
When the Colonel came into
the room he found Corporal Mur-
phy seated, repding a letter, with
Private O'Shea standing behind
him, his hands over Murphy's
ears.
"What's this horseplay?" de-
manded the colonel.
"It'S this way, sor," explained
the corporal, "O'Shea, here, gets
a letter from his gurrel. Bein''he
can't read he lets me read it to
him, but stops my ears so I can't
hear what she writes to him. That's
how it was, sor."
FUNNY BUSINESS
By I-lershb6rger
\a �ts?`9?:41�'�1 �i Amen+1�``��jb� ���3,�?R"�,,7i
'.i',y(y,1 \ 1. 0., .�i,`s>tly,sa�6,4y11ij»?;si1iP
•
''',V41/01::.•
`econeiu
/' --- -R-
7014
LIS knizs
e€C-U.3 cc eme,, J a4.4�/,N1% 7.0,0 18E c1Y�.P
"He's a dyed-in-the-wool sailor, sir!"
SIDE GLANCES
r
By Galbraith
CCPe. t'
HEA 5184ICE. INC. T.1/1. PEC. V. 8. PAT. W.
"Since he's retired he's always worrying about some-
thing—during the war it was the invasion, and now he's
following three different serials!"
MUTT AND JEFF — You know the Old Expression "Oh the Lucky Dog" By Bud Fisher
I SAIDTAKE _
-THE DOG OU7r
YES! AIR! AIR!
TAKE HIM OUT
ER '
`•"'fie :
DID `o TAKE YES, I Tool'
THE DOG OUT HIM DOWNTO
?
'BUT i COULDN'T
GET NIM TO
FoR SOME -
WHAT? AIR!
rR1R4' FOR3G E AIR!
to_ R!
Jit -
FOR SOME THE FILLING
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r1�14' IN HIS MOUTH'
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And Worth. It. '
A Kansas City man' visited his
bankel the other day and asked:
"Are you worried about whether
I can meet my vote next month?"
"Yes, 1 am," ' confessed the..,,:
banker.
"Gooc,111'1', said the client, "that'.
what paying you: six percent
for."
• Tes Loving Them
A man who was keen on hie
garden was justifiably proud: of
his lawn. But one year the lawn
had a heavy crop of dandelions.
He tried everytliing he had ever
heard of to get rid of them, but
without success.
At 1a.st he wrote to the Minis-
try of Agriculture. He gave a list
of all the remedies he had tried,
and ended his epistle 'with "What
shall 1 do now?"
In due course carie a reply:
"We suggest you learn to love
then."
When: your BACK
ACHES...
Backache is often caused by lazy kidney
action. When kidneys get out of order excess
acids and poisons remain in the system. Than
backache, headache, rheumatic pain, dis.'
tutted rent or that `tired out' feeling may
soon follow. To help keep your kidneys '
working properly—use Dodd's Kidney Pills.
Time -tested popular, safe, non -habit-form-
ing. Demand Dodd's Kidney Pills, in the blue
box with the r" ed band. Sold everiwhere. 138
EASE
PAIN
OF COLDS, SQRE THROATS
FAST!
Take ASPIRIN
It's ready to
go to work. in
2 seconds
See for yourself how quickly Aspirin
acts! Drop one in a glass of water
and "clock" it. Within two seconds,'
it will start to disintegrate. It does
the same when you take it. As a
result, it provides relief with remark-
able speed. Get Aspirin today. The
"Bayer" cross on
each tablet is your
guarantee that it's
Aspirin.
flSPlR 1111
NOW—New Low Prices!
Pocket box of 12s .. only 18e
Economy bollle of 24• . . only2911
Family size of 100 ... only790
REG'L.A 11 FELLERS-1-lore—Second Class _
-- AN' TH' LITTLE
DUTc1.1 SOY HELD H18
FINGER IN 114' LEAK
IN 114' DOGE' UNTIL TH'
DANGER WAS ALL OVER!
IF 1 KNOW THAT 16110 • 1 GE1CNA --
HE'L'L TrN T' IMITATE YCD T,S
TH' 130Y IN 7N' STORY, USN' THE
IF 145 HASTA WALK
T' BOULDER DAM DRAINS
T' DO IT! ALL RIGHT!
By Gene Byrnes
A LEAK IN 114' DIKE
LEAK 1N TH' DIKE/
I'M A DUTC14 50Y/
LIEYI
THIS WATER
TROUGH EPE
190 THE
CONVENIENCE
07 HORSES.
�i
13Y
THE THE.�A S. P C.A
POP—Barrier's Down
3 COULD LEN D
YOU A
FIVSR.
BUT LENDIM& MONEY
44 ONLY BREAKS
FRIENDSHIP
•
By J", Millar Watt
OH, WELL. ! WE'
NEVER. WERE
VERY POOD
FRIENDS I
•
18elecied.,1,y The 1411 afnd1na10.:lo ,