HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1930-05-29, Page 3Qwl Laffs
Helen—"My hair has lots of elec-
tricity."
lecttticity."
Clara:—'It ought td have. It's cou-
neeted.to a dry •cell."
Its 'very likely that cold suppers
bause-more divorces than cooling loge,
Girl' you're going to
.
New York? And where are you boys
stopping?' •
Traveling Man"— "Listen, baby!''
'when we go to. New York we stop at
nothing,!
"I always like to have somebody in
the ,hack seat with my wife when; We
go fora ride. It takes her mind, off
the' driving.'!
Mrs. Maul "I saw your husband
yesterday but lte didn't see .me."
Mrs', Saul—"So he• told .me."
But How Temporary
If happlabse exists,
I've found it=
A hall a mince' Pie
.With 'a boy around it.
It's easy enough to serve a drink in
an illegal place.! The Mara part is•
carving the term that gees with It.
A lady had lost her husband, and
had given instrtietioue tothe. stone,
.mason as to the•wording on the tomb -:I
stone; the ending to be "Rost in
Peace." In' the meantime her late.,
husband's will disclosed the fact that:
she had been shabbily treated. I
She rushed to the stone mason. and'
told him to' omit the wdids "Rest in
Peace." • • . . i
Mason= '.'I'm sorry, but they have
already been carved." . I
Lady—"Very well, then add, 'Until
We Meet Again._
They had tomakeskirts longer or
they wouldn't have been skirts any
,,.longer. . �.
you've 'Probablynoticed that all
the bargains are in things you neither!
need. nor want.
Tough little Frank was visiting a
seacoast town and one day on the
beach an old 'salt said kindly: "These
here are fish: nets. Know how we
make. them?"
Frank—"Sure, easy, You just take'
a lot of holes and sew them together:".
Asked if he was starling, a new fad
by walking down street carrying a
handkerchief in hIs hand, a man . re-
plied: "Heck, no, that's not a hand-
kerehief. It's my wife's 'dress I ani
taking to the cleaner."
Kindness and courtesy wquld be
seen oftener ifsome people didn't mis-
take the former for weakness and the
latter for cowardice,
Ben—"I think it is goigg to rain be-
fore night.
Bill—"Gosh, I hope not. I want to
water` my garden."
Many a town w- hich has no zoo
boasts of a social lion,' a white ole•
tihant, a half dozen queer birds and
three or four blind Pigs.
'The doctor wino examined me the
other day said I ought to pack up and
go some place where it is warmer,"
"I've been told to go there many
times before in much fewer words,"
It's embarrassing to admit you've
• never been offered money for your
picture and a testimonial,
An ice cream manufacturer adver-
tised that he would •give a cone free
to every boy who called,att the plant
and brought along his dog. One dog
was reported near collapse after as-
. slating all the boys in one neighbor-
hood to obtain their cones,'
Gladys—"Unde- rneath it all I'm real-
ly au old-fashioned girl!"
George—"Cosh, you wear bloom=
Sleep is.nevor so sweet as on morn-
ings you
orn-ings'you have to get up early and go
to work.,
India and the Empire
Bombay Times of India; The notion
that India would by giving preference
to some other part of the Empire!
merely be doing a good turn to some -I
one who perhaps never did her a good
turn is fallacious. The Empire is a
collection of nations held together not
only ,by sentiment but by considera-
tions of their own advantage. That is
how India should 'regard her position
as an integral part of it. Directly she
does so she will perceive flow friendly
business, bargaining between her and
other Donunions is a matter .to be re-
garded both directly and indirectly in
her interest, because it is in the in-
terest', of•tlte British League of Na-
tions whose strength and her's are
bound up together.
CAT WHIPPING
Among the . many customs which
were observed until9 uite recent tithes
in England, there was one particularly
cruel one that of whipping in :a cal to
death at Shrovetide. 'I appears to
It. apps s
have been popular in one Midland vil-
lage 'especially,
il-lage'especially, that of Albrighton, in
Shropshire.
I ata sure 'no nation can be great
which isnot religious.—Clara Butt.
L
I��ductio� ire
Prices of
ED Ros
TEA
Effective Imrnediat y
er ound reduction on 'RED LABEL
150 p
FLACK acid MIMED TEAS.
scper trugnd reduction on RED LABEL
GREEN SEA.
C, per pound reduction on RED ROSE
9 ORANGE PEKOE.
All Grocers are authorized to sell their present
stock at these reductions. We recoup them for
their loss.
T. H. ESTASROOKS CO. Limited
TORONTO, ONTARIO
The horse. is man's best friend un- ' . Lacking Somewhere 1 Flemberd to His Son
til he bets on him. • Buttons are plenty, and thread is •
cheap, •
'lSoSkinny3hamed
In Bathing Suit.
f Cai aged 15 Lbs.'
"Gained 15 lbs. tak-
ing Ironlzed Yeast.
Was always ashamed
to wear bathing suit
but now I can and not
feel too skinny." —
Eulah '.Lanningham.
Thousands write of 5. to 15 lbs.
gained in 3 weeks with Ironized
Yeast. Bony limbs round out. Ugly
hollows 1111 In. Blemished skiff .gets
clear and rosy like retie, Nervous-
ness, indigestion, constipation GIMP -
Pear overnight, Sound sleep. New
health and pep from very first day.
Two great tonics is one—special.
weight -building Malt Yeast and
strengthening Iron. Pleasant, little
tablets. Par stronger than unmedi-
cated yeast. Results in i/2 time,
Se quit being ashamed of "skinnt-
ness," sallow skin. Get Ironized
Yeast from druggist today. Feel
great tomorrow. Money back from
manufacturer if not delighted with
quick results.
Yet bachelors look forlorn,
Because they lack tile skill or the
knack.
Or woman to sew them on.
Passenger—"Have I time • to say
goodbye to my wife?" Conductor—
"I don't know, sir. IIow long have
you'been married?"
Nurses Wanted
The Toronto Hospital for Incurables,
in affiliation with Bellevue and Allard
Hospitals, New lock City, offers a Three
Year's Course of Training to Young
Women, staving the required education,
and desirohs of becoming. nurses. This
Hospital has adopted tate eight-hour
system. The pupils receive uniforms of
the School, a monthly allowance and
travelnug expenses to and. from New
York. For further particulars write or
apply to the Superintendent.
NO
MO
R�ECZ
E INS;'.
Itching Ends in 1 Minute
r'Had eczema for months. Single application of
'Soothe -Salve' ended itch and burn int minute.
'bos ended disease for good." Jane. Paula.
"Soothe -Salve ends Eczema quickest time ever
known. Itching stos, Instantly. All druggists.
•
0
dee
64.NutNf
• PHILLIPS
Os'4o0tlAelv4..0
For Troubles
due to Acid
INDIGESTION
ACID STOMACH
HEARTBURN
HEADACHE
GASES•NAUSE A
Reduce
the Aci
Sick stomachs, sour stomachs and
indigestion usually mean excess acid.
The stomach nerves are over -stimu-
lated. Too much acid makes the stom-
ach and intestines sou'.
Alkali kills acid ins antly. The best
form is Phillipk' Milk of Magnesia, be-
c`ause one harmless, tasteless dose
neutralizes many times its volume in
acid. Since its invention, 50 years
ago, it has' remained the standard
with physicians everywhere.
By D. P. Graham, aged 12.
"Do you hear. the call
Of Valkyries from the hall?
Oh, the gods have sent for thee;
Conte thou warrior to the free..
Odin, Thor, and Tiu aro calling;
.Come and follow! rove and roans;
Brave the waters, go to Shale,
There Valkyries take thee home.
Go sea -hiking, like a Viking,
Roaming, rolling, roving free
Riding, gliding o'er the sea;
Ride thee, glide thee,
Polling like a Viking o'er the sea.
"Go thee to cold Shtde, to Mulla—
The gods wilt call thee to 'Valhalla;
Markland, He'luland, and Vinland
Shall see thee, niy brace son Mirand.
Only Vikings brave and true
Are'in'the sagas here remembered;
Think of Beowulf, of Tiu, —
These are mentioned, not like Flem-
herd. '
Flemberd was a coward; thou
I Would do better, 0, my son,
To turn towards Beowulf thy prow,
And then follow, follow on.
Go thou rolling, go sea -hiking,
Roaming, roving like a Viking.
"Fear not, son! Be not like I;
Go thou to the sea and die;
Die in battle or at sea,
But= remember Flambed, me."
Then the 'Norseman breathed his last,
Fell upon his couch and died;
And Mirand forgot his past,
Tried rouse his mother's pride.
All his hamlet kept the advice
Of old Flemberd to itis son,
Turned their prows to Beowulf,
And then followed on and on.
And Mirand cried anon, sea -hiking:;
"Now I'm dying' like a Viking."
Take a spoonful in water and your
unhappy condition will probably end
in five minutes. Then you will always
know what to do. Crude and harmful
methods will never appeal to you. Go,
prove this for your ownsako. It may
save a great many disagreeable hours.
Be sure' to get the genuine Phillips'
Mille of Magnesia prescribed by physi-
clans for 50 years in correcting excess
acids. Bach bottle contains fall direc-
tions—any drugstore. •
-
'1
APPLICATIONS APPLICATIONS
Are'Filled As Far
'As Poesiblb in the
Order In Which'
They Are
Received.
ONTARIO
DEPARTMENT
OF AGRICULTURE
Farm Help Supplied
The Colonization and Immigration Branch o the
Departihent of A)lriculture for Ontario w111 hall a'failable t(il'
number qt nicoppleneeci Married Men With '!heir Wive
an Fam.ti_9s .Married Ooupies Without Children
Ai'eo Single Men.
p ,
'a re
a da�6���liagii@@
e6 t b
mW[A
a_
Dapmu
te o
q
eo. A. Elliott
DlrSrbajlao e o o l etch
r� �II.
Toronto.OnL
Offering Annual
Work Are
Invariably
Given the
Preference.
Filo Your
Applloatton
at once
All Men
Planed Subject
to Trial Period
P HON.•JOIjN 3. 1NARTIN, Minteter of Agrlaoultur ��r
Heal the Sprain with Minard's.
Our present-day custom of throwing
rice over the happy wedded pair as
they leave the bride's home as man
and wife conies dgwit to us,ftom the
Persian. Rice, the emblem of fruitful
ness, has played an important role in
Persian marriage ceremonies ' from
time immemorial:
Cutin a Talcum
antiseptic ..- Prophylacfie
'Fragrant and Refreshing
The Ideal Skin and Baby Powder. A delightful
perfume for the kis after bathing.
25e. everywhere—Sample rte.
"Cutieuru nor 2616, Montreal Canada.
DON'T SUFFER
WITH DANGEROUS
INDIGESTION
Do you suffer after meals with a
belching; from sour and acid stomach?
Many believe they have heart trouble
and tremble with fear, expecting any
minute tod
drop
dead,This con
d
itio
tti
gaRe prevented, likwise relieved.
_Take Carter's Little Liver Pills
ater Meals and ncutruiizu•a.
Sweeten tite sour and acid 'stomach, re-
lieve the gas and encourage digestion.
The stomach liver and bowels wilt
be cleansed oi poison, painful and
dangerous indigestion disappears and
the system enjoys a tonic effect. Don't
delay. Ask your druggist for a 25e
pkg. of Carter's Little Liver PiUa
WAS RUN DOWN
AND VERY WEAK
Too Little Blood the Trouble.
Mrs Jas. A. Haughty, Bridgewater,
writes:—"I. was badly run down
and very weak So tnucll so 1 could
Scarcely do my housework My nerves
were affected; my digestion poor; I
had continual' headaches and could not
get a reette!•night's sleep. Different
remedies felled to be of benefit and I
was growing discouraged. ° One day,
however, I saw au advertisement of
a:case similar' to tnhle which lead been
relieved by 'Dr. Willlapls' Pink' Pills
so I 'decided to try titeni, A few
weeke' use of the Pills fully restored
, my health and now my liouseboid
duties are a pleasure instead of a tor-
ture." - -
Mrs. tlaughn's whole trouble was
that she had too little blood. Dr. Wil.
liams' Pini. Pills were of aid to her
because they renewed and purified her
blood and that good blood promoted'
good health, for where good blood
abounds disease cannot exist,
You can get these Pills from tiny
-dealer in medicine or by mail at 50
cents a box from. The Dr. Williams'
Medicine Co., Brockville, Ont.
Imperial Preference
.Melbourne 11-I1 ye raltis ady
to discuss anyerald. proposAal theat re0ogre-
nizes its fiscal p,dicy. The most
cheering fact is that imperia, prefer-
ence le now discussed as sound practi-
cal polities in British political circles
where, not so long ago, it was derid-
ed as au Imperialistic dream. British
trade and industry depend in an ie -
creasing propdr'ion upon Domiuions.
and Colonial customers. In round
figures British possessions in Europe
buy £48,000,000 worth s; year, in Asia
£120,000,900 worth, in Oceania £87,
000,000 worth, in Africa £02,000,0001
worth, and on the American 'Contin-)
ent £43,000,000 'worth. The Imperial
field offers the Mother Country by fart
the greatest scope for Commercial ex-
pansion. Australia, with its tremend-
ous amount' of room for national
growth, seems to give Britain special
opportunities.
AT A PRICE
They were seated comfortably be-
fore the fire.
"I say, John,' she said, "Is it true
that money tabes?"
John laughed.
"A figure of speech, my dear," he
replied. "Why do you ask?"'
"Well," she Went on hopefully; "I
wish you'd leave a little here to talk
to me during the day. I get so lonely."
Minard's Checks Falling Hair,
"If criticism is unfounded it fails of
Itself, and if well founded it results
to mutual advantage:"—Giulio Gatti-
Casazza.
I•Iotel laundries are finding that in
many cases pillow -cases are badly
damaged by the cosmetics and hair -
dye used by visitors; these get ou to
the bed•linen, which rots when wash-
ed.
Forgetfulness
Stranger than remembering,
Stranger is forgetfulness;
Softening and making less
Every sharp and precious thing.
It the rebel thirst' had burned
After springs,"too beautiful,
Imperceptibly. it learned
How to bink the bitter pool..
If there is a room that must
Not be .entered any more,
Comes the soft and' gradual dust
Drifting down behind the door.
Serer than'remebthertng,
Surer is forgetfulness
Shits the window in the spring,
Lays away the silver dress.
Ellen Janson in the Loudon Mercury,
G.B.S. Tells Way
to Wreck a Parley
London—Members it 'the Institute
of Linguists, who suet for theiran-
nual conference in London recently,
invited G. Bernard Shaw to send a
message. i'I4e reply, written on a•
postcard, was as follows:
"I have never heard 0f the institute
of Linguists and cannot imagine what
it for, Bit I can assure you with
a confidence founded on long expert -
mice that 11 you want to bore a con-
ference and make It a failure from
the start the surest method is to read
messages to it,"
GIVE CONFIDENCE
TO YOUNG IVIOTHERS
A simple and safe remedy for the
common ills of babyhood and child-
hood should be kept in every home
where there is either a baby or a
young child. Often it is necessary' to
give .he little ones something to
break up a cold, allay fever, correct
sour stomaoh, and banish the irrita-
bility that accompanies .the cutting of
teeth. .
Experienced mothers always keep
Baby's Own Tablets in the home as a
safeguard against the troubles that
seize their. little ones so suddenly and
the young mother can feel reasouably
safe with a box of these Tablets at
hand and ready for emergencies.
Baby's Own Tablets are a mildbut
thorough laxative that act without
gripping and they are absolutely
guaranteed free from opiates or other
harmful drugs. They are sold by
medicine dealers or by mail at 25
cents a box front The Dr, Williams'
Medicine Co., Brockville, Ont
Married man: "Why dou't you get
married, Miss Perkins? You are get-
ting to look like a 'back number'; you
will soon be an old maid,"' Miss Per-
kins: '11 I were as easy to please as
your wife was, I would have been mar-
ried long ago."
(Est, BICYCLE: B' It iitINs
19054 Best made. lowest est,
? r10 up. Transom,-
ation paid. Write
dl ,� 1 .for free illustrat-
'cd catalogue, 111-
r~• • cd,neit au , plies, l- 11
h
' d /
11. ��.
n•IlnlesIIte prices.
PEERLESS SECY'"LE Wo88S
191-3-1 Dundas Street West, Toronto
High School Boards and Boards of Education
Are authorized by law to establish
INDUSTRIAL, TECHNICAL AND
ART• SCHOOLS
With the approval of the Minister of Education
DAY AND EVENING CLASSES
may be conducted in accordance with the regulations Issued by
the Department of. Education.
THEORETICAL AND PRACTICAL INSTRUCTION
Is given In various trades. The schools and claasea are under the
direction of AN ADVISORY COMMITTEE.
Application for attendance should be made to the Principal
of the school.
COMMERCIAL SUBJECTS, MANUAL TRAINING, HOUSEHOLD
SCIENCE AND AGRICULTURE AND HORTICULTURE are provided
for in the Courses of Study in Public, Separate, Continuation and High
Schools, Collegiate institutes, Vocational Schools and Departments.
Copies of the Regulations issued by the Minister of Education may be
obtained from the Deputy Minister, Parliament Buildings, Toronto.
Babies
FRET
There are times when a baby is
too fretful or feverish to be sung
to sleep. There are some pain a
mother cannot pat away. But
there's no time when any baby
cant have the quick coufort o4
Castoria 1drops,A few and
Your
little one Is soon at ease—back
fro t t.tp almost before. you can
slip away.
Remember this harmless,pure
vegetable preparation when chd:,
ilren are ailing. Don'tstop its use
when Baby has been brought
safely through the age of colic,
901044.
NV 4079
Nem qq ,aaentitelle kl
AVealMcAmutau efotA
1 enhnelbekadeffetda'
t etheSto sachsmdDan dd
ldMhNeteeizety-7P,amWi
-6pt'1U0ias'r
a¢IehaaOau
Prp.eddaraaNnat
Ahetrlu— l5"to ° °r
Consllpo0onaut Diaaa�
ants atleslstnaa'lilt:
t0saor S,•CGe
les* �!M
reeSintesitee..4
mrCe^NJaee...
Ai b "" CNTS[
1noses
1 j
Ihp
diarrhea, and other infantile ills.
Giveg ood old Castoria until your
r
teens)
r in then'
children are
Whenever coated tongues tell of
constipation; whenever . there's
any sign of sluggishness that
needs no stronger medicines to
relieve. Castoria ispleasant-tast-
ing; children love to take it. Buy
the genuine -with. Chas, H.
Fletcher's signature on wrapper.
Classifier)! Advert!=,>nv,
Fob SALil...
A leA100 CHIl.ivS•-ll'11 11A TO 1,10
11 215,50e IDe Year In four Yaffe.
ties Write for free cbtuingue, A. 11
Switzer Granton,
S1N,- TX COMW1-1/TB LI0HORN
kh and Liarred i'I)"nhcuth 120011 Gab/
Chicks, wonderful winter. layers. We have
been hatching for 27 years. Delamere
Poultry Farm, Stratford, Ontazfo,
- 'TId)2NT" MAY AND JUN10
Chicks always popular, Rocks,
Wyandotten, Leghorns, Free
`• " folder 'Pin Money" describes
why their breeding „tells in the
nest," Order early and SEXD,
Trent IOlectrlo Hatchery, Trenton, Ont.
FOE. SALE'
USED
BICYCLFIS, $10 UP. IARSITY
V Cycle Works, 012. Spann' Avenue,
U
Toronto..
We have bur friendships, our affec-
tions, our interests in each other' but
our real Lives we must live by our-
selves.
NO LONGER,SUFFERWTH
TORRID LIVED`
INDIGESTION;
CONSTIPATION.
NERVOUSNESS
HEADAl HEi i
writes Mr. M. McArthur.
Thousands say constipa-
tion, liver trouble, indl-
gestioa,gas end overnight
with"Frust.o.eves:'Nerves
quiet. Get "Fruit -a -fives"
from druggist today,
CHICKS
20 FamousBreeds to choose from.
Send for free chick catalog;'11 has
valuable information on brooding
chicks,
rssex atchery
Xesrmhiiiad frora'
SoE 207-W, LIMOS, ont.
FOR SALE
FIVE D,C, MOTORS
i, 1%E, 4 and 8 Horsepower, all in
good condition. Cheap for Immediate
sate. H, Watkins, 73 Adelaide Street
West. Toronto.
Base Ball
Baseball players use Minard's
for stiffness, strained ligaments
and bruises. They also recom
mend it as a rubdown.
A. Different Woman
"I nave great pleasure 1n 110000155 nen Ras
Itrusrhen Salts have taorked wonders for Inc. I
have been a great sufferer of lire, and knitted
trouble, and ditertrying one bottle I am a different
matron, I had la ogre rep Ind work, but thanks to
Krattehen Salts I ant bark of work again. and I
Dias and sen a little every morning, and 1 don't
hear of the little complaints now which a ehild
generally gets, fin is happier, mid brighter.
1,hate enclosed a strap -shot of son wld sof, 1 dm
42 years, hop 0 dears. I shall always hiahIU
recommend Grose/ten, slut 1 mould not be without
theist myself in a hurry" (Mral h1. 1'.
nnal,al tette, on ala for hutteetlon.
Anlaehett salts is obtainable at drug and
department stores in Canada at 75c. a 1,011(1'.
A, 1,bowiet artxin"int h enough r l lt-a cent u day.
-`My daughter Catherine is
fifteen years old. She was very
irregular, often sick at her
stomach and had to stay in
bed two or three days at a
time. One of your booklets was
sent to us by mail so I got her
a bottle of Vegetable Com-
pound. Catherine has been
taking it regularly and she is
gainingin weight and every
way, I told the neighbors and
four other girls are taking it
with good results."—Mrs. Ckor-
ence Jenkinson, Box x4, Thorn-
loe, Ontario.
Lyda' Et :.Pinkhai 's
I
Ve etb
a Com aund
•Ca Lyne Mose 0,1, A:
,n a •tbbe rd onl,,ia
ISSUE No. 20—'30