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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1962-03-08, Page 6Harpo Maim Fells Qf Practical Jokes I've spent a lifetime as a elown he the theatre, I've played the hasp en concert stages, rye writ - fen a book called Harpo Speaks! And now I. find that I'm in danger of ,going down in history as a practical joker, The trouble is that in my book • casually recalled a few pranks bleat I took part in. Now, I don't mind practical Jokes as long as they are good- natured. (some can be pretty cruel, and those 1 hate). So 1 don't resent being classed as a practical joker -except that I p'eally don't rank with the great practical Jokers, such as the late Charlie MacArthur, Hugh Troy, and Jine Moran, MacArthrir himself thought the best practical joke he ever heard of was wrought by Waldo Peirce, artist, poet, and bohemian. MaeArthur's favourite spoof flashes hack to Peirce's Paris days. Knowing his concierge liked pets, he bought her a turtle. Two days later he substituted a turtle a size larger. Next day he switched that for one which was even bigger still, Madame was overjoyed that. the little creature was thriving, but day by day the turtle grew until the good lady found herself sharing the apartment with a 300 -pound Gargantuan, At that point, Peirce began re- ducing the turtle until it grad- ually returned to its original size. Peirce told the lady the truth just in time to keep her from going out of her mind. One of my favourite pioneer practical jokers on this side of the Atlantic was a roly-poly New Yorker, Brian G. Hughes, On rainy days, Hughes would enter a bar or restaurant. leave his umbrella in a tempting spot, Waren-llp Wonders ty fame, BI it Warm, smart, easy - knit! All men - from the college crowd up - love t hes e cozy chill- ehasers. Ideal for sports, snow shovel- ling, outdoor work! Pattern 606; directions for helmet, cap, mit- t e n s, wristlets in men's sizes small, medium, large included. Send THIRTY - FIVE CENTS (stamps cannot be accepted, use postal note for safety) for this pattern to Laura Wheeler, Box 1, 123 Eighteenth St., New Tor- onto, Ont, Print plainly P A T - TERN NUMBER, your NAME and ADDRESS. FOR THE FIRST TIME! Over 200 designs in our new, 1962 Needlecraft Catalogue - biggest aver! Pages, pages, pages of fa- shions, home accessories to knit, crochet, sew, weave, embroider, quilt. See jumbo -knit hits,'cloths, spreads, toys, linens, afghans plus free patterns. Send 250, Ontario residents must include le Sales Tax for each 'CATA- LOG ordered. There is no sales tax on the patterns. SALLY'S S 55100 , 'xt must be fate -the speed &fele brinettg w together like til ll." and watch for someone to pick it up, As the culprit, stepped outside Hughes would follow, for his Umbrella put on a remarkably spectacular performanee, When it was opened it unfurled .a gaudy banner announcing to. the world "This Umbrella Stolen from Brian G. Hughes," The most efficient practical joke is one that delivers a mese sage without a word being utter- ed. One year I was at Alec Woolloott's summer retreat, isles hobe Island in the middle of Ver- mont's Lake Bomoseen, Aleo's island was well off the mainland and only specially invited friends were ever expected to set foot on it, One day Alice Duer Miller, the novelist and a member pf the in- ner circle, went for a walk and rushed back with harrowing news -a group of tourists had rowed aver to the island and were having a picnic, I volunteered to deal with the interlopers, I stripped off my clothes, put on my red wig, smeared myself with mud and went whooping and war -dancing downs to the shore, making goony grimaces and brandishing an axe, The picnickers snatched up their belongings and rowed away fast enough to win a boat race. This gag not only scattered the poachers but started a spate of juicy rumours about the maroon- ed maniac of Neshobe Island, which effectively snuffed out all picnic plans for years to come. Stuffed shirts are the best tar- gets for practical jokes. Years With an air of suave dignity, I Avenue jewellery store, was noted for its solemn, stuffy atmo- sphere. I couldn't resist trying to deflate the place a bit. Here's what I did, I went to Woolworth's arid bought practically all the fake emeralds, rubies and diamonds in stock and dumped them all in ono bag. Then 1 went to Tif- fany's. With an air of sauve dignity, I asked to be shown some dia- monds. The clerk drew out a tray of thousand -dollar gems. While I examined them I gently turned over the bag from Wool- worth's behind my back. Jewels went spilling and bounc- ing all over the joint. Instantly bells rang, buzzers buzzed, and detectives jumped out of the woodwork, All the other custom- ers were hustled out. The doors were locked. Meanwhile the whole sales staff, including the manager, do•,vn on their hands and knees retrieving my sparkling gems. I stood holding out my hat, and they put all the loose jewels in it As he dropped in the last emerald, the manager understood at last. Abruptly, his attitude changed. The store detective hustled me out of the door, with the recom- mendation that I never return to the premises. Tiffany's, by the way, denies to this day it ever happened, That's their joke on me! I'm indebted to H. Allen Smith, the Boswell of practical jokers, and his book, The Compleat Practical Joker, for refreshing my memory on the details of some of these gage, like this one pulled by Lucius Beebe. Beebe brought a ventriloquist friend of his to Yale University and introduced him to the college chaplain as a famous preacher from the Far West, As Beebe had hoped, his friend was invited to deliver a sermon in the Yale chapel. Working himself into a froth of religious fervour, the fraud- ulent preacher suddenly cupped his hands to his mouth, raised his eyes towards heaven and shouted: "Am I right?" Down through the roof floated a voice from afar: "You are right, my son!" ' The American college campus has been the breeding ground for some of our most spectacular practical jokes. It was at Cornell, for instance, that Hugh Troy, the most eminent practitioner of the art, really got his start. At Cornell he is chiefly re- membered for his rhinoceros joke. Troy and a friend had found a wastebasket fashioned from the foot of a rhinoceros. One snowy night they made rhinoceros tracks leading down and into Lake Beebee, the local reservoir. Next morning the university's zoology professors confirmed the fact that the footssteps belonged to a rhino, According to H. Allen Smith, half the university population ,quit drinking tap water, and those who drank swore they could taste rhinoceros, Troy also , owned .a skeleton packed in a suitcase, As he strode through . some busy spot like Grand Central Station he would , let the suitcase fall open, the skeleton clattering all over the building. We need 1 fore free -wheeling sprits, more impractical jokers, i'. this grim twentieth century. to piaster a few smiles on the crusty old face of the globe, ISSUE 8 -. 106$ BOBO AND FIANCE — Bobo Rockefeller; 44, is kissed by her fiance, Charles Mapes Jr., 41, shortly after they an- nounced their engagement in New York, Mapes will be Bobo's third husband, Her second mate was Winthrop Rockefeller. f v Gwer4ol%r.e P. Cl.& k.e Last week we had just about everything in the way of wea- ther - ice, snow, high winds and below zero temperature. It was unccnfortable for everyone but worse for some than others. For instance our five-year-old grand- son Ross went into the Sick Children's Hospital Iast Monday for a tonsilectomy. The doctors had reason to expect there night be complications so lee was under observation for nearly three days before they operated. Joy and Cedric stayed with Dee and her family so Joy could spend as much time as possible with Ross. He was as happy as a lark the first few days. One day his mother took him to a telephone booth so he could talk to me - and to his Daddy. Was he ever excited! This was part of the conversation: "Grandma - do you know what? I'm in a big, big hospital. There is another little boy in my room and are we having fun! And tomorrow I'm going to have my tonsils out." Needless to say the next day he wasn't talking much, either on the telephone or elsewhere. He has hada rough time, poor little fellow, but I think he is coming along all right now, although he. will be in hospital for a few days yet. We haven't been able to Get in to see hi mas I was practically blind in one eye most cf last week. I always have this trouble in winter - bright sun on the white snow is my undoing. Last week 'I wrote about good neigh- bours we had had in the past. WelI, we have good neighbours here too. One of them is always bringing along bones and odds and ends for the dog: two others will do any necessary shopping for us - or drive our car if 2 ane unable to handle it myself. In return Partner shovels their driveways, keeps ar eye on the children and goes down to the road for their mail every day as the .husbands are away all day. 1 have heard people say - "Oh, I couldn't live in a subdivision. There is nothing to see, nowhere to go and no one to talk 'tot" Well, you know the 5115' 'ar to that one. To have friends you have to be friendly. Shut yourself away from everything and everybody and you naturally create a vacu- um. One time we had neighbours like that on the farm but we broke down their reserve and since then we have been the best of friends, One time they even lived with us for three months between moves. However being friends doesn't necessarily mean being in agreement all the time. We have often had sharp differ- ences of opinion with many of our friends, especially in regard to politics! Partner starts a little good-natured needling, and be- fore you know it real argument is in full swing. The best joke around here lately stems from the fact that at the last:municipal. election Partner voted' for one candidate and 1 for the other! That I kept to myself for quite awhile but eventually, for pure devilment, I let it leak "out. .01 course I was told we killed each other's `vote and might just as well have stayed at home, With that I don't agree; We exercised our franchise; as loyal citizens we cast our vote. How, and for whom, was out:own business, Right now I am more concern- .d with past generations; their trials and Lribulations in their fight foe political freedom. That is to say I ani busy gathering material for our W.i. Tweeds- muir history and, as usual,. I am getting more benefit than 8 give. It is simply amazing that one can move into a new lccatity, know- ing little of its history, and then find stories as fascinating as any recorded in history books of the past, Per instance anyone living west cf Toronto hoe probably heard of a subdivision known as "Credit Woodlands". We live jut across the road from it. It toed to be a lovely wooded- sec- tion that we had admired for years. What we didn't know was that it was also the site of a huge dairy farm - "Price Brother's Dairy"' - with a herd of 400 cows,. EventuaIIy City Dairy bought Price's out - they in tom sold to Bordens. Price Brothers, deprived of their cows,. turned their 700' acres into a fruit farm, planting 1,000 apple trees. By teoee who should know I have been told they made wonderful cider. Only one cf the four bro- ters is now living 90 years old Tom Price, who spends most of his time in Toronto but has a wonderful log cabin about a mile from us, the interior of which I ane hoping to see before too long. Another thing, every fall we find wonderful mushrooms on our acre lot.. Why • wouldn't we it was part of 'a mushroom farms Far too much local history is being test and I am glad Lady Tweedsmuir had the foresight to, realize it and to encourage coun- trywomen across Canada to make every effort to preserve records and stcries from pioneer days to the present. Churches, hospitals and so on erected during the last few years shouldnot be consider- ed too modern for local histories, otherwise, in a few years, their ofigin may also be forgotten. Modern Etiquette By Anne Ashley Q. If a combination breakfast and lunch is served after a morn- ing wedding, is it all right to call this "brunch" on the recep- tion invitations? A. No, it would not be. At or before noon and until one o'clock, the correct word is "breakfast." After that, the word is "reception." Q. Flow can I prevent eggs from bursting when hard -boiling them? A. The eggs will notburst if one end of each egg is pricked with a needle before placing in the water. This makes an outlet for air and prevents the shell from cracking. Q. If guests "overstay" their welcome and you are becoming tired, is 'there any tactful way you , can remind them that the hour is late? A., If surreptitious glances at your watch; or a stifled yawn, 'don't work - you can always begin emptying . ashtrays and collecting used glasses, Thie may be somewhat obvious, it is. true, but if your guests have been thoughtless enough' Id drive you to it, there's little else you can do, .short 01 falling asleep in your chair, Some people are no Brood at counting calories - they have the figures to prove it. Who Would Oe A Royal Princess? For most unroyal people com- ing home from holiday the bills are the most serious problem they have to meet. Princess Margaret, home op January 28, Prem a three-week holiday in the West Indies, had. to face repercussions of public criticism on twomajor counts, which point up the intricacies of life for a royal Princess who does not conform to the accepted royal pattern. A. 'storm had broken out over hes' husband Lord Snowdon's ap- pointment to a big -circulation 'Sunday newspaper„ The Sunday Times, Though many sympathize with the Princess in her desire that her husband should have some outlet for the artistic talent which made him a successful pro- fessional photographer, s o m e here feel she should have fore- seen the difficulties which his acceptance of a newspaper posi- tion would make for the Royal Family. Scarcely had the repercussions of this furore blown over than it was announced in Parliament the royal hone which the Ministry of Works is renovating for the Princess and her husband in a wing of Kensington Palace, is to cost the British taxpayer $185,000, $45,000 more than was originally estimated a year ago. In addition Queen Elizabeth II pays $60,000 toward the cost of repair since the house is one of her "grace and favor" resi- dences. These are royal proper- ties which the soverign gives to near relatives, or' to those who have rendered personal service to the Crown. It is unfortunate the public has been reminded of the cost of restoring the Princess's new home at a time when the Lon- don County Council is under pressure to find homes for thous- ands of homeless people, and the government is having the great- est difficulty in holding down a "pay pause" for workers in the interests. of the national econr- omy. "Is this (the increased charge for the restoration) the contri- butfen the minister is making to the solution of national economic problems?" Labor M.P. William Hamilton asked in Parliament when the supplementary esti- mate came up for payment, Actually,though,there are other reasons for refurbishing of this house,. apart from its use as ' a residence for Princess Margar- et, her husband and infant son David.. No.. IA Kensington Palace is a Wren house which has been allowed to deteriorate since it was twice blasted by Nazi bombs in air raids.. The reddish -brawn, 20 -room stone residence is one of the finest examples of Sir Christopher Wren's domestic ar- chitecture,built in co-operation with the famous carver Grinling Gibbons in 1689, writes 'Melita Knowles in the Christian Science Monitor, The east of restoring.this horse comes under a plan by which, since 1953,, the Ministry of Works has renovated many historic houses for private owners. Such buildings are considered part of the national heritage which would be lost except for an Ex- chequer grant. Some of the re- storations have cost the taxpayer more than the sure needed for the Snowdon repair. Castle How- ard, for instance, in Malton, Yorkshire, home of George Ilow- ard, cost $249,000 to restore. The main' idea in such renovation is that damage caused by age, weather, dry rot and so on may be charged to public funds, Im, proveinents such as painting electric light and decorations fait to the owner. So if Lord Snowdon does take tip his new appointment, a re, portedly highly paid post, he will have to dig into his salary packet' for decorations to No, 1A. Other- wise Princess Margaret will have to pay the bills out of her print vate income, The block for the Prime Min- ister's residence off Whitehall, with less archtectural claim to be preserved than the Wren Wing at Kensington Palace, is being rebuilt inside its original facade at six times the post of the Snowdon restoration. It's general- ly accepted the Prince Minister must be housed in accordance with' his station, but he could have had a wonderful new house for muoh less than this sum if the Ministry of Works had been prepared to sacrifice historic architecture, VERSATILE ATHLETE Laconic report of a junior high school basketball" game from an Illinois publication, tin e La Harpe Quill: ."The Terra Haute Fiea- w eights defeated Coluse: I3 to 2,. and Ted Kern was 'sigh point man for both teams, sensing TE for Terra Haute and two peeeits at the wrong basket for Cbl'usa "' For a New Doll PRINTED PATTERN INFANT DOLL WARDROBE 4870 FOR DOLL 1'0"-20" TALL 4-4-i'PeteZe '41444 Delight a little girl with this beautiful baby - doll wardrobe. Easy -sew pattern •includes bunt- ing, snow -suit, overall set, coat, hat, -dress, slip and .panties. Use thrifty scraps. Printed Pattern 4870: For dolls 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 20 inches, Please state size. Send FIFTY CENTS (stamps cannot be accepted, use postal note for safety) for this pattern, Please print plainly S1ZE, NAME, ADDRESS, STYLE NUMBER. Send order to ANNE ADAMS, Box 1, 123 Eighteenth St., New Ternoto, Ont. CAPITAL CHITCHAT -' Mrs, Pierre Salinger, left, wife of the White House press secretary; and Mrs, Alexi Adzhubei, wife of the editor of the Soviet newspaper, lzvestio, engage in some small talk in Washington Mrs, Adzhubei is the daughter of Soviet Russia's premier, Nikita IChrushchev,