The Seaforth News, 1952-04-17, Page 6There's Nlake
Show Joke
e•
Where du you hear the best wise-
cracks and rapid-fire repartee? In
Hollywood, perhaps, for film folk
'are devastatingly quiek on -tire up-
take. They have to he.
• Lana Turner appeared one even-
,ing at "Prince Mike" Romnanof's
in a daring, low-cut evening gown,
with a golden replica of an aero-
plane hanging from a fragile chain
around her neck. "What do you
think of Lana's aeroplane?" Rom-
anoff asked Charles Brackett.
"Lovely," he said erstaeially, "and
what a landing field!"
At Glenn-McC:arthy's Shamrock
Hotel in Houston, crooner Tony
Martin remarked that a starring
career in Hollywood was fraught
with pitfalls, "One clay," he said,
"you're m a kl n g love to Betty
(irable. Linda Darnell, or Lana
Turner, and the next day—pouf!--
you're a has-been." "Ah," sighed
McCarthy, "but look where you
has been."
Cameraman's Retort
An imperious. ageing movie star
viewed the rushes of a day's studio,
work and complained to the cam-
eraman; "You are not photograph-
ing my best side," "How can I?"
he snapped, "You're always sitting
on it I"
That brilliant raconteur, Bennett
Cerf, offers a whole feast of ante -
dotes about film and show folk in
his latest hook, "Laughter Incor-
porated" which is amusingly illus-
trated by Paul Galdone.
Eddie Cantor, he says, tells of an
acrobatic team who invariably went
on last in the old two -a -day vaud-
eville line-ups. While the pair huff-
ed and puffed through their arduous
routine, blase audiences would walk
out on them. At the start of their
twelfth year together their agent
said: "Boys, if you, ever expect to
get anywhere in this profession
you'll have to dream up. a new tin-
ish for your act." "New finish?"
echoed one of them indignantly.
"Nobody -'s seen the old one yet!"
Presiding over a banquet, Cant-
or's pal George Jesse' suddenly
• stepped off the dais, dropped to
ane knee, and warbled "Rork -a -
bye Your Baby to a Dixie Melody."
Afterwards a friend said: "George,
I never knew you could sing that
well." "I can't sing at all," Jessel
protester!—"1 was just imitating Al
Jolson."
When a hiuu actor told hum: "I'um
a sensation at the Rosy. Last night
had the audience g'ted to their
seats." Jessel snapped: "Wonder -
'fill I How clever of you to think
• of it." Ile once said; "1know a
girl who is even a better after-
dinner speaker than Inc supposed
to be. I mean that every, time 1 see
her she's after a dinner,"
When Larry Adler, •tike harmon-
ica specialist,.returned from a tour
of Palestine he told Jesse!' "I made
it
ade-
it nmy business to pray at the kVail
ing Wall in Jerusalem."
''What for asked Jessrl. "Bet-
ter billing!"
Lost in the Train!
Lawrence I.algner, head at the
Theatre Guild and noted for his
absent-mindedness. boarded a train
at Westport one morning and
found he'd forgotten his ticket.
"It's all right, \ir, Languor," said
the regular coni ctor. "I'll collect
it some other time."
"it may be all right for you,"
aid Langner petulantly, "but how
ego 1 know where Ion going.'
After lunching with tbe big -sheds
in the M.G.M. executive dining -
room, Frank Sinatra reported that
one producer asserted boldly: "I
haven't touched liquor, played cards
for money, or bet on horses in
twenty years," "Gosh," Sinatra in-
terjected, "I wish i could say that."
"Why don't you?" urged I., B,
Mayer, "He just did!"
"Epic" Scenario '
Clark Gable one starred in a fly-
ing "epic," though he disdained the
quality of the scenario, He arrived
on the old army flying field "loca-
tion" as the director was planning
a scene involving a test flight by a
couple of secondary actors in the
story. Glancing at the dialogue for
the scene, he scoffed( "Do you mean
to say you're going to send these
boys up in this script?"
Edward G. Robinson's pictures
usually involve him in crime. "If
my hat brim is turned up,' he ex-
plains, "I'm a copper. If the brim
is turned down. I'm a public
enemy." Once he was playing a
gangster, with the brim turned
down, "Suddenly it snapped tip,"
he says, "and there was only one
thing left to do. I arrested myself le
Jack Benny, who has won thous-
ands of laughs with Inc violin ren-
dering of. "Love In Bloom," fancies
himself as a violinist and lilies to
be taken serously when he renders
a classical air for his friends, At a
big Hollywood party lie put all he
had into a piece, \\'hen the ap-
plause had died down Arthur Horn -
blow called: "Give us 'Poet and
Peasant' Jack." "What!" exclaim-
ed Benny, surprised and flattered,
"Again?"
The last time Ifarpo Marx visit-
ed New York, representatives of a
dozen charities descended on hien
tits. Otte woman was very persist -
requesting his appearance at bene-
ent, and after twelve phone convers-
ations in two days he finally agreed
to appear for her. She called for
I:in to snake sure lie wouldn't elude
11.‘r, and as they were leaving the
suite his 'phone rang. "Don't you
want to answer it'c" she asked.
Harp, s i g li e d gently. "Why
bother?" he said. "It's undoubtedly
you again!"
Groucho Marx Explains
A guest zit Groucho Marx's
Moving Day At The White House—Workmen move furniture back into the White House as the job
of reconditioning nears completion, president and Mrs. Truman, who have been living at the near.
by Blair House, were scheduled to move back on March 28.
house complained: "These sausages
seem peculiar. They're neat at one
end hut bread -crumbs at the other."
"Correct," said Groucho, "It's ex-
pedient. In tines like these nobody
can make both ends neat."
Rita Hayworth, describing the
courtesy of the French mayor who
performed the wedding ceremony
for her and Aly Khan, said he had
to make out a passport for a
wealthy but slightly disfigured old
crone who had rented a chateau on
the Mediterranean, Knowing how
vain the old lady was, he noted in
the space reserved for person des-
cription: "Eyes glowing, beautiful,
compelling, tender and passionate,
but unfortunately one of thein in
missing."
kir. Cerf's stories cover most
aspects of U.S. life as well as Holly-
wood ---and very good they are.
Yon could dine out for a year on
the laughs in this unique collection.
SHIPWRECKED SOS TOOK
150 YEARS TO REACH LAND
Carte day, in 19.11,. a pennant,
searching among the flotsam on a -
lonely stretch of the 11irattemura
coast of Japan, lacked the neck of
a bottle sticking ftp fn the sand.
Idly .he picked it no. It was a pe-
culiar bottle, since the cork was
not jest wished into the neck. but
was securely settled.
'.Through the gkt"s he could see
some thin strips of woad and, hop-
ing to raise some -money on it, took
it into the town. •
\Chin the authorities opened it
they found that the pieces of wood
carried a message to the effect that
a Japanese seaman, awned Matsu-
yanrh, and members of the crew of
itis chip had been wrecked on an
uninhabited card reef in the Paci-
fic, There was no food and the
party was growing steadily weaker.
There was nothing au ; ody could
do, for the date oil the message.
tv t 1784,aud it had taken 150
years for the -e., , ttrrente. to deliver
it.
"Ships on'Fire"
(inn .\prii mirk 19.3o, an lri•h:alt
was pander:( along the beach
kicking "'tones. lie aimed a kick at
an ,11 roc a lin un,.t hecauce it
Neutral Inspection Cities--Newsmap above shows cities nominated
by Korean Reds and the Allies to be "ports of entry" to which
neutral inspection teams could be assigned during a Korean cease
tire, Communist and IIN flags show cities in dispute. Allies de-
mand that Pyongyang, and Seoul be included, but Reds refuse.
The UN also asks for Chinnampo instead of Red proposed Sinanju.
sounded full lie picked it nu and
opened it.
Inside was a message front a
member of the crew of the S.S.
Saxilby, which had disappeared dur-
ing a gale four hundred utiles front
the coast of Ireland the previous
year. The message read: "S.S. Sax-
ilby sinking somewhere off tate Irish
roast. Love to sisters, brothers and
Dinalt—Joe."
A strange message was found in
a bottle in 1827. It was from a
Major Macgregor, who had been
on the S.S. Kent when she was
-burned out. It tart—"Ship on fire.
Elizabeth, Joanna and myself com-
mit our spirits into the hands of
our Redeetiter, Whose grace en-
ables us to be quite composed in
the awful prospect of entering
Eternity."
It had a sanctimonious air about
it that labelled it "fake" at once.
But it..w•as not.
Major Macgregor, the author, had
actually been rescued at the last
moment, after be !tail launched the
tubi,.
Ran into Trouble
It had taken eighteen months for
the bottle to drift from the Bay of
Biscay, where the ship sank, to the
Bahamas, where it was picked up.
Another battle message. reacted
land forty -fire years after it was
cast into the sea, Evelyn Baldwyn,
the famous Polar explorer during
the early years of this century, was
exploring inside the Arctic Circle
ellen he ran into trouble.
tie had no way of contacting any
civilized outpost so he used a bottle.
He wrote the SOS in English and
in Norwegian— "Five ponies and
150 clogs remaining. Desire hay,
fish and thirty sledges. Must re-
turn early August. Baffled,'
I -Ie seated the message in a buoy
and threw it into the Arctic Ocean
on June 24th, 1902.
The busy was found, firmly fro-
zen, in a sea., off the coast of VH-
Icitsi, Russia, four years ago. Bald-
win had managed to survive. 1 -Ie
died in his bed many years later.
"'Che Income tax collector won't
like this, Congratulations!"
She Once
Was "World's Sweetheart"
Is Now Big Business Wornitan
Times were when Mary Pick-
ford was called the World's
Sweetheart and her artless blonde
curls, trade mark of virtuous inno-
cence, netted her a hard cash re-
ward of a million dollars a year.
Now, at fifty-eight, site has de-
cided to appear in :mother picture
although to a younger genera-
tion her name is no more than a
vague flashback to the old, fticicery
silent -picture' clays.
Enormous Profits
Only the initiated realize site -
still has one-third control in
United Artists, one of the most,
powerful movie - distributing cor-
porations in the world. Back of the
screen she has art astute knack—
with her husband, Buddy Rogers
—of buying up the film rights of
plays, books and musical shows
you want to see and re -selling them
to the movie -maker. at a profit.
She on•ns substantial slices of
land itt Hollywood and Beverly
Hills and has investment interests
ranging from cosmetics to oil wells.
Yet she was born plain Gladys
Smith in a shabby little hoose in
Toronto, where her mother once
took in hoarders and ran a curb-
side fruit stand to help pay the
rent,
Mary Pickford's story, in fact.
is really the triumphant saga of
her mother. Mrs. Charlotte Smith
was a tubby Irish immigrant who
married a steamer bartender. Ile
died when Mary was only four and
Mrs. Stnith laid her hand to every-
thing life offered.
Gladys Can Do It!
She worked in a randy shop,
came hotite to piles of sewing,
turned up for a time behind a
fruit -stand ou a lake excursion
strainer . , and then, incnetl sly,
went on the stage. Her Irish accent
helped with housemaid and char-
acter roles in a small-time reper-
tory. While she acted, stage hands
baby-sat with her three fatherless
children. Then one clay a child was
needed in a play and firs. Smith
proudly called her golden -haired
daughter from the wings,
"Gladys • c:ut amu it," site an-
nounced. And six-year-ttl,l Gladys
showed site cultic!!
After that Mrs. Snaith fought for
her daughter's future. She Man-
aged her in repertt,ry, struggled
to win jobs for her in travelling
road shows and manoeuvred her
into play after play, until slit at
length lauded the child in a small
part in a Broadway shuns produced
by the famous David Belasco,
The Biograph Girl
And \Int saw to it that if Belasco
went into the wings to munch. a
sandwich, golden - haired Gladys
was there, learning tier lines.
Whenever Belasco left the theatre,
little Gladys was at the stage door,
awaiting a cab. "I couldn't help.
noticing her," Belasco used to say.
-Eventually it was Belasco tsbo
ohamgtd her name to "Mary Pick.
ford" and they acted together foo
six long yea's.
'Then Ma had another idea. New
showmen were making new -style
entertainment called moving pic-
tures: and it was Ma wino bustled
Mary clown to the makeshift stu-
dios and fixed her in a role in her
first movie, a five-tltitttite comedy
oddly entitled, "Her -.First Bis-
cuits."
Next, while fourteenyrar-old
Gladys was astounding- the movie
nen with her range of emotions,
Ma picked out the most pushlul
and enterprising producer and
took Mary along to see Itis* At
that time David Griffith hadn't
dreamed of making such movies as
"The Birth of a Nation," Ile was
merely hiring out four or five one-
rcolcrs a month . and when Ma
explained Mary's possibilities he
saw her point,
With maternal ferocity, iu fact_
doughty A'II's. Smith »owled over
everyone who stood in her daugh-
ter's way to the stars. 'dfary made
a picture a day for Griffith, and
• her salary slowly rose from $5
a day to $5,000 a year. Site made
so many pictures that soon the
world couldn't help recognizing the
girl with the golden curls. But it
was Ma who first tln'ougttt tip the
distinctive title—even before film
stars had a name -... of "'.Cite
Biograph Girl."
Million Dollar Pictures
And, finally, Charlotte Smithmanaged ler Mary into a contract
of $2,500 a week, plus half the
profits. Mary.. was jerking the
world into tears and laughter with
such pictures as "Daddy Long
Legs," "Tess of the Storni Coun-
try" and ."Pollyanna," Ma began
to talk so shrewdly that it was
said Mary's contraets took as long
to intake as her filets:. but the sal-
ary zipped to $10,000 a week.
Even this wasn't Ma's limit. Ul-
timately, site talked her Mary into
ownership 'of the• studio and a mil-
lion dollars a year rising gradually
to a million dollars. a picture.
When Mary broke loose and
eloped with her first husband,
Ower Moore, Ma pursued theta in
a tugboat. But, when .Mary and
Douglas Fairbanks fell in love, it
was kilt who arranged the Owen
Moore divorce proceedings. So it
went cm, until Doug and Mary
were ,tarried- and lived in their
showplace house, Pickfair which
renutedhy cost half a million dol-
lars. The guests seldom sat down
fewer titan fourteen to dinner, and
Doug would sometimes swing
front the chandelier over their
heads, just for fun,
Mary's another died in 1928, lean-
ing her daughter a million and a
!half dollars. But, without her
Mother, Mary found new faith in
religion and wrote a book, "Why
Not Try God?" She began htelpiug
hospitals and child-care societies
•and adopted a boy and a girl for
her own.
When she married Buddy
Rogers, Mary was radiant "I feel
sore we'll have lasting happiness"
said Buddy, and so it's proved.
Professor of Economies: "Give
me an example of indirect taxa-
tion:'
Fresh: "The dog tax, sir.
Prof,: "How is that?"
Fresh: "The dog does not have
to pay it,"
Arid Desert Now
Becomes Good Soil
Some 500,000 acres of Austrab
lia's Ninety Mile Desert which
stretches from South Australia into
Victoria, is slowly being- converted
into productive farm land. -
Australia's biggest co-operative
life insurance company, the Aus.
traiian Mutual Provident, is back-
ing the project. So optimistic .is
the company it is negotiating with
the Victoria state government for
another half -million acres,
The AMP plans to roll "a farm
'a fortnight" of the desert produc-
tion line and in the process, per.
haps, prove scientific discoveries
can again push further into the
futttre the point at which world
food p'rochtcticnt will. be unable to
meet the demand of expanding
world population.
The desert is becoming farm land
again because scientists discovered
all it needed were "trace" quanti-
ties of phosphate, zinc and copper.
The area the AMP is turning
into farm land is not actual desert.
It has an average rainfall of 17 tet
22 inches and the soil is absorp-
tive, allowing none of the rain to
escape. Plenty of water for stock.
can be obtained at shallow depths.
But the area in the past has
grown nothing but spayse cover
and stock have never thrived on
it.
Australian scientists in 1930 be-
gan to investigate "coast disease"
which was causing heavy stock
losses in some coastal areas. Its
severity varied from year to year,
fi'ohn district to district. Cattle
died, or became sterile or dropped
sickly, stunted calves. Sheep lost
condition, their wool became brit-
tle, dry and wiry, their lambs few
an sickly.
Researchers studying the failure
of plant life to flourish in areas
w here "coast disease" was preva-
]cut, discovered that experimental
plants improved with the addition
of "trace", quantities of copper.
Hard research revealed that in
these areas there were insufficient
amounts of phosphorus and cop-
per for healthy plant life, and in-
sufficient copper and cobalt for
animals.
1), C. Riceman showed that the
addition of phosphate zinc ante
copper to the desert soil made it
fertile, •
Once they were added, plant life
thrived, stock grew healthy as they
grazed over the land and returned
to it the elements which both they
and the plants needed.
More important still, the needed
copper and zinc cost only about
seven shillings an acre to add to,
.the land while the use of phos-
phate—in the form of super-
phosphate—is standard agricultural
practice in Australia,
The AMP, with enormous funds
requiring investment, became in-
terested in these discoveries, and
after careful investigation decided
to embark on the project of mak-
ing farms from a desert.
Already it has created 10 or 11
farms of 1,000 or 1,200 acres where
paddocks .are thick with clover,'
lucerne and varied pasture and
where fat and stealthy . ewes are
raising rite Iambs,
The AMP is using mass pro-
duction methods, Tractors drag
disc plows which carve out roots
and chew up debris of the rate of
11 acmes an hour.
The land is then cultivated, fer-
tilized and revitalized by chemcial
"shots," fenced, and bores dug for
stock water—all at the rate of
30,000 acres a year:
CLEAR AND SUNNY
Nude is Just A "Cut-Up"—Actross Jane Baxter poses in London be.
side a portrait of a nude, on which a painting of her head has
been superimposed by artist John Proudfoot, left. The painting
will never grace an arf gallery, howovar, It's just a "prop" used in
a Drury bane theatrical charity show, Pay Compton, playing Jane's
mother, will slash the canvas as the climatic action in the sketch,