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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1956-10-25, Page 3Courtron.mi Comedy "If you want sensation and drama look to the Oki Bailey, But if you want human comedy, look to the little local courts," Fifty years have passed since a lawyer wrote those words, but they are just as true today. Especially were they true in a London court the other day when a magistrate asked a wife why her husband refused to attend to answer a charge. "Because," she explained, "he says all you do here is talk, talk, talk." And there is the case of the County Mayo labourer who found a novel way of paying a £5 fine for poaching. lie ask- ed the magistrate if he could pay in goods as he never had money, hTe magistrate agreed; and next day the labourer delivered twenty poached pheasants to the court as his fine. One of the funniest court incidents occurred many years ago. A motor cyclist had been summonsed because his motor- cycle combination was too noisy and disturbed the peace. So he wheeled the combination the last fewehundred yards to the court, then askecl the magis- trate if he had heard him ar- rive, The magistrate said he had not and dismissed the charge; the man left, but a minute later there came an infernal racket outside. The magistrate yelled: "Bring ghat man back!" But nobody moved from the court. The noise of the starting cycle was re deafening that nobody could Batch the magistrate's words! A few days later the mag- istrate had occasion to shout again. A grocer appeared be- fore him an blank market charges, and asked if he might whisper to the bench on a very personal matter. The magistrate agreed, bent forward, and the grocer whis- pered in his ear. Then the magistrate's f a e e erimsoncd. end he yelled: "No! I don't want five pound.; worth of black market butler. Pay a hundred pound, far trying to bribe the court!" Magistrates and judges are always willing to help those who appear befnre them. A South African ,iudce told a Negro charged with stealing that he could he tried by the Judieor, if he wished, by a jives of his peers. 'Peel's:" queried the Negro. "Peers," the judge explained, "are your equals. Men from your own walk of life." "You try me, judc:e," the Negro blurted nut. "I don't want to be tried by no thieves!" A judge in Chicago asked a slew -witted hoodlum last year why he bad stolen half a 2niliinn in bonds. The hoodlum thought a moment. then, "Why, because I was hungry, jud' s," he smiled, A Texas mother refused at Houston to pay her doctor's bill After her son had had measles. Asked to explain, she told the court: "My son had measles first and passed it to ail the kid in the district. The doctor made a fortune out fo it. Since my bay started it, I think the doe owes me a few thousand dollars by way of a commission." FOR THE BIRDS—That's what many homemakers in Ham Common, England, seem to think of Ibis statue. Called "Horne Making," it represents a woman examining a bird's nest and is the work of modernist Keith Godwin. On the grounds of a new apartment project, it's being viewed skeptically by Mrs. June Rossdale and son, James, 3. WORLD'S OLDEST LIVING MAN?—Javier Pereira is reputedly the world's oldest man—at the tender age of 167. The wrink- led, pint-sized South American Indian from Bogota, Colombia, stands four feet four inches tall and weights 75 pounds. He was flown from Barranquilla, Colombia, to the United States for an intensive scientific study on his condition at the Cornell Medical Center, Ithaca, N.Y. Above, Javier, who may have been born in 1789, calmly eats an ice cream cone in Miami, Fla., first stop on his irip to Cornell Just By Way ©f A Complete Story by JOHN JOHNS She was definitely worth a whistle. And Dick was in mid - whistle when his legs gave up the unequal struggle against gravity and he sat on the ice- drome rink so hard that glasses bounced in the bar fifty feet away. Not that that worried him un- duly. In the three weeks since he had begun to learn to skate he had accepted the fact that Iife's downs are more frequent than its ups. What really upset him, I enuld see, was her laugh as she swept by on the arm of a burly ice-hoekey player. I leaned over the rinkside bar - Tier and pulled him to his feet. "Friend," I said, "keep your mind on your work." Ile stared after her with an enpression wllc•ih in anyone else would indicate acute indigestion, but in his case is simply wistful- ness. "A lovely girl like that with a moron like that," he groaned. "There's no justice." "Is that charitable'?" I said. "IIe's probably kind to ehildren and makes handsome contribu- tions to the ice -hockey players' benevolent league. And anyway -- some fo my best friends are morons." He ignored me. Clutching the barrier, he hobbled off the ice and sat staring hungrily as she circled the rink, "I'm going to learn to skate," he said, "if it kills me." "I like you better alive," I Said. "Come and have a pint to reduce your blond pressure. There are as good fish elf the ice as on it." But he wouldn't move. There he sat, watching her for another hour, and there I sat with him, shivering. Finally, to my relief, the ice was cleared as the last session ended, and Dick went to change. As I waited for him by the door, she strolled past on the arm of her hockey player, and I had to admit that she was what certain citizens might term a lush thrush. Dick emerged from the chang- ing room, and we walked out into the street. "How about that pint?" I asked. He grunted, His mind was on other things. "Lovely night," I said. He grunted again, and nearly walked into a lamp post. 'The moon's bright green," I said. He didn't even botherto grunt. "Her name's Sadie," I said. He stopped dead. "How d'you know?" "I heard that hockey player talking to her while you were changing." He frowned. "Oaf!" "Look," I said, "let's not get personal." "Him, I mean," said Dick. "That muscle-bound hockey player." He crushed an inof- fensive matchbox with his heel, Then: "How long does it take to become an expert skater?" • "Years." He thought for a moment. "But if one spent all one's spare time, every day, practising. "Don't be a mutt," I said. "If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, then it's a waste of time. By the time you can do a figure four, even, she'll be a veteran member of the House- wives' League." "Oh, shut up," he snarled, and mumbling something about hav- ing to get home, he.ran for a bus. It was the wrong one, but he was too dazed to notice. I had my reeking The lice pint alone, reflecting mournfully that I wasn't going to see much of him for quite a while. Me, I'm a non -skater. I don't mind sitting by the rink now and again and watching, but enough's enough. Not for Dick, though. Other men might scale mountains or slay dragons for their beloved, but he ----since the nearest moun- tain was 200 miles away and there was a chronic dragon soilage in London—was deter- mined to skate into her heart, once he was able to conquer a tendency to skate into more solid objects. A couple of weeks Iater I vis- ited the rink again. Fond though I was of Dick, it was obvious that skates and he hadn't much in common. "how's the affair?" I asked, es he staggered off the rink and collapsed into the seat beside me, thankfully unlacing his boots. "Affair, my aching foot," he said bitterly. "I can't get near her when she's on the ice, and when she's off it there's always a brace of those barrel-chested hockey players round her." "Why don't you try an in- structor?" "I have. He resigned after one session. Ile said he wasn't in- sured." Dick sighed miserably. I decided there was nothing for it; somehow he would have to meet Sadie—forcibly, if need be. I couldn't stand by and watch a friend pine away. "Look," I said, "of you were over there in the centre of the rink, face to face with her, could you do your stu'.f? He rocked an eyebrow. "I5 you mean could I make a date - 1 could have a darned good try." "Well, then. Suppose you stand with your back to the barrier and aim yourself at Sadie. Sup- pose I give you a shove. Yon glide gracefully towards her,. bump against her in passing, and stop to apologize. A few well- chosen words: and the rest fol- lows as night follows day. More or less." He thought for a moment, "How do 1 get back from the centre of the rink? Ask her to push me like a wheelbarrow?" "You can worry about that once you get there. And you won't get there under your own steam. for a long, long time." He hesitated. "Well. , Just then Sadie glided past, smiling at a tall youth in a red sweater beside her. Dick glared. "O.K. What have I got to lose?" "That's the stuff," I said. "All we have to do is wait till she's in the centre of the rink, and then—hey presto!" We waited, Dick standing on the ice, and I with my hands on his shoulders. The crucial mo- menti came when Sadie was alone in the centre of the rink, admir- ingly watching the antics of the red-sweatered youth. "Contact!" I said. "Contact!" I took careful aim and pushed. Dick lurched, recovered his balance, and catapulted away across the ice. My aim had been perfect. No bee could have made a straighter line than the one he made for Sadie. Gentle bumps and well-chosen words were obviously out of the ques- tion. I just had time to shout 'fore" before he struck her squarely amidships. Frantically clutching at each other, they skidded across the rink and crashed into the barrier. Sadie was well and truly in Dick's arms. . That happy state of affairs lasted' just ten seconds --the time it tapk her to recover from the shock, flex her right arm, and give Diek a slap in the face that echoed round the icedrome. Five minutes later he walked --a,' rather I helped him—out of the rink for the last time. Oddly enough, he seemed hap- pier than he had been for weeks. "I," he said, "have been an Idiot. I can't think how cin earth 1 fell for that bad-tempered wench." He smiled broadly. "Come an, let's have a pint to celebrate my return to dry land." I smiled, too. For a moment, back there on the rink, I had been afraid 1 hadn't pulled hard enough. From "Tit -Bits" DoT Can I Q. !law east 1 mend a leak in the umbrella? A. First cut a piece of mend- ing tissue a little larger than the hole. Then cut a piece of silk or cambric a little larger than the piece of tissue. Plane tissue over the Bole on under side of cover. Then place the silk or cambric over the tissue, tucking the edge "under the tissue. Place a wet cloth over all and press with a hot iron. Q. How can I make a good so- lution to keep on hand for re- moving grease spots from wool- len goods? A. Put 1 ounce of pulverized borax in 1 ouart of boiling wa- ter. Bottle and keep in a eonven lent place for Ilse when needed. Q. How can I prevent worn faucet threads? A. Be careful when scouring the faucets to clean away all scouring grit from the joints, or it will work into the threads and soon wear them. Q. How can I make boys' pants wear longer? A. When making pants for the DM'S, try cutting the backs of the pants double. When a hole appears. turn in the worn edges end hem down to the under toode. The two piece:; will be faded alike. Q. llow can I prevent new shoes front hurting at the heel? A. Itub the inside of the heel 'with hard soap before putting en. Try fastening cross strips of t:aurt plaster to your heel. The platter will take the rub. Q. How can 1 clean the soiled edges of books? A. Close the book tightly and erase the soiled marks with an ink eraser. Do not use this meth - ed if the books are gilt edged. Q. Ilow can 1 prevent waste when melting chocolate? A. Much of the chocolate is wa:;ted because it sticks to the Miles and bottom of the con- tainer. This can be prevented by greasing the pan thoroughly be - fare putting in the chocolate. Q. How can I eliminate a ring or a stain on goods that has been left after using a cleaning fluid? A. First allow the spot to dry; then hold it over a steaming ket- tle until it disappears. Q. How can I keep, brown smear soft? A. Keep the brown sugar in an open jar in the icebox and it will remain soft. This keeps .it from becoming lumpy. Q. How can I repair the lid of a cooking vessel when the knob has come off? A. Slip a screw through the hole in the lid, with the head on the inside of the lid, and serew a cork on the protruding end. This knob will not get hot and can be renewed when worn or soiled. • SSIF ED AGENTS WANT DUU";o t'itOFtr with Personalized "Blitz. Shave".- Created by a World-Itenown• ed German Scientist. Sell by mail, 50 friends. e;e. Five million Canadian ohave,a are prospects. Full year's sup ply only 51.00. Free details. Aura Laboratory, 199 Bay St. Toronto • GO INTO BUSINESS for yourself. Salt exclusive houseware products and els. 'glances wanted by every householder. 'these Reins are not -sold ht stores. There Is no competition. Profits up- to 0000x. Write Immediately far free color catalogue withretail prices shown. S.narate eenfiriential wholesale price will be Included Murray gain, 3522 St. Lawrence, Montreal. ARTICLES FOR SALE IT'S SEW -EASY Ready to assemble Infant gowns of fin- est flannelette materiel; 3 In a package complete with instructions for only 51.98. Send Money Order with name and address 10 OGILVIE LINE OF ESSENTIALS aces 153, O'Connor Station, Toronto 16, Ontario. BABY CHICKS BRAY rbi:ks available now, Pullets. Broilers. And it's the pullets now that catch the good Grade A Largemarkets in '97. HatehieS weekly. Order In ad- vance 1f possible, but ask for• list of clicks on tend. Bray Hatchery, 120 John N., Hamilton. STARTED chick bargains,- two, three and four week old. Non sexed, pullets, cv'userels, immediate delvery, an popu- lar breeds. Mao booking orders now for fall and winter delivery. Special egg breeds dual !!purpose breeds, Broilers, first generation Indian River cross (Laneaster x Nichols. No, 12 pullet) Arbor Acre white rook. Turkey pwdts. Broad breasted bronze, large white, A.O. Smith Broad white, Beltsville, Five to six weeks old heavy breed cockerels. Special price while they la t. Assorted breeds 514.95 per hundred Catalogue. TWgnDLE CHICK HATCHERIES LTD. F10101 5 ONTARIO FOR SALE FOR SALE ENTIRE BEEF HERD — Caws end Calves. Apply P.O. Box 127 Brantford, Ontario. NEW guns and rifles at wholesale Prices, write for our wholesale prices before buying. Trans -Canada Whole- sale Co., Box 952, Ottawa, Ont. HELP WANTED OVERSEAS lob opportunities. Survey lists all major companies hiring; how and where to apply. OnIy 51. Sattsfac. tion guaranteed Rathe Research. Box 20131, Los Angeles 20 California. 4EOIc Ao PROVEN REMEDY — Every sufferer of Rheumatic Pains or Neuritis should try DIXON'S REMEDY. MUNRO'S DRUG STORE, 335 Elgin Ottawa 11.25 Express Prepaid POST'S ECZEMA SALVE BANISH tate tormentof dry eczema rashes and weeping skin troubles. Post's Eczema Salve will not dtsap• point you. Itching, sealing and burn. Ing eczema; acne, ringworm, pimples and font eczema will respond readily to the stainless, odorless ointment re. gardless of how stubborn or hopeless they seem. Sent Past Free on Receipt of Price PRICE 52.50 PER JAR POST'S REMEDIES 2665 St. Clair Avenue East. TORONTO OPPORTUNITIES FOR MEN AND WOMEN BOYS: Girls' Got Samples. Christmas Cards, Stationery. Novelties, etc., now 1 R. IE. James R.R. 3, Metcalfe, Ontario. OPPORTUNITIES MEN and WOMEN TELEGRAPHERS wanted. We train and secure position. Plan a utnre. STENOGRAPHERS wanted. :ren weeks home scurse qunllries with ABC Sys- tem. Free folder either course. Casson Systems, 7 Superior Ave., Toronto. MERRY MENAGERIE Wilk4 a " of 45, '1111 iS dnSt95W ,.a-,",., M "Poor guy — fell into a cup of black coffee -- and he always takes it with cream and sugar:" AD EMS MENRAND WOMENIa G SELL "Merlite" 'fire alarms. Operator en flashlight batteries. Neat, ewmpaua 7'aat seller.. Every home a prospect. Coed commissions Particulars; 130;.-34, Bishop Falls, Newfoundland. BE A HAIRDRESSER JOIN CANADA'S LEADING 55:4006 Great Opportunity Learn ied profession: Pleasant dignified prufeseionr ful wages- Thousands of successful Marvel gradua es. America's Greatest b.sten Illustrated Catalog r.r? W rite or +7: 11 MARVEL HAIRPR1^+'"1'+ Y1:IR'OLS 358 Bluer 5t. '5., lor:•nto Rranchc4r 44 King St., 45,.10,51 _.--- 72 Rideau St., PATENTS THE RAMSAY CtOJIPAN', peter.: At- torneys, 273 Bank Street, u:tolV, '5 - fern to every inventor tun t:d•,r'llil 0 free, on patent procedures. FETHERSTONIIAI GII C 5 o +u p 0 n v, Patent Attorneys. Established 1800, ODD University Ave.. 'Toronto Patents all countries. PERSONAL --� SUMTRIALlArLoffer. l requirements. ;est r is logne Included The .‘1.1404.1 1grr •v 1105 22, Terminal "Q" 1 ram" +•:it - DEAFENED? ASI. for free booklet- and telling how Leonard's b'-i.sible Ear Drums have helped many others or send 510 for complete kit. A. 0. LEONARD COMPANY,. Dept. 4, Sox 306, stolen F., Toronto, 5. SWINE 1F ywant t, imprm•e Ne t.r de ut yourou hogs, buy a 1 and,:+ H.' r cross with any breed sou hast and you .111 note definite increase in tt,e number of Grade A hogs you .vett. We are utfer- Ing serviceable bars, L , r steed ism pig sows, fe,lr month old , . r and • boars. Weanling. Smsc a i 1 hoam. All our foundation stock, —,..tatted, from the beet Breeders In Scoth.nd. cat:. Logue. FERGL'5 b ANDILACE Sit 1 FAR N FERGUS i, c r;l Rift WANTED WANTED to - bus hav Ap:>Iy P.O. Box ,27. Brantford! .rrnartu. ISSUE 42 — 1950 GOLDMINE CATALOGI SAVINGS to 85`:. t Empire Atttemr.'u• Electric Skillet, advertised in Life. 559.95, only 511.15. 17.95. 5v .Lss-style camp, hunting knife.- 10 Implements 53.95. Name Brand Appl an, os, house- wares, toys televisions, p r tools, sport equipment garden ti'ppliea, ,J,tewelry, glftw are ere. I 'airings 1 Make this atnaii,V2 t atvlog your department store 1 [ Sas I 'lima 1 Traffic, parking headaches '. Save Hundreds esperl: tl,is Th('11,1`1-- Masi Earn hundreds of dll,,lo, senior; to others: 01.05 refundable. CARCION — XE 9970 Newport Fontana. California. The new "CARiNTHIA ' and ' IVERNIA" with their sister ship, "SAXONiA", provide fast and regular aailinga to England, Scotland and France. Fourth of the brilliant quartet of 22,000 -tan vessels especially built for the Canadian service, the new "SYLVANIA" will make her maiden voyage to Montreal in June, 1057. Also in service—the popular "SCYTHIA" and "ASCANIA". TRAVEL NOW AT LOW THRIFT SEASON RATES! FROM MONTREAL ASCANIA . OeL 10, Hos. 7 to 1e Havre, Southampton. IVERNIA ... Oct. 12, Nov. 2" to Liverpool *calls at Greenock Nov. 24 to Lm Hayre, Southampton. CARINTHIA.. Oa. 19", Nay. 9, Nov. 29" to Liverpool *calls at Greenock SCYTHiA . 00. 24, Nov. 17 to Le Havre, Southampton. )from Quebec) SAXONIA ... Oct, 24, Nov. 16° to Liverpool. "calls at Greenock Soo your Local Agent— No one can servo you better corner Bay A Wetlinaton Sts., Toronto, Ont. Telt EMpira 2.1481 1=11.1410111.11118112 3 CHRISTMAS SAILINGS PERSONALLY CONDUCTED 01 EXPERIENCED CUNARD PASSENGER REPRESENTATIVES IVERNIA Nev. 24 --Sent Montreal to le Havre, Southampton CARINTHIA Nov. 29 --Prom Montreal to Greenock,. Liverpool SAXONIA pec. 12—From Halifax to Cobh, Liverpool Moe. 16—from Naw Yorkl