The Seaforth News, 1955-03-10, Page 7•
HIECatVert SPORTS COLUMN
5e0.4e M ?e "
• This is more than a little belated to
rank as live news, but it's high time to
recognize, even at this late date, the bril-
liant feats of a group of Canadian marks-
men and markswomen, in the year of
1954.
The English Match -30 shots at 50 metres and 30 shots at
100 metres --was the first world championship event scheduled
in the 1954 meet at Caracas. Shooting a perfect 300 at 50
metres, Canada's Gilmour Boa tied with. Boris Pereberin of
Russia in the first half of the event. Here is where experience
told—not just experience in shooting but experience in win-
ning, and chilled -steel nerve as well. While the Russian drop-
ped five points at 100 metres, Gil in front of a large gallery of
spectators, dropped only two points to finish with a total of
598, two points greater than the previous world record. Gold,
silver and bronze medals and badges came the way of this
Canadian with the steady hand, the keen eyes, right through
the trophy.
Boa's world title win was a climax to a collossal year for
Canada in shooting.
The Canadian team in the Lord Dewar Match and the
Mayleigh Cup Match placed second in both these events. The
City of Calgary took top place in the 1954 Empire Cities Match
for the second straight year, The ladies of the Calgary Ririe
Club, representing the Province of Alberta, were Canada's
only entry in this annual competition. The team total of 1,978
was four points higher than the second place team represent-
ing the State of Michigan.
And not only with the rifles did Canada's marksmen ex-
cel. Vern Thornborrow of Hamilton, Ontario, achieved trap-
shooting fame by capturing the preliminary handicap event
at the Grand American. He is the first Canadian to win this
title. He was competing against a field of 1,729 shooters.
A national skeet title came to Canada for the first time.
Mr, and Mrs. Bill O'Brien of Montreal outshot all competit-
ors at the National Skeet shoot at Waterford, Michigan, to
capture the open "husband -and -wife" skeet crown.
Feats like these, we believe, are entitled to more generous
reognition than they received, and this column is happy to
do its share towards that end.
Your comments and suggestions for thls column will be welcomed
by Elmer Ferguson, rio Calvert House, 431 Yonge St., Toronto.
Calvtrt DISTILLERS
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AMHERSTBURG, ONTARIO
Just What Is It Makes
A Joke Tick?
Sitting an a platform, wait-
ing for a train, three university
professors were so absorbed in
thought that they failed to
notice its arrival.
Suddenly they sprang for-
"... and so my darling, I feel
it Isonlyright that I should give
you your freedom . - ."
ward as the train started, but
only two Of them caught it. A
porter consoled the third. "At
least two of you made it" he
said. "I know," replied the pro-
fessor, "but they only came to
see me off.'
He could have been the same
absent-minded professor who
said to his biology class: "I'm
now going to show you a dis-
sected frog—I've a splendid
specimen in this parcel" Un-
wrapping the paper he found it
contained a sandwich and some
fruit. He started in bewilder-
ment. "That's funny," he mut-
tered. "I've already eaten my
lunch..."
We all love a good laugh: but
how many of us appreciate the
science and technique of popu-
lar comedy? "It's paradoxical
that we who spend so much
time in the pursuit of humor
should know so little about it."
says Evan Essar: and he sets
out to remedy this in his ex-
cellent and most amusing book,
"The Humour Of Humour,"
classifying all things comic into
various categories.
The above stories are, of
course in the Absent-minded
Professor class. He's always
good for a chuckle. Even his
wife comes into it. She's sup-
posed to asic him before he
leaves for college each morn-
ing: "Wait, Henry. Are you
$1500 MASCOT—The Provo high school basketball team has a
new mascot and he's probably the most aristocratic gent In the
country to hold clown such a job. He's Juneter's Beautiful Peter,
a 14 -months -old bulldog valued at $1500.• The 60 -pound
beauty (?) is a purgbred red brindle, owned by Dr. Fred D.
Kartchner, with whom he's shown, above. Peter, with a nearly
perfect show ring body, won the only dog show he was ever
entered in. His father. who was worth $6000, won champion-
ships in America, England and Canada. His mother won English
and American championships. Peter attends all Provo High's
home games. The name of the team? Why the Bulldogs, of
course?
sure you've forgotten every-
thing?"
Then there's the drunk as a
figure of fun. Like the one who
put a quarter into one of those
automatic food machines. Out
came a cheese sandwich; so he
inserted another bob and got
another sandwich. After he'd
spent a five dollar bill and col-
lected a pile of twenty sand-
wiches, the restaurant manager
approached him. "Don't you
think you've got enough?' he
asked. "What!" cried' the
drunk. "You want to stop me
In the middle of a winning
streak?"
Another drunk who was not
too far gone to size up a tricky
situation was creeping into bed
at dawn when his wife stirred
it her sleep and started to pat
his head, murmuring: "Down,
Rover, Down!" She had obvi-
ously taken him to be their lit-
tle dog. which used to slip into
bed with them on cold morn-
ings. So the drunk promptly
licked her hand—and she dozed
off again.
A great butt for jokes in re-
cent years has been the effi-
ciency expert, the man who
visits factories and offices to
streamline work and cut out
waste.
The efficiency expert, ane
critic observes, will tell you
that if a farmer's hired hand
can pick six quarts of cherries
in an hour, and a girl five
quarts, the two of them toge-
ther will pick eleven quarts.
But any farmer knows that
when together they won't pick
any at ally
There's an amusing report on
an efficiency expert who ap-
proached two clerks in a goo.-
ernment office. "What do you
do here?" he asked one of
them. The clerk, fed up with
..a
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"1VER3,1tA'pCunardois
Wend of three New
Maiden Voyaeelune 1955
Corner Bay & Wellington Sts., Toronto
Telephone EMpire 41-3471
See your local agent—
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CUNARD LINE
Bring Youren Eurepo rfriends
Prepay their pasa98as io Ca,odo
Ont.
red tape, forms—and particu-
larly efficiency experts — re-
torted: "I don't do a thing!"
Making a note of it, the expert
turned to the other clerk. "And
what's your job?" Taking his
cue from his colleague, the
clerk said: "I don't do any-
thing either.' The expert's
face lit up. "Hmmm,' he mur-
mured triumphantly. "Duplica-
tion!"
The insult comes under- rep-
artee. Two girls are talking.
One says: "I refused to marry
Bob three months ago, and he's
been drinking ever since." The
other smiles: "That's what I
cal] carrying a celebration too
far."
There's also the double insult.
At a luncheon party an actress
noted for her jealousy looked
significantly at Beatrice Lillie
and said: I dread to think of
life at forty-five" "Why?"
asked the nimble -witted come -
d 1 e n n e. "What happened
then?' she asked.
A deadly shaft concerns the
famous wit Dorothy Parker.
When a friendly enemy said to•
her, "I'm so sorry, I completely
forgot your party last night,"
Miss Parker feigned surprise.
"Oh, weren't you there?" she
asked.
Then there's the attention-
getter, a classic example of
which concerns the college
girl who got engaged. All next
day she wore her ring but to
her dismay none of her school
friends noticed it. The follow-
ing morning, when they were
all round her, she got up sud-
denly. "It's awfully hot in
here," she exclaimed. 'I think
I'll take my ring off.
We've all met the man who
must brag about his home town
or county—like the Texan who
had travelled East to attend the
funeral of a friend who was
thoroughly disliked in his com-
munity. The minister was new
to the parish so he called on
someone to say a few words
about the deceased. In the dead
silence that followed the Texan
got up. 'Well, since no one has
anything to say about our de-
parted brother,' he drawled,
"I'd like a few minutes to tell
you folks about Texas."
FOR SLEEPLESSNESS
A minister and a doctor had
fallen into a habit of joking with
each other about their respective
professions. When the minister
inquired about the health of an
elderly member of his congrega-
tion, whom he knew the doctor
was attending, the physician put
on a serious mien, "Poor Thomp-
son," he sighed. "To tell the
truth, he needs your help more
than he needs mine."
"Is it that bad?" inquired the
minister with concern.
"Yes," replied the doctor shak-
ing his head. "I've been trying to
get him to take a nap every day
and he just won't do it."
TC
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Wave lifted Ship
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For the first time it is now
possible to record the exact
height of waves by means of a
British -made sea -wave recorder
which will be used during the
coming spring by scientists of
the Oceanographic Institution
at Wood's Mole, Massachusetts.
With this recorder they will
be able to check the accuracy
or otherwise Of traveller's' tales
of "mountainous waves,' Wave
heights vary, of course, accord-
ing to the fury of a storm.
The captain of an Atlantic
liner reported years ago that
during a sudden gale his ship
encountered during the night
waves "as high as a house."
A specially constructed cam-
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ordinary waves are from six to
twelve feet high. In a high
sea they may rise to twenty-
seven feet; in a violent gale to
thirty-six feet.
The tidal wave that followed
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A tremendous wave seen by
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