HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Seaforth News, 1958-02-13, Page 7Criili Jests
The late Sir Bernard Spits-
bury, the famous pathologist,
enjoyed a joke. On one occasion
Spilsbury was attending at a
coroner's court when another
witness; a young doctor, was
overcome by the stuffiness of the
court and fainted. He was car-
ried out and, of course, Spils-
."bury, as the nearest available
medical man went to attend to
him.
The young doctor came to and
found himself laid out on a slab
with the serious face of .the
pathologist bending over him.
The young man must have ima-
gined that he was to be the sub-
ject of .a post-mortem for he
yelled in horror and jumped up
and fled.
Another person who got a
chock was Spilsbufy's cook. The
great man once brought home.
a specimen from his laboratory
-a human arm or leg—and left
it under a cover in the kitchen.
The cook found it, and had hys-
terics.
Railway detectives played a
joke, and it brought results.
They had been worried by lug-
gage thieves who somehow got
into the luggagecompartments
of long-distance trains and rifled
the suitcases.
One day a large trunk label-
led "This Side Up -Handle With
Care" was' put on board just
beforea train started. The de-
tectives were suspicious r but had
no time to examine it. So they
told theguard to place it ur ode
. down.
In a few moments there were
loud yells for help from inside
the trunk. It contained a well-
known thief whose intention had
been to slip out of hiding when
the guard's " attention was dis-
tracted and collect anything of
value from the other cases in
the compartment. He had plan-
ned to climb back into the trunk
with his loot and patiently wait
until it was delivered to the ad-
dress of one of his •friends.
Don't Mess
With Nature!
The momentum of man's pro -
'llins has Come to be an awesome
ng, sometimes with man mak-
ug an illogical fool of himself.
o sooner has his ingenuity
whipped up something epochal
like the missile than he puts
Winself to the task of making
an antimissile to eliminate the
Missile he made in the first place.
In his efforts at self -govern -
silent we see him setting up laws
then straining to find loopholes
in them, so as to escape their
effect. He grubs for money to
enhance his well-being, but is
never satisfied until he has more
than he can use, then lives in
-fear of lasing that excess.
But it is when he starts mess-
ing around with nature that man
pulls such boners that even he
begins to worry about ultimate
results. Only recently has he dis-
covered he can't destroy forests,
overwork lands, transplant flora
and fauna carelessly, without
suffering unnatural consequences.
Somebody tried to beautify the
Congo with water hyacinths, and
now it is clogged with them.
Birds imported from Europe to
America likewise thrived and be-
came a nuisance even while the.
passenger pigeon and the whoop-
ing crane were being wiped out.
Now man can wipe out man.
Here in our mountains, the
eoyote has to go becaus(. he preys
on domestic livestock. But the
coyote also preys on mice, so it
folows that the fewer the coyotes,
the more mice and other rodents,
and something must replace the
coyote, otherwise we will get a
pest even more troublesome.
Now on the brink of space ex-
ploration, man is also on the
verge of learning to control his
weather and the climate of the
earth he lives on. This may be
his fatal mistake .. .
It would be distressing enough
to seethe Russians or anyone
else smear the moon with sign -
painter's ink. But it would be
snore outrageous if any man were
to flood the Sahara, send bliz-
zards to the valley of the Amazon
and melt all the snow and ice at
the North Pole. Horribly enough,
such stunts appear to be coming
into the realm of possibility.
Great as is the present rate of
expansion of human knowledge,
it must ever be only a • little
knowledge, and dangerous when
applied to seeking loopholes in
the laws of universal nature.
-Denver Post.
DRIVE WITH CARE!
MERRY MENAGERIE
#14t ieJ5,' I'ra
"lie's trying to break his hu-
snan of that go -fetch -the -paper
stuff!"
CALCULATED CRACKUP — The 1957 Ford above roared down a
South' Carolina hill at 75 miles an hour, hit an obstacle; lurch-
ed out of control, skidded 175 feet,' hit a ditch, spun out for
150 feet more, bounced seven feet into the air and overturned
in 'a holocaust of sparks, flame and srnoke. Then the door
opened and the driver (arrow) wiggled out — with a satis-
fied grin on his face, He was Carey Loftin, 44 -year-old ace
Hollywood stunt man and cracking up cars like his is his
bread and butter. His 'careful calculation landed the wreck
within 18 inches of wherehe had told the director it would
end up. You'll see this crash in "Thunder Road," where it brings
sudden death to Bob Mitchum. -
Flaming Torch To
Thaw Gasoline!
• The wind tore rents in the
curtain of snow to display to the
captain of the Mary Ellen an
occasional glimpse of the white
blanket that was the shore. No
sign of any activity on its deso-
late stretch met his straining
eyes. Nothing but silence as tons
of snow fell and melted in the
water, deepening on the deck of
the vessel — and on the cases
piled there.
Inching his way into harbour,
Manny Zora "smelt" that some-
thing was wrong. His sense of
danger, sharpened by years of
smuggling activity, Warned him
off, and he decided to make for
a tiny island north of the mouth
of the inlet. Here the crew of the
Mary Ellen unloaded their car-
go of contraband.
Manny Zora returned to the
mainland to find out what had
gone wrong with the organiza-
tion and the lorries which were
to pick up his cargo. After leav-
ing instructions for the vessel
to head out to sea and wait, he
untied the dory from the ship's
stern and pulled for the shore.
The blurred outlines of another
dory appeared through the swir-
ling snowstorm and the distance
bbtween them closed. There was
no response to his shout: "Hey,
there!"
Manny shipped his oars and
waited. The other dory slid
alongside, and 1Vlanny's fea'rs
were realized as he had a close-
up of three tough members of
the Coast Guard.
Life for Manny Zara was full
of brushes with coast guards
during the prohibition era in
America's thirsty history, and
"The Sea Fox,' by Scott Corbett,
with Captain Manuel Zora tells
the stirring, rollicking adven-
tures of a bootlegger who match-
ed his wits against authority by
ferrying its supplies of illegal
spirits from Rum Row, the ren-
dez-vous of a fleet of old liquor -
carrying schooners and rusty
freighters anchored a few miles
off the coast of America.
Many of the rum -runners were
Portuguese who had settled in
America and, to allay suspicion,
did a certain amount of fishing
in small ships. The introduction
of the gasoline engine as motive
power was welcomed with all
the confidence of total ignorance!
When a motor was fitted the
owner was instructed how to
crank it until it started, how to
cut it, and that was that.
One morning, a frosty one,
two men boarded their dory
prior 'to a day's work, The cap-
tain cranked until he was ex-
hausted. His one-man crew
watched in silence until he was
ordered to have a go. He cranked
until he could crank no more;
but the engine stayed silent. The
captain tried again, without suc-
cess.
Getting his breath back, the
"crew" offered the suggestion
that without a doubt the gaso-
line was frozen. The captain
agreed and went to work un-
freezing it with a two-inch thick
flaming torch. There was a sud-
den explosion, both - men flung
themselves overboard and the
dory went up in flames.
On another, occasion the engine
failed when a boat was far out
at sea. The skipper stopped his
frenzied cranking to implore:
"Please, Saint Peter, make this
boat start and I promise when
I -get in I'll bust it to pieces!"
Presumably 5t. Peter heard,
for the motor eventually started,
True to his word, the skipper's
first job when he made land was
to ask for a hammer and with
it proceed to smash the engine!
An ever-present annoyance to
the rum -runners were the hi-
jackers- crafty, cunningprowl-
ers both by land and sea, who.
waited and watched where the
loads were hidden ashore, then
raided the hideouts.
Papa Perera was cunning; but
his memory was short. A man
of the soil, he successfully foiled
the hi-jackers -- and on many
occasions himself, too; For often
he forgot where he'd interred a
quart bottle.
Even when prohibition had
become but a memory, he would
strike a bottle with his spade
while turning over ground to
plant corn or potatoes, often
with fatal results to the bottle!
Captain Zora was a thorn in
the sides of officialdom; but he
was a sharp thorn, and knew
just to what extent he could foil
the law and its officers.
Returning til the darkness to
the pier with a cargo of crates of
beer, Manny Zora tied up and
was all set for off-loading when,
from the wharf above, the beam
of a powerful flashlight settled
steadily on the cargo.
A surprised Captain Zora pad-
ded. off to investigate. Behind
the flashlight was the chief of
police —in civvies. Manny re-
traced his steps to the Mary
Ellen.
On board again, he glanced up
at the dark outline behind the
torch and brazenly requested:
"Good, chief, thanks. Keep the
light on so that we can see what
we are doing." Coils of rope
were dug out and cases of beer
Secured at intervals along the
lengthy lines of rope.
The task completed, the Mary
Ellen set off back to the supply
ship, moored safely beyond the
penetrating beam of the flash-
light. Me crates were dumped
overboard and the free ends of
the lines secured to the ship's
mooring, where they could be
retrieved at leisure.
Manny Zora returned to the
pier with an empty vessel, happy
in the knowledge that the au-
thority of the chief of . police
ended at the pier. He had no
right to board a ship; that was
the coast guard's job.
ROUND AND ROUND
The doctor -was puzzled. "You
ought to be better by now," he
said. "Have you carried out my
instructions?"
"Well, doctor," said the pa-
tient, "Ive done most of them,
but is can't take the two-mile
walk every morning you order-
ed. I get too dizzy."
"What do you mean — dizzy?"
"Well," said the patient, "per-
haps I forgot to tell you, but I'm.
a lighthouse keeper."
If tilt* .' IRE
ALL T E Tis„
Everybody gets a bit run-down now and
then, tired -out heavy -headed, and maybe
bothered by backaches. Perhaps nothing
seriously wrong, just a temporary toxic
condition caused by excess acids and
wastes. That's the time to take Dodd's
Kidney Pills. Dodd's stimulate the kidneys,
and so help restore their normal action of
removing excess acidsand wastes. Then
you feel better, sleep better, work better.
Get. Dodd's Kidney Pills now. Look .for
the blue box wills the red band at all
druggists. You can depend on Dodd's.' 52
Long Livhig -
Birds And Anilrn Is
Experts have pointed out that
some domestic animals are
much longer -lived than we im-
agine and that there is a tend-
ency for them to live longer
nowadays.
The average life of a dog is
j5 years and a horse between
25 and 30 years. There are re-
cords of cats living to the age
of 20 and over, but most cats
die before they are 15 years old.
Pigs will often exceed 20
years ,of age, but five years is
a fair average for a rabbit and
seven for a hare.
Lions do not often live be-
yond 20 years. In captivity they
usually die before the age of 17.
Leopards, jaguars and hyenas
live to be approximately 25. The
elephant's normal life -span is
75 years, but sometimes he is
"not out" at a century. Camels
are often old and bent at 35.
Man -like apes seldom live
more than 30 °"years, Mickey, a
London Zoo chimpanzee, died of
senile decay when 26 years old.
Age limits for some other beasts
include: rhinoceroses, 45; hip-
popotamuses, 40; bears, 35;
giraffes, 30;kangaroos, 20; sea -
lions, 25.
Walruses certainly live to 50
years of age and possibly much
longer, while a seal has lived in
captivity for over thirty years.
Reptiles are very long-lived.
Among tortoises, those inhabit-
ing t h e Galapagos Islands
weighing five to six hundred-
weights are reputed to attain
great ages. One is said to have
lived 200 years.
Parrots and cockatoos are
among the longest -lived birds.
Although fabulous ages . should
be taken with a grain of salt,
there is a well -authenticated in-
stance of a parrot reaching 102
years. When he was turned
sixty, Cocky, a sulphur -crested
cockatoo, took part in a TV
show.
One of the longest -lived do-
mestic birds is the goose which
sometimes lives to the age of
40. Hens have lived to 19, ducks
to more than 17 and a cock
pheasant has survived in natur-
al surroundings to 22.
Small birds live much longer
than is leteerally supposed. A
goldfinch has lived in an aviary
for 24 years and, stranger still,
a nightingale lived for 25 years.
PEEP SHOW—Aqua the sea lion
gives a fair imitation of a
Peeping Tom as he peers
through a window at the Sea-
quarium. Actually, he's keep-
ing an eye on his trainer,
Adolph Frohn, who's cleaning
up the animal quarters inside.
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INSTRUCTION
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ISSUE 6 — 1958
SLEEP
TO -NIGHT
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VESSEL
Frain HALIFAX
To
VESSEL
From NEW YORK
To
CARINTHIA ' Sal, FEB, B Cobh, Uverpool CARINTHIA Fri. FEB. 7 Cobh,Liverpool
SAXONIA Fri. FEB. 14 Havre, London (Tilbury) SAXONIA Thurs. FEB. 13 Havre, Landon (Tilbury)
SYLVANIA Sat. FEB. 22 Cobh, Liverpool QUEEN ELIZABETH Fri. FEB. 14 Cherbourg, Southampton
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CARINTHIA Sat. MAR, 8 Cobh, Liverpool IVERNIA Thurs. FEB. 27 Havre, London (Tilbury)
SAXONIA Fri. MAR. 14 Havre, London (Tilbury) MEDIA' Fri. FEB. 28 Liverpool (via Bermuda)
SYLVANIA Sat. MAR. 22 Cobh, Liverpool QUEEN ELIZABETH Sat. MAR. 1 Cherbourg, Southampton
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CARINTHIA 5a1, APR, $ Cobh, Liverpool SAXONIA Thurs. MAR. 13 Havre, London (Tilbury)
"SAXONIA Fri. APR. 11 Havre, London (Tilbury) PARTHIA Fri, MAR. 14 Liver sol
QUEEN ELIZABETH Wed. MAR. 19 Ch ourg, Southampton
Frain MONTREAL SYLVANIA Fri. MAR. 21 Cob , Liverpool
Wad. APR. 16 Greenock, Liverpool IVERNIA Thurs. MAR. 27 time, London (Tilbury)
Thurs. APR. 24 Havre, London (Tilbury) MEDIA Fri. MAR, 20 Liverpool (via Bermuda)
Wed. APR. 30 Greenock, Liverpool QUEEN ELIZABETH Wad. APR. 2 Cherbourg, Southampton
Thurs. MAY 0 Greenock, Liverpool 'CARINTHIA Fri. APR. 4 Cobh, Liverpool
Thurs. MAY 8 Havre, London (Tilbury) 'QUEEN MARY Wed. APR. 9 Cherbourg, Southampton
Thurs. MAY 22 Greened, Liverpool - "SAXONIA '• Thurs. APR. 10 - Havre, Landon (Tilbury)
Thurs. MAY 22 Havre, Southampton "PARTHIA Frl. APR. 11 - Liverpool
SYLVANIA
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'Summer See,on 004,, Apply.
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Wast Indies and South America
AL4fAE0i�NEAN.
• -�"' OF 1959
,,.GREAT WORLD (9U15E
See your local agent—
No one can serve you better
C HARD LANE
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"01'"
Bring your relatives
Prepay t from Europef
dS
Inqussire Pi s o Canada
about Canadian Gavernmentl
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