Loading...
HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Clinton News Record, 1916-09-07, Page 2G. D. MoTAGGART M. D. MeTAGGART McTaggart Bros. BANKERS — •A GENERAL BANKING SUSI, NESS TRANSACTED, NOTES DISCOUNTED, DRAFTS ISSUED INTEREST ALLOWED ON DE- POSITS SALE NOTES run. CHASED. • - H. T. RACE - -••• NOTARY PUBLIC). CONVEY- ANCER, FINANCIAL, REAL; ESTATE AND FIRE INSUR- ANCE AGENT. REPRESENT- ING IA FIRE INSURANCE COMPANIES. DIVISION COURT CFFICE, CLINTON. W. BRYDONE, BARRISTER, SOLICITOR. NOTARY Pinup, ETC. Office- Sloan Block --CLINTON IL G. CAMERON K.C. BARRISTER, SOLICITOR, CONVEYANCER, ETC. - * Office on Albert Street occuped bY Mr. Hooper. In Clinton on every Thursday, and on any day for which ap- pointments are made. Office hours from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. A good vault in connection with the office, Office open every week -day. Mr. Hooper will snake any appointments for Mr. Cameron. CHARLES B. HALE, Conveyancer, Notary Public. Commissioner, Rte. REAL ESTATE and INSURANCE Issuer of Marriage Licenses - HURON STr.ERT, - CLINTON ORS. GUNN & GANDIER Dr. W. Gunn, L.R.O.P., L.R. Edin. Dr. d. C. Gaudier, B.A., MB. Office -Ontario St., Clinton. Night ells at residence, Rattenbury St., or at Hospital. OR. C. W. THOMPSON PHSTICIAN, SURGEON. ETC. Special attention given to dis- eases of the Eye, Ear, Neu and Throat. Eyes carefully examined and suit- able glasses preseribed. Office and residence: 2 doors west of the Commercial Hotel, Huron St, DR. F. A. AXON - DENTIST Specialist in Crown and Bridge Work. Graduate of C.O.D.S., Chicago, end 11.0.1),8., To. ronto. Bayfield on Mondays from May to December, GEORGE ELLIOTT Licensed Auctioneer for the County of Huron. Correspondence promptly answered. Immediate arrangements can be made for Sale i Date at The News -Record, Clinton, or by milling Phone 18 on 157, Charges moderate and satisfaction guaranteed, The iloKillop Mutual Fire Insurance Company Head office, Seaforth, Ont. DIRECTORY President, James Connolly, Goderleh ; Vice, James Evans, Beechwood; Sec. -Treasurer, Thos. E. Hays, Sea - forth. Directors : George McCartney, Sea - forth; D. P. McGregor, Seaforth ; p. G. Grieve, Winthrop; Win.Itinn, Seaforth ; A. McEwen, Brucefield ; Robert Perris, Harlock. Agents : Alex. Leitch, Clinton; J. W. Leo, Goderich ; Ed. Hinchley, Sea. forth ; W. Chesney, Egnaondville ; R. S. Jarmuth, Brodhagen. • Any money to be paid in may be paid to Moorish Clothing Co, Clinton, or at Cutt's Grocery, Goderich. Parties desiring to effect insurance or transact other "business will be promptly attended to on application to any of the above officers addresmi to their respective post offices. Lessee Inspected by the director who lives hearest the scene, GRA, RONA 117,4-1, son -TIME TABLE..... Trains will arrive at and depart from Clinton Station as follows: BUFFALO AND GODERICH DIV. Going East, depart • II 7.83 am. 8.03 pere 5.15 pm. Going West, Sr. 11.00, dp. 11.07 a.m, " depart 1,35 p.m. • " ar 6.32, dp. 0.45 p.m, " departs 11.18 p.m. LONDON, HURON & BRUCE DIV. Going South, Sr. 7.33, dp. LOS p.m. " departs 4.15 p.m. Going North, ar.10.80; dp. 11.00 a.m. departs 6,40 pin,, • DELAWARE, LACKAWANA AND WESTERN COAL COMPANY'S , SCRANTON, COAL in all sizes CHESNUT PEA - STOVE FURNACE Also • SOFT COAL CANNEL COAL SMITHING COKE Standard Weight, Standard Quality Its the good Coal. Do you need bard wood or slabs ? We have lots on hand at the right prioes. We always keep a good stock of Port- land Cement, and 3., 4, and 0 -inch Tiles. TAY 'US. RI at M. FORBES Opposite the G. T. It, Station. Phone 52. Fertilizer We carry a Complete Stock of Stone's Natural Fertilizer. No better on the market. Hay We pay at all seasons the highest market prices for Hey for baling. Seeds American Feed Corn, Red Clo- ver, Aleilre, Timothy and Alfalfa. FORD & NicLEOD CLINTON. How is Your Cutlery Supply ? Ton know that Jewelry Store Cutlery is out of the com- mon class. At least, OURS In. It csarriee a distinctiveness - an air of superiority, that comes from being made with the greatest care and ut- most skill from the highest - priced materials. If you can use some of this Cutlery in your home, yogi will be proud of it -every time you see. it on the table, Carvers, cased, $3.00 up. Knives, Forks and SIPO011iSt $1.00 doz. up. Knives and Forks, steel, white handles, $3.00 doz. up. Let us show you our Cutlery line. Let us tell you more about why it is the most desirable that you can put your money into. W. R. COUNTER JEWELER and ISSUER of MARRIAGE'LICENSES. KEWS-RECORTS NEW CLUBBING RATES FOR TOili WEEEL1ES. News.Recorei and Mail aEmire ..st, News -Record and Globe ..............its ews•Itesord and Family Rerila.1 Weekly Star .. . ... . .... 1.32 News -Record and Canadian Countryman ......... • ....... 1 5 0 News -Record and Weekly B511 News•Record end Farmer'. Advocate- its New, -Record and Farm es Dairy its Nows•Reeord and Canadian Farm .... 1.24 Nems•Record end Weekly Witness .... 144 Nowa-Record and Northern Messenger 1.61 Newaltecord ttnd Free Pram .......... 1.22 ewa,Record and Advertiser* - Lee News -Record and Saturday Night.. 2.50 Novo -Record end Youth's Companion 3.54 News -Record and Fruit Grower mid Farmer • .......... 1. /2 News,Record and Canadian Sports. m a .n - . .... . • . . ..$3.22 Newa•Record andLippineott's Meg, - lisle.......... .. . ... . .............. 3.0 DAILIES. News -Record and World News -Record and Globe — News -Record and Mail & New s•Record and Advertiser2.P News -Record end Morning Free Preis. 3,31 New s•Record and Evening Free Preis. 2.15 Newsasoord and Tol'Onto Star. ...... 2,U NeweRecord and Toronto News3,22 If what you want le not In this flat les is know about it. We can supply you at lees than it would cost yen to mend direct In remitting please do so by Post.onles Order Postal Note, Expert. Order Cr Seib tittered letter and address, W. J. MITCHELL, Publisher News-R.83r4 CLINTON, ONTARIO Clinton News.,Record CLINTON. - ONTARIO Terms of subscription -SI per year, in advance; $1.50 may be charged if act so paid. No paper diecon. tinned until all arrears are paid, unless at the option of the pub- lisher. The date to which every • subscription is pain is denoted oa the label. Advertising Rates - Transient ad- vertisements, 10 cents per non- pareil line for first insertion arid cents per lino for each subse- quent insertion. Small advertise- ments not to exceed one blob, such aa "Lost,". PStreaod,nt Or "Stolen," etc, inserted once fof 35 cents, and each subsequent in. sertion 30 cents. Communications intended for pub. lication must, as a guarantee of good faith, be aceionipanied by the name of tne writer. W. 3. MITCHELL, Editor and Proprietor. THE GOLIATH OF ENGLAND IS BEER A MORE TERRIBLE ENEMY THAN GERMANY. It Has Killed an Army Greater Than That Under Arms Tri.day. Arthur Lee, in the London Daily Mail thus condemns the drink evil in Great Britain: • There is sonic hope for those who love our land. The Government is picking up a pebble to throw at our great Goliath. It is like a miracle to read that, the Government has dared to touch the Pot of beer that all these years has been more ter- rible than Germany,. more powerful than the Church of England, • and more sacred than the Front Bench of the House of Commons. A British Government that was not afraid of beer would be a spectacle indeed for gods and karsers. A Brit- ish Government that could conquer beer would Make Consols jump for joy, and Germans fly for their lives. For it has been the unwritten law of govererneets since most of us were born that you must not touch this thlynogu. may. take a man's house in England now, you may take his motor -car, or his workshop, or the business he has built up during fifty years, or the money he has saved for his old age; you. may take away his liberty and his only son, but you must not touch his beer. If you are the Government of the greatest em- pire on the earth, if the fate of hu- man liberty is in your hand, and if a pot of beer stands' in your path, you must not kick it out. Let it be; it is the holy thing of England. And what is this thing before which kings and governments bow down? What has it done for us in these bitter days, in the daysin which we should have found the strength we need so sorely now? If it is teen, as it is, that in fifty years we have thrown away an army as great as we have under arms to- day, it is beer that has consumed quite half of it. It has cut clown the flower of our manhood less quickly, but not less horribly, than German shells are dedng now. . Sapper of Strength. It has bred weak joints, weak mus- cles, weak brains and little stunted bodies with feeble minds, where we should have had men fit Or soldiers and women 'fit to make a soldier's home. It has chained our men in slums that are not worth fighting for; it has put a millstone round the neck of industry so that WO have lag- ged behind our enemy; it has poured our wealth into the gutter; it has written "rejeeted as unfit" against the names of half a million men who were willing to join our army now in France. And how did our beer -god help us when the hour of peril struck at last? It is just a year since it im- perilled our national safety, and we N • - You obould always keep a bottle of Chamberlain'. Stomach and Lice,' Tablets on the shelf. Thu littio folk 130 often need a mild and safe cathartic and they do appreciate Chamberlain's instead of nauseous oilseed mixtures. For otonz ach troubles and constipation, give oncjust before going to bed. All druggists, 26o, Or send to cHAMBEItLaIN MEDICINE CO., TORONTO is There is a Cold Day Coming Why not prepare for it by ordering your winter /supply of Lehigh Valley Coal. None better in the world. Reese Phone 12. Office Phew) AU. A. J. HOLLOWAY THE CHILDREN OF TO -DAY lust as they are—in their in door play, or at their outdoor play—they Are constantly of- te rip g temptations for ch.. K015 K Let it keep them for Yon al they are now. Let it keep many other hap- penings that are a source of pleasure to you. BROWNIES, $2 TO VII KODAK% $7 TO $255 'Also full stock. of Films and Supplies. We do Developing and Printing. Remember the please t _ THE FIEXALLSTORE ,...."412.7321221.11-49,311341}1M1.1.-1..",..." Ygrotialaina.ria92.2[1.6.67.{.14,4 A New Photo of Mrs. Herbert H. Asquith S a woman of very pronounced personality. The daughter of the late , Charles Tennant, she was as Miss Margot Tennant renowned for her wit land high spirits. she was a *mintier of the well-known "sect" of Souls, land ;the heroine of Mr. Benson's famous "Dodo" was also supposed to have'heen suggested by the subject di our picture. Mrs. Asquith hal a very fine and: lreal appreciation of all things artistic. are not likely to forget it. This time last year, with the fate of Eu- rope in the- balance, the beer -god stalked abroad in every street and factory and dockyard, and held sway so mightily that the director of transports warned the Government that supplies to the army and navy might stop; the director of naval equipment warned the Goveernment that shipbuilding might come to a standstill; manufacturers of explo- sives warned the Government that they might not be able to deliver the goods; and Admiral Jellicoe warned the Government that the ef- ficiency of the fleet was imperilled. So this thing has served the army and the navy. And what of the peo- ple? What of all those millions of dent Wilson's remark about the world going mad is given in the an - people with shillings and pounds to meal report of Dr. William Graham, spare arid save that they will want of Belfast, one of the most highly re-/ LESS INSANITY DURING THE WAR WHAT AN IRLSH ALIENIST HAS TO SAY. THE DISEASE OF MILITARISM A MOST IMPORTANT THING TQ GUARD AGAINST. Is Based Upon Pear, Not Upon Hope, and It Abandons Righteousness. In a discussion of "What is Mili- tarism?" the London Times (looked upon as somewhat- military itself), says: We have all been talking for a long time about militarism; but it is not even now too late to ask what we mean by it, because many people seem to think that it cannot be sepaeated from its epithet Prussian; in fact, it is bad because it is Prussian, and because the Prussians are bad. But the Prussians 'have just.a much right to be militarist as any other nation. We must not be misled by their con- viction that they are necessarily saved into a belief that they are necessarily damned. No one has ever liked Prussia; she has always been geographically weak, and therefore has always wished to make herself geographically stronger at the expense of someone else. She is like a self:made man, and one who has made himself by ruthless competition at first with other little find great numbers of Russian sol - tradesmen, arid afterwards as a huge diers clothed from head to foot in OLD-TIME REMEDY MAKES PURE OLOOD Purify your blood by taking Hood's Sarsaparilla. This medi- cine has been and still is the people's medicine because of its reliable character and its wonderful success in the treatment of the common dis- eases and ailments -scrofula, ca- tarrh, rheamatism, dyspepsia, loss of appetite, that tired feeling, generalai 'aebility'' iodsSarsaparilla has been. • tested forty years. Get it today, WHAT JAPAN IS DOING IN THE WAF CLOTHE AND ARM RUSSIAN SOLDIERS. Military Observer Astonished to Find "What She Is Doing for Czar's Soldiers. The extent to which Japan is clothing, shoeing, arming and muni -1 tioning the Russian army was bly presented to a military observer who has just returned to Paris from a trip along the Russian front. "I was astonished," he said, "te joint stock company. Such a man, especially if he has been once bank- rupt and several times very near bankruptcy, sees all life as a struggle for life; and that is how Prus5a sees it. That is why she is militarist; and she can make out a case why she should be militarist. Even before the war, when she was at the height of her strength, she was still think- ing of her weak frontier; she had persuaded herself that she was afraid of the Russian peril. An Incessant Struggle. History, according to her notion of --- between the Teuton and the Slav; "It is strange," he went on, "that Korea Aids With Hides. it, consisted of an incessant struggle Presents Remarkable Picture of the and the moment had come when the Russia went to war with Japan over Teuton must get his blow in first if Korea, and now Korea, the source of Toni Value of Great he was not to be overcome later. The all the trouble, is supplying Remsia Conflict. Prussian ,says that he is fighting in with the shoes in which her soldiers ' . self-defence; we say that he is fight- are marching to victory. Korea is a ference between us is not so An interesting sidelight on Presi- lug to dominate Europe; but the dl great grazing country anti is prov- vat as mg a vast reservoir of raw hides it seems, for, according to the Prus- which the Japanese are rapid'y turn- sian idea, he will never be safe until ing into boots, shoes, saddler, and he dominates Europe; and he has a leather furnishings. ."How did- these supplies get from Japan to the Russian front?" the observer was asked. "It was noted," said he, "that about the only vital point where the Ger- mans had not been able to send their submarines was in the waters of the East China Sea, the Straits of Korea and the Sea of Japan. These are the waters separating Japan from Res- auendideo strilleilidavg t,darilicaltieo,nes meat de sia arid the Asiatic mainland, and the attack each other, they 'do rise and routes over them, commercial and fall; and, so far as we know, they military, are open and without men - are all subject sooner or later to an ace." • inevitable process of decay. But the Pressians have been more hypochon- driacal -that is to say, more mill - uniforms made .in Japan, not only the tunic and trousers, hot even the leg- gings. They tarried on their shoula ders Japanese guns. Their cartridge belts were filled with cartridges made in Japan. Their leather belts and buckles were from Japan. And the stout hob -nailed shoes they vicar are from hides gathered in Korea and inade into shoes in Japan. So that, there yeti see a• Russian soldier in Japanese clothes, Japanese Floes, with Japanese gun, Japanese am- munition and Japanese accoutrement. so badly soon? Alas! their gold is iPu e i is alternate. 1.. a right to dominate Europe because being eaten up. The Moloch who !presents a remarkable picture of the other nations will not let him alone. consumed the liyes of little children tonic value of war. He says: If they would let him alone he would has a rival in lag thing that stalks "It has become common practice be an innocent lamb. through our streets consuming the since August, ,1914, to say the world This state of mind is not confined people's vital strength. It is is growing mad, and there is a wide- to Prussia; and there is always some not open to dispute that, with the spread popular notion that the din- excuse for it, just as there is sonic money lost through drink, we could tress and agony of a conflict so ter- excuse for the perpetual fears and & pay off, as the war as on, ea. of rible as the present one most end precautions of the hypochondriac. every Al the war is costing us; it is in a profound disturbance and alien- nn not open to dispute that something ati". Yet the fact is indisputable like this is actually being done in that insanity, like corns, has lessen - Russia now, where the people who ed during the neriod of the war." saved sixpences in peace time under , Improve Health of Men. ' vodka rule are • giving up vodka for' So far as he future is concerned, their country's sake and saving cove- Dr. Graham is equally encouraging. reigns. He says:. "There are solid grounds OnlY in England.for the hope that, especially al- tarist-than any other people. That asked. But, happily, enemies do not have though exclusively among women, • which is in other nations an oc- "All sorts," was the reply, "from their way in Russia -or in France, we shall find a great diminution casional weakness is with them an the service rifle and small field pieces in It is only in England, in the land the those neurotic disorders that farm obsession, so that they have become up to the big 12 -inch guns. The Jap - noblest men on earth would die for, a part of the mental abnormality that this foul enemy of our race can of thousands of men who have gone, work its will. If our ships are want- or are preparing to go, to the front,' ed for the war, and we must go short who have all their life been sub - of something, we must sacrifice the ject to the bondage of neurasthenic books and papers that build up our minds, we must sacrifice the food that builds up our bodies, but the poison of the national life must conic in. It does not seem to have occurred to a singlemember of the House of Commons to ask why we should give up sugar and paper for beer, when the tonnage of all is about the same, and the things we give up aro help- ing England, and the thing that conies in freely is helping our foes. Mr. Mc- Kenna preaches economy., Lord Sal - All Sorts of Arms Sepplied. "What sort of arms and munition is Russia getting from Japan?" was weakness and incapacity of psy- chasthenic fears or .hypochon- dries fancies. They have never known what it is to live, but at the country's call they have flung from off them the spell of ancient inhabit- ations and long established imprac- ticalities and have gone forth to face wounds and death. Only when summoned td possible surrender of life have they learned how wonder- ful life really is. The physical re- gime under which these men are borne urges us to grow move food; !compelled to live can have nothing but Mr. Runcimen imperils the fruit I but the best effect on those subject of all our orchards, and manes tons to its discipline. of it not worth the picking, by keen- Women Learn of Life. , mg out sugar to let it beer. The "Especially significant is the fruit must perish on the trees, the change coming over the lives of isro. child must even lose its 'sweets, but men of the middle Masses. These its father may have the beer that too !sheltered daughters of the merchant, often sends him home to beat it. I of the professional man, victim of It is the English madness; it old age, When this traitor has per- ' of war. Even we inis 001' are ;marled -IVIoiwctofroialliiingtrainditotiolninseowf itghenttilhitelr, mystery / sisters of the higher and the hum - jelled with all others, shall hardly ;bier social ranks, and are discovering believe it. Who outside an asylum 'that life is something greater than can believe this simple truth about , the latest novel or a game of tennis, the power of beer in England -that, ' , or even the tepid gossip of the church depending on foreign sources for our ;sewing meeting. Idleness and ennui food, we set aside as mech land for have lost their hold. Healthy and beer and whiskey as for bread with unselfish activity is now the prevail - this result: tha b if the German navy ,ing fashion among war -enfranchised could blockade us nue children would , women. It has set them free from hunger for bread in two months, but the benumbing conventionalities that our men could drink beer for 'a year threatened to stifle their psychic or fov ever? THE MAN WHO SAW RED: energy, and so far it has centributed to the soundness of mind and nerve among the mighty sociological forces which the present world conflict set Minus Rifle. Scot Went at Enemy in motion." With Bare Hands. A wounded officer now in this LOSES EYE ON FIRST AIR TRIP. country says that when his men at- _____ ' tacked a nufaber had their rifles shot British Flier, Maimed, Shoots Foe, or blown Out Of their hands says the Lands, Cables Mother. Edinburgh Scotsman. Yet they An army medical officer back in Lon - went through, and "to see those chaps don from the front renorted-the case of mine tackling the Bosche with Corps observer or their bare hands was worth living f of a Royal Plying , whose eye was shot out. A German -or dying for. It was meat end drink airman got a. shot at him on his first to me. They lust tore their men trip into the air over the German lines, down, and wrenched their own rifles I Mt sounded as if some one were front them. One big Section cern- playing a Mandolin when the bullets mender of mine was just like a ter- came. through the wires of our " ' al mer with rats, except that he didn't 'One missile gouged out his eye and wait for killing. He was too busy. 'embedded itself in the frontal bone.' got dat exclamatory rheum - He went for his men like a blooming Despite the injury the observer, let go tiS'n'YL01.1 mean inflamolatory, Martha. Exclamatory is from - exclaim, which means to cry out." "Yes, ma'am, dat's what it is. He hollers if anyone goes near him." Instructions Obeyed. "Why, Freekliel" exclaimed the mo- ther of a precocious five-year-old, "Aren't you ashamed to call auntie stupid? , Go at, once and tell her you ace very sorry." said the little Cellow, few moments later, "I'm awful sorry yoe are SO stupid." The greatest --eiTerTt in a he's life is merely an egg and a cackle. quite unable to distinguish between real and imaginary dangers. s• Only One Romance -War. There is always a hypochondriacal faction in every country; but in point, that the immobility of the mon- Prussia that faction is the nation; star gun offsets its advantages, where and, as to the private hypochondriac the 12 -inch is, a mobile gun and very a priest to every Prussian. "It is said that French and Japan - deadly." ' the doctor is a priest, so the officer is For the Frenchman or the English-, see officers are now furnishing the man there are many and diverse ro- expert direction of the Russian artil. which has made it so ef- mances in life; and his country 1 lonY fire, means to him many different things. fective. Did you see any of these But for the Prussian there is only officers?" was asked. "No, and the report is not correct," one romance, a sickroom romance of war and victory; and his country said the observer. "The Russian ar- means to him his army. That is his • tillery officers are directing their one achievement, and whatever else • own fire and are getting. splendid re - he does well is subordinate to it. sults. The only Japanese and French The Prussians, as nobody can deny, officers ave those temporarily assign - have a great power of organization; ed to explain the workings of a new but even that is a part of their' piece, just as an expert Is seat along hypochondria. They organize their to explain any complicated piece of country as a hypochondriac of strong machinery. Japanese experts ac - will and methodical habits organizes , companied the big 12 -inch Japanese his life. He may learn to play golf guns not to manoeuver them in ac- tion, but to explain how it was to be well or to walk far and fast; but he. has learnt it all to keep himself in manoeuvred. That is the extent of their help, and the Russians should health; and so the Prussians have get full credit for what they have organized themselves better, perhaps than any other people, but always with an eye to wan. anese 12 -inch is a terrible weapon, and they are content not to make any of the 14-ineh and 16 -inch guns, as they consider, from a military stand - FLEXIBLE SOLES OF WOOD, HUnearlan Inventor Has Solved Difficult Problem, Barna S. Kohlemer, Hungarian captain of cavalry, whose military usefulness was ended when he lost an arm has devoted himself since Ids Incapacitation to ineenting of Brussels, whose two brothers have wooden -soled shoe that shall have thebeenbeen killed at the front, tells the fol - virtue of flexibility, and announces ' lowing anecdote, wiliest dates from the first summer of the war : "It bad been a hot day and King Al- bert, who had not the trenches fpr hours was suffering from thirst. Lie of being made of one solid piece of wood, is constructed of number of asked for somethfug to drink but Met asldier had anything left. 'Back of layers joined together by heavy ens the trench a man saw a horse drink. or fats that thicken find grip tile mg and went over and started to pull Pieces of wood together. After count - accomplished in operating their ar- tillery. No, the Japanese have done remarkably in arming, clothing and munitioning the Russians, but they have not had a chance to 'do the fighting." KING DRINKS AFTER HORSE. Interesting Anecdote ' Related About Albert of Belgium. The eon of a leading manufacturer Unit he has solved the problem, the liardest that has confronted wooden - soled shoe enthusiasts. BM invention is a sole that, instead 40., the,. bucket away. less experiments Capt. KOhlener Don't do that' said the King. 'Let Mares that wooden solee constructed the 'poor animal drink • perhaps it needs it more than 1 do.; ' ht this manner have the elasticity of leather soles, and, in' addition, %eau be "It was not until the horse had an - made of, old and wore material worked %lied drinking that the king took up -_-_—e.----- the bucket and drank the few drops over. that remained. The Right Word. 4 -777 --- "Ma husband's very po'ly, ma'am. Why She Objected. "I hoer that Morrie has broken off her engagement with you, old chap," said one men to another, "Yes," implied the second. "I say, I'm awfully sorry to hear it. Whateveredid she do it for?" the disconsolate one, sadly. "Pest because I stole a kiss," said "Great Scott!" exclaimed his friend, "Surely she muse be crazy if slie objects to her fiance stealir.g a kiswPfroni her." - The abandoned one sighed deeply. "Bet that's just the troehle," lie said. "I didn't steal it from her!" lamplighter, smashed 'em clown, grabbed 'em by the elack ofaethe breeches and the neck, and chiming' 'ern back over the parapet, to roll into the remains of their own wire, 'Tall in there! Fall in!' he kept yell- ing, and goodness alone knows what he meant by it. But he pet them out of b°91llessCaallsf.i.i7"llA —i A'reAnswer. "Darling, if you had it to do all over again would' you still want to int1'''rYymdt?; IM : if Iliad it to do overagain nd decided to marry, you would be the one I would select." with his machine gun and drove on the enemy. • - The pilot brought the machine back to the British lines and helped the ob- server to walk to the causuality station, where he cheerfully asked that his mother be informed that he was "slightly injured." Not to be Fooled Twice. Judge' (interrupting longowinclecl, lawyer)--sCan't you 'cake it for grant- ed that I understand an ordinary point of 4aw ? Lawyer (coolly)—Your Homer that's the mistake I made in the low- er court, where I lost my case. Superlative Service. Angry Diner ---Waiter, you menet, fit n errvo a pig! Waiter -I'm doing my best, sir. - -Are