HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Clinton News Record, 1916-05-25, Page 9May ?5th, I916
Clinton News -Record'
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4 Purpose placzngatin the Public::
Archives of
the County aI complete list containing the namesof all men of military
age who
4have not enlisted by June 1st together with the reason as given by
.1
each man, for his non -enlistment.
This record will be available through all the .years to come
.4 and will be open to inspection by the Public.
Willyour name be shown upon this record and will your
4 Reason stand the searching glare and severest criticism of parents,
4 of wives, of sisters and sweethearts who willingly give of their men
folk that an Empire's life and a County's honour mightbe saved ?
4
4
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HURON ___ - ` AUXILIARY
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Obedient.
"Well, my little man," queried the
minister who was making a call, "do
you always do as your mamma tells
you?"
-` "You bet I do," answered the prem.
cloys five-year-old, "and so does papa."
No Use.
"You say Jones is down and out?
!Why, it was only a little while ago
tth,yt he told me be had the key of sue'
eesa."a uea' aYe; i ee.ye ee,
"He did, but the poor fellow wasn't
able to find the'.keyhole."—Exchange.
' The Big Dipper.
Zn) astronomy the Big • Dipper, so
called, Is in the constellation of Ursa
Major, or the Great Bear. The stars
forming the tail .of the bear also form
the handle of the dipper. • The first
star in the handle is Benetaaseh, the
second Mlzar, the third AHoth. The
other four, which go to form the bowl
of the dipper, are Megres, Phad, Merak
and Dudhe. The two last named are
called ."the pointers" because they
point or guide the eye to the pole star,
;which is distant 20 degrees. The top
bowl stars are 10 degrees and the bot-
tom ones 8 degrees apart
The Serpent's Venom.
A physician while talking with a
group of friends remarked: "it is com-
mon to bear people speak about Poi-
sonous serpents. Serpents are never
poisonous; they are venomous. A
poison cannot be taken internally with-
out bad effects; a venom can. Venoms
to be effective have to be injected di-
rectly into the circulation, and this is
the manner in which the snake kills.
Their venom taken internally is in-
nocuous.'!
0.4 .
An Appreciation.
An' old sea captain was turning over
the leaves of a friend's album when,
coming tothe photograph of a young
lady of whose acquaintance the family
was rather proud, ho was asked what
he thought of her. "Aweel," was the
old sea rover's reply, "if I' were gain'
to make a rare stroke o' business I'd
buy that girl for what she was worth
an' sell her for what she thinks she 1s
worth!" --London Mirror.
Learning It.
The Old Married One -You will.
learn, my dear, that men are most con-
trary creatures. The Young Married
One—Oh, I know that already. The
Old Married One—Indeed?, The Young
Married One—Yes; I cook things my,
husband likes and yet he doesn't"like
the things I cook. •
Comparisons.
"A telephone is a great convenience
In a' suburban home. Mywife often
calls me up."
"You're lucky. Mine always calls me
down."
A Gentle Hint.
Hee-Then you are not interested in
my welfare. She -No; but 'if the two,
syllables were transposed I'd not only
be interested, bill enthusiastic.
mem
The Sickle rusts in the band that
waits for
the tuirvellteePeretite Ploy.
R•S .1 :':Lw l Y nano r ^'�' 't..�..
Mathematical Prizes.
The, Academy of Sciences of Goetz'
Hagen, Germany, holds $21,000 to bel
awarded to whomsoever can furnish a
general proof of Fermat's theorem,
which is to the effect that in the aqua -
Ron ern+ga`ga if n stands for an in•
teger (whole number)
greater than an 2
no integral values can -be found for
m, U and z. This must be furnished he -
tore Sept. 1, 2007.
The French Academy of Sciences
awards every five years the Jean Rey.
}laud prize of $53,200 for the best origl
nal work in mathematies. _
Mark Twain's Advice,
Mark Twain was a firm believer in
the higher education of woman, but
Hartford still remembers a speech he
made one June to a platform of Hart-
ford girl graduates.
This speech, -a humorous attack on
the college girl, ended:
"Go forth. Fall in love. Marry. Set
up housekeeping. And then, when
your husband wants a shirt ironed,
send out for a gridiron to do It with."
Pride of Pedigree.
"Who was that you just spoke to?"
"Can't think of his name just now,.
but he is a descendant of one of the
old families." •
"He hasn't got over it yet?
"My boy, they never do." ,•"
Worth Cultivating.
"I think fortune is beginning to smile
onme a little."
"Keep up the flirtation," advised the
friend. '.
Circumlocution.
"Just what Is meant by circumlocu-
tion?" asked the seeker after knowl-
edge.
"I haven't a definition on the tip of
my tongue," replied the busy man, "but
ifou will look kin thea er I dare
D psay,
you will find a very good example of it
e
under the general heading of , 'Diplo-
taatie (*respondence.'" -c, -.4"q._
ad
'fys
Oh, Certainly Nati
John ICendrick Bangs was one day
calling up his wife on the telephone.
The maid at the other wad did not rec-
ognize her. "master's voice," and, aft-
er Bangshad told her whom he want-
ed the maid asked:
"Do you ' wish to speak with Mrs.
Bangs?"
"No, Indeed," replied the humorist;
"I want to kiss her.'t
Poor Timperel
"I have just made a valuabld dis-
covery," annouheed Timpers.
"What is it?" asked Twiggs. o
"i'm' a fool."
"Ah, the joke is on your friends."
"How is that?"
"You know something they don't
think You.. Itngw.n.•-..
And So Forth.
"Willie," said the teacher of the
juvenile class, "what is the term- 'eta,
used for?"
"It is used. to make people believe
that we know a lot more than we real-
ly do," replied the bright -youngster,—
Chieego News..
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•
The Frenchwoman and Hats.
It is said to take much less money
to start a millinery shop in France than
in England, because it is not necessary
to the French milliner to carry a stock
of trimmed hats. The Englishwoman,
it seems, cannot buy a hat or anything
'else without
seeing it completely
fin-
ished. The Frenchwoman has imagi-
nation enough to picture the completed
article to herself and knows just bow
she will look in it
Procrastinate.
Teacher -What is the meaning of the
word "procrastinate?" Pupil—To put
,off. Teacher—Right Illustrate it in a
ae;tence. Pupil—I tried to steal a ride
on a street car yesterday,. but I was:
procrastinated.
Possible;
The tall, fidgety man hurriedly en-
tered the depot and, addressinga by-
stander, asked, "Do you think l . can
catch the diet• for Chicago?" •
The man addressed casually survey-
ed the other's long legs and, slowly re-
moving cigar c gar from between his
lips, replied, "Well, it looks like you
ought to, but you'd better hurry, for
she's been gone half'an hour."
Just Be.
"What brought you to housebreak-
ing, my man?"
"Lost my job as a baseball pitcher,
judge."
"Welt you are foolish to go into
burglary if youare poor at locating
the Elate."_
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