The Brussels Post, 1949-7-13, Page 7Sneezing Cured
By A Tickle
Having sneezed 134,000 times in
eight days, a 14 -year-old school boy
fell into an exhausted sleep in his
London home recently and man-
aged to pass the night without
further attacks.
The boy was belicged to be the
victim of a violent form of hay
fever, At one period he was sneez-
ing once every three seconds, and
specialists were unable to stop his .
atishoosl But there's more to the
average sneeze than just that.
High-speed photography has
proved that enuring a sneeze germ -
laden particles are expelled from
the mouth—not the nose—at the
enormous speed of ,152 feet a sec-
ond. Just before the war a doctor
pointed out that a well-recognized
group of people are especially, liable
to paroxysmal sneezing. He said it
was a constitutional disorder and
uivaily inherited. The doctor added
the comforting news that such
sncezers seem less liable to serious
illness than other people.
Eight ways of stopping a sneeze
were mentioned by a French doe•
tor who wrote a book on the sub-
ject, You can tickle the soles 01
your feet, puff out your cheeks,
press on the eyeballs, frown, press
the upper lip with a finger, stretch
your neck, rub your jaws, or blow
hard, ire said. Blowing hard was the
best way, he added.
In the North Riding of Yorkshire
some people still believe that . to
sneeze immediately after dinner is
a sign of good health, and that the
sneezer will live long. In Suffolk
they used to say: "One sneeze, a
wish; two, a kiss; three, a letter;
four, a disappointment. •
Costliest sneeze on record was
that of a banknote engraver in
South Africa who had worked for
months on a design' for a new note,
Suddenly he sneezed on to the de-
sign, which Was ruined. He had to
get new materials and begin all
over again.
KNOT BAD—Tidily tied at the
hide, •this :two-piece swim suit
was designed by veteran NEA -
Acme photographer Mike Acker-
man, 'whose' job it is to patrol
Miami in search of beauty on
the beach. He's come up with a
Teal find in Dottie Sykes, who's.
modeling his Seminole -print
• creation.
Realty Nothing
But A Name
The classic example of a name
without a thing is the 'British Con-
stitution. Every yearscores' of
meetings, hundreds of orators, mil-
lions of words expound, adorn, re-
vere, extol and glorify the Con-
stitution. At the moment . a row is
going on because the Home Secre-
tary is accused of violating. the
Constitution. Onlyplest year a new
three -volume work en our Consti-
tution acclaimed it as the best Cone
stitution in the world.
Actually,, Britain has no Constitu-
;Aton, 'There: is nothing 'written .any.•
where to say that there 'should be
a King, peers, or a House of Com-
mons,n 1 heerttles .of govcrtithpnt.are
fuel( clown' when they are laid down
at ell, int.ilsntass-of'law.s passed at
varidas tintes •on various subjects.
At. any time, Parliament could, by
a simple majority, abolish the mon-
archy!' melte al(.=Welshmen into
Maims, or restrict the vote to men
with red hair. No Hallowed doou-
meat, no Supreme Court protects
the Constitution, In fact, it i,
rather surprising that we have .pot
tet up a body of keepers of the
Constitution, since it does not exist,
writes a well-known British author,
In everyday life, too, we use un-
t•ela:ed names, We pay our rent, or
bey, our, °lathes and furniture, Incg"ii1neits, doing .suets in otlr heads
to translate 65 guineas into 6R, and
5 shillings. ''But 'there „is no such
• coin as a guinea, .We rofer to two
billings and sixpence as a half
et owls, inti there is n0 ysnah coin.
as t crown But here we.cen retort •
to the: expos lilaNog Cauadi"n that
half a crown is as sensible as sax
bill. • t
Where Monkeys Are
An Actual Pest
Except for one bizarre plague,
Durban, South Africa, is as charm-
ing a city as you'll find anywhere.
Its curse is monkeys — conniving,
thieving, cantankerous little beasts.
How the monkeys got there no
one knows, but there they are, by
the hundreds, as free from control
as our own park squirrels. A law
imposes a jail sentence or fine on
anyone who maltreats a monkey.
Durban is divided into those who
think that monkeys are just ton
cute and others who look on then
as agents of the devil. The latter
are people who live with the mon-
keys•in the suburbs and on the edge
of town. They know front soar,
personal experience that the mon-
keys are eowdel, impudent and im-
moral — dead-end kids who will
steal everything not locked up or
riveted down. -
If a resident leaves a window or
door open, in come half a dozen
monks. They eat everything lying
around. They smash eggs and
throw glasses against the wall.
They open the ice boxes, eat what
they can and strew the rest on the
floor. They tip garbage pails and
steal the silver and anything else
that glitters. In one house they got
hold of a stack of phonograph re-
cords and had a delirious time
scaling them against a tree in the
yard.
' Outdoors, the monkeys climb the
fruit trees and eat the mangos and
avocados. They tear down grape- •
vines by swinging on them, If you
paint' your house,' the monkeys dab-
ble in the wet paint, walk on the
roof; they like its stickiness and
color.
One irate housewife'called up the
Durban city clerk: "What do you
think I ant — a monkey tamer?"
"Have you tried a dog?" the man
asked'"Yes, I've tried a dog!" she
cried. "He was a big, brave dog.
The monkeys have made a snivel-
ing, fear -ridden wretch Of hint."
The dogs do their best. They leap
and bark, but what's so agile as a
monkey? A monkey raid arouses
•every dog for a mile around and the
monkeys love it. It's hubbub, din
and pandemonium.
"The monkeys are bad because
they don't get enough to eat," said
member of the City Council one
day. "Let's feed them." The council
argued a long time but finally voted
to try the idea, • •
, The Society for the Prevention•oI
Cruelty to Animals laid out scrump-
tious meals of carrotse cucumbers
and, tomatoes: 12itherti, the mon-
keys had been content merely to
uproot garden vegetables, and scat-.
ter them about. Now they had a
taste for them0%lo_fence, scarecrow
or"'other';llevice of mere man could
Seep, them out of the gerdens.
' ..The ciey elidtis were: shocked by
what the little angels were doing
to the gardens, A prize of $50 was
offered to anyone who• could work
out a way of ridding Durban of
its gangsters — without hurting the
:'gangsters.,
"Give the monkeys brandy and
get them drienk," wrote one man
When they're sleeping it off,!take -.
them if' couple of hundrederniles
away." A second proposed tear gas
and nets; another, soaking food in
morphine.
One man carne along with a trap
baited with bananas, If worked the
first day, catching 20 monkeys, The
second day the bag was exactly one
monkey. After that, it caught none.
Letters by the pound were flood-
ing into the newspapers. "They
have ripped all the clothes off my
line two weeks in succession now."
... "The monkeys have stolen five
priceless teaspoons that came to me
from my great-grandmother fn
England." . . , "They have already
caused $75 worth of damage. Who
pays for it?" One man announced
that, law or no law, he was going
to shoot the next monkey that dam-
aged his property. "I live at purga-
tory's door," wrote one "Distracted
Housewife." ,,That's fairly typical.
Meanwhile, each Sunday on one
of the city's lovely drives, you see
AFTER THE SHIN-DIG—Wallace Wender and his wife Jean
display their plaster casts following an operation in which a por-
tion of his shin bone was grafted to hers in an attempt to hent
an old injury to her leg. Both casts will be removed soon if the
operation proves successful
monkey -lovers lined up, hundreds
of them, with peanuts and corn,
chunks of pumpkin, bunches of
bananas. The monkeys are cute
little fellows, the kind we call or-
gan-bri,ider monkeys, and they
take the food right out 0f your
hand. '.Let your hand dangle empty,
and a monkey will bite it. Everyone
has fun.
But even tate most saccharine
monkey admirers have had to admit
that the people who live on the out-
skirts have a case. The council en—
gaged a big -game hunter, Captain
G. L. Jones, as official monkey
catcher, For an experimental period
of five months, he was to catch at
least 150 a month, and catch then,
alive. But he managed to catch only
48' fti three months and then gave
up::and went. off on a safari in -Cen-
tral Africa. The householders are
still wondering. how'- to get rid of
the monkeys,
Sure Of It
•
One of those super intelligent col-
lege seniors entered the dean's of-
fice, coughed to attract the dean's
attention, and said:
-"Sir, I am gratified to announce
that your daughter has accepted
my proposal of marriage. However,
since marriage is such an important
step, I with to proceed with cau-
tion. Ah, cr, may I ask, sir, is
there any insanity in your family?"
The dean regarded the young
man a, moment in grave silence,
then replied, quietly: "Yes, yes, I'm
sure there must be."
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By Tong GREoou1Y1? •
HOME OWNERS WILL"'
BE INTIRESTEp IN
THIS HANDY BUCKET
HOLDER .WHICH AT-
TACHES ON TO THE
SIDE OP A STEPLAD-
DER. NO,LONOER WILL
YOU HAVE TO PERFORM
A TI,OHT ROPE ACT WHEN
WASHING THE WINDOWS OW;
YOUR HOUSE, CONSTRUCTED OF
MISCELLANEOUS PIECES OP STEEL
SHEATHING AND WIRE ERACEETS,THIS
GADGET HAS A MULTITUDE OP UBUB FOR
.HIGH ALTITUDE WORK AROUND THE HOME.
DES was A WATER PAIL 17 WILL HOLD::SCREW-
DRIVERS, PLIERS, BRUSHES, HAMMERS AND OTHER TOO
c
`
LATH
Foto
NeWen swoon.
et/ ms
FOR THE HOUEEWIPE WHO
I PLAGUED Wrmm BOTHfRSOMB,
BiTS OP LOOSE PLASTER'WHICH
REFUSE TO REIMAIN 114 P
THIS SIMPLE PAPER PN '
THS
I THAAPNSW8RIMPleSVINOQ, rr IIS AN.111
IN HAI PLASTER OP Pulcet A IQ PA
WE.L DE #111MLY ANCHORED 1 PTHE
i•,
What's ew At
The C.N.E.N
- Heard about that ham and eggs
competition at this year's C,N,E.?
Every campfire cook and Sunday
morning breakfast artist in the
country is invited to come along
and try their luck with some haat
and a couple of eggs. The Ex, will
provide you with ham and eggs,
then supply the stove, the frying
Park and the flipper. And just like in
the' pancake -making contest last
year, not even the winner will be.
forced to eat his own ham and
eggs!
Contest takes place in the Col-
iseum, August 31, with $50 for the
top winner, $40 for whoever comes
second; $30 to the third prize win-
ner, and $20 for fourth. Get your
entry in now to the women's di-
rector, C.N,E., and receive a free
admittance ticket for the big day.
Fear No Mere
Fear no more the heat o' the sun,
Nor the furious winter's rages;
Thou thy worldly task hast done,
Home are gone, and ta'en thy
wages;
Golden lads and girls all most,
As chimney -sweepers; corne - to
dust.
Fear no more the frown o' the great
Thou art past the tyrant's stroke;
Care no more to clothe and eat,
To thee the reed is as the oak.
The sceptre, learning, physic, must
All.follow this, and coine to dust.
Fear no more the lightning flash,
Nor the all -dreaded thunder -
stone;
Fear hot slander, censure rash;
Thou hast finished joy'and moan;
All lovers young, all lovers must
Consign to thee, and come to
dust.
--Shakespeare,
Mystery Solved
When the new minister came to '
the little ohurch, the congregation .
was naturally interested in learning
something about his former life.
They were told he had once worked
, do some business establishment, but
he seemed loath to talk about it.
When their new shepherd discpur .
aged all inquiries about his earlier
occupation, they. were obliged to
hope for. a ,revealing gesture from
the finger of fate.
Fate was not long in accomxno-•
dating them. The other Sunday,
near the end of his sermon, the new
clergyman made this moving.,ap-
peal: '
"The Kingdom of Heaven awaitst
you today! This le your golden o'p-
portunity; it may neves some •to '
you again. Reineanber, tide may,, be
your last chance! Friends, whet 'am
I bid??'
0,40,04,74,4
HRONICLES
4- INGERFARM
So many coincidences have oc-
curred just recently — coincidences
which, if a little romance were
wrapped around them, would make
good stories. As it is, they are alt
—well, just coincidences. Coming
home on the bus from Toronto last
week, I was talking to a fellow
passenger whose wife came from
fournenlouth, Eng., which is also
the home of Partner's sister. I hap-
pened to remember this and said
to him, "Tell your wife we have
another visitor from Bournemouth,"
(Cicely was the first, and they met
her last year). "Oh, is that so ,
and when did she arrive?" he asked,
I told hint. "Well, what a strange
thing, fly brother-in-law has just
come over, too, and he also teas on
the Empress of France,"
So you see what I mean — two
people, unknown to each other, left
at the same time, from the same
town in England, traveled on the
same boat, and then came to the
sante little town in Ontario. Now
if they had been pretty much of
an age, and unattached, just see
the possibilities for a romance. But
in this case the opportunity was
wasted as the boy is 16 and my
sister-in-law is older than I ant,
Too bad!
Then, how about this: Last week
I went to our W,1.• district annual.
After the meeting, a lady came up
to me and • said, "You are Mfrs.
Clarice, are you not?" I had to
confess that I was. "Then you came
from Chaplin, didn't you?" Chap-
lin! I couldn't believe my ears.
Chaplin is a little village on the
Saskatchewan Prairie that we left
2e years ago. It is such a small
place that 1 never expected to ,meet
anyone again yvho had ever beep
there. And yet, here in busy On-
tario, was someone who knew all
about it. 1 was thrilled. During our
all too short conversation, I dis-
covered this lady had lived in 'the
Chaplindistrict until eight years
ago, "We were there all through
the depression," she said. Just tl
I saw a fellow Institute worferr
with whom I had been given a ride,
and 1 knew she was waiting for
me, so I had 'to go. But ever since
i met the lady from the West, h r
chance remark has haunted m L
"We were there through the
pression!" Just one short sentence
and what a lot may lay behind it.
Heaven',only.knows the depression
down here was bad enough, but
imagine living through a depression
in. the Dust Bowl of Canada, "'I
hate to think of it. We were on
the Prairie long enough for me to
realize just about what that would
mean, We think the heat and con-
tinued dry weather down here is
terrible, but think what it would
be like on the shadeless Prairie,
Yes, even in this, the worst
drought this part of Ontario has
ever experienced, I can still look
around and think how much n4e
'have to be thankful for. We • re
going to be hard hit, there isn' ,a
doubt about that, but surely once
• in a decade we should be able" to
take a poor year without too mudh
grumbling about it. Generally
speaking, we have good -to -average
crops year after year. When winter
comes our barns are nearly always
well filled; mows loaded to the
beams 'with hay and grain, and the
cattle contentedly munching away
at the good feed in their mangers.
Actually right now it is the cat-
tle we worry about the most. There
is so little feed for them and the
poor things must feel the heat ter-
ribly. Fortunately, we have plenJty
of shady spots in our fields, but
sometimes, when driving along t e
road, we see cattle pastured n
fields where there isn't one bit bf
shade ---almost as bad as those ar d
Prairie fields around Chaplin that
I remember so well. '
Some folks blame this torr d
'heat on zealous politicians —FIA
say it will be cooler after the ele
tion; There may be sonmething
that. for there is certainly plenty 1
hot air 'circulating throughout the
ceentry, no- matter where you go,
As for the radio — I am afraid
sometimes that all the tubes will
burn out. A funny thing happened
the other night. A very impassioned
speech was being broadcast when
suddenly . -° whiff .. and a fuse
gave out,
I atn wondering how Partner's
sister is standing this weather. We
haven't heard from her so we are
hoping she is enjoying breezes from
the lake Somewhere or other. There
is something to be said for a cottage
by the lake these days, And I have
a standing invitation to visit in the
Iialiburton region! Wouldn't I litre
to gol It is too bad farm folks' busy
time Inas to come in hot weather,
isn't it?
"Now," began the architect, "if
you'll give Ine,a general idea of the
kind of house you need—"
"I want something," replied the
husband, 'to -go with a door•
knocker my wife brought home
from Java."
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Fair Enough `
The Sunday school leacher had
just concluded a review of the
day's lesson, ",And now, children!,'
she enquired, "who can tell in,
what we must do before we can ex-
pect forgiveness of sin?"
There was a pause, but finally
one little boy spoke up, "Well," he
mused, "first we've got to sin,"
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120-.12