HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Brussels Post, 1915-9-16, Page 7A Question of Dinner Jae'sets.
"I hate Thursdays!" grumbled
Jane, banging he skates under the
kitchen table, "Seems to me' it is Al-
ways Thursday!" she continued in a
grieved voice, reaching in the drawer
for the paring knife.
You see, dears and ducks, on There -
day Ann, the cools, took herself off for
a holiday leaving Jane to set the
table, but, worse, eh, a thousand times
Worse, to pare the potatoes.
"I don't believe I will pare them!"
she exclaimed suddenly. "Nobody
will know," and taking the colander,
she dumped them unceremoniously
into a pot of boiling water,
. Then it was that a strange thing
happened -so very strange that I
can hardly believe it myself. "Ouch!"
sleaked a husky voice. "Ouch, my
poor head!" "Who's that?" gasped
Jane, dropping the colander with a
crash. "To think," continued the
voiee mournfully, "that I'have been
raised in rich earth and dug up for
thiel For this—to be boiled in my
jacket."
It was a potato! A big, fat potato,
that had fallen to the floor. He was
leaning miserably against the leg of
the table, the teas pouring in torrents.
from his dozen eyes. Jane was so
sorry for the pobr fellow that she,
forgot how surprised she was. "Why,
you poor thing!" she exclaimed, pick-,
ing it up and wiping its tears on her
handkerchief,
"So you're the young lady who
bumped my head," said the potato
sadly, seating himself on the edge of
the dish pan and fastening all his!
eyes on Jane. "Oh—er—I didn't mean
to!" apologized Jane, growing very.
red. "What were you saying about,
jackets?" she added hastily to
change the'subject. At this the pota-
to began weeping harder than ever.,
"I'll turn black in the face, I know
I shall," he choked out between sobs.
"And disgrace the family—and Oh,
my poor mother—what would she says
if she knew. Boiled in our jackets!"
"Are you crying because I did not
take off your skins? Oh, I will—I
will!" cried Jane all in one breath,
running for the potato knife.
"There, I knew you would!" said
the potato radiantly. "Brothers, sis-
ters!'do you hear what she says?"
"Hurrah!" cried all the other potatoes
from their pot of boiling water. This
was all so very interesting that Jane
quite forgot that it was work. The
first potato sat on the edge of the
pan while she helped the rest out of
their jackets—"which," he said, "was
what every one did to their company."
"How would you feel if you had to go
to a party in your hat and coat?" he
added earnestly. He said a good many
more things, too, but I cannot just re-
member them, but I do know that he
told her how terribly a potato was dia.
graced by appearing at a dinner in.
his jacket—or after having been boil-
ed in his jacket was sent to the 'table
with a black face. Before she knew
It all the potatoes were finished—even
the talkative one.
"Good -by!" he cried gaily, as she
popped him into the water with the
rest. "See you at dinner!" "Doesn't
it hurt?" she asked, peering down at
him anxiously. "Not a bit," said the
potato. Great sport!"
"Good by, see you at dinner," laugh-
" ed all the other potatoes, ducking and
bouncing about in the water.
"They do look as if they were hav-
ing fun!" murmured Jane thought-
fully. "And I don't believe I should
like to go to a party in my coat!" Af-
ter that Jane always helped the pota-
toes.out of their jackets very politely
—and I hope you will, too—if any
should ever visit your
'LADY COLONELS.
Several Regiments Claim Princess
Mary.
Now that Princess Mary is official-
ly of "full age" several regiments in
the army are anxious that her name
should be identified with them and
that there should be a "Princess
Mary's Own." Among the claimants
to this distinction are the 6th Dra-
goon Guards—the senior cavalry regi-
ment without the name of some mem-
ber of the Royal Family identified
with it—the 6th Inniskilling . Dra-
goons, the 13th Hussars, and the 20th
Hussars. The Norfolk Regiment, too,
claims that as her. Royal Highness
was born in that county they should
have the honor of bearing her name.
To have a royal name coupled with a
regiment is an ambition throughout
the army, and particularly is this
the case in the cavalry. Three of these
regiments indeed now claim royal
ladies as their Colonel -in -Chief. These
are the '7th Dragoon Guards (the
Princess Royal), the 18th Hussars
(the Queen), and the 19th Hussars
(Queen Alexandra). These honors:
were bestowed by the King a short
time ago,
k,
Never Given.
"Pa," Said Johnny, who is a per-
sistent knowledge -seeker, "what is a
law -giver?" "There ain't any such
thing, Johnny," replied the old gen
demon, who had been involved in
considerable litigation in his time,
"But this book says that somebody
was a great law -giver," persisted the
oungster. "Then it's a mistake,". re -
Joined the father. "Law is never giv-
en, It's retefjed in mighty entail
quantities at mighty high figures,".
TUE ONLY CURE FOR
A WEAK STOMACH
Indigestion and Similar Troubles
Must be Treated Through
the Blood.
Ipdigestion can be treated in many
ways, but it can only be cured in one
way—through the blood. Purgatives
cannot cure indigestion. By main
force they move on the food still indi-
gested, That weakens the whole eye -
tem, uses up the natural juices and
leaves the stomach and bowels parch-
ed and sore. It is actually a cause of
indigestion—not a cure. Others try
pre-digested foods and peptonized
drugs. But drugs which digest the
food for the stomach really weaken
its power and makes the trouble
chronic; The digestive organs can
never do the work properly until they
are strong enough to do it themselves.
Nothing can give the stomach that
power but the new, rich, red blood
so abundantly supplied by Dr. Wil-
liams' Pink Pills. So the reason for
the success of this medicine is plain.
Nothing can stimulate the glands and
nothing can absorb the nourishment
from the food but pure red blood.
And Dr. Williams' Pink Pills surpass
all other medicines in giving that
new, rich blood. Miss B. E. Johnson,
Hereford, N.S.,• says: "For months I
was a great sufferer from indigestion;
food of any kind was distasteful to
me, and after eating I would suffer
much: '
Naturally I grew weak and
was but a shadow of my former self.
I was taking a doctor's prescription,
but it did not help me in the least.
Then I read of a case similar to my
own cured through the use of Dr.
Williams; Pink Pills and I decided to
try this medicine. By the time I had
taken six boxes the trouble had en-
tirely disappeared, and I' could eat
heartily of all kinds of food. More
than this I found my general health
greatly improved through the use of
the Pills. I can therefore strongly
recommend Dr. Williams' Pink Pills
as a cure for indigestion."
You can get these Pills through
any dealer in medicine or by mail,
post paid, at 50 cents a box or six
boxes for $2.50 from The Dr. Wil -
hams' Medicine Co., Brockville, Ont.
A CHINESE JACOB.
Took His.Teacher's Advice and Thus
Gained the Emperor's Favor.
How Hsien Feng, winning his fa-
ther's favor after the manner of
Jacob, reigned in his stead and has-
tened the swift decline of the Man-
chu dynasty in China, is told by
Messrs. E. Backhouse and J. O. P.
Bland in "Annals and Memoirs of the
Court of Peking."
Toward the end of his reign, Tao
I{uang, concerned as to the succession,
had almost decided to confer it upon
his favorite son, Prince Kung, a
young man much superior in charac-
ter and intelligence to him who event-
ually became heir to the throne. It
happened, however, that the latter's
tutor, Ts'ao Chenung, knew of the
emperor's predilection, and, desiring
to enhance his own position, cast
about for some means of inducing the
sovereign to change his mind and con-
fer the succession upon his pupil.
The emperor, following the dynastic
tradition, had given orders one day
that his sons -should go hunting in
the southern park. Etiquette requir-
ed that a prince who had not com-
pleted his studies should ask his tutor
for permission to absent himself for
the day. Hsien Feng therefore at-
tended at the lecture room in the 'pal-
ace and found his tutor there alone.
The prince went up, and making the
bole that ceremony requires, asked
for leave.
Ts-ao asked for what purpose, and
he answered:
"The emperor wishes me to take
a day's shooting."
Ts'ao whispered to him:
"A-ko (the Manchu word used in
speaking of or addressing princes,
meaning literally, elder brother), take
my advice: when you reach the park,
sit you and watch the others shoot-
ing. Do not fire a shot, and give or-
ders to your huntsmen not to set any
traps. If the emperor asks you for
your reason tell him that at this
spring season it is not right to take
life, because both birds and beasts
have their young to take care of, and,
such slaughter is a violation of natur-
al harmony. Take care not to. quar-
rel with your brothers, but do not en -I
deavor, to emulate them. If you,
a-ko, will remember this, you are cer-1
tain to win His Majesty's approval,!
for I know His Majesty's disposition. I
On this hinges your whole future. Be
careful; do not forget."
When the princes returned in the
evening and reported to their father,
only Heien ,Feng had an empty bag.
To Tao Kuang's questions he replied
exactly as his tutor had told him to
do.
The emperor was delighted, and
said, "This is the conduct of a super-
ior man," and front that day he de-
cided to make him his heir.
In later years, when Tao I{uang had
passed away, Hsien Peng raised his
tutor to the rank of assistant grand
secretary, 'but he died before attain-
ing to still higher honors. The em-
peror Wept bitterly, and proceeded in
person to offer a sacrifee to his re -
remains, besides conferringupon him
the Highest posthumous honors given
to a Chinese during the last century.
MAKING PUNS OF
PROPER NAMES
Tide ANGUISH OF THE FIRST
DAYS AT SCHOOL.
Examples From Literature of Some
of the Crimes Which Are
Perpetrated.
If the men who would make a pun
would pick a pocket, what are we to
say of the abandoned creature who
makes jokes upon proper names? He
may not know it, but he is ripe for
penal servitude, says the London
Globe. Everybody with a name upon
which punning is possible remembers
the anguish of the first days at school
when, trembling wretch, he had to
disclose,his unfortunate cognomen to
inquisitorial bigger boys, and watch-
ed with, apprehension as the possibili-
ties of the name for word play
1brought a delighted grin to the ques-
1 tioner. And the sorrow's crownof
sorrow was that every puerile humor-
ist made exactly the sameun; so
p ,
that to the indignity of having one's
name made the subject of jest and
mirth was added the intense ennui
'produced by listening to the same not
too brilliant . jeu d'esprit over and
over again. Schoolboys are very ten-
acious of anything that appeals to
their crude sense of humor; and the
unhappy new boy was never allowed
to hear the last of the exquisite joke.
There are certain formulas about
name jokes in the ranks of our regu-
lar army. Every recruit called Mur-
phy is immediately rechristened
"Spud"—the derivation is obvious.
Also, in the same way a Lee becomes
"Gypsy," his comrades feigning to
believe that he must of necessity be-
long to the famous Romany family.
An Clarks (or Clarkes) are "Nobby,"
but the applicability of this nickname
is a mystery.
In the Days of Theodore Hook
and his merry friends jokes upon pro-
per names were quite the thing; and,
while the auditors grinned, the vic-
tim bore the infliction with as much
dignity as he could summon up. As
a specimen of Hookian wit of this
kind the following may serve: "A hu-
morist of this epoch (I am not quite
sure whether it was the sprightly
Theodore himself) invited to the house
of a Mr. Pepper, greeted his host with
the words: "How happy you must be,
Mr. Pepper, to see your friends all
mustered!" A better instance, per-
haps, is Hook's impromptu when a
tax collector called Winter was seen
Ito be at the door:
Here comes Mr. Winter collector of
taxes,
I advise you to pay him whatever he
axes.
You had much better pay him without
any flummery,
Though Winter's his name his pro-
ceedings are summary.
This form of pun is no new one,
indeed. Even in the seventeenth cen-
tury .it rankly flourished. During the
protectorate some of the late king's
adherents, drinking together, would
follow a Brum of bread with a dra"ught
of wine, and then utter the pious
wish:
i"God. Send This Crumb Well Down!"
No follower of Oliver could possibly
'object to such an innocent wish.
Even the solemnity of our law
courts has been disturbed by the name
,pun. There is a story about a cer-
tain barrister whose elocution was
not always of the clearest, especially
as regards his aspiration. His name
was Channel' Arguing a case in the
Admiralty Division, he left the bench
in some doubt whether a certain ves-
sel he mentioned was the Helen or
the Ellen. "Is there an 'h' in the
1 name?" the Judge at last inquired.
"Yes, my Lord," broke in his learned
friend on the other side, "but it has
(been lost in the chops of the Chan-
nell. The most fearsome and com-
I plete pun of this kind was made by
Ian examiner who had to tell a certain
undergraduate the result of his viva
1 voce. The undergraduate's name
was Field Flowers Goe, and he sub-
sequently attained some eminence in
' the church. The verdict was, "The
' Field is ploughed, the Flowers are
plucked, and you, sir, can Gee!"
There is a variety of the pun upon
a name, however, that one is almost
inclined to forgive, or at least to re-
gard with a certain leniency. It is
when some familiar quotation is giv-
en an apt twist which brings in
"The Cognomen of the Victim.
One of the bestof this kind is attri-
buted to Sir William Harcourt. Lis-
tening to a long detoended baronet
named Knightley descanting on the
[named
of his family, the politician
was heard to misquote a well-known
hymn as follows:
And Knightley to the listening earth
Recounts the story of his birth.
From the United States comes the
story of an unwilling auditor of Sena-
tor Lodge, who, as the Senatorial elo-
quence showed nosigns of ceasing,
muttered to his neighbor: "Oil, for a
Lodge in some vast wilderness!"
James Paynethe novelist and editor,
was notoriously averse to physical et-
erciso. A gentle stroll from the Cora -
hill offices in Waterloo Place to the
Reform Club was the limit • of his
pedestrianism. So it was not strange
that lie showed signs of acute diecom-
fort on .a country ramble:' As the
party climbed a steep acclivity in the
course of the walk one of them, no-
'tieing the novelist's distress, whisper -
ad to another: "The labor we delight
in physics Payn,"
Row to Awake
Fresh as a Daisy
Constipation Gone!
e
No other remedy acts the seine.
Works while you sleep, smooth, silent,
effective. Cures the worst headache
or constipation. This is what hap-
pens when you use Dr, Hamilton's
Pills. For wind or pain in the stole-
ach nothing works better. No bad
taste left behind, no furred tongue,
no more dizzy spells or bilious fits
after taking Hamilton's Pills. All the
old costiveness, frightful dreams and
nervous disorders disappear as a ship
in the night, The appetite is sharpen-
ed up, takes on a keen edge. You en-
joy your meals, relish and digest
them.' Strength and buoyant spirits
return. You feel good, you look like.
your old self again with bright eyes
and rosy cheeks, The best guarantee
of good health and old age that man
and woman can have is the regular
use of this family Pill. Suited to all
ages, you' should get a few 25c. boxes
from the drug store and keep them
handy, Remember the name,—Dr.
Hamilton's Pills' of Mandrake and
Butternut. No substitute so good as
the genuine.
EMPIRE GOWNS HOLD THEIR
OWN.
Empire dresses of very simple cut
are extremely fashionable and will
be welcomed by the woman who does
her own dressmaking, because they
are so easy to make. A pattern that
has the smartest of the Empire feat-
ures is Ladies' Home Journal Pattern
No. 8989. This has a simple waist
with removable chemisette with high
neck or square outline. The collar is
No. 8989.
circular and the sewed -in sleeves can
be made full length or shorter as pre-
ferred. The four -gore' skirt finishes
at the top with an upstanding frill.
The'pattern cuts in sizes 82 to 44
inches bust measure, requiring in size
36, 7% yards 27 -inch, 0% yards 86 -
inch or 5% yards 42 -inch material
with 1h yard 12 -inch net for chemis-
ette arid.1 yard ribbon for belt.
Patterns, 15 cents each, may be ob-
tained at your local dealers or at the
Home Pattern Company, 183-A
George Street, Toronto, Ontario.
A pian is out of spirits when there
isn't a drop in the house.
If wishes were horses, beggars
would want airships.
The Speaker in the British House
of Commons may only vote upon an
equal division.
After the members of the royal
family, the Archbishop of Canterbury
is the first peer of the realm.
"I understand you began your life
as a newsboy," observed the friend
admiringly. "No," replied the mil-
lionaire, "Some one has been fooling
you. I began life as an infant."
He (addressing the little sister of
his betrothed)—"Don't you know me,
little one? Who am. I, then?" Little
One (brightly)—"I know. You're my
sister's last chance."
ED
5.
ISSUE 86—'15.
FARM FOR RENT,
TF Looxoyq .00g-4 copse. 001404
1 lute, I have tiger Two $aa4red on int
11se, located in .Otto beet eeotiono of On,
taste. Ml sleet, II. N ThO recn, "ramose",
NEWSPAPEna FOR SAI.E,
ROFIT-MAXING NEWS AND JQB
Onleep for sale In good Ontarle
Wylie. The most useful and interesting
of all bestneeses. Full information 00
pane, 78 Woes 4elaide SToronto o:a'
1rOSES FOIL SALE,
I.710x31S^ON37 SILVER MACK,
male; one 80 per cent. female. Fair
Red erose breeders, Ieland stook. Write
for low prices. 'r. R, Lyena, Waterville,
Icings Co., N.S.
MI$CE4LANEOUS. .
CANCER, TUMORS, LUMPS, ETC.,
7✓ Internal and external. cured with-
out pain by our home treatment. Write
se before too late. Dr. Hellman ModIcal
Co., Limited, Collingwood. Ont.
NEW' YORE.
Lakeside Farm
107 Acres, $1,8007 Easy Terms.
BELQTII'IIL. ROSIE. Money -making
farm, -borders lake i mile aching, boat-
ing; i mile to village. R.R. station, high
school, niaohine-worked- Melds cut 20
tone hay, other good crops, 00 acres lake
and area -watered paeture, 17 acres
wood, variety fruit. 8 room. house, Sine
shade, charming view, big barn, Other
buildings, aged owner must retire, great
bargain for some one at 81,800, easy
terms: full details and travelling direc-
tlone to see this and other farms, many
With ty livestock and tools included, page
18, Strout's Farm Catalogue 88,".. Write
to -day for your free copy. E. A. Strout
Farm Agency. Station 2417, University
Block, Syracuse, N.F.
Fall Term Opens September 1st.
734 Tonge St.,TORONTO.
A Sigh *rade School. Nona Better in
• Canada. Write for New College'
Announcement,
Highest Cash
Prices Paid for
GINSENG
We are the largest buyers of
Ginseng in America and have the
greatest demand for it. We can
therefore pay you the highest cash
prices. If you have any wild or
cultivated Ginseng, write for our
latest price list, or ship what you
have and we will submit you our
highest offer.
David Blustein & Bro.
162 W. 27th St., NewYork, U.S.A.
GASES IN WARFARE.
Are the Most Virulent and Irritant of
Poisons.
That the Germans were determined
to break the agreement of the Hague
Convention by which the powers pro-
mised to abstain from the use of all
asphyxiating gases is evident from
the fact that their patent office re-
cords show that Krupps patented a
gun for throwing poisonous gas
bombs some years before the war.
The specifications show that it would
throw a 150 -pound bomb a distance of
400 yards, causing the death of every-
body within a radius of 400 feet.
The use of asphyxiating gases in
the form of bombs and other contriv-
ances is really a revival of the an-
cient methods of warfare applied to
modern conditions. The gas bomb is
a modernized "stink -pot," which the
Chinese have employed from time im-
memorial; but whereas the old Chi-
nese "stink -pot" merely rendered men
unconscious, poisonous gases employ-
ed to -day are the most virulent and
irritant of poisons, and few men re-
cover from the effects after they have
inhaled the gas to any extent.
St. Isidore, P.Q., Aug. 18, 1894.
Minard's Liniment Co., Limited.
Gentlemen,—I have frequently used
MINARD'S LINIMENT and also pre-
scribe it for my patients always with
the most gratifying results, and I
consider it the best all-round Lini-
ment extant.
Yours truly,
DR. JOS. AUG. SIROIS.
The Peer and the Parrot.
The Late Lord Selborne, who was
of a very pious turn and read pray-
ers regularly at home, had a favorite
parrot which was kept in one of the
sitting -rooms. This bird escaped one
day and was reported to be at the
top of one of the trees at the end of
Portland P1aee, where they lived. Sel-
borne and his daughter hastened to
try and recover the treasure. When
they came to the place "Pretty Poll,
pretty Poli, come then," cries Miss.
Palmer persuasively; but Poll does
not stir. The Chancellor then takes
the Spatter up. "Stay," says he; "let
me try; he knows my voice better.
So, in a deep voice lie says, "Pretty
Poll, Poll, Pell, come, pretty Poll!"
"Let us pray!" says pretty Poll from
the tree -top, but does not move.'
etuara's Liniment Corea. Burne, Eta.
Scot Killed by it Lion,
A communication has been received
by Mr, George Sinclair of Kniiwes
Mill,' Prestonlrirk, Scotland, from the
British South Africa Company, giving
partieulars of the, death of his on
Norman, who was killed by a lioness
while acting ae a scout on the north-
west border of Northern Rhodesia.
While riding ahead of a party of na.
Live carriers, Mr, Sinclair sighted six
lions devouring a dead man, He
fired three times at a lioness; the lions
made off, and be immediately follow-
ed them. Coming upon the wounded
lioness he dismounted from his horse,
but before ho could fire the lioness
charged, and seized him by the left
arm. His rifle fell to the ground, but
he got out his knife and, stabbed the
animal repeatedly in the neck. His
left arm was broken, and the lioness
struck him on the left side round to
the spine before succumbing to her
own wounds. Mr. Sinclair'e injuries
were so severe that he died the fol-
lowing morning.
Sore Absolutely
Painless.
No cutting, no teas.
Corns tern or pads to press
the sore spot,
Putnam's Extractor
makes the corn go
without pain. Takes
out the sting over-nlgbt. Never fails
—leaves no scar. Get a 25e. bottle of
Putnam's Corn Extractor to -day.
How She Played.
Mary -Mrs. Delaney says her little
girl has learned to play the piano' in
no time.
Alice—Yea, I heard her playing
just that way the other day.
Minard'e Liniment for sale everywhere:
Go 2
Helping a Lady.
"Jack, I wish you'd come to see
me occasionally."
"Why, Vanessa, I thought you were
engaged to Algernon Wombat?"
"No; but I think I could be if I
get up a little brisk competition."
01pYrnit
LANDS "a' 416 airy
Mrlir
DISINFECTS
I0( URE
MADE IN
CANADA
'"I
0'6•...
II
t• 1tti0enuuun111llllNU1V1\'.
rl
Via
IA Cemetery Cough.
An old man was leaning against
the walls of 'a cemetery not long
ago, and, being tired, he sat down to
rest on one of the stone seats that are
Placed at the gates of a cemetery.
The old man had a very bad cough,
and it was while he was in a bad fit
of coughing that a young man ap-
proached him. Thinking he would
take a rise out of the old man he
said: "I'll tell you, old man, you've
got a cemetery cough." "Maybe," re-
plied the old man, with a knowing
wink in his eye, "but there's lots in
that cemetery that would be glad of
my cough."
Minard's Liniment Relieves Neuralgia.
Force of Habit.
We gazed pityingly on the listless
drug store clerk leaning against the
soda counter.
"Haven't you any ambition?" we
queried, kindly and all that.
"No," he replied, with brightening
intelligence; "but I have something
just as good."
Minard's Liniment Cures Dandruff.
ONTARIO
VETERINARY
COLLEGE
Tnd•er the control of the Department of
Agriculture of Ontario. Established 1862.
Affiliated with the University of Toronto.
110 University Ave., TORONTO, ONT., CAN.
College Reopens Friday, October 1st, 1915.
Write Dept. D for Calendar. E. A. A, Grange,
V.S., M.S., Principal.
"Overstern,. V Batton, x553
Motor oat
Freight Prepaid to any Railway Station in;
Qntario. Length 15 Ft., Ream .a Ft. ' 9 In.,:
Depth 1 Ft. 6 In. ANY 1tiOTO.R. FITS.
'Speoffcatfon No. 2B giving engine prices on request. Get our quotations,
On'—"Tile Fenetang Line" Commdroial and Pleasure Launches, RR+v.
boats and Canoes. -
i THE GIDLEY BOAT CO, LIMITED, PENETANG, CAN.
AN ICE CREAM BRICK
Solves the Difficulty.
C I'TY JJAIRY ICE CREAM put up
in attractive boxes is as pop-
ular with the guest as it is
convenient for the hostess.
It is the ideal summer dessert.
For sale by discriminating shopkeepers everywhere.
Look
for
the Sign..
TORONTO.
We want an Agent in every town,