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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Brussels Post, 1924-2-20, Page 3Goad; Jokes Never Really . Die le Ming/rota writer in en liingltaYi daily (save, .that tsalnobody onmo de. elated that there aro only ten real .jakee in the world, all tllo °there be• tag merely tlaa'iittioaa upon them, Conn tneetipg upon this, the* Fluelishman "-kemerked that, abthoneh such a etate- nae t might not be etrlotly true,: there was ed doubt Viet a great many jokes traveled a long way before they digit, Then. he told a story of a 1o1e which hq originated, and which, he asserted, Val ta:lrly gOUd, It made its first ap- pearance ie the pages of a well-known English humorous weekly, Within a fortnight,' he said, he saw that joke reprinted is no fewer than eleven pro- vinelal payors, occasionally with, but morel oftart withaet, acknowledgment, Six weeks later he read hie joke in an American periodical, this .time with due aoknowledgmeut;' and atter that it was snapped up by countless papers all, over the United States and Canada, Ae it was an international joke, cap- able of being underatood in any noun - try, lie wan not wholly aurpriaed to Anti in a Gorman humorous weekly which a .friend returning from Ger- many had brought with hint, his own joke, which had been awarded the dis- tinction of a full-page illustration, Soon after that the same compliment was paid in a French periodical. Burt.the joke had not yet finished its courses! tor, at a „music hall, a man who was telling jokes Aniseed with this long-lived one. The Englishman concluded his stogy by saying that at a dinner party a short time ago, a man seated oppositehim at the table, told this saute joke with great success, and when the laughter had died down the lady on the left of its author said to him, "1 wonder who thinks of all these jokes," -to which the author simply re- plied, "I wonder." But he did not tell just what hie own joke was, so we do not know whether or not it was the last really good one we read or heard told. • An "llegInt Pick." • Many years ago, when I was a young girl, living just outside of Boston, I wan riding in a trolley car which was threading its way through. Cambridge - Port to cross the Charles River and thus reach the city, It was in sum- mer, and the car was nn open one, the kind which had the seats going across the car. We were delayed for a little time,. owing to repairs on the track, ;and while we were waiting for a car com- ing from the city to pass us I hetird the voices of two Irish women who were seated right behind me, 1 lsae not, of course, intended to be an eavesdropper, buttheir voices car- ried, arried, One of the women began to tell about the funeral at her an. He had bean a worker on the streets, and his folipw.laberers bad sent to the sorrow- ing fatally a large anchor made et. Aware, At' any rate, I wartuded that the ffortet had intended it for an•an• char, the enablein of hope; but, the. Mettler had mistaken it for so01etbi0g eta, alai tela her friend that "the boys cont an tledint pick, all in "tette tenet' e Tlie Merit' atruek me ns such a good one that 1 .wrote it out and sent it to a magazine which at that time was tittering n dollar for any joke accep ed, In due season 1 received my do - lar, and later I read in the magazine my little story about "the pick," That was, es I have said, a good Many years ago; mere years than I should like to tell you; yet only last winter 1 read the same joke, hardly changed at all, In a wellknow.n month- ly magazine, Certainly I agree with the Englishman that a Joke travels a long way before it diea; and I also think it dies hard. There was a little boy living in our neighborhood when my children also were small, who had a provoking habit of asking "Why?" atter anything was told to him. It made no difterence what was said, John always asked "Why?" One time after this had hep- pened I heard my younger boy say, • "John,. it you say why again I'll punch Iyou," and the other child inquired, "But why, Jimmie?" We always said that the letter. "1" must be John's middle , lnttial, A Pound of Skips. - It was a good,many years ago that I this happened, yet on my desk I have an illustrated joke that was clapped from an evening newspaper a week or two ago. Here is the Joke: Mr. Cross -"My dear, you have an !annoying habit et asking 'why?' after •/every statement I make. Now, won't you try to break yourself of this?" Mea. Cross—"0 course 1 will dear. But why?" When my husband's sister was a lit- tle girl her mother asked her to go to a grocery store to get her a pound of hops. "Now, remember,' she said, "a pound of hops. Think of it as you go hopping along to the store." • Carrie thought et it asshe ran hop- ping and skipping down the street, and when she reached the place she looked up at the clerk and smilingly said, "Mother wants a pound of skips." That was a real occurrence. Some- one in the store who knew Carrie told the story to her mother and to ethers, so that it became a local joke. Yet every little while I read that same Joke in a paper or magazine, ' It die• appears for a•time but bobs up serene- ly later. One "wonders," as the pro• tesslonal humorists did; ereenders whether the same amusing things hap- pen in several different places, or whether a joke never really dies. • A MOTHER'S SACRIFICE By "George Randolph Cheater He hated the stonyy hillside farm, bated the 'very- soil that so grudgingly produced the living they wrested from lt, Througb generation often genera- tion his forefathers had fought the(r dogged battle with nature, never ad- vancing, never receding, and David Grayson's fathaf and mother, stern, silent, grim, were the numbed and stunted outgrowths of this weary war- fare. It was not until be was a man grown that the first ray of light glim- mered in upon his owe darkness. Dawn In the trough of the hills lived a girL Hitherto she had been merely a part 01 his environment, like the bar- ren clrcllug ranges, and the little val- ley made ita only stripe of bounty, There, too, green trees and waving grain (taunted their riohnese in de limon at the bare knolls looming above them; and amid these she dwel, heiress of the vailew There came a. day when David Gray- son awoke to find that this 'one detail of his environment had ceased • to be commonplace, In that day Ruth Wirt - mere became no longer a part of his mere landscape. With 'the untrammeled naivete of a child, Ruth watched for this grave young neighbor; she threw irersell in his way; elle tried to break down the barrier of reserve that he had buildod. up between them for his own protec- tion. One day she stopped him ua- derneath the big oak atthe roadside as he was trudging home from the poor little village at the earl ot the valley, ' "I found your , pletur0, Dave," she said. "Just look here." She hold open a magazine, which flared up at him a pujse•quickeaing picture. The artist ]tad drawn a farm- er b'oy', standing erect at his plow - handles and gazing with half•parted lips into the sky,' He drew udeep breath and sat lost in a reverie of wild conjecture.. With instant sympathy alio followed his train of thougbt- "We'vo d:n enoyclopedie aver at the house," she presently ventured. "It toile all about everytiting. Come over and I'll «how it to you." Ho Wont gladly, and the visit was a revelation. He had heard rumone at the book/ end magazines that I;ugb Wlrtniore had bought "to spoil Ruth," bat his eyes glistened t a Ito saw them, She took dolga the votumo that con, teinee set article an bridge -building, and he delved eagerly into it, Alas! here was only more despair. The ar- ticle was comprehensive but technical and required learning to understand it. The iiluatrationa spoke a plainer language, however, and carried him from the simpieat truases to those !vast spans of weblike steel that are , the world's wonders_ of modern en- gineering, Plain Hugh Wirtmere came through the room where they were sprawled upon the floor, absorbed in their eager quest. "Deal apoll Dave with your books, Ruth," he good-naturedly admonished. tanner," "He's good ooda arule . " "He's spoiled now," ahe retorted, with a glance of pride at David- The way once shown, the task set, he worked as he had never 'worked betore—and Ruth worked with him. Again a bitter abstraction came upon him, but this time he jvas fathomed by the intuition of only one woman, his mother; With. Spartan muteness she herself unlocked the last harrier that held him butt froin the world into which she knew she must lose him, into which she could never follow him, where she would be all alien—nay, al - mut a pariah. She dug from a hidden recess her own meager savings, she coaxed ether savings to the last cent from the sparse, unwilling pockets of Abner Grayson, and she gave her boy --money! Again gleamed the light at promise. He bought textbooks, instruments, ma - barites; be worked as it a demon drove !aim. Such fierce.earnestness wan bound to achieve. There came a day when, after correspondence and samples of his work bad passed to and fro, an of- fer came at what seemed to hila like a fabulous remuneration. On the way home front the village he met Ruth at their canal trysting-plaoe and allowed her the -latter, a new gleam, at lire In lila eyo, an answering wave of miler ih her face, Together they sat under the shade of the broad oak and e'en - lied it nil out, their wonderful future. But fate, for thou who would grasp her goidou prizes, holds the test of the white-hot crucible. At the door of h1s, home Davide joy was blackened by the announcement that his father had fall• en from the niow of the barn to his doath. With eyes that burned because there had come no tears to quench their aching, Mra•, Grayson eat, still numbed, still unawakened to the weary days that were yet to be lived through, Presently abo became aware of a voice that came out to her through the open window, and the voice was that,oi her sbtt, "The happiest hone of my lite bag come and has gone forever, Ruth," David was saying. "that hour, was when l eafno back from the poetoflico • The time -old custom was honored again recently when the Beet -eaters searched the vaults of the house of Lords before the opening of parliament, They found no Guy Fawkes, and are shown leaving empty-handed except for their long halberds, with that offer, cud, with it as my for- tune, asked you to be my wife. The offer is still open, but I must answer it to -night. I am going to refuse it" There came no answer to this, but presently her son said, "My girl!" And the woman on the porch knew that Ruth had crept into the shelter of his. arms to comfort him. "There is only one thing for me to do," he went on, presently, "I must take my father's place, as he took the place of his father before him. I must dig into these barren fields nae dig - gad and nevei let mother know how bitter is the sacrifice I must make."' There ensued another silence, and then the gentle voice of Ruth answer- ed; yl1 wait, dear." Walt! That one word opened at last for the woman on the porch the floodgates of her tears. 'Presently she arose with a strange peace upon her. As she moved for- ward, her face came into the light of the sun, which threw into sharp relief the shadows round the same firm jaw and stern lips and open, fearless eyes that had descended to her son. Turn- ing. sho went quietly into the house and came upon David, where he still stood caressing with his broad hand the head that rested upon his shoulder, "David, my boy, and you, my,daugh- ter," she said, and her clear, even voice gave no hint of the stern cost, "I've been thinking after alt that's happened here that this place is a mighty sorrowful one for me, and I wiah you could go away off somewhere and take me with you." ----esti--- Not From Tee to Tee. "He just goes from one tea to an- other all the time." "Must be a good golfer then," "No—a good gulper, I'dksay." • Red Indians in Canada number 106,- 000; 06,000; they live on Government reserva- tions covering nearly 5,000,000 acres. Spelling By Machinery. A phonetic typewriter whicb writes straight from dictation has been be - vented by a young Swiss, who des- cribes the machine as "a typewriter enabling a person to write by the use of the voice only." A person tnay taut at a speed of from ninety to one huu dreg words a minute, and as many copies ot dictated matter can be ob- tained as with the ordinary type- writer. The greatest difficulties to be over- come were those of spelling and the writing of figures. Spelling was for a long time an almost insurmountable problem, because, especially, in the English language, there are in some cases half -a -dozen different letter cam- binationa for, one single word. The difficulty is overoome by a 'de- vice by means of which the short.in- tervals of silence (one-tenth to one- fifth second) which in every case take place between two words of distinct syllables are used automatically is ending the correct letter combination. When figures -are wanted the voice is lowered considerably, so that only the sound waves created by the vowels impress the microphone, while those created by the consonants are lost The person who 'wishes to use the. machine starts it by turning the inter- rupter, waits a few seconds until the wheels have obtained the necessary speed, and then begins tacking, in a distinct but not a loud voice, into a specially built- microphone arrange- ment in which every sound wave creates corresponding alternating cur- rents. These are amplified and pass through distributors which, in com- bination with a series of synchronized devices, produce typewriting on paper cylinder slm ar to that rolled on a my it h at an ordinary typewriter, but placed vertically. Ct Out of Luck. "Would you," suggested the shop as- sistant to the purchaser of the wid- ow's hat, "would you lilte to try be - lore the glass, ma'am?" "No, thank you," replied the pur- chaser with an envious sigh, "it isn't for me. 'I wish it was." —AND THE WORST IS YET TO COME iN 11 The Soul's Farewell to the Body. I sent my seal through the Invisible, And said: "Ah, Soul, return then quick • to ane; Arid, ageing all, all ma What thou.dolit sea," Then epee my Soul; "I go in bush of night, 'Whilst the earth aluntbereth will i take my flight Through starry acme, soaring o'er clouds of earth, To Land, Celestial of Bright' Spirit's birth," 4 * # M M In glad expectancy I long did wait, Then said; "Beloved,., why tarricet eo late? Fersakest thou thine own for one more fair, Or in glad ecstaoy art ling'ring'there?" A hush! A flutt'ring of pinions white, A glorious radiance of celestial light; Then voice' 1n cadence sweet, and pe - cent clear, Thrilling my senses, smote upon mine ear: "The iand, beloved, is a fair land and blest, 'Tie weary Pilgrims' baron of glad rest; A land of glory ne'er to mortals told, Ile river crystal and its gates of gold. "But thou .art of eartb, beipved, and must wait, For mortal neer may enter through the gate; But graven On this Soul thine image deep, Rent thee awhile, beloved, vat thee In sleep." The Master calleth me and I must go, 'Tie thought of leaving thee that grieves me eel Hush thee, mine own! Glad tryst with thee P11 keep At marning's dawn—till then, belayed sleep, —Ed' e Carr Pearce. Southsea, Eng. The Calm Mind. The best intellectual labor is not ac- complished in a frenzy. To reason wisely and decide aright one should be able to withdraw into the depths of the inner consciousness, as though to the heart of ea mountain vale_or the ancient forest; and there formulate' ideas undisturbed by "man's fitful up- roar mingling with his toil." But in the quest of the places that are silent and removed we shall not be successful in the attainment of any sense of peace if we carry a restless and feverish spirit upon the trail. Some people could never end peace, nor make it for any one else, where - ever they might be. For they bring strife and discontent where they in- trude. They represent an infinite po- tentiality for being unhappy and for spreading unhappiness. A calm wind is always wanted in the conduct of business, even as it is the acceptable leaven of ordered and de- corous society. What captain of In- dustry long holds his place if he can- not control himself? What tenacity can there be in friendship, including that deepest friendship of marriage, when there are constant outbursts of petulant temper and infantile exhibi- tions of nervous Instability? The most phlegmatic among us cannot endure the strain of constant close associa- tion with those who repeatedly give the emotional vacillations way to ha which it is the aim .of education and the triumph of character to subdue. Yet to preserve an appearance of unruffled placidity as the index of a mind 1n perfect balance and at ease .15 not the supremely important thing. To wear the face of the Sphinx is nothing unless there are qualities of soul and intellect behind the countenance. Melely to be silent is only to be stupid. Anybody can be static, any- body can vegetate, anybody can be counted among those present and count in no other way. The value of keeping a calm mind and .using it is that it may reach a de- cision worth while, after processes of rational consideration, to the end that action proceeding from the decision, may be something far better than the outcome of mere sound and fury. The world ie no longer tooled by a specious appearance of thought and action. It looks for the ultimate issue, the finish- ed product of apparatus set la motion by an idea, inaudible. and invisible, in a cool and quiet mind. No Glasses Could Help His .Casa A Sheffield man, says the Tatler, thinking his sight was failing, went in- to an optician's shop for advice. "Can you readthat?" asked the op• tictan, pointing to a card on the wall "No," replied the man. Tile optician accordingly gave him. stronger glasses, "Well," he inquired, "can you read it now?" The matl'shoolt his head, "No, not a word," he replied. After repeating the performance several Limas the op. titian was about to give him up' to dos- pair, when the man explained: "Yon see, sir, 1 never learned to. read:' 0 Three hundrod tons of the best rag paper are used in producing ane year's supply of British stamps, numbering seven hundred million, Entertaining the Aries. A' ang the ett'ange a 1 antliree of Educational Sy'sEel�tl!t$ the war wee that of the crew of a Sri- ttsh transport that was stink in the Relation to Mtaaic Mediterranean by a German aubmer- inc,• The Geruaan captain melted ther vtatims ot his torpedo and set them Time 15 real Imo al music appl'icla- ashore on the African met, where ion study tht'onghout our educational they became the prisoners 01 a band eyatem, The splendid deeelopmenta of Senussi Arabs. Capt. 11, 0, Civet- in Pabllm achoal mule work increase kin -Williams, the commander of tete rather than (amuse the importance transport, has told the story In hie .ofgiving to ear unlvorsityan and appoxcollegeuntty Prisoners of the Red Desert. Recount man and women alnlilar opportunity, ling hie ownthe experiences with curl• Thera is used fax t ons and aimplo-minded Bedouns, be whereby every student will at Least be- wrttes; 0011,0 familiar with the Milton and the For the rest of the morning I. wan Shakespeare, the Dante, Mollere and dragged round and exhibited at the Selriilei' ot Music, as well as with the various tents, Hauch as dancing bears melodramas. uaed to be exhibited in England, and • Music afferde us pleasure welch we nay uniform and the tattoos with continue to enjoy throughout our lives. which my arms are covered were dia. Many of the eubieeta which we include played with much pride. I smiled andin our university and collage courses tried to ingratiate myself with the to. have as their basic eiaim the font that habitants, but my first smile was at, they lead toward citizenship, a larger most my undoing—for .1 have a gold understanding of lite and its problems tooth!' The sight of so much wealth and toward(aa enrfehed enjoyment of —for to those incredibly pear people the world around us, To no other a gold tooth meant real riches ---at study do tbeae arguments apply more once excited their cupidity, and they adequately than to the study of music. appeared to consider that the removal Except the daily newspapers, the num- of my head was the simplest method bar of people who listen to music is of obtaining the treasure. Seeing how greater than those who read. It is a the wind blew, I thereupon hastened more frequent source of enjoyment to assure them that the object of their than the reading o1 books. But now avaricewasnot gold, and I intimated do we listen? Are we getting the that it was in reality' braes or some most out of music? sueh base metal. They believed me,' The best kind o1 music 1n the home for they could not credit any human; is home-made. By this I mean that al• being with employing geld so extrava-1though mustc brought to tite home gently; but from that moment on the through various mechanical and elec- display of my tooth was added to my trical means is a constant source of other assets for "showing -off" pur- joy t0 thousands, the greatest tun in Rosea, I music comes from making it oneself. Wean my pantomimic interrogation, Mechanical music of the best sort 10 was finished, and my uniform, tattoos an invaluable asset in the home. The and belongings had been duly studied,' phonograph has worked a revolution Hassan looked at me and said the one in musical taste in Canada, while it ward, "Legllan." 'When he had re- is important to remember that player peated it several times Igathered that, piano rolls have delighted thousands. he meant that I was Englisia, and I; Moreover, . many leading teachers are, assented. Tbey thenwhistled loudly .constantly 'using the player piano as and flapped their arms atter the man -i a model, with hand -played records, to Her of a bird in flight. There was no: help pupils get various ideas of inter. mistaking the pantomime; they were pretation. obviously suggesting that I was an I But the great joy in music comes "escapee." I gave assent and men-: from being able to play or sing. Nor tioned the words "BirHakklm"; where- can one's understanding of music at All Beeson with his fore -flinger reachits highest level in most cases drew down the lower eyelid of ha , until the music itself has passed right eye, exposing the eyeball. That through the mind and out at the finger is the Eastern method of winking or tips. showing incredulity, and I responded Says a leading educationist concern - by making a grimace. To my astral- lag the value of music: "I cannot ishment they both roared with laugh.' think of an ideal home as being with"• ter and made me repeat the gesture, out music, for it would be surely very which was evidently new to them, incomplete without, it, To me the Seeing their unfailing delight' at its I beauty ot music cannot be described repetition, I then assumed several t in words. There seems to be no state other facial expressions; hauteur, die.' of mind that one can be in in which dein, withering contempt, supercilious-' music is not welcome. Even in the news, vanity and the like. I was a 'Bible we read that David played on made man! Never was' comic actor � the harp for Saul to quiet his troubled halt so appreciated as I in that Be.: mind. We need music every day in donln camp of the Red Desert! My I our home mare than any other place fame at once spread through the vii -for the good of mind and body: lase, and I was once mare taken from ; "The benefits of music are also tent to tent, My uniform and tattoos . reaching hospitals, the Homes of the now became only a side show; but as ' sick, and busy people atter a hard a facial contortionist I at once rose to' day's work find It refreshing to come tame as the star turn of the Libyan' home and heits soothing strains. Desert. No mora did i squat humbly hem ` "We also enjoy music in our homes in the dual I was given the seat of of learning—the schools. The school honor, and, having duly performed in orchestra and the songs we sing in as - turn to each delighted family gather- sembly make us feel more like Mart- ins, tarting, I was liberally rewarded with Seg out an the day's study in an ex - handfuls of dates and bowls of mine 1 cellent mood."—Aeolus, in Canadian Even then I could not help smiling toChild. myself at the thought of how those i grave and stately gentlemen -who adorn the admiralty at Whitehall Made Famous 'by Foods. would regard that novel method of It is surprising how many eatables earning a living, especially by ons In ars associated with particular places their own employ, who held, moyeover, in the old land, We are all familiar the exalted rank of captain in His Majesty's nary! with Yorkabire pudding, Norfolk dumpingsCornish past!es, Devon - Floods Faint and Drainage. shire cream, Yarmouth bloaters, Bath s g buns, Banbury cakes, Everton toffee, The Hoods which caused so much Eccles cakes, Chelsea buns, Cambridge damage and inconvenience in Paris in sausages, Cheddar cheese, Dundee January are no new thing in the his- marmalade, Canterbury lamb; and tory of the French capital. Genoa cake, but there are scores of One historic flood was in 1206, when others with smaller areas at appeal. the water reached the second -floor There are other eatables which ars windows of the houses. To stop its associated with a place but not called ravages the Abbe of St. Denis march- by its name. For instance, few visit ed to the edge of the invading river at ars to Richmond fail to sample its the head et a procession of bare-footed famous "Maids-ot-Honor;' whilst every" friars, carrying sacred images, and body knows that the Sally Lunn is in - gave the fined his benediction. This separably connected with Bath, just may have been misiuterpreted, how- as junket is with Devon and "parkin" ever, tor the waters, apparently en- with Lancashire, couraged rather than deterred, did not Piccadilly is said to have derived its subside until three weeks after the peculiar name from one of these kr ceremony. callzed eatables. It be not very long Now we pin our taith to rather dif- sines the area now covered with hotels ferent methods, thanks to 'which we and clubs consisted of green fields( believe thae floods of to -day are less where on holidays many people resort terrible than those of former Ulnae. ed. Here they consumed it cake This, et least, was the faith of an old known as Piecadillas, These confect. Scottish beggar, who once suocesstully tions attained to such celebrity that !teaseled to the generosity of the then they .gave their name to the street Mr, lir, Arthur James Balfour, In the days that was baht on the fields, ot the fetter's Premiership. In return for the alms he volunteered the pro- phwecy it would rain for seventy A London Song -Bird. to "Impossible!" exclaimed the then Te -day amid the grime I heard Prune Miniator. "Tho world was A thrush that "railed in laic cngo flooded in forty days." Sea blithe, so pitiful; it stirred wisea' sae weel drained then as it is "Ay," replied the old moa, "but it My human heart almost to rage That God should lot Hit woodianfi creatures "free To languish an inedreb captivity. Hoo." Due to a jellyfish gettirtg spread And Something Snugged. out over an inlet pipe twolvo inches "Why'd the violinist shake the 11 tle in diameter; a targe steamer was re- girl'he was 00 sweet our cantly held up for sixteen hours in"She was always stringing bleu, you Durban harbor. know." Than, as I' listened, out there thrilled The answer from that shameful box Of wire and wood, where Bravery trilled Loud to the world this paradox: "Souls ; oft soar . sigh+est on a gt•te!- • clipped 'wing, And many a heart mut break ere it oaa sing." —_Stephen Stothest. From physlolen to Peet. Dr, Robert Bridges, England's paid laureate, began lite as a physician ant became a- professional poet only lit tniddta ago,,