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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Brussels Post, 1899-5-19, Page 22 T ,SE U'SSEL8 X''OST. NAY Ill, 184)3 Diamond Cut Diamond OR. THE ROUT QF THE ENEMY. -CHAPTER X LV1,-Continued. "What was he op to at Riverside?" he %eked, in a milder tone of oleo. "Indeer, uncle, I am afraid he was up to very little good. 1 am afraid he had been down to see a very dan- gerous woman, who used to live, last winter, at the very house I was just telling Auut Jane about, when you in- terrupted me, fur I mat her only the day before. So I suppose see is living there—" ' Alt --h 1" Mr. Dane began to see daylight; be leant. back in his cher with a smile. "Dangerous, is she? Wbat,makes her dangerous, pray?" "Well, to begin with, she is a for- eigner•" How sad!" "And a Roman Catholic." Shooking 1" And a widow -or worse!" "Ha, ha, hal" laughed the old man, " That's capital! Can anything be worse tlra.n a widow? illy dear niece, you are really a very amusing young lady. I do verily believe you'll get a husband after all." " 1 really don't see anything to laugh at," answered Miss Dane, deep- ly offended. " Oh 1 'sat I do -that's where it is - that is what makes you so funny, my dear." I haven't the slightest intention of being funny 1" she said stiffly. "No, of course not, that's what is so delightful about it. It is just that makes you so clever. Upon my word, Florence, I begin to be quite fond of you 1 Now, pray go on about this dan- gerous women you were telling me about. Let me see-" enumerating on his brown, claw-like fingers. "A. for- eigner, a Catholic, a widow or worse 1 There's a category of crimes for you! Now, tell me, is there anything else against this person?" 'Well, uncle, 1 confess I don't my- self see who,. amuses you so much -to my mind it is all rather dreadful, and if it was your awn brother who had been entrapped—"' "But, you see it isn't my brother, but yours ; if it were my brother, your excellent father, my dear Florence, that is -well, I should survive it, I should survive it;" with an amiable wave Lie his band-" but go an and tell me about poor Geoffrey. What did the woman do to him?" Mr. Dane was, by this time, evidently in the best of tempers. His wife, who understood his moods pretty well, Won- dered what had happened, whether Me foot hurt him less, or his lunch bad done him good, or whether rn truth he had suddenly taken a fancy to poor Florence, in spite of her dumpy figure and her ordinary -looking face. Sire could not quite make it out, nor why, from being in one of his most savage tempers, he had suddenly be- come playful and sarcastic. She could not tell that it had been anxiety on Geoffrey's account, terror lest he should take the bit in his mouth and break away from him altogether, apprehen- sion . for the downfall of his most cherished schemes which Were some - bow all bound up in his nephew, and all depended upon what steps be would take next -that it was this, aggravat- ed by Geoffrey's unaccountable absence "You know her then ee.gasped enoe. And then Matthew Dane nut laughing. ' Oh, yes, my dear, we know bar well indeed. You have one sir characteristic of your sex, 11loren as our French neighbours would -you neva ' la longus bien pain chattering comes natcu•al to you very useful accomplishment, my d not so much to yourself as to friends. Ha, ha 1 What have we b A letter from Geoffrey, I declare I 'I of the Devil-exeuse my profane gunge., Floreoee-" A footman had brought in a le on a salver. Ile tom it open so what breathlessly, striving to eon hie agitatlnn from the two women, were watching Ulm. There were a few moments of sohrte silence -broken only by fluttering of tee lei tar, which, n wiih`;tanding his utxn'sr erf"rls, tr bled in the two hands that ,Irov keep It steady. Teen, to the ut amazement 'of his wife, Mr. Pane r from his chair, standing erect bef the fire -gouty foot and. all, " Aly dear Florence.' he see! vete Impressive solemnity h tat l i e absolutely danced wi•h trinmphn satisfaction-" let me hive the gr pleasure of being the first to give y a piece of good news, Geoffrey is gaged to be married to 'iris. A Halliday, with my entire attprnhat and satiation. From Ihts hour be comes a partner in the gree, L house Dane and Trichet, and the ' widow, worse,' may go to the Devil 1" CHAPTER X- XVII. In the cold grey dawn or a Deee ber morning, Lunge Halliday ar softly, with little bare white fe across the floor of her room, and Lie er her sister's door. It was Angel's wedding -day I Half -past seven oTook in the mo Ing yet so dark still, and so cold angel 1" in a sort whisper," are y awake, ray darling ?" "Yes, 1 am awake," she answered, an odd, quiet voice, and, in the d light, Dulcie could see her wide -op dark eyes, that lookea as if sleep h nut been near them oar many ho "Draw the curtains, Duloie. tt'h sort of a morning is it "It is rather dreary -looking," said her sister, as she obeyed eel. and peer- ed down into the still waster garden; "a hard frost, I think, and the pond is covered with ice." "there might be skating to -morrow, if it hulds out," said Angel, in a dreamy voice. 'Dulcie, du you re- member Last year when the meadows were flooded and frozen over in that long, hard frost one evening, when you and I were skating together till it grew quite dark; and then someone Dame walking across the foe to us-lt was Captain Lessiter, you know, and he came back to the house and had tea with us. Do you remember?" "Yes, I remember; but why think of this now, dear ?'' "And then, whilst we were sitting round the fire," she went uu, still in ame dull, even voice, "Papa cam in, and Geoffrey, was with him -it w • the first time we had ever sen hit 'lore Unit very Ling ce- say lue,' ear; your ere? alk lan- ti or me- ceal I ab- ohe precession behind her new sister, stood' em- with chattering teeth by Duleles side e to in the front pew, and all the wedding ter guests stamped their toes about on tee nsa ter:sell.rted pavement, and drew about their adtouldlers such shawls and cloaks ore as they had been provident enough to nn bring with them. As to the bride vas groom, be was always pale,'so that no ane -not even Miles Faulkner, who a was his best man noticed hew deadly ewhite was the face that greeted his nu itie:aneing bride, nor how dark were en- the circles about his careworn eyes. An Only once, when the ring had been len fitted on to Angel's trembling finger, be- an11 when the words that made them of man and wife had been apokon, then or Geoffrey held up his head, and, as the light from the painted altar window re:lectel itself in •those earnest brown eye.., there exme into them such a look m- as might well have been seen in the r. pt eyes of those martyr knights of old, et, who went forth to do and die for a en- n.ble cause, .tt was a gleam of pride and of courage that shone in them suddenly. rn- "Fur her sake -for the sake of my 1 queen, who is so good and true," be Liu said softly to himself, "I will be good to this other, who is trusting her lite in to me. the shall never know that I tin have not always loved her best. I will en be to her fax ever a true and faithful ad ' huchanl." urs. Afterwards came a crowd of wall- et dressed persons in the Grange draw- ing -room -a host of smiling congraln- lations- many hands held out in friendly greetings, and a general at- mosphere of hilarity and satisfaction. Murmurs of admiration, too, came from ale sides. "Such a Lovely bride -how well she looks!" And he -is ho not interesting -look- ing?" "A thoroughly well -matched cou- ple.,, As for me," deolared Lady Lissitor Loudly, "I invariably cry at weddings. It s a mistake, I know, especially an a sold (ley, because it makes one's nose red, but I can't help it." "You are so tender-hearted, Lady Liesiter," said the annient dandy to whom she was holding forth. "I suppose it's that. All ceremonies areal me. Conttrmatiotie make me e feel oluny. At ebristeoings 1 posi- ts tively sob 1 and I declare, just now in n church, when that dear girl took off her giuve-no, by the way, it was when ahs bended beak her bougaet to the bridesmaids, or else when see put the ring on, I really forget the precise m.men t -but I was absolutely, over- come. See, my lmndkerehief is wring- ing wet" -holding out u little lace rag for inspection. It's horribly solemn, you know. I wish I could find a drawing -room comedy with a bride's part in it suited to private theatricals. I know the part would suit me so well -I must see if I can't find one," etc. To make an accurate record of all this impulsive little woman's voluble sayings would be an absolute impos- sibility. Meanwhile the Bride and Bridegroom were bearing themselves bravely, and acting their parts to per•feotion. Geof- frey even began to be happy himself, after a fashion, for it must be physi- cally impossible for a young man to be absolutely wretched at the moment. he has married a very lovely girl whom he sincerely likes and admires, and whom he believes to be tho.roughly at- tached to him. Perhaps, too, it is easier for a man, than for a woman, to transfer himself from one pair of fond arms to another, man's nature being of coarser fibre and sterner mould. Having taken the plunge, Geoffrey had no intention of spending the re- mainder of his life in futile regrets over the past. He had always liked Angel. Now, as she stood beside him in the throng of friendly faces, timid and pale, but lovely withal in the whiteness of her bridal finery, he felt very tender and affectionate towards her, and when their eyes met it was but to blend in a lover -like smile. And he could answer all the kind with - es and hopeful words about him with a frank and unclouded brow. (To Be Continued.) forget to say that about his coming haute, will you?" "1 will do exactly as you ask, dear. But be is settled out there. 1 don't see why he should aver come ]tome." "Probably he never will," vette a wise little nod of her head, "but 1 sb.,ulct like you to say it, all the same." "Very we11, thew I will." And. then Angel was satisfied. 11 she writes like that to bio," she told herself, "be wlil think ber heart Is changed to blit, and he will coma hick to her, end teen, because 1 am married and happy, and she thinks I haveforgotten him, then it will be well with them buil." It was very old on Angel's wedding - day -a cold hard black frost, with a lowering grey sky, against which the bare trees 41.00d out dark and dreary, whilst event the evergreens and the grass seemed to have lost their color time toed away into the general slate - like. bite of a photograph. the bride, in her white satin and lace, thiverad as she came up the aisle; the bridesmaids -there were only two of them, Geoffrey's younger sisters, Grace and Amy -had red noses teat al - mast, matched the crimson feathers is their white velvet hats. Florence Dane, who had refused to figure in the from the office, that had gnawed at I bis vitals for the past two days with a far more agonizing pain than those twinges in bis great toe which had' kept him chained to his chair now, at this most critical moment of his life. Now he seemed to see daylight again, and a warm satisfaction glowed in his inner man. I had well nigh written his heart -but that I recollected in time that Matthew Dane could• not be strictly said to possess such an ar- ticle. Mdme. de Brefour bad knocked nn - der then 1 She had driven away her boy lover. She must want her felon hus- band back again very badly then to have played into his bands so well. As to Geoffrey, he was recovering from the operation in solitude no doubt 1 Ah, well, be would soon come round again, these Bort of wounds are very speedily healed up. All was going well, and Mr, Dane became filled to overflowing with a spirit of charity and loving kindness. "Tell me, my dear niece, how this dreadful person entrapped your broth er ?" he asked once more, and his eyes gleamed upon her so kindly and sym- pathetically that Florence was en- couraged to go on with ber story. " Her name was Mdme. de Brefour, she lived in a mysterious fashion, in a house a couple of miles from our village, called the Bidden House, and Geoffrey mod to come down week of ter week to stay with her." What alone? How very Improperl" " Well, no -I ought not, perhaps, to say quite alone, because her father liv- ed with her -but still, poor Geoffrey became completely Subjugated -he nev- er came to the Vicarage at all. At ast it became the talk of the village, believe she was trying to convert im," Oh, indeed 1" The intense amuse- ment in the exclamation was such that o pen can do justice to it. Iter, Dane urned himself right round in his chair lad faced his niece-" that was very errible." " Indeed, you may well say so 1 1 pope to my father, but he is easy- s going, as I daresay you know, uncle, ole and would' do nothing. So then, what a with the scandal, and the fear of 1 Popery, and poor Geoffrey dragged in- m to her meshes, all the way round, I d thought I would tape the law into my a own hands-" 1r "quite right -quite right!" murmur- h ad Mr. Dane, approvingly looking at n her, curiously, between bis half-closed a eyes. Zen 1 went up to Hidden Hoose, and In ga C'e her such a piece of my m'r,d OR my drove her clean out of the house, and 1" out of the country, within a week 1" n And Florence looked triumphantly I as from her uncle to her aunt, as,(hough ) to soy,P� What do you think of that 1"to "Brae's, noble -Infected ver .0 B . i sus ri GA maiden!" exclaimed her uncle with' ed enthusiasm, But Mrs. Dene rated! her , ge th 51 wx it -and Captain Leese er was talking about that ice dance we had, you re- member ?" "Why not forget all that now, Angel dear?' said Dulcie, soothingly. "Oh! 1?' said Angel, with a sudden change of manner and a short little grating laugh; "of course, 1 forget everything new. Is it nut my wedding day? But you, Dulcie-you don't for- get Horace Lessiter, du you?' "I don't think I am a good hand at forgetting," site answered, evasively, whilst in her own mine, she told bar - self that it was unlikely that she would ever forget that Horace Least ter had done his best to spoil her sis- ter's happiness. Then Angel caught hold of her hands with a sudden energy. "Dulcie, I want you to do something for me," she said, with a sort of fev- erish eagerness. "Will you promise faithfully to do what I ask you?" "Yes, dear, of course." "Teta, when it is all over -my wed- ding, I mean -when I am married and gone away, write to Horace Lassiter -you. can get his address from Vane- -write to him and tell him all about You can describe the bride's ass, you know, and say whether I s cketsle or and hats or bonnets, and t ll out the people who same -only let m know that I am married, and ask m if hea is never ooming back to England again?" Dulcie heard her with an aching tet. Was it all a mistake, she asked herself, this marriage which she had -feed so much? and would it, per- ps, have been better for Angel if ptain Lassiter had never gone away? 'or a moment or two she could not ak, only she sat cuddled up on the d by her sister's side, stroking her k hair caressingly, Oh, Angel 1" she said, falteringly, e you quite sure that you are happy, r f -that you care for Geoffrey well ugh? Le not, dearest, do not go on h it. Even now it is not toe late 1" tit Angel pushed. her away, almost ghly. What ere you talking about, Dul- 1 Is not Geoffrey a model lover, nd am I not .the very luckiest girl n the World to be married to such a an ? Why you have said so yourself ens of times. He is so handsome tia it. dr wa to abhaCabeclard eavevitrtrou hi of a!, ea well-mannered and agreeable; and o will be riots, too, now that his uncle as taker t him it ot Papa delighted, and partnership. Dane In eeventh heaven of joy? Olr, Dulcie, ow silly you are to talk to me of give up such a match as this -and on Wedding -day, too 1" and then she ughed, but to Dulcie her laughter muted hollow and unreal; and in the ext: n , rncnt nee checked herself, and tight h„1'1 0£ Ler sister's sem, "You must promise to write that let- r. Wb D Why, ulciP ., you could. not re- st me anything on scala a day as Te, and our very last morning te- ther 1” "No, darling, how could 1?" said Dul- e suddenly bursting into tears, "I 11 do what you ask." 'Don't cry, dear Dulcie, you Will see will be all right Oro Clay. Don't: handkerchief furtively to ber eyes and sighed. For Rose de Brefour1 She was so pretty 1 I wonder where she went 10 -turned out of he* home like tbat 1" she eche almost in o whisper. REAL ARISTOCRAT. melee mimic Boasts the Bluest Blood In tlas 44'0,111. His Highness Maharana Dbiraj Fatah Singh Belleaur, or Oodeypore, is the sixtieth or so chief of his dynasty, founded by Heppe about A.D. 718. His position was unique, for his house was the• only one front which the Delhi Emperors oauid not force e, pride. The Mewar Chiefs refusal to let "the blood of that Mohammedan conquerors glewile that of their daughters would probably have been got over had they been nearer to hand, as Jeypore and Jodpore ware. It never was got over however, trance the bluest blood in La- dle -the cream of ltajput aristoeraoy. His Highness, who was born in 1850, stmeeedod his kinsmen in 1884, is re- served, dignified, of active and tem- perate habits, a good horseman, and has killed more tigers than any other Primo. He is the husband of one wife -another unusual distinction, -and has one son, born in 1884. As a ruler his iustinets are conservative, rarely leav- itig his own state, I1'e has seen little of the outer world, H[NTS FOR THE FARMER. PROFIT IN BEES. Bells may be profitably kept as aside issue on the farm, and will pay as good a profit according to the capital invested as anything else, writes Air. A. H. Duff, There is saareely any time lost in oaring for a few colonies of bees, for the most of the work can be done at ,leisure hours. It is true that at times they demand our atten- tion at once as in ease of swarming, but this is only a ram ocaurreeee and no 009 but enjoys the sport and excite- ment in hiving a swarm of bees and consider themselves well paid for the limo 1t takes. To maize the bees most profitable we do not want many swarms and we can, to a great extent, keep them from swarming by furnishing them plenty of room, to store honey. Farm- ers frequently make mistakes in this Most particular of all things in not giving the bees enough surplus oapa- oity. A good working colony of bees should have fully as large surplus storage capacity as they have in the brood chamber, and they are liable to fill this two or three times if the sea- son is a good one. Every one having bees should supply themselves with the necessary fixings for taking oars of theca. They need a few hives of the standard pattern, and also supers supplied with honey boxes and foundation starters to fit out all the honey boxes and the frames of the different hives, and thus have them all ite readiness for the bees just at the moment they are ready for them. No one should be without a good bee smoker, and if they are fearful of get- ting stings, they may add a bee vers, and a pair of rubber gloves. It is leo treble to handle bees if we once learn how to do it. Greatly to our benefit we can have a honey extractor, and increase our Drop of interesting, and I shall say the most profitable of all things connect- ed with bee -keeping. It is the most simple and most easy way to got honey Pram the hives, and the most conven- ient way to keep end use honey. 11 the honey is well ripened when taken out of the combs it will keep any- where any length of time and improve with age. One colony of bees properly handled will easily pay for an extrac- tor in a single season, HARDWOOD ASHES. . It would probably be hard to find a commercial fertilizer of much great- crr worth for dry upland soil than pure and simple unleashed hardwood ashes. A bushel of this home ferti- lizer is worth more than a bushel of oats to say farmer, and yet haw often do we see it dumped as a heap of worthless refuse to leach In the rains and part with its hidden value until it becomes woet111958. Our lands as a general thing have booms deficient in potash, This is one of the main sources of fertility that bare become exhausted. It is good for potatoes, and Clover cannot thrive without it. Try a little ex- periment this spring. You who have burnt wood during the winter, store your ashes where they will keep dry, and sow them on your young clover as you would plaster. You will be agreeably astonished at the result. You will find many dollars added to your produot. Nor is the effect gone with the first crop, as is often the ease with commercial fertilizers. It lasts for years, and its benefits are often extended to many succeeding orops. PREVENTING SWINE DISEASE. The only true and possible way to prevent hog cholera is to treat the animals as clean, healthy, meat pro - dualism. creatures, and not as illlhy vermin. It is strange that we never go into the habit of treating the bog in such it slovenly manner. We know now that most contagious diseases are bred on filth. That is why we have had hog cholera in this country. The old fashioned way was to let the hog wallow in a narrow ram in its own filth, and then, without giving it room for exercise, feed it heat produc- ing food. The fact is the swine pre- fer cle'tu pens or lots to dirty ones, and they like to wallow in good, Olean soil in preference to their own filth. This is a method of cleaning them- selves. Give it mere room, clean out its pens regularly, and let it have earth to wallow in and it will be the oleeliest looking animal on the farm. Then give it pure water instead of dirty water. The animals prefer clean water every time, and will drink it when they won't :touch the dirty mess found in so many pigpens: THE HULL OF OATS, AU who have fed oats know that there is the greatest difference in their feeding qualities. et is largely de- pendent on the character of the hull. It has been thought that black hulled oats had not only a greater amount of hull, but that it was also eoerser and ...tougher than white s hal lad oats. But there are setae comparatively new varieties with white hulls that are as coarse and trough as barley hulls. Moat new kinds of oats originate in cold or at least cool climates. If they are also moist, as Ireland and Sootland are, the hulls will be large but not rough. The roughest hulled oats have their origin. in Norway, SWedcn and Russia. t STORMS i1JlZ AND SONG NG IiI BdDS. When birds oeaso to sing, rain and Mendez' will probably odour; If birds in general pick their feathers, Wash theinselees, and fly to their nests, eft- poet rain. Parrots and canaries dress their feathers and are wakefel the evening before a storm. If the pea- 000lc ories when he goon to roost, and, indeed, muoh ae any time, it is a sign of lain, Long and loud singing of Mb - int; in the morning denotes ram. :Rob- les will perch an the topmast branahos of trees, and whistle wean u storm is approaching. The xestleesness of do- maslio ,menials and barnyard fowls be- fore an approaching storm is well known, and many ot their peculiarities have boon noted, but the actions. of song birds do not appear to have pre- viously reoeivod particular atten- tion, GOOD WINTER BUTTER. Ween the milk bee been strained heat it till it cruelties on top, then pleas where it is cool, but will not freeze, When enough for a churning skint it and plaoo the %ream pot by the stove or other warm place to rip- en. Chore with a temperature of 58 degrees. If the quantity of milk is small, it is better to churn all the milk than to keep it over three days, lie the butter and buttermilk will be bitter it the milk is too old. That the butter is good is shown by the fact that cus- tomers take it in preference to cream- ery butter at the same price. Tbese suggestions are given for those farmers' wives who do not have s0ientifio ap- pliances. • UNEASY LIES THE HEAD. 4n lneldcnt to the Life of t11e Czar or ltit45111. His Imperial Highness, the Czar of all the Hussies, and the would be peace Czar of all the world, was seat- ed at the imperial 'breakfast table. Opposite him stood the family ana- lyst. "Have you examined the oatmeal?" inquired the Czar. "I have, your Highness." "And you found nothing 1" "Nothing, your Highness." "And the cream contains neither ars- enie nor strychine?" "No, your Highness. 1 took parti- cular care of the cream." • "Those radish are not painted red with a poison?" "No, your Highness. It is nature's awn coloring." You are sura the sugar is not ground glass ?" "Yes, your Highness." "And the salt?" "Genuine, your Highness; absolute- ly pure." 'Then, to eat," exolaimed the Im- perial personage, as he flooded the oat- meal with cream, built an island of sugar in it, and bit the tip from a radish. Ile had taken but one mouthful of the food when a crash oaourred teat shook the lamp suspended by a wire over the royal board. The Czar slid under the Imperial table and the Imperial chemist ducked behind a china cabinet. "Great heavens?" cried the imperial voice, "they're at it again. I shall see to it personally that every anarchist in Russia is pulled to pieces before the week is out. Go forth, sirrah, and learn which wing of the royal domi- elle has been blown up this time." Sirrah, otherwise the chemist, went and soon returned. "There has been no damage,' he reported, "leo' the police are even now looking for the dastard." After finishing his meal the czar re- tired to his iron -clad chamber and bur- ring the door awaited the official state- ment of the police. Frequently a member of the imperial household would coma to his door and yell a few words to him through the key -hole. Toward evening the ozar ventured out. He was met in the "sitting room" by his chief of police. 'You have learned?" hissed the czar. "We have," was the quiet reply of the anarchist sleuth. "What?" the ozar laid his band on the man's arm. That it was the tire on the rear wheel of the Imperial bicycle that ex- ploded while your Imperial Highness was at breakfast this morning." No longer able to stand the strain, the czar of all tee Hussies fainted in the sheer excess of his emotion. QUEER CEREMONY. Penal of Power Attends the Nlgiftiy Lock leg of tllbralnar's Gates. ' Perhaps the favorite sight of Gib- raltar is the daily procession at sun- down for the locking of the town gates. The Keeper of the Keys, looking very like a prisoner despite his uniform, marshes through the town in the cen- ter of a military guard, preceded by a regimental band, which plays inspir- ing and, familiar tunes. The keys, of enormous size, are borne aloft before him as an outward and visible emblem of the vigilance of Britain in guarding her prime mtlttar'y treasure. On arriving at the gates the guard salutes, the martial strains strike up with a redoubled paean of triumph, while the great doors slowly swing to, and are solemnly looked for the night. Than right -about-turn, and the pro- cession marches bask to the convent to deposit the keys in the Governor's keeping, conveying by its passage an assurance to the people and garrison that they may rest in peace. Once the gates are shut it were easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for any unauthorized person n to go into .Gibraltar. Evan a belated officer returning from pig. sticking aayond the lines would be confrontedma ,v so by y n formalities, and.. the necessity of inconveniencing so many high parsonages, that he would probably prefer to encounter the dis- uamforts ot a Spanish inn without, - WHY 7317 LOOKEDAT IT. Mr. Upson Downs, seated by a strang- er le railway carriage -What time is it by your watch, it yon please? St an ar- x I dant t know. 6 But you just looked at it. Yes; I only wanted to see if it was still there. Th daug a ho in 1878, I would not judge her too Te harshly, Paeansshe Meant the em s ua ligjyt.. , a .� q TIT -BITS, FASHION AND FOOD. .Husband -Mrs, Tiptoe's dinner grand, wasn't it? Wife -1 didn't enjoy it. Why not d My new dress was s0 tight I could- n't eat enytbing. was 1115 1VIli'E'S RELATIONS, Friend -If yon have so much trou- ble• with your wife's relations, why do you live with them? 12Iatework-,'L`ause my relations won't buve us. G00DHEART'S SUDDEN CHANGE. Returned Tourist-ls Mr; Goodheart still paying attentions to your daugh- ter ? Indeed, he isn't paying her any at- tention at all. Indeed? Did lie jilt ber? No, he married her. SHEER BRUTALITY. Soribbles-Aly new book will soon be published. 1• hope von ;will lose no time, in reading it. Miss Gutting -Indeed I won't. Ilost several hours reading your other one. EXTREME POLITENESS. Ja.okson-Easyton is very courteous to his wife, isn't he ? Mrs. J, -Ob', yes, he treats ber almost as politely as if she were a total stran- ger. ONE EXCEPTION TO -THIS RULE. Remember, said the good man, that there are sermons in stones. Not in those that you run against with your bike, retorted the cynic, and the argument was necessarily at an end. TEE BEST PART. Baby Fred has an auntie that he loves very mush indeed, but, of course, no one Gan quite equal mamma in ]tis estimation. The other day he was ask- ed the familiar question: Wbose bay are you? I'm mamma's and auntie's, be answered; but, he added, quickly, my head belongs to mamma. THE HUMOROUS ASTRONOMER. They sell milk by the pound in some places. Sort o' milky weigh, eh? ENOUGH. Ethel --Have you got any very ex- pensive tastes, Charlie? Charlie -Yes -I'm very fond of you. GLOOMY OUTLOOK. Speaking about interim'. machines, it is almost time to nee the lawn mower again. VERNAL SENTIMENT. Beatrice, dear, whet is your favor- ite harbinger of spring -beautiful, balmy spring? Well, Edgar, I would rather have a new bat than anything else I can think of. FLAVOR KNOCKED 017T. John, you don't seem to enjoy this asparagus. No ; just ds I was buying it, that mis- erable Tom Biggs came along and dun- ned ma for that $10 I owe him. KNEW WHAT TO EXPECT. Von Blumer -I am afraid we haven't much for dinner, but such as it is-- 0linker-Don't make any excuses, old man. Remember that I bave dined at your house before` MUST TRY SOMETHING ELSE. Binks .$ay, old man, do you know of any cure for incomnfa? Jinks -Counting 1,000 is said to be a remedy. Binks-Confound it; that's what everybody tolls me, but the baby's too young t000unt. THE LIMIT. Young Mooncalf -Do you know, Miss Wosy, that-aw-that I've been we - fleeting a gweat deal wecently and I've hawlf a mind-aw-bawlf a mind Miss Rosy -Never mind repeating it, Mr, Mooncalf; it's far above the popu- lar estimate, but 1'11 concede you that much. MATURE CONSIDERATION. Miss Peaohblow-Was your marriage to old Moneybags the result of love at first. sight ? Mra. Moneybags --No; of second thought, EVIDENCE. Mrs. Witherby - They say that a husband and wife grow to look like eaoh other more and more all the time. Witherby-I have nolioed how hand- some you were getting to be. ; EtER RECEPTION. Harry -I suppose your) wife received you with open arms last night, even if you were rather late? Dick -Well, not exactly; but sheered her hands open. I remember that distinctly, With the fingers spread' apart and oroolted. TELEGRAP1Y. Across the board she looks at me - hey soul res on Y ds obediently: bend , She•is my wife, and with her eye She tolls me there is no more pie. SALT IN THE OCEAN. At peeseut it is estimated there are in the world's ocean 7,000,000 aubie miles of salt, and the most• astonishing thing &boat it is that if ell this salt ould be taken out in a moment the level of the water would not drop one single inch. The idea of her having the nerve to claim that elle first saw the Tight NOT IN THE BARGAIN. e father -,When yon marry my hter I intend to present her with use and tot., e accepted one -'Pleat's not a re deal, 1 t.houp;hl' I was to have har wii.hout any ineuralaroncgs, RIC1117tl 011 PRISON WAIT FOR Ilihil, Manager -Does it tare you en hour to go around tee coiner, sir? Office boy'--Pleasc1, sir, a man drop, ped a hall a dollar in the gutter. Manager -Anel it took you all .this Gino to get it out ? Office boy -Please, set, 'I had' to wait till the man had gone away; . The manager concluded the lad Was, if anything, too sharp, A LIT'1'LIJJ TOO PREVIOUS. Chairman, at ounoarf-Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Discordant Will now sing Only Once More. Suroastes oritio-l'hanit Heaven for that, Chairman, coming forward again Ladies and genitameu, instead of singe i.ng Only Ono More, Miss Discordant will sing Forever and Ever. Collapse of S. 0. 71110 WAY MEN ARE. I,iliaa-Marie, does your husband get vexed if you interrupt him when he's • talking? Marie -No; but be gats furious if I - interrupt him when he's eating or sleeping. ;PHE, SUFI-1E14IE TEST. You are all right, said the dootor after he had gone through with the regulation thumping and listening with his patient. Not a trace of heart disease. Fifteen dollars, please.. The patient drew a long breath and remarked: I am sure now I 'ban no heart disease; if I bad I should have dropped dead when you mentioned your fee, DON'T KNOW WHAT SUITS THEM, Vlore are, strange as it may seem, Some women who do not seem to know what suits them, and cannot even tell after they have put it on whether a gown or bonnet is becom- ing or not. These hapless persons, often rich, amiable and well-intention- ed seem to have no idea how to dress. They lack the sixth sense that enables the gifted of their sox to tell in an instant the shape, color and design they must choose from a hetorogent• ecus mass of materials and millinery. "Do you think this suits me, Maria?" a woman will bay In pathetic appeal to friend or relative. "Maria," as often as not, has no opinion worth hearing, but she answers "Yes" or "No," as the case may be, influent:en by prejudice, by old-fashioned ideate or personal dislike for a certain cubit, ignoring the essence of the matte. namely, the question as to whether 01. not the article suits her friend, and indeed incapable of deciding. "I shouldn't have that,' she says. "I do not like red." Or, "Oh, take that. My sister-in-law had a bonnet just like it, and everyone admired it," But what is sauce for one goose to not necessarily sauce for another. "Maria's" victim is the sort of well- meaning woman who is persuaded to buy things, however hideous, because they are the fashion. Har kind some- times wrestle feebly with the tempter, but it is easy, by the aid of a little decision of manner, to talk them into anything. They accept the dictum of every shopman, without bringing in- telligence to bear on it, forgetting that their advisers are there for the sole purpose of making them buy. Such women are led to wear purple veils, green veils, cornflower -blue veils, red veils, and similar monstrosi- ties that manufacturers create and place upon the market, apparently out of malice. Fashionable or not, an in- telligent person will not risk making herself look a guy to oblige a sales- man. QUEER TRADES FOR WOMEN. The "dinner taster" is the latest example of the " ultra" type of Par- isian refinement. The Parisian palate, you know, is the one thing worth liv- ing for, according to the idea of a certain class of people, whose pleasure in lite depends upon the enjoyment of the onus. The " dinner taster " makes it lien business to visit the fine houses and taste the dishes intended fur dinner. She suggests improvements, andshows the cook naw ways of preparing doles, That the business is a profitable one, may be judged by the fact that she invariably rides in a cab. In the east end of Landon a lucrative trade is followed by some score or so of women. The pawnbrokers there are very numerous, and never laolt for clients. Among the latter, however, are soma who do not relish the idea of being brought into personal contact with " uncle." It is for the special benfit of these that the pawnbroker's agent exists. She goes several times a day to the pawnshop, with articles belonging to the bashful ones, for whom she gets the highest sum procurable on the items pledged. For her services she receives a per- tentage on the amount obtained. Another enterprising London wom- an has hit on a capital, although pro- bably painful, business. She earns .a profitable living by " breaking in" boots for members of the upper circles She wore them for a few clays,. unti: they become easy and comfortable to their owners. She Werke hard, seeing that she some- times wears .811 different pairs in a Week; 00 cents is theassio ref 1 f p na en. THE HEATHEN'S REASONING. As I understand it, said the heath, en, you propose to civilize eta? 17xaotly so. • You mean to get me out of habits of idleness mad teach me to work? That is the idea. And then load me to simplify m p y y methods c a n ndTn vent work lighter. things to make my; res. Anti next 1 will become ambitious to get rich, so that I won't bave to work. at all. Miura to n I ly, Well, what's the tine of taking st,od n rnund••arotat way Of getting .just: where I started. 1 I don't hove to work new, ' 11