HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Wingham Advance-Times, 1983-05-11, Page 30Page 16—Crossroads—May 11, 1983
iimmilmmiummaw Bill Smiley
Failing senses?
Most people begin to lose
thein• senses, if not their
sense, as the passing years
exact their toll. Sight, smell,
hearing, taste and touch
grow less acute, steadily but
'inexorably, in most of us.
This didn't bother me
much. Deafness runs in the
family. My nose has been
broken so often that I can't
smell much, and this affects
my taste buds.
I thought touch and sight
would last. forever, or at
least to the grave. Touch is
still pretty good. If I touch a
hot burner on the stove, or
the cold nose of a dog, I can
tell the difference.
But since they started us-
ing that tiny print in books
and newspapers, I've had to
rely on specs to read, and
even on the highway, they
seen to have pygmies paint-
ing the signs these days.
What disturbed me was
that my wife seemed to be
failing rapidly. She has al-
ways been noted for' having
eyes like a hawk, ears like a
deer, and a nose like a blood
hound.
The nose is still there. She
can sniff an illicit beer at
forty yards. She knows
exactly when I haven't had a
bath for a week or washed
my hair fora month.
But recently her sight and
hearing seemed to be grow-
ing dimmer and foggier. It
was strange. It seemed to be
much worse in the TV room.
She could still hear the top
coming off a beer bottle in
the kitchen when she was up-
stairs with two closed doors
between: She could still see a'.
-----speck of-dUS on a surface I'
swear was pristine.
However, when we were
watching TV, the deteriora-
tion began to show. At first, I
was always hollering at her
to turn up the sound, or try to
sharpen the picture. She'd
retort that I was getting deaf
and blind. Then she herself
got fed up with the shadowy
picture and the inaudible
sound track, and I noted with
some satisfaction the failing
of her faculties.
This went on for weeks, the
symptoms steadily getting
worse, until we had someone
in Ito watch a special pro-
gram with us.
"Good Lord!" quoth our
guest. "What is this — days
of the silver, silent'screen?
How long have you had this
set, anyway?"
After the usual bickering
that married couples go
through to establish any-
thing — even the time of day
— we agreed, not without a
certain amount of awe — it
seemed like only last year
we'd bought it? — that; the
machine was fourteen years
old.
Our friend snorted in dis-
belief. '`That thing was worn
out six years ago. No wonder
the picture looks like a 1920s
movie, and the sound track is
as sharp as a stomach
rumble."
We just looked at each
other askance. I think that's
the word. At any rate, there
wasn't much skance in us.
We felt pretty much the way
one would feel if the doctor
told one that a favorite aunt
had terminal cancer.
I mean, we had lived with
this old girl for fourteen
years. We had almost come
tier blows :over whether _Blies
d wou-la' watch 'Dallas or I
would watch a real, unreal
Western.
We had settled family
problems of great moment,'
during the commercials. Our
grandboys had suckled at
this fount of pap,' and
thrived, turning into in-
credible hulks, Batman and
Robin, Darth Vader.
To just throw her out into
the dump would be like
throwing your library out,
burning your 'Encyclopedia,
ripping up Plato ',end Hegel
and Kant — that's a law firm
that has given us a, lot of
trouble. An end to all culture
in the home.
Well, we had to steel our-
selves, but we did it. Just as
one throws a beloved aunt to
the wolves, we let the brutal
TV men come and carry her
off to an unknown grave, still
alive, but barely; still
whispering.
Then came the great
wrench. How to replace her.
There was a confab that last-
ed all day. We certainly
weren't going to just go out
and buy the first thing on the
market. After all, we weren't
born yesterday.
None of this nonsense that
we have always used to buy
cars. When we buy a car, we
go and look at them, kick the
tires, check the color of the
upholstery, and buy the
thing. We have never yet
visited more than one car lot.
We are the salesman's
dream. And we've never got
a lemon. Some people spend
more money on gas driving
around and comparing
prices than they do in their
first year of driving.
But we weren't going to be
taken in this time. After all,
a car is merely a car. A TV
set is much more. As well as
being a source of entertain-
ment and information — how
would I know anything about
Mini -pads without it? — it is
a refuge, a solace, a baby -
Did
You
Know
Paper, from
papyrus
By PHYLLIS WEAVER
Did you know the pa-
pyrus plant was the forerun-
ner of the paper we use so
freely in books and newspa-
pers?
Papyrus, a member of the
sedge family, once grew
abundantly in lower Egypt's
marshes. Today, it flour-
ishes only in the Sudan.
The Egyptians had many
purposes for papyrus, such
as baskets and ropes. But
mainly papyrus was used
for making writing materi-
al. The inner part of the
papyrus stalk was sliced
into thin strips, placed side
by side and then the other
strips laid across at right
angles.
Nile water moistened the
strips which were pressed
together and dried in the
sun. According to Pliny,
Roman naturalist and au-
thor, Nile water in a muddy
state had gluelike qualities.
Some" authorities say that
instead; a paste was made
from the finest wheat flour
mixed with boiling water.
Pliny lived in Christ's
time, but the Egyptians had
made papyrus sheets for
thousands of years before
that.
This week on your
Country Cable
Community Channel
CHANNEL 9
Listowel, Gowanstown, Palmerston, Harriston
MONDAY EVENINGS - KINSMEN CLUB BINGO
8:00 P.M.
May 16 - Following Bingo
PUBLIC FORUM
On Childhood Development and Early
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Guest Speaker
Dr. Mervyn Fox, London
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For After H urs
Cable Service Call
1-800-265-3227
6
sitter.
A TV set is much. more
important than parents or
children. It is an escape from
the real world, an anodyne
for pain, physical or psychic,
a sleep -inducer, a thing to
make one feel superior to
one's fellow man, a warm,
intimate look into the lives of
practically anyone from the
cop on the corner to Sir Law-
rence Olivier.
FI
You can't handpick your
family. But you sure can be
choosy over your TV set,
thank goodness.
So what did we do? We
went out and bought the first
one we saw, after judiciously
flicking it on and off several
times. You can't even kick
the tires on a TV.
But it has remote control.
Now, we're really going to
fight about who sees what.
I'll just be settled into Hill
Street Blues when my wife,
deliberately and malicious-
ly, will switch to one of those
dreary, endless, stupid soaps
she thrives on.
Like murder myteries?
Watch for The Remote Con-
trol Button Murder.
Oh, well. There's no such
thing as an ill wind. At least
we've got our sight and hear-
ing back.
ST S
84
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March 1983.
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