HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Wingham Advance-Times, 1983-02-16, Page 16Page 4-- Crossroads—Feb. 16, 1983
Bill Smiley
The d pression
similismiamow•
Depressing, isn't it?' And
I'm not talking about the
weather. 'Although I could.
Carlie home from work yes-
terday, mid-January, in
pouring rain. Didn't even
bother to plug in the block
heater. Got up this morning
and it was below zero. Guess
what didn't happen.
And how about that ramp-
ant 'flu that is striking down
huge, burly men as well as
little old ladies. I fall some-
where between the two, and
it has certainly stricken me
down — about four times.
'Price in the last two weeks
we have scheduled a party
for friends. Everything set:
tire laid; glasses polished;
booze bought; rug vacuumed
almost to death. And twice
Ole Mistah Floo has knocked
everything into a cocked hat,
whatever that is.
Do you have any concep-
tion of the effort required,
when all you want to do is die
and be incinerated, to have
to call up about fifteen
people, two weekends in a
row, and tell them the party
is off? And 80 per cent of
them are out on the.first, and
second, and third call?
But what the heck? That's
what this country is all about
in winter, and it is only then
that I curse me ancestors,
not loud but deep, for setting
forth from the peat and pota-
toes and deciding they'd go
to Canada. Why not
Australia or South Africa, or
Tahiti?
The only smart person in
my entire family collection
(connection? 'That's The
Floo) is a nephew who went
to Costa Rica, started a
small business, made a
happy marriage, and has
three little girls. We had a
happy Christmas card froin
him.
Everybody else in the fam-
ily is sick or stupid or broke
or old or having marital
problems. And that includes
yours truly. Why didn't I go
to the Yucatan Peninsula in
Mexico, as Roman Woychuk
MAKE IT
YOURS
Quilte.d...
window shade
Old mattress pads are
ripe for recycling as a
quilted window shade. Or-
dinary
dyes brighten them
up; appliques neatly cover
any stains, holes or frayed
spots.
Since mattress pads are
already quilted, hardly any
sewing is needed. .Since
they're padded, the shades
are energy-saving too.
It's especially easy to
make a` window shade, be-
cause it's hung from a Vel-
cro strip rather than rolled
around a rod. To let the
light in, the shade simply
foids up.
Here are directions for
the quilted window shade:
MATERIALS: For a
43x75 -inch window: Two
double -bed size mattress
pads, two bottles of dye.
Suggestion: Rit evening
blue u dye; dyeing supplies
Y Y g PP
as indicated on bottle;
scraps of felt, other fabric
or trims; fold -over braid;
mylar insulating fabric;
Velcro strip and tabs; pen-
cil. ruler and scissors; sew-
ing supplies; optional fusi-
ble webbing and iron.
Note:. Be sure cover fab-
ric on mattress pad is at
ieast 50 percent cotton
DYEING: 1. Dye mat-
tress pads according to di-
rections on the dye bottle.
2. Let pads dry completely.
Do not put them into the
dryer
PREPARATION: 1.
Using a pencil and ruler,
niar•k dimensions of win-
dow on each mattress pad.
2. Stitch along pencil lines
to keep fabrics and quilt
t_ c *I:J.' -,
14 • .
t.r)(-!
stitching from raveling or
fraying. Trim close to
stitching.
APPLIQUES: 1. Cut ap-
pliques from felt or other
fabrics. 2. Turn under raw
edges, if any, and baste in
place. 3. Stitch appliques to
right side of window. shade.
4. If preferred, attach ap-
pliques to shade with fusi-
ble webbing according to
package directions
ASSEMBLY: 1. Cut
mylar fabric to same di-
mensions as shade pieces.
2. With right sides of shade
outside, sandwich mylar
between front and back of
window shade. 3. Stitch
pieces together. 4. Enclose
edges with fold -over braid.
FINISHING• 1. Stitch
Velcro strip to wrong side
of shade's top edge. 2. Glue
corresponding half of Vel-
cro strip to top of window.
3. Stitch three Velcro tabs
to wrong side of shade's
'tom edge. 4. Stitch cor-
responding tabs to wrong
side of shade, somewhere
in the shades's upper half
(a). Fold up shade to let in
light. 5. Add extra rows of
Velcro, • if desired, to let
shade fold up to different
levels
MIlliMmenk
'10 owl
A
( 1.0.1b0.1 51tin,
Let us sort
out your
office supply
problems
323-1550
and I planned to do as soon
as — and if - we got out of
prison camp alive' And I
wonder what has happened
to. Chuk. He was a. brilliant
cartoonist, but had an eccen-
tric streak Last time I saw
him. we were out at a night
club with our ladies Toward
the end of the evening, he
picked up his glass, pretend-
ed it was a grenade, pulled
the non-existent pin out with
his teeth. and hurled it
through a mirror that must
have cost twenty grand
He probably couldn't even
—pick up his glasses now, let
alone a glass But I hope he
has some of the old esprit
left ' He was a Canadian
t.'kranian and coached us in
a few words of Russian. be-
cause we knew the Russians
Were Coming. All I remem-
ber is, "Nistrali", meaning,
"Don't shoot"
But what am I doing in the
Yucatan Peninsula with a
crazy Ukraman? A colum-
nist is supposed to have a
theme, state it, defend it, and
leave the reader in a state of
serenity, a problem solved, a
difficult dilemma made
clear as crystal
And all I've done so far is
muddy the waters, obfuscate
the obvious, and leave' the
reader with raised eyebrows
that indicate- Smiley should
be put out to pasture.
What 4 really wanted to
talk about was The Depres-
sion. And don't talk to me
about a recession, a slow-
down, a shake -down or any
other of the cant phrases
used by economists who -are
able to tell us, in double-talk,
and at fifty thousand a year,
that things are tough all
over.
We're in a Depression, and
note the capital D. How do I
know? Well, gentle reader,
I've been there before. I
know the territory.
A few years ago, in my
youth, I stated that we could
never have another Great
Depression, like that of the
'30s. After all, we had unem-
ployment insurance, a rea-
sonable Old Age Pension,
medicare: all sorts of buf-
fers against poverty, hunger,
humiliation, raggedy -asses,
and the like.
I was wrong, and though I
hate to admit it, as everyone
does who is wrong; I was
Oh, we're not quite back to
the thirties, but we're on the
way. In the town where I
live, roughly thirty per cent
of the people are without em-
ployment..
the town where 1 lived
during the Great Depression,
the figure grew to about
forty per cent That's why
my Dad lost his business He
was a softy, and gave credit.
People couldn't pay their
bills. He went broke
What's going to happen in
this country when the unem-
ployment insurance what-
ever runs out of money?
When there isn't enough left
in government coffers to pay
the doctors? When there isn • t
enough honey to pay the
interestbn the massive defi
cit We've acquired by bor
rowing on the future'' When
there 'isn't enough money left
to pay old, age pensions, ,and
child-care subsidies, and
welfare,' and look after all
the prisoners and retarded
people and insane?
Well, it'll be interesting, at
any rate. There's going to be
a lot of bitterness in the land.
Personally, I'm going to
buy myself a double-barrel-
led shotgun. And when I go
down to collect my old -age
pension, and the twerp who
still has a job tells me there's
no money left, I'm going to
throw down on him, and
make him extract it from his
own hip pocket.
And then I'rn going to go
out and shoot up some metric
signs. just for the helluvit.
•
▪ Mat
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