The Wingham Advance-Times, 1983-02-09, Page 24Page 4—Crossroads—Feb. 9, 1983
;1011011mmilmowBill Smiley
Another year
missimatow
c
Cheer up! You're alive,
aren't you? As we sail daunt-
lessly (or creep carefully)
into 1983, being alive is the
name of the game. Millions
and millions aren't you
know.
Think of your dead friends,
and even more deeply, of
your dead enemies. This
should cheer you up.
Your dead friends, rela-
tives, former mistresses,
bosom companions who are
planted are flitting about in
Elysium, pinching the bot-
toms of succuli and incubi,
and slugging down the am-
brosia.
Your enemies, rot them,
are shovelling coal as fast as
they can. And serves them
right. Imagine the chagrin of
a wife -beater when his
assistant, a mere embezzler,
doesn't get up there with his
wheel -barrow of coal, and
Old Nick nods, and Beelze-
bub gives the wife -beater six
licks on his burning bum.
So that's all settled. Here
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0
FIRE
1
ANSWER ON I Page 2
*11953 Ryan Game Company
•19113 Ceplsy News Some,
you are; . alive and well ex-
cept for your arthritis, acne,
heart murmurs and knotted
bowels, and you're afraid to
face another year:
Best way to face another
year is calmly, secure in the
knowledge that it won't be
good, but couldn't be worse
than last year.
Maybe a nuclear war will
start, but you still have to put
out the garbage. Maybe
you've lost your jolt,,, and
there is no garbage, because
you've eaten every can,
bottle and carton. Maybe
you'll lose a loved one, and
think your grief is as deep as
the ocean, but then catch
yourself picking your nose or
smelling your armpits.
Whatever the new year
brings, we can be certain
about a few things: more
taxes; parents -kids who
don't understand you; an in-
crease in the cost of living;
emanations of hot air and no
light from Ottawa; teeth
growing browner; hair
AUCTION SALE
Of Furniture and Antiques, for:
THE ESTATE OF
GEORGE FULTON &
MRS.
RUTH U H
STOCKTON
ON
Harriston, at Gray's Auction Centre, Corner
Hwys. 87 & 89, 1 mile west of Harriston, on:
Saturday, Feb. 19, 1983
10:30 a.m.
APPLIANCES: Findlay 24" electric stove; 24"
electric stove; Gibson 18 cu. ft. deep freeze;
Inglis spin washer; General deep freeze, apart-
ment size; 19" RCA XL100 portable colour TV;
15" portable B&W TV; Zenith floor model col-
our TV; 30" stove hood; small electrical ap-
pliances; clock radio; Fleetwood stereo.
FURNITURE & ANTIQUES: Chesterfield and
chair; chrome table and 4 chairs; 5 wooden
chairs and 1 armchair with leather seats; Lazy
Boy chair; 3 pressback chairs; 1 pressback
armchair; wooden fern stands; wooden lawn
rocker; platform rocker; Hoosier cupboard with
flour bin, made in Brantford; end tables; coffee
table; TV stand; square wooden table with 2
leaves and 2 armchairs and 2 side chairs;
humidifier; beds; night table; nurser rocker;
organ stool; dresser and mirror; dresser bot-
tom; armchairs; extension tables; buffet;
footstool; school desk; bed, dresser and mirror
and chest of drawers; 1 reupholstered country
couch and 2 in the rough.
MISC.: Display case; 2 display corner shelves;
hamper; TV tables; coffee grinder; apple
peeler; glass chtgn; butter ladle; pots and
pans; odd dishes; lamps; wooden floor lamp;
books; tupperware; large fan; picture frames; 2
old cameras; B&D jig saw; drill; assortment of
tools; sump pump; garden tools; round wood
stove; window mirror; baby car seat; Franklin
wood stove with heatilator and fan; lawn
mower; antique clock; cuckoo clock, working;
pony saddle and bridle; kitchen cupboards with
counter and stainless steel sink and taps, 14'4'
bottom; 9' top; 1967 Chevrolet Chevelle,
automatic, good shape, certified.
TERMS: Cash or cheque with proper I.D. sale
day.
Owners or Auctioneers not responsible for
accidents day of sale.
Lunch Booth.
Any announcements or corrections given
verbally day of sale.
Auctioneers:
BARRY & KEITH GRAY
(519)338-3722 or 343-3607
growing scantier; and, as
always, constipation,
whether physical or mental
or emotional. '
But that's just living. It
happened to the Greeks, the
Romans, and the British.
The only ones left who are
constipated in all three areas
are the Brits. but that isn't
their fault. They're just
more modern.
Despite your problems,
you are a survivor. If you
aren't, you shouldn't be
reading this. As a survivor,
you still have flesh and spirit
together in the one vessel
And that's the name of the
game, when you are tackling
a new year. Don't be fearful.
Be cheerful., •
Above all, don't feel guilty
AVM
If you're an old -age pen-
sioner, with a private income
of eighty thousand a year,
don't let your hand tremble
when you cash your old -age
pension. Sign your cheque
with a flourish.
If you're a student, don't
feel guilty if you got straight
"F's" on' your Christmas
report. It's probably because
you come from a broken
home, or because your tea-
chers have a built-in anti-
pathy toward free spirits.
Just think positively. "F"
stands for fantastic.
If you're a wife. don't feel
depressed because your hus-
band prefers'to spend all his
evenings, alone, at the
Legion Hall. Think posi-
tively. He's probably
destroying his liver, and
you'll soon be on your own, to
look for a man with a little
fire and less smoke.
If you're an aged, don't be
down .because nobody comes
to visit you. Call in your
lawyer, make a new will, and
cut every one of themout,
down to the last third -cousin.
Leave it all to Billy Grabbem
or Rex Humbug. Either will
waft,you up there on wings.of
pure plastic
if you're too fat, don't
sweat. Or if you sweat, don't
fast. Just sail in the choco-
late cake and ice cream, flip
a buttock in the divil's face
and go to your grave a happy
glutton.
If life presents you with a
serious problem, which you
can't possibly face. don't
face it. Run away Take. a.
trip. It'll be all blown over
when you get back
If you find Yourself so up-
set about the world, the state
of the country, •or the latest
idiocy of the ,town council, •
and you start biting your
nails, no sweat. Start biting
your toe nails, instead. This
will take your mind off your
troubles, increase your agil-
ity, and give you another
taste in your mouth, aside
from the bitter one.
If you are so, depressed
that there seems only one
way out - suicide — do it
properly. Don't throw your-
self under the wheels of a
train, or off abridge, or,. cut
your wrist. or shoot a hole in
your head. Throw yourself
under a live body, or . jump
off a two -foot bridge, or just
nick your wrists, or put a
hole in your big toe. You'll
get far more attention than if
you did it neatly. People like
botched jobs. That's why
they hire plumbers and pain-
ters.
There. Feeling better?
This little treatise is not the
only way to get through '83,
— you could win a lottery —
but it should help.
Just remember, a human
being is neither flesh nor
spirit. It is both. Just keep
body and soul together for
another year, and you can
laugh at life. And death,
Delicious Moirs
chocolates in
velvet -look
heart.
STRETCH 'N SEAL
FOOD WRAP 30 m
Transparent food wrap
clings for freshness.
QUIKKI PLASTIC
SANDWICH BAGS
Pack of 100. Convenient
twist ties included.
AQUA FRESH 100 m
TOOTHPASTE
Limit 3 per customer.
Minimum per store — 192
IRISH SPRING 380 g
4 -BAR SOAP PACK
Limit 3 per customer.
Minimum per store — 192
GOOD NEWS
RAZORS 6 -PACK
Limit 2 per customer.
Minimum per store — 96
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<: < TON DRILL COVERALL
SUPER RUGGED WORKWEAR!
Convenient zip front, dome top, 6 pock-
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*Reg. 16.88
SAVE $300
HEAVY-DUTY IRONING
PAD & COVER SET
Resilient pad with cover 517
*!e Reg. 8.17
*K mart Regular Low List Price * *K
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DUAL ACTION SCOTCHGUARD
WORK SHIRT OR PANTS
Full cut shirt with 2 button -flap pockets.
men's S -M -L -XL Pants have 2 front 1/a -
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watch pocket, 32-44 Durable polyester/
cotton in navy, olive or spruce.
*Reg. 15.87
70% wc01l hi' acryttc ' es 11,
* *A.S.P. 2.99
164
NO RAINCHECKS pair
mart Ater Sale Price
Your
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87
each