HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Wingham Advance-Times, 1983-01-26, Page 25rob
M
IW
The three fa
Shirley'Whittington
By now, you should all
know what happened last
year, what's ahead For next
year and to what extent you
personally wish to torture
yourself. I'm referring to the
three faces of New. Year's
Eve — the look backward,
the look forward and the pas-
sionately undertaken resolu-
tions. .
, These are journalistic tra-
ditions too About now eyery
y?,Y;:•:ii::;:•,j:•,•':::i<:tt:::;?iii'r{:ji{'.0,r',i%•:v<'•Si>';;i••:y
s of(NewYea,-'s)Eve
newspaper in the world is
finished with stories about
orphaned reindeer and
muggers dressed in Santa
suits It is time for items on
prophecy Celebrated seers
inform us on the social medi-
cal and moral schedules for
Nancy Reagan, Elizabeth
Taylor, Ted Kennedy and the
Pope.
We can also make plans to
move into a safer neighbor-
hood in order to avoid the
predicted California earth-
quake, western drought and
world-wide nuclear war.
News highlights of the pre-
vious year are another
journalistic tradition. Re-
porters start working on
year-end round -ups as soon
as the Ho -ho stories are out
of the way. If you don't mind
being the last to find out
about things, you might get
along very well with only one
newsp4per per year. The
first edition in January
carries a concise account of
who died, was honored, ban-
ished, fired or hired; what
burned, closed, started,
ended, and what places were
robbed, destroyed or forced
into bankruptcy.
Now we get to the third
journalistic New Year's tra-
dition — resolutions. Coluan-
nists publicly swear off
booze, smokes, refined
sugars and errors in fact.
The noble vows usually
don't last much longer than
the plastic battery-operated
computerized, 3-D Whatsis
you gave your kid for Christ-
mas, but that's grist for an-
other column,
What I have here today is a
list of resolutions eor other
people. If all of you out there
keep the following vows, I
will be a better person in 1983
— guaranteed — a regular
Chuckles the Clown.
First, if you phone me be-
fore 10 a.m., please don't
start your conversation with
"Did I get you up?" To un-
plug the iron, dash upstairs,
dodge the vacuum cleaner in
the hall, turn the stove down,
and grab the telephone on
the eighth ring to be greeted
with "Did I get you up?" is to
be forced into serious con-
templation of homocide.
My second resolution has
to do 'with ice cube trays.
When 1 go to the refrigerator
and find the freezer chock-a-
block with plastic con-
• tainers, their little ice nests
as cold and empty as
Scrooge's heart, I yell a lot.
People who put ice in their
drinks should put water in
the ice cube trays. If God had
meant ice cube trays to
languish dry and empty in
the freezer, he would have
drilled holes in their bot-
toms.
Aristocrats who live with
machines that tidily dis-
pense little half-moons of ice
on their own can apply this
resolution to other areas of
their lives. I bet lots of you
forget to put the ice cream.
back in the freezer, or leave
Crossroads—Jan. 26, 1983—Page 15
move about or cough during
musical or theatrical per-
formances should smarten
up. I mean it. Lately theatre
and concert going is so re-
plete with bronchial noises,
loud whispers and hurried
-rustlings, one might as well
be sitting in the emergency
ward at General Hospital.
Now, to complete the
journalistic tradition — I
offer the following pre-
diction: the world will be a
better place in 1983 if all the
resolutions outlined above
are kept by all of us.
If you ask me to add a
news highlig} .t for 1982 — a
really unusual story — I
would offer this one. On
August 7, at 4 p.m., SW went
up to the local supermarket
to buy one -loaf of bread. At
4:30 p.m. she returned, with
one loaf of bread and nothing
else.
Happy New Year to all of
you. Keep smiling.
your pyjamas on the floor.
Here's another resolution.
I would ask all those who
habitually write letters in
longhand, in the dark,
wearing boxing gloves, to re-
form. I have made some
serious errors in the year
just past because I couldn't
decode handwriting. Is my
pest friend ingesting speed
or spuds? Is Aunt Fanny
going to Hull, Hell, the Hill or
the Hall? People who write
as if with a sharpened twig
held in the mouth must
either buy typewriters or
study caligraphy.
I ask all radio and televi-
sion announcers who say
"tempecher",, "new -clear"
and "Sairdy" -to reconsider
the consonants and vowels in
those words. Temperature,
nuclear and Saturday would
result and all our ears would
rejoice.
Finally, people who talk,
ver
#%4•••
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YOUR
CHOICE
Some months ago, I com-
mented on press reports of a
speech by Dr. Joseph Macln-
nis, the President of Under-
sea Research Limited, a To-
ronto-based consulting firm.
I was ifnpressed by what was
reported of the speech, be-
cause it indicated that Dr.
Maclnnis, in addition to
' being a medical doctor; 'a
diver and an entrepreneur,
was something of a poet.
Thanks to Joe Maclnnis him -1
self, I now have more evi-
dence. He was here at Global
recently, apparently to do an
interview with That's Life.
I'm chagrined that I missed
him. But he left something
for me. A copy of his new
book, The Breadalbane Ad-
venture, suitably inscribed
with a trail of bubbles going
• up the page beside his signa-
ture..
The Breadalbane, you may
recall, was a British sailing
' ship which sank 127 years
ago in the frigid,, ice -chocked
waters off Beechey Island in
„the Northwest Passage. The
book is Joe MacInnis'_story
of the search for the
Breadalbane • and the in-
credible moments when they
found her, and photographed
her, with a remote controlled
camera.
I dipped into the book early
one afternoon and nearly
missed the Six O'Clock
newscast because of it. It's a
fascinating book, and Joe
Maclnnis emerges in my
view as one of those men for
all seasons who make life
worth living.
When I was a kid I revelled
in the books of Richard Hal-
liburton, a man who sailed
and walked and climbed and
dove his way around the
world, probing the past and
testing his nerve in the
present. He sailed into the
South China sea in a junk,
some years ago, as I recall
it, and was never seen again.
Thor Heyerdahl, who came a
bit later, had some of the
same qualities. But he was
and is more serious than
Hallibut'tnn, and all his voy-
ages, in balsa rafts, reed
boats, whatever — have ex-
panded the horizons for ar-
cheologists by establishing
the unsuspected seaworthi-
ness of many primitive ves-
sels.
But Joe Maclnnis, in my
view, is better value than
either of them. Part of it is
his primary area of interest,
under the seas, - which with
space, as Walter Cronkite
puts it in the introduction, is
one of man's last two fron-
tiers. Part of it, perhaps, is
that Joe Maclnnis is a Cana-
dian, and a Canadian who
has had the courage to make
a living out of what interests
him. And part of it is simply
that he writes much tetter
than Halliburton, Heyerdahl
and broken down anchor-
men.
Joe Maclnnis takes you
with him, not just into the
unforgiving depths of an arc-
tic sea, but into the past, into
the . rank atmosphere of the
messdeck on a wooden ship
in the 1850s. But don't ,take
my word for it: read his.
That's The Breadalbane Ad-
venture by Joe Maclnnis,
Optimum Publishing.
That's not newsbut that
tioo is reality.
; BOOK REVIEW
MAD ABOUT MUFFINS. By
Angela Chubb. Clarke, Irwin
& Codkpany Limited, Toron-
to. 96 pp. Paper 88.95.
Reviewed by
PERCY MADDUX
Angela Chubb's "Mad
About Muffins" is a cook
book devoted solely to muf-
fins. With a?spiral binding, it
opens flat with one recipe to
a page. This is great for the
variety muffin maker, as it
lists so many different kinds
of muffins that can be made.
Almost all the recipes re-
quire two eggs, but some de-
mand more.
There is certainly some
advantage in having a recipe
book that is nothing but muf-
fins, for when you want to
make muffins, you don't
have to frantically search a
book for the muffin section.
RETURN WITH VS TO...
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