HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 1978-08-17, Page 17(rT'
71,
daveyk
e:
For the past two weeks television
viewers have been fed a steady diet of
Commonwealth Games from
Edmonton.
Of course, there was a choice
available by simply flipping the
channel to bowling for dollars or other.
such dynamic sporting events
depending on one's excitement
threshold. Not that I'm in the market
for a deluge of sympathybut the awk-
ward little antenna atop the Sykes'
abode screened out everything but the
Games.
So afternoon or evening, whenever
the tube was turned on in a fit of
boredom, there were the Com-
monwealth Games to watch Now that
wasn't bad. I can almost survive on a
sports diet.
And the Canadian athletes, who
turned in a remarkable performance,
could have easily been mistaken for
A1inr.rc with the amount of gold, silver
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and bronze they plucked from the
games. •
But soon the number of days of
events turned into weeks and there I
was throwing left jabs in the dying
seconds of the third round, swimming
the final leg of A relay event and bur-
sting through the tape in front of the
field in the 100 metre sprint.
Now while I yelled, screamed and
coerced Canadian athletes to a record
performance from my living room, the
thought occurred that there should be
some type of medal compensation for
die hard fans like myself. Afterall,
there is a certain amount of physical
exertion involved.
Medals should have been" offered to
the spectators who pranced and hopped
on one leg in front of the television set,
refusing to go to the bathroom until the
next commercial break. That's great
dedication and body control.
There -.definitely should have been
medals offered in the spectator clean
and jerk competition. This competition
would be open to viewers who could lift
a beer can while in a reclining position
on the sofa and drink a substantial
amount of their favorite beverage
while not spilling a drop on their un-
dershirt or missing precious seconds of
viewing.
Undoubtedly medals should have
been up for grabs in the spectator
heavyweight division. Medals would be
awarded for the best demonstration of
left jabs and right cross combinations
into the back of the easy chair while
urging a Canadian combatant to vic-
tory.
The spectator 10 metre open bowl
spring. Medals in this event would be
awarded to viewers who were'able to
dash to the washroom and return to
their vantage point ;in front of the
�_-
oclerich
televi.siori set in recordtime, without
missing a single event.
The spectator open style wrestling
competition. The Commonwealth
Games'top medals would be doled out
to viewers for the best hammer lock,
cross-over toe hold and full nelsons
performed on the better half or
girlfriend on the living room floor while
viewing the wrestling competitions.
Body slams would result in a
disqualification.
The hammer throw and shot put.
Gold, silver and bronze medals would
be presented to armchair athletes who
in disgust at the results of an event,
threw a plate, bottle or neighborhood
youngster through the television
screen. Bonus points would be awarded
to owners of color television sets.
If only they awarded medals to
spectators, I might be somewhat of a
celebrity.
IGNAL
STAIR
131 YEAR -33
THURSDAY. AUGUST 17. 1978
SECOND SECTION
Summer at Goderich beach right for many things
A lot of sr lovers took advantage Of the warm weather Friday to soak up
some rays ' and some knowledge at the same time. Effie Hulzebos of
Brussels, was one of the many people who relaxed with a good book on the
Goderich beach while Old Sol deepened her tan. (Photo by Jim Hagarty)
•
Lauren MacEwan, kneeling, and her sister Carol spent part of their time on
. the Goderich beach Friday building castles out of sand. The two Goderich
girls also took intermittent water breaks in the warm Lake Huron waves,
heated just right by last week's Warm weather. (Photo by Jim Hagarty)
This young swimmer was caught doing The Hustle in mid-air on Friday
after vaulting off the diving board at the end of the south pier at Goderich's
Harbour Beach. A group of young people took turns demonstrating unique
diving styles and if this girl didn't win first prize, the judges must have been
looking the other way. (Photo by Jim Hagarty)
Heat waves. such as the one we're
enjoythg in the Goderich area right
now, cause normally sensible people to
rill I sorts of strange things to beat the
heat Soote people, normally very..
conservative in their dresshabits,
remove all clothes but those required to
keep therm out of jail. Others spend
hours in the kitchen mixing fluids to
satisfy their taste buds while..-quen-
chning incredible thirsts. But the
strangestrituals usually take place at
night Exhausted by the tortures of
functioning in 90 degree beat people
desperate for sleep seem quite willing
to go to almost any lengthto get
comfortable in the sack.
Around our place musical beds is a
very popular sport. The rules are
simple and the whole family can take
part_ ft goes like this. The kids are
exhausted and- get sent to bed fairly
y
early 'Meson is. still izgt,aiidtpaz•.erttis_go.
to great lengths to convince the
_..yotmgsters..that. It...is .night- time and -
ether children are going to bed all over
the country. This .Ktlte.,first battle, won.
by the parents, sets the stage for
.musical beds.
A mere half hour after silence per-
vades the children's sleeping area the
youngest wakesup. Trapped in her crib
she begins to moan like someone that
has just crawled 100 miles across a
desert and is unable to get water out of
a fountain he has just discovered.
Rushing to keep the moaning from
waking the older child you try to beat
the clock by pouring the child's
favi3urite beverage into a glass or
bottle and getting it to her before she
really starts to complain. Gasping for
breath you listen carefully to - see if
your feet got the•job done and hearing
nothing. froth the bedroom of the oldest
you head back down to the living room.
Five minutes later you see that the
children won Round Two. The oldest is
standing in the doorway rubbing her
eyes as- tee felts, -you S c etslee-pp
her rooter. There's a lot of noise from
across-the-hafthat-wakes her up,
'You -fedi an urge to lay down the law
and send the, youngster back to her •
r.
room but you know that if you do the..
she'll only kick up a fuss and wake up
the baby again: Being the quick
thinking (and supposedly smarter)
person you advise the child to go in
your bed and sleep.
Hiding a faint smile (that's exactly
what she had in mind) she shuffles off
to the bedroom. The National is over,
the-weatherinan has told you you won't
be able to sleep tonight because of the
heat, and Carson has died doing his
monologue so you decide to hit the
sheets., ,
It's then that you remember your bed
is full. Doing your best impersonation
of a thief you whisk the child to her
room trying to stay silent.,Just as you
walk out of her room crying from
across the hall stops you in your tracks.
The youngest is up. Whoosh+„It's the old
race to the refrigerator again.
..–Panting acid `sweating you fall int*
bed hoping exhaustion will keep
di0cornfort ?rum' detlyiwg -you your
sleep. The shuffle of feet says no.
Looking towardthe door you see the
silhouette of the oldest rubbing her
eyes. Realizing you've lost the battle
you tell her to crawl in beside her
mother. The extra body in a double bed
does little to add to the comfort level'so
you shuffle off to the living room ih
search of a place to lay your head. The
chesterfield is unoccupied ,butte the
material on the old sofa is some kind of
fancy btftlap that's. like sleeping on a
piece of ipsulation.
Bemoaning your plight you drift off
to sleep only to- awaken to several
hundred birds chieping outside your
window. You can't decide on the time
because the alarm is in the bedroom so
you haul yourself to an upright position
and stagger to the kitchen. It's barely
dawn. The bedroorn looks like
something froth a refugee camp with
bodies littered everywhere. The sun is
peeking ' over the horizon and it's
already 85 degrees.' '
The hell with it I'll go to work and
telex in the air conditioned office. As
you head to the bathroom the moaning
upstairs signals another race. The old
„e
dash for the refrigerator before the rest
of the family gets up.
If the heat wave continues maybe the
kids will want to play a best of seven
series. They're already up one. "
jeff
Seddon