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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 1987-12-30, Page 50 inion The sweater that wouldn't be bought Last week I found myself gasping for air, being swept along narrow streets by a riotous crowd displaying propaganda on plastic bags and pushing aside everything and everyone in its path. It could have been the annual "Death To American Day" parade in downtown Tehran. But it wasn't. It was the Christmas shopping crush on Oxford Street in jolly of London, England. I was retracing previous paths, popp- ing into pubs I knewd and carrying on a tradition I began on my first visit to Lon- don — purchasing a Harris Tweed sports jacket. I didn't need a sports jacket, I mean I don't have a regular job and the last time I got invited out to a social function here in Wainfleet the chain broke, so the trac- tor pull was cancelled. But I needed to buy a Harris Tweed jacket, so I did. I went to Dunn & Com- pany on Oxford Street and Mastercarded a size 42 tall, grey black Harris Tweed jacket right off the rack. Harris doesn't hand -weave the tweed like he used to but the price was right and come to think of it, my fabric isn't woven as tight as it once was either. You can't wear a jacket in England without a matching sweater, otherwise they think you're with the KGB (and ac- cording to "Spycatcher", most English are these days), so it's up the street to Marks & Spencer's. I agonized over the plain grey sweater or the grey sweater with four coloured diamonds up the front. The plain grey seemed to best suit my mood and social life but I thought what the hey, throw in some colour and a few people might be fooled. With sweater in hand I marched up to the nearest cash register, slapping said sweater and credit card on the counter. "Mind the queue, sir!" "What?" "The queue, sir. Mind the queue!" I looked left noticing six shoppers all burdened by merchandise, all giving me a look of disgust heretofore only been unleashed upon "The Yorkshire Ripper." The English queue is pronounced "Q" and upheld like the undying civil liberties granted in the Magna Carta. As a matter of fact — I think it's in the Magna Carta. Item VIII: "English peers need not take up arms against foreign invaders, simply force them to queue up, in proper single file, for everything their hearts desire. Long live the King!" And it's not as if they have to queue up WILLIAM THOMAS as in other countries suffering from shor- tages of staple goods. The sick thing is, they do it because they like to. It's their passion and national stance. I went to the back of the line. A trace of self-satisfaction crept into their stoic countenances as I passed them. "We got the obnoxious American" read the message. It used to be that when I travelled abroad I would bristle at the idea of being mistaken for an American, the way New Zealanders do when they're lumped in with the Aussies. Not anymore. Now when I'm in Europe I act as obnoxious as I possibly can and the Americans take the rap. Six polite chats abopt the weather and six "Happy Christmases" later I reached the front of the line. "Sorry sir, but at Marks & Spencer's we do not take credit cards." "What?" "No credit cards but our own." "What about traveller's cheques?" "Upstairs at the exchange. Next?" Up the elevator two steps at a time, (they queue up on the right of elevators) and I rush to the cubicle they call a bank with Visa cheques, grey sweater and a self promise to work actively for the withdrawal of our troops from NATO. "Mind the queue, sir!" I look left, five of them all holding che- ques, 'invoices they deemed erroneous, all staring at me like I came to rob the bank, rather than transact. I thought of giving up but that'swhat they wanted. The English are tough — they outlasted the German bombing, they survived a Labour government, they beat the Argies in the Faulklands and now it comes to this — the guy that wanted to buy the grey sweater with the diamonds up the front. I went to the back of the line. Had I been a knitter I'd have had both sleeves done by the time I reached the counter. "I'm sorry sir, but we don't take VISA traveller's cheques." "What?" "I mean we do but we take a very large commission. You're best off going next door to the bank." I had become the Job of Marks & Spencer's with the sweater of many col- ours that Could not be bought for love nor plastic money nor traveller's cheque. But did I quit? I would fight them on the sales floor, at the counters and in the money exchanges but I would never, never surrender. I got a sales supervisor to hold the sweater for me, no queue asked. I bolted up the elevator of the bank next door, spotted a queue of three and neatly fell into line. Soon, two knitted cuffs and the V-neck later, I was at the front of the line. "I'm sorry sir, I don't think I can serve you." "What?" "I was just informed there's a bomb downstairs, not enough time to serve you I'm afraid." People poured out of that bank and Marks & Spencer's and all the adjoining stores and hit the street as the police came streaming in with sirens scream- ing and yellow tape cordoning off the en- tire block. In less than five minutes the block on either side of Marks & Spencer's was an eerie peopleless place awaiting the arrival of the bomb squad. Mesmerized, I pushed forward to get a look at the surreal scene, something akin to the shooting a "day after Armaged- don" scene in the movies. A big burly guy beside me with a moth- eaten sweater and matching toque gave me a dig in the ribs and hooked a thumb over his shoulder. I looked back. My eyes lied. I looked back at him. "Queue up, mate!" They were beginning to queue up to watch a bombing. "I surrender" I said, and his eyes nar- rowed in suspicion as I walked away and never looked back. Nobody needs a sweater that bad, diamonds or no diamonds. As they say in England Happy Christmas. And if you get a sweater for Christmas, you're a better man than I, Harris Tweed. Reflecting on some 1987 happenings • from page 4 doesn't make a mistake now and then. The only money Rice has made from the scandal is what she made while appear- ing in a blue jean commercial (which has since been taken off the air) for a com- pany called, what else, "No Excuses." It was 1929 all over again this past Oc- tober when stock markets across the world crashed leaving the global economy in a shaky state. It was the largest single day decline in history and has left investors with little confidence in the market since no-one knows what will happen. The Liberals finally got there first ma- jority government in Ontario in 40, years in the September vote. The election saw Progressive Conservative party leader Larry Grossman lose his Toronto seat and resigned as party leader, following what can only be described as a landslide victory for Liberal leader and Ontario Premier David Peterson. In the spring of 1987, the Meech Lake Accord, which was an agreement to bring Quebec into Canada's constitution, was signed by Prime Minister Brian Mulroney and the provincial premiers. The Accord has been criticized for giving too much power to the provinces but it is supported by all three federal parties. It has yet to be ratified. In November, Prime Minister Brian Mulroney and U.S. President Ronald Reagan agreed to a proposal which will see freer trade between the two coun- tries. The Free Trade Agreement has yet to be ratified and signed by both countries. Just recently in December, Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev travelled to Washington, D.C. for an arms control summit with President Ronald Reagan. The two men signed an historic arms reduction treaty on medium range nuclear missiles. This is the first time the actual number of nuclear warheads has been reduced._,.,,Gorpachev, during his visit, was quite a hit with residents of the United States. Meanwhile, the press had field day with what they called apparent strained relations. between Nancy Reagan and Raisa Gorbachev – vehemently denied by spokespersons for the two ladies. As the bell rings in the New Year on Thursday evening, we can look forward to 366 days of excitement here and throughout the world. Happy New Year! Computer banking terminal • from page 4 conventional methods, when a youth of about 12 happened by, pushed a few but- tons and made a successful withdrawl. Beginners luck, I scoffed, but decided to give the electronic age one more chance. I went through the entire process again, this time going ahead with the Rea! IS ()VER...BUT THF GOOD BLYS LINGER ON! Twin City School of Hairstyling Waterloo, Ont. *Hairstyling • Barbering •Ear Piercing • Make-up 55 Erb St., East 886-6305 Monday to Friday 8:30 am to 4:30 pm Marilyn & Bev will be closing "Christmas & Country.' January 9/88forthe winter and to show their appreciation they are offering a % OFE STORE. WIDE 0 Sale Starts Dec. 28 to January 9/88 Re -opening Mid -April "Christmas final act and inserting my envelope, cash and all. I still am not sure where my money is, but I do have a piece of paper which in- dicates I have made "a transaction". I guess that will have to do for now. Maybe next week I'll get up the nerve to make a withdrawal. Somehow, taking money from a machine just doesn't seem honest. 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