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GODERICH SIGNAL -STAR, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 1987
Santa Claus Parade
a seasonal success
• Everyone, including the guest of honor, had a jolly time at the annual Goderich
Santa Claus Parade, held Saturday, Nov. 21. The theme of this year's parade was
"Christmas, Past, Present and Future," and there was a good variety of floats
representing all three time periods. Clockwise from below: a pair ofmarian
youngsters gets ready for an "out of this world," Christmas; Santa Claus himself
arrives at the end of the parade; a member of the Goderich Laketown Band drums
up a storm; a group of youngster peer out from behind their shades; a big chicken
was a hit with, the young parade watchers and a member of the Seaforth Girls'
Marching Band kept warm by blowing her tuba. (photos by Patrick Raftis)
L.A., a city
suffers from
sun strokes
Seven days in Los Angeles is like a week
long tour of the National Institute For The
Terminally Quirky. I think the last earth-
quake did serious damage to L.A.'s ner-
vous system. It's like a boxer who took that
one -hit -too -many and now is punchy,
spastic given to debilitating hallucina-
tions. L.A. is a fragile house of cards in
which all the face cards have been replac-
ed by jokers in gay apparel.
The wealth in this city is staggering,
seemingly limitless if you manage to
overlook the legions of homeless sleeping
in the streets and camped out in a squat-
ter's shanty town on Venice Beach.
On one day of my visit, urgent pleas
were sent out by an ad executive to find his
Paddington Pug which had exited an open
door and was wandering around loose and
lost.
The next day when the SPCA picked up.
the Pug, the imperitive pleas of its owner
were explained. It was not so much the
love for his pooch that caused the owner to
panic but the $20,000 diamond -studded
necklace he was wearing when he took a
hike.
In Hollywood when a dog, even a Pug,
walks down Rodeo Drive wearing $20,000
worth of diamonds, even the poodles hav-
ing their hair done at Rejean's come out
from underneath the dryers to have a look.
L.A. automobiles are outlandish. Corvet-
tes and Cadillacs, no matter the vintage or
condition do not warrant a first look let
alone a second glance. Out here cars have
names that look like they were lifted from
an expensive Italian menu. L.A. cars are
washed daily and they come as equipped
as your house, including ,the mortgage.
Salesmen don't sell cars out here, they
"put you in a fun machine". Jaguar and
Alfa Romeo dealerships are one to a city
block, much like our donut shops.
The hottest headline story for five days
traight has been the defection of running
back Eric Dickerzen from the LA. Rams to
Indianapolis for more money. In a last
ditch effort to keep him, and Eric-a-thon
raise two Mexican pesos, $300 in Mickey
Mouse bills, two pounds of rice from a free -
food program and.a box of Ex-Lax to help
his running game.
While I was there, the new "extended-
hour marriage program" went into effect
at the L.A. Country Courthouse. For an ex-
tra $5, couples could now be married at ci-
tyhall from 9:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m., thereby
eliminating the previous 5:00 p.m. closing.
No need to re -arrange your whole day just
to join hands in holy matrimony.
Convenience and selection are the basis
for the L.A. good life. "Seven Eleven"
stocks two dozen imported beers from all
over the world and the corner drug stores
offer you estate -bottled French wine and a
,magnum of Mums chilled at $69.95
Car phones? Sure we have car phones in
Canada. But on 10 -speed bicycles? They
have them in L.A.
Baby joggers? In L.A.. the latest little
health gizmo is a three -wheeled, shock -
absorbed flat bed buggy that allows mom
to do her three miles around town pushing
the baby ahead of her as she goes. "Rub-
ber baby buggy bumpers" are for real in
L.A.
While I was in L.A., Frederic's of
Hollywood opened a bra museum. Admis-
sion is free and business is busting out.
Rosalyn Russell's bra, the wire one that
Howard Hughes designed for her is really
nifty, it's got a ... but of course 1 wouldn't
be caught dead in a place like that. (And
wasn't) .
I was in Hollywood for Halloween. I was
in a bar on Santa Monica Boulevard. This
was a real bar, one which had not yet in-
stalled the salad bar and the Haagen-Daas
ice cream parlour.
As I watched thousands of parties cruise
up and down the boulevard, it occurred to
me that of all the beautiful women in
designer gowns and Gucci bags, most of
them were men.
Those men who were not dressed as
women were clad in leather chaps and
leather capes and usually had a friend on a
leash who wore leopardskin jock straps
and a studded collar and was being pulled
along on roller skates. It was no wonder, I
thought, that that stray dog had turned
himself into the local SPCA. He couldn't
stand being made fun of.
L.A. is the place where men are men and
underneath the sequined gown and silk
camisole, they can prove it. In West
Hollywood when guys start chanting
"Take it off! Take it off!" — They're
usually telling it to bartenders.
It's a little disconserting to be attracted
to a gorgeous pair of legs and full
cleavage, only to be put off by a five
o'clock shadow.
The problem was that in L.A., nobody
knew it was Halloween. In the cross-
dressing capital of the world of weird, this
was just another night on the town.
The next day, driving up Wilshire
Boulevard 1 saw a large advertisement
that read: "For 25 cents we'll guess your
sex!" I began to laugh but then I suddenly
realized that first of all, in L.A. the guy
will make a fortune. And secondly, he's
really got his work cut out for him.
Upon returning to Canada, I spent my
entire first day in downtown Wainfleet
watching men walk by, wearing men's
clothes.
We take so many things for granted in
this country.
Photos by
Patrick Raftis