HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 1987-10-28, Page 23What
a fair
Colborne Fair
gets better
each year
The annual Colborne Township
Christmas Country Fair, a display and
sale of local arts and crabs, was a suc-
cess again this year with a variety of
displays and a large crowd. Billed as
"The Original Western Ontario Craft
Show to Promote Craftsmen and a
Community", the show was held last
Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday at
the Saltford Valley Hall. Among the
booths were displays of puffed painting
on sweatshirts, hand -painted sweat-
shirts, knitting, stained glass, pottery,
woodwork and many others. At right,
five-year-old Bobbi -Jean Clifton of
Brucefield peers through a wreath.
Below, Meaford resident Jeffrey Van -
Dyke had a large collection of candle
lanterns at the show. (photos by Lou -
Ann DeBruyn)
• Entertainment • Feature
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SECTION
GODERICH SIGNAL -STAR, WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 1987
r4]
WILLIAM
THOM AS
Above, Joy Davids of Colborne Township works on a quilt at her booth while in the
photo below Waterloo resident Elaine Schmidt sits at her booth of burlap figures.
(photos by Lou -Ann DeBruyn)
"Following your gut instinct" regarding
attempted sexual assaults and purse-
snatchings is what Constable Robin Shrive,
of the Waterloo Regional Police Depart-
ment, recommended to approximately 150
women gathered at the Goderich Royal
Canadian Legion Thursday afternoon.
Const. Shrive, a 10 -year officer with the
Waterloo police, was guest speaker at the
Goderich IODE annual afternoon tea and
dessert. She spoke on "Policing in the '80s",
covering a wide range of topics including
sexual assaults, purse snatchers, obscene
telephone calls and safety in the home.
"There are hundreds of things we can do
to protect ourselves," Const. Shrive told the
group. She has made numerous similiar
presentations to various groups including
Rotary clubs, Lions clubs, Kinsmen clubs,
the University Women's Club, as well as
school presentations.
In speaking about sexual assaults, Coast.
Shrive said there were a number of Ways a
Follow your
gut instincts
There are hundreds of things
you can do to protect yourself
woman could protect herself against an
assaulter. '
"I love historic romances. They always
have buxom -y women and good-looking men
on the .covers but you know the sexual en-
counters in the story aren't real. Sexual
assault is anything but romantic," Const.
Shrive began.
She then told the women of an sexual
assault incident that she investigated. The
victim was a young, deaf girl who had gone
to a party where she was raped by two men
who then took her to another house where
she was raped once more and sodomized
twice.
"Rape is rape. There is nothing romantic
at all about sexual assault," she said.
Const. Shrive noted the most important
thing for a woman to consider at all times
was "to go with your gut instinct.
"Anyone who stands in front of you and
says you must fight your attacker, call me.
I'd like to talk to the idiot.
"You must go with your gut instint
whether to fight or not," she noted.
`If you decide to fight, there are so many
vulnerable parts in front of us. Poke his eye
out. Bite him on the nose. Hit his Adam's
Apple. Did you know it only takes 32 pounds
of pressure to break a leg? The best part by
far is the groin. You can hit it with your
knee, purse or hand and it's going to hurt
Turn to page 2A
Welcome to
the space age
Yesterday I said it. After one month of
twice daily, intensive psychotherapy I
sat on the edge of the couch in the
shrink's office, clenched both fists, clos-
ed my eyes and blurted: "Buh... Buh..
Buhluu Jays!"
"Vunderful" he said, applauding,
"now let's try it vun more time."
So I attacked the sadist, leaping across
his desk and squeezing his throat until his
eyes came out to touch the lenses of his
pince-nez and the commotion caused his
receptionist to come rushing in and beat
me back to September with an appoint-
ment book.
I felt great.
I had cured myself with "symbolic
physical reverse therapy." That is, I had
left the doctor in the same state as the
cause of my catatonia - the Blue Jays -
choking, gagging, spitting up, red from
humiliation and leary of ever ,coming to
work again.
My problems came to a head and burst
like an inflamed carbuncle on the morn-
ing of Monday, October 5..It was blue
Monday. Navy blue Monday. It was navy
blue bleeding to black Monday.
Only hours before the morning of the.
5th and documented by the front page of,
that day's newspaper, The Toronto
Blue Jays on live television had perform-
ed the sports world's finest legal abor-
tion. Disguised as Free Trae, Brian
Mulroney had clinched a real estate deal
making this country one more star in the
rag they call "Old Glory". And the state
of florida enacted a gun law that bestow-
ed life achievement awards on the Son of
Sam and John Hinkly Jr.
It was the kind of front page you had to
look at very closely to make sure a
prankster friend had not had printed up
as a gag. It was a shameful day if you
loved the Blue Jays, your country and
Donald Duck. It was the one day in my
life that I wished with all my heart that
when I stepped out of the shower, Pam
Ewing would be. there to tell me she'd •
dreamt it all.
The Blue Jays bit the big one, Brian
sold the farm to Ron and' Aunt Edna,
before hightailing down to Palm Beach
G . as she has for 14 winters, must first get
fitted for a flak jacket and a shoulder
4Olster,
This kind of carnage strewn over a I
whole generation would have been hard
to take. But in one day?
I started seeing conspiracies
everywhere.
I believed that Free Trade was no
more than a ruse to create a convenient
constituency for Brian Mulroney and
that with Canada the 51st state, he could
now fulfill a life long dream of becoming
President of the United States.
Then I thought maybe it was an act of
revenge. With his singular accomplish-
ment of creating jobs and his political
fate looming larger than Richard Hat-
field's waistline, maybe in one final,
retaliatory shot he could wipe out all
those jobs and maintain a perfect record.
For a time I pinned it all in Mila. I saw
them sitting around the fire one night, he
leafing through a photo album of himself,
she whining about wanting to live in
California where Nancy lives.
Absorbed and enamoured by the
photos, Brian thought she said she
wanted lively, California wines so he
made a mental note to wipe out our wine
industry and bring in theirs by signing
the Free Trade deal.
My sense of reason was blurred by the
Blue Jays as well. It was all those
Dominicans. Their numbers spelled con-
spiracy and they always said the same
thing in interviews: "I am jess doing my
joob." This was not just a ball team with
a mess of players from one remote
island in the West Indies. This was a
first -attack expeditionary force that
would storm the beaches of the
Dominican Republic on an "upcoming
exhibition tour", cross the mountains in-
to Haiti and after engaging the reigning
hunta with corked bats and scuffed balls
would reinstate Baby Doc Duvalier to
power.
Ron and Grenada - 1. Brian and the
Dominican Republic and Haiti.
Naw, couldn't be. If the Haitian
military read the batting stats of the
Jays over the last seven games all they'd
have to do is send unarmed peasant
women out to quell the uprising.
It was tough to find the conspiracy in
Florida's new gun law, the one which
enabled the National Rifle Association to
turn the Sunshine State into a shooting
gallery. It could only be that in the name
of regional equality, the rest of Florida,
jealous at the, attention and glitter of
Miami Vice wanted the sex, drugs and
violence simulcast to other, less pro-
sperous parts of the state. So they took
the shooting out of the studio and put it on
the streets.
The front page follies on this Monday
paper were justification enough to shoot
the messenger, which by the way, is now
legal in the state of Florida as long as it's
a fair shoot and the messenger is also
armed.
So I turned the page and I found the
answer to it all in a small article on the
space age. That was it, the answer to the
craziness and the breakthrough in my
therapy.
It was space, just a small space mind
you, but a giant gap in the science of sani-
ty nonetheless.
It was the small space suffered by the
Florida legislature, the gap between the
Turn to page 3A