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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 1987-08-05, Page 4PAGE 4—GODERICH SIGNAL -STAR, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 5, 1987 The world needs a good laugh. And, in that respect, I feel that as a source of ridicule and scorn, I have been providing a modicum of laughter for most of my life. I enjoy being silly and as comedian Victor Borge so aptly claimed, the shortest distance between two people is humor. And humor is more than just a workout for the facial muscles; it has more therapy value than most people realize. It has the ability to cut through the ten- sion of a given situati t can relieve stress and often, a od chuckle, -can pro- vide us with a less serious perspective on things. Self-depracating humour has always been only of my favorite styles because, afterall, you have to be able to laugh at yourself or else life will slowly erode your sensibilities and sense of humor. Aging and growing older has always provided humorists with ample material DAVE SYKES for story and punch lines. I happened upon a list of semi -humorous lines relating to aging and hopefully one or two will at least make you smile. You know you're old when: -the gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals. -you sit in your rocking chair but can't make it rock. -you're still chasing women but you don't know why. -brushing your teeth plays you out. -your children all look middle-aged. -you're startled the first time you're call- ed an old timer. -dialing long distance is a chore. -you know all the answers but no-one asks the questions. -your little black book only has names en- ding in MD. -your pacemaker makes your garage door slam up and down uncontrollably when you see a pretty girl. -blowing in your wife's ear makes you winded. -you paint the town red once and take a long rest before applying the second coat -your appendix scar reaches your knees -thedoctor who lifted your face has a hernia. -you buy a new calendar with larger numbers instead of pictures of girls. -you want to procrastinate but you forget how. -You have nagging regrets about resisting temptation throughout your life. -you remember today that your wedding anniversary was yesterday and you can't remember how many years you've mar- ried anyway. -the little grey-haired lady you helped across the street is your wife. -the best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off. -when you don't need an alarm clock anymore. -you burn the midnight oil until at least 9 p.m. on the weekends -you turn. your lights off for economical reasons rather than romantic ones -your back seems to be going out more frequently than you do. -the only pill you take is a vitamin. -you feel like the night after and you haven't even been anyplace. -you're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist and 96 around the golf course. -your knees tend to buckle but your belt sure won't. -a dripping faucet gives you uncon- trollable bladder trouble. -She first time you finally actyour age your wife calls an ambulance. -your mind feels like 18 and your body feels like 81 -when Johnny Carson starts looking younger every time you see him. -when it's a chore to stay up and watch that young Knowlton Nash man read the news. -when you keep forgetting where you left your teeth, or if you indeed own any. -when you remember how to do things but you forget why you did them. And finally you know you're old when you have to resort to writing columns about growing old. I'm outa here and on holidays. THE NEWS PORT FOR GODERICH & DISTRICT SINCE 1545 - the SEDT ALL ROUND COMMUNITY NEW#PAPER IN CANADA 7• (Drcula m Cues 3500-4500) C C N A Better Newspaper Corrgeuuon 1994 Godericho Jl� SIGNAL-ST1AR P.O. BOX 220 HUCKINS ST. INDUSTRIAL PARK GODERICH, ONT. N7A 4B6 PUBLISHED BY SIGNAL -STAR PUBLISHING LIMITED Founded in 1848 and published every Wednesday at Goderich, Ontario. Member of the CCNA and OCNA. Subscrip- tions payable in advance 522.00, (Senior Citizens $13.00 privilege card number required) in Canada, $60.00 to U.S.A., $60.00 to all other countries, Single copies 60'. Display, National and Classified advertising rates available on re- quest. Please ask for Plate Card No. 16 effective October 1, 1985. Advertising is accepted on the condition that in the event of a typographical error, the advertising space occupied by the erroneous item, together with the reasonable allowance for signature, will not be charged for but that balance of the advertisement will be paid for ' at the applicable' rate. In the event of a typographical error advertising goods or services at a wrong price, goods or services may not be sold. Advertising is merely an offer to sell, and may be withdrawn at any time. The Signal - Star is not responsible for the loss or damage of unsolicited manuscripts, photos or other materials used for reproduc- ing purposes. General. Manager Editor Advertising Manager SHIRLEY J. KELLER DAVE SYKES DON HUBICK FOR BUSINESS OR EDITORIAL OFFICE...please phone (519)524-2614 Second class .^ A mail registration Member: C , number 0716 CCNA Consider camraderie Until recently, the Town of Goderich and the Goderich Police Force have had a good working relationship. But, that relationship has been damaged; perhaps irrevocably, by comments`made by the five mayors of Huron County towns. Continents which led the local force to believe their jobs were in jeopardy. Comments which led the officers to think that provincial police coverage within the municipality was inevitable. Although Goderich Mayor Eileen Palmer tried to ease the local officers' fears by recently speaking to a delegation 'representing the Goderich Police_Force at a Goderich Police Com- mission meeting, the .damage has already been done. The officers have been told the commission has their safety at hearts yet requests for ad- ditional.manpower have not been fulfilled. Albeit, the issue is under study. Nor has the commission stated OPP coverage is not a distinct possibility. No, the com- mission. will only say the issue is not currently being studied although it could be in the "future. An overworked and understaffed force needs to be reassured from time to time and that is all the officers were looking for when they approached the commission. They wanted to know their work was appreciated and their jobs were secure. More importantly, they wanted to be assured the commission was behind them in their duties. And these assurances were duly given. What prompted the discussion of OPP coverage is the high cost of municipal police forces. For example, $616,000 was budgeted for policing in Goderich for 1987. Although the various police commissions and town councils owe it to their residents to in- vestigate the costing of OPP coverage within the municipality as compared to municipal police forces, they cannot forget the beneficial points incurred with a local municipal police force. Local forces dedicate themselves to protecting the safety of the town's residents. They operate within a small jurisdiction which allows for better communication between the of- ficers and the community. Most importantly, they are able to respond to a call within a mat- ter of minutes. While the goals of -the provincial police are the same, it is the camaraderie established between the small-town local force and the town's residents which is irreplaceable. Perhaps the Police Commission should consider the importance of this camraderie, before making any major decision. - I,.H. Called to the polls s After a spring full of speculation, a provincial election has been called for this fall. It came as no surprise, with the current minority government enjoying popular support., thatrthe Liberals have chosen now, to take a run at gaining a majority government. This election will be of particular importance to the people of Huron County, as they will vote for the first time as a single, unified riding. There are many issues, such as the proposed Highway 8 expansion and others which will directly affect the development of this county -riding. So, this time, it is more important than ever for residents to take a strong interest in the platforms of the contending parties. The Huron County residents who do not cast a ballot on September 10 should be few and far between. – P.R. The term "mania," when used as a suf- fix, indicates "an excessive fondness or enthusiasm; obsession or craze," for something. As a society, we have, over the years, experienced manias for all manner of phenomenon. Some, such as "Beatlemania," happened when I was too young to remember vividly. Others, such as "Westlemania," I wish I could forget. Regardless of the various merits of the other people, groups and activities to which the term has been attached in the past, North America is now in the grips of perhaps the most biz are mania ever to strike it — "011iemania". The amazing popularity achieved by U.S. Marine Lt. Col. Oliver North ( a.k.a. "011ie"), following his testimony before the Congressional Inquiry into the Iran - Contra affair in the States has me com- pletely stumped. Why does everyone love this man? Seems to the his role in the whole thing amounts to an attempt to deceive the people of his own country, in an attempt to impliment a series of foreign policy manoeuvres which were not approved through proper channels. For this, he's a hero? Anyway, the thing I can't believe is not so much the fact that 011ie has become a hit in the USA (Americans are the peo- ple, you'll remember, who made Michael Jackson for a time, seem like the most . important musical artist on the globe. "Beat it," indeed!), but the resultant mass marketing of 011ie-related items. The shirts and buttons I can live with, but the latest announcement that some opportunists — broadcasting. mogul Ted Turner among them -- have released home video -cassette versions of North's testimony, 1 find hard to believe. They expect these, videos to have mass market appeal? If I wanted to watch a man try to talk his way out of a tight spot fora a mtnle of hours, 1 would simply Goderich, fans to be entertained by Iowa Ghosts, a touring ball team 25 YEARS AGO August 2, 1962: Local fans will be entertained next Wednesday. by the touring Iowa Ghosts, a negro laugh making soft ball team, who will play the Bissets in Agricultural Park. The Ghosts are as famous as their counterparts, The Harlem Globetrotters. They are a talented band. of ball players who can piay5 excellent soft ball or tickle the fancy of the most staid fan with their antics. Goderich Branch 109 Royal Canadian Legion, held its annual Band Tatto Friday evening, July 27, in Agricultural Park. Some 500 paid spectators watched the colourful program, with an additional few hundred taking advantage of thf£'free side of the new- ly installed wire fence surrounding the park. • The free Methodist Church will be closed over two Sundays -August 5th and 12th - during a period when renovations will be made to theshurch. The floor will be resur- faced and alterations will be made to the pews. The church will re -open Sunday August 19th. 50 YEARS AGO -August 4, 1937: Several guards spent an all-night vigil out- side the Goderich Motor Sales Garage on South Street on Friday after the unusual ac- cident sent a sea of gasoline flooding over the street. As a customer drove away from, the gasoline pump the near bumper of his car tore a hose looseoand gasoline drained follow one of my married drinking bud- dies home after•an all-night session. And you thought North was telling some tall tales? If "The North Tapes," become a video hit, I shudder to think what might follow. Why not resurrect the films of the Mc- Carthy hearings? Imagine what fine family viewing it would make. "Relive the good old days, as Uncle Joe makes the cot imie pi'nkos squirm on the stand, to the tune of Bruce Springsteen 's 'Born in the USA'. (Warning, some scenes may be too ludicrous for anyone who believes we live in a democratic society.) And what about Watergate? What could be more fun than watching "Tricky Dicky" get turfed from office all o again, in the comfort of you're living room. If the actual tapes of the hearing don't prove interesting enough for the average audience, they could put out an updated, dramatized version. Maybe Max BOOKING BACK from the tank across the road. The guards warned smokers to keep away from the area until the gasoline evaporated. Miss Isabel E. Sharman, B.A., of Goderich last week received a Kelvinator refidgerator, second prize in a national con- test being conducted by Professor Quiz, famous "question and answer" man of radio. The prize, one of the 107 distributed in the contest, was awarded for the best questions for use on the Professor's regular Saturday Night Program. Goderich Old Home Week is a great sucess. The weather has been of the holiday, the program has been carried out without any important hitch or accident, the crowds of spectators have been gratifyingly large, and -best of all -the boys and girls have come back in surprisingly large,numbers to enjoy the proceedings and to ,cheer the hearts of their home folks by their presence. There is still two more days left of Old Home Week. r last Thursday afternoon, when Miss Edith Murney, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. W.T. Murney, Britannia Road was saved from drowning by the prompt action of several young men. Miss Murney had swum across from the south pier to the north pier and was returning when she became exhausted. Reg Tufford and Arnold Brownlee, who were swimming in the neighborhood immediatley went to her aid and supported her until Bert from this angle Patrick Raftis Headroom could be enlisted to play the ti- tle role. "I am not a cr-cr-cr-crook!" And lets not forget those old party favorites — The Nuernberg Trials. McDonald, who was on the pier dived in and towed her to a nearby launch where she soon recovered. 70 YEARS AGO August 2, 1917: A fatality was narrowly averted at the harbor last Thursday afternoon, when Miss Edith Murney, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. W.T. Murney, Britannia Road was saved from drowning by the prompt action of several young men. Miss Murney had swum across from the south pier to the north pier and was returning when she became ex- hausted. Reg Tufford and Arnold Brownlee, who were swimming in the neighborhood immediatley went to her aid and supported her until Bert McDonald who was on the pier dived in and towed her to a nearby launch, where she soon recovered. Every women in Goderich and surroun- ding area is'urgently requested to attend a meeting to be held in the Court House on Saturday afternoon next August 4th at 3 o'clock to hear the report of the delegates who were sent to the food conservation con- vention, to discuss the best way of meeting the shortage of food we .shall have to deal withthis year. We are facing a crisis in the history of our country and it is to every woman's interest, and her duty also, to pre- sent and aid as much as possible at this meeting. Our soldiers must have the best of food and in sufficient quantities, or they can- not fight, and it is necessary that we should make sacrifices so that they can be well fed. The most that we can do is very small in comparison with what they are doing for us. It is hoped that there will be a large attendance. "Get together with your old army bud- dies and relive the vengence. Love to hate those Nazis!" If the craze continues, it could open up whole new avenues for the amateur video -buff. Tired,by now of filming relatives' weddings, they could turn to filming peoples' divorce hearings (lots of yuks later with your new spouse), or you could have them on hand when Uncle Bill goes in front of the judge for lewd and lascivious behavior (Why is Uncle Bill wearing a rain coat in court Momrny? ), the possibilities are endless. But back to 011ie. I understand he's not making a dime from the sale of the video, or from any of the various 011ie paraphenalia that's on.the market, That's a shame, since he obviously worked long hard hours at the paper shredder to at- tain his current notoriety. Paps what North needs is a good bus ess manager? I hear Jim Bakker is looking for work.