HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 1987-08-05, Page 4PAGE 4—GODERICH SIGNAL -STAR, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 5, 1987
The world needs a good laugh.
And, in that respect, I feel that as a
source of ridicule and scorn, I have been
providing a modicum of laughter for
most of my life.
I enjoy being silly and as comedian
Victor Borge so aptly claimed, the
shortest distance between two people is
humor.
And humor is more than just a workout
for the facial muscles; it has more
therapy value than most people realize.
It has the ability to cut through the ten-
sion of a given situati t can relieve
stress and often, a od chuckle, -can pro-
vide us with a less serious perspective on
things.
Self-depracating humour has always
been only of my favorite styles because,
afterall, you have to be able to laugh at
yourself or else life will slowly erode
your sensibilities and sense of humor.
Aging and growing older has always
provided humorists with ample material
DAVE SYKES
for story and punch lines. I happened
upon a list of semi -humorous lines
relating to aging and hopefully one or two
will at least make you smile.
You know you're old when:
-the gleam in your eye is from the sun
hitting your bifocals.
-you sit in your rocking chair but can't
make it rock.
-you're still chasing women but you don't
know why.
-brushing your teeth plays you out.
-your children all look middle-aged.
-you're startled the first time you're call-
ed an old timer.
-dialing long distance is a chore.
-you know all the answers but no-one
asks the questions.
-your little black book only has names en-
ding in MD.
-your pacemaker makes your garage
door slam up and down uncontrollably
when you see a pretty girl.
-blowing in your wife's ear makes you
winded.
-you paint the town red once and take a
long rest before applying the second coat
-your appendix scar reaches your knees
-thedoctor who lifted your face has a
hernia.
-you buy a new calendar with larger
numbers instead of pictures of girls.
-you want to procrastinate but you forget
how.
-You have nagging regrets about
resisting temptation throughout your life.
-you remember today that your wedding
anniversary was yesterday and you can't
remember how many years you've mar-
ried anyway.
-the little grey-haired lady you helped
across the street is your wife.
-the best part of your day is over when
the alarm clock goes off.
-when you don't need an alarm clock
anymore.
-you burn the midnight oil until at least 9
p.m. on the weekends
-you turn. your lights off for economical
reasons rather than romantic ones
-your back seems to be going out more
frequently than you do.
-the only pill you take is a vitamin.
-you feel like the night after and you
haven't even been anyplace.
-you're 17 around the neck, 42 around the
waist and 96 around the golf course.
-your knees tend to buckle but your belt
sure won't.
-a dripping faucet gives you uncon-
trollable bladder trouble.
-She first time you finally actyour age
your wife calls an ambulance.
-your mind feels like 18 and your body
feels like 81
-when Johnny Carson starts looking
younger every time you see him.
-when it's a chore to stay up and watch
that young Knowlton Nash man read the
news.
-when you keep forgetting where you left
your teeth, or if you indeed own any.
-when you remember how to do things
but you forget why you did them.
And finally you know you're old when
you have to resort to writing columns
about growing old. I'm outa here and on
holidays.
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Consider camraderie
Until recently, the Town of Goderich and the Goderich Police Force have had a good
working relationship.
But, that relationship has been damaged; perhaps irrevocably, by comments`made by
the five mayors of Huron County towns. Continents which led the local force to believe their
jobs were in jeopardy. Comments which led the officers to think that provincial police
coverage within the municipality was inevitable.
Although Goderich Mayor Eileen Palmer tried to ease the local officers' fears by recently
speaking to a delegation 'representing the Goderich Police_Force at a Goderich Police Com-
mission meeting, the .damage has already been done.
The officers have been told the commission has their safety at hearts yet requests for ad-
ditional.manpower have not been fulfilled. Albeit, the issue is under study.
Nor has the commission stated OPP coverage is not a distinct possibility. No, the com-
mission. will only say the issue is not currently being studied although it could be in the
"future.
An overworked and understaffed force needs to be reassured from time to time and that is
all the officers were looking for when they approached the commission. They wanted to
know their work was appreciated and their jobs were secure. More importantly, they
wanted to be assured the commission was behind them in their duties. And these
assurances were duly given.
What prompted the discussion of OPP coverage is the high cost of municipal police forces.
For example, $616,000 was budgeted for policing in Goderich for 1987.
Although the various police commissions and town councils owe it to their residents to in-
vestigate the costing of OPP coverage within the municipality as compared to municipal
police forces, they cannot forget the beneficial points incurred with a local municipal police
force.
Local forces dedicate themselves to protecting the safety of the town's residents. They
operate within a small jurisdiction which allows for better communication between the of-
ficers and the community. Most importantly, they are able to respond to a call within a mat-
ter of minutes.
While the goals of -the provincial police are the same, it is the camaraderie established
between the small-town local force and the town's residents which is irreplaceable.
Perhaps the Police Commission should consider the importance of this camraderie,
before making any major decision. - I,.H.
Called to the polls
s After a spring full of speculation, a provincial election has been called for this fall.
It came as no surprise, with the current minority government enjoying popular support.,
thatrthe Liberals have chosen now, to take a run at gaining a majority government.
This election will be of particular importance to the people of Huron County, as they will
vote for the first time as a single, unified riding.
There are many issues, such as the proposed Highway 8 expansion and others which will
directly affect the development of this county -riding. So, this time, it is more important than
ever for residents to take a strong interest in the platforms of the contending parties.
The Huron County residents who do not cast a ballot on September 10 should be few
and far between. – P.R.
The term "mania," when used as a suf-
fix, indicates "an excessive fondness or
enthusiasm; obsession or craze," for
something.
As a society, we have, over the years,
experienced manias for all manner of
phenomenon. Some, such as
"Beatlemania," happened when I was too
young to remember vividly. Others, such
as "Westlemania," I wish I could forget.
Regardless of the various merits of the
other people, groups and activities to
which the term has been attached in the
past, North America is now in the grips
of perhaps the most biz are mania ever
to strike it — "011iemania".
The amazing popularity achieved by
U.S. Marine Lt. Col. Oliver North ( a.k.a.
"011ie"), following his testimony before
the Congressional Inquiry into the Iran -
Contra affair in the States has me com-
pletely stumped.
Why does everyone love this man?
Seems to the his role in the whole thing
amounts to an attempt to deceive the
people of his own country, in an attempt
to impliment a series of foreign policy
manoeuvres which were not approved
through proper channels.
For this, he's a hero?
Anyway, the thing I can't believe is not
so much the fact that 011ie has become a
hit in the USA (Americans are the peo-
ple, you'll remember, who made Michael
Jackson for a time, seem like the most .
important musical artist on the globe.
"Beat it," indeed!), but the resultant
mass marketing of 011ie-related items.
The shirts and buttons I can live with,
but the latest announcement that some
opportunists — broadcasting. mogul Ted
Turner among them -- have released
home video -cassette versions of North's
testimony, 1 find hard to believe.
They expect these, videos to have mass
market appeal? If I wanted to watch a
man try to talk his way out of a tight spot
fora a mtnle of hours, 1 would simply
Goderich, fans to be entertained
by Iowa Ghosts, a touring ball team
25 YEARS AGO
August 2, 1962:
Local fans will be entertained next
Wednesday. by the touring Iowa Ghosts, a
negro laugh making soft ball team, who will
play the Bissets in Agricultural Park. The
Ghosts are as famous as their counterparts,
The Harlem Globetrotters. They are a
talented band. of ball players who can piay5
excellent soft ball or tickle the fancy of the
most staid fan with their antics.
Goderich Branch 109 Royal Canadian
Legion, held its annual Band Tatto Friday
evening, July 27, in Agricultural Park. Some
500 paid spectators watched the colourful
program, with an additional few hundred
taking advantage of thf£'free side of the new-
ly installed wire fence surrounding the park.
•
The free Methodist Church will be closed
over two Sundays -August 5th and 12th -
during a period when renovations will be
made to theshurch. The floor will be resur-
faced and alterations will be made to the
pews. The church will re -open Sunday
August 19th.
50 YEARS AGO
-August 4, 1937:
Several guards spent an all-night vigil out-
side the Goderich Motor Sales Garage on
South Street on Friday after the unusual ac-
cident sent a sea of gasoline flooding over
the street. As a customer drove away from,
the gasoline pump the near bumper of his
car tore a hose looseoand gasoline drained
follow one of my married drinking bud-
dies home after•an all-night session. And
you thought North was telling some tall
tales?
If "The North Tapes," become a video
hit, I shudder to think what might follow.
Why not resurrect the films of the Mc-
Carthy hearings? Imagine what fine
family viewing it would make.
"Relive the good old days, as Uncle Joe
makes the cot imie pi'nkos squirm on the
stand, to the tune of Bruce Springsteen 's
'Born in the USA'. (Warning, some
scenes may be too ludicrous for anyone
who believes we live in a democratic
society.)
And what about Watergate? What could
be more fun than watching "Tricky
Dicky" get turfed from office all o
again, in the comfort of you're living
room. If the actual tapes of the hearing
don't prove interesting enough for the
average audience, they could put out an
updated, dramatized version. Maybe Max
BOOKING BACK
from the tank across the road. The guards
warned smokers to keep away from the area
until the gasoline evaporated.
Miss Isabel E. Sharman, B.A., of
Goderich last week received a Kelvinator
refidgerator, second prize in a national con-
test being conducted by Professor Quiz,
famous "question and answer" man of
radio. The prize, one of the 107 distributed
in the contest, was awarded for the best
questions for use on the Professor's regular
Saturday Night Program.
Goderich Old Home Week is a great
sucess. The weather has been of the holiday,
the program has been carried out without
any important hitch or accident, the crowds
of spectators have been gratifyingly large,
and -best of all -the boys and girls have come
back in surprisingly large,numbers to enjoy
the proceedings and to ,cheer the hearts of
their home folks by their presence. There is
still two more days left of Old Home Week.
r last Thursday afternoon, when Miss Edith
Murney, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. W.T.
Murney, Britannia Road was saved from
drowning by the prompt action of several
young men. Miss Murney had swum across
from the south pier to the north pier and was
returning when she became exhausted. Reg
Tufford and Arnold Brownlee, who were
swimming in the neighborhood immediatley
went to her aid and supported her until Bert
from
this
angle
Patrick Raftis
Headroom could be enlisted to play the ti-
tle role.
"I am not a cr-cr-cr-crook!"
And lets not forget those old party
favorites — The Nuernberg Trials.
McDonald, who was on the pier dived in and
towed her to a nearby launch where she soon
recovered.
70 YEARS AGO
August 2, 1917:
A fatality was narrowly averted at the
harbor last Thursday afternoon, when Miss
Edith Murney, daughter of Mr. and Mrs.
W.T. Murney, Britannia Road was saved
from drowning by the prompt action of
several young men. Miss Murney had swum
across from the south pier to the north pier
and was returning when she became ex-
hausted. Reg Tufford and Arnold Brownlee,
who were swimming in the neighborhood
immediatley went to her aid and supported
her until Bert McDonald who was on the pier
dived in and towed her to a nearby launch,
where she soon recovered.
Every women in Goderich and surroun-
ding area is'urgently requested to attend a
meeting to be held in the Court House on
Saturday afternoon next August 4th at 3
o'clock to hear the report of the delegates
who were sent to the food conservation con-
vention, to discuss the best way of meeting
the shortage of food we .shall have to deal
withthis year. We are facing a crisis in the
history of our country and it is to every
woman's interest, and her duty also, to pre-
sent and aid as much as possible at this
meeting. Our soldiers must have the best of
food and in sufficient quantities, or they can-
not fight, and it is necessary that we should
make sacrifices so that they can be well fed.
The most that we can do is very small in
comparison with what they are doing for us.
It is hoped that there will be a large
attendance.
"Get together with your old army bud-
dies and relive the vengence. Love to
hate those Nazis!"
If the craze continues, it could open up
whole new avenues for the amateur
video -buff. Tired,by now of filming
relatives' weddings, they could turn to
filming peoples' divorce hearings (lots of
yuks later with your new spouse), or you
could have them on hand when Uncle Bill
goes in front of the judge for lewd and
lascivious behavior (Why is Uncle Bill
wearing a rain coat in court Momrny? ),
the possibilities are endless.
But back to 011ie. I understand he's not
making a dime from the sale of the
video, or from any of the various 011ie
paraphenalia that's on.the market, That's
a shame, since he obviously worked long
hard hours at the paper shredder to at-
tain his current notoriety.
Paps what North needs is a good
bus ess manager? I hear Jim Bakker is
looking for work.