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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 1986-02-26, Page 53Showcase '86,, page?7 -84010 New BegnnngS offers marriage counsellin By Joanne Buchanan Huron County has not been left un- touched by the escalating divorce. rate. Unfortunately, marriage counselling ser- vices in the county haven't kept up with the pace. Family therapists Sheila McCaffery and John Penn are hoping to alleviate this discrepancy with New Beginnings, a private counselling service operated out of an office it Goderich and open to all Duron County residents. Since the birth of New,Beginnings in September, McCaffery and Penn say they have not been inundated with clients. Because they both have other jobs which require a lot of time and energy, they ad- mit that they have probably not.pro- moted their service as much as they could. However, they are certain their business will grow over time. Communication Critical While love can be a starting point for marriage, things like friendship and com- mitment are important too. And both Mc- Caffery and Penn agree that communica- tion is a critical factor. "Couples are often able to com- municate their difficulties but they seldom spend enough time talking about how things are good between them or what they appreciate about one another," says McCaffery. To communicate their anger, Penn says many couples fall into a Pattern of mutually punishing one another. A classic example of this is when one part- ner refuses to speak to the other. "People get stuck in being angry or upset and it filters into every part of their relationship, often leading to bigger problems," says Penn. One of the methods he and McCaffery use in counselling is to teach people how to mutually reward one another instead of punishing. "We ask couples what nice things -they would like their partners' to do for them. These can be small things. Perhaps the wife would like her husband to serve her a cup of coffee after supper. In the short run, this at least puts the brakes on mutual punishment," explains Penn. How to pack First, consider your needs.' For short honeymoons a garment bag and carryon may be enough, but if you'll be gone for a week or two, an additional suitcase will be needed. The type of luggage you choose will either be hard or soft. Hard luggage is very durable yet heavier. Soft luggage will be made of nylon or vinyl and is pro- bably less expensive and lighter. Quality varies so buy from a Well-known manufacturer. Be sure to try out the piece before making a decision. See if it fits you and think about whether or. not you want ' pad- ded handles, wheels or shoulder straps for comfort and convenience. Once you get the new purchase home, don't put off packing until the day before the wedding. You'll have enough to think about as it is. Put shoes and heavier items at the bot- tom of the suitcase near the hinge. Wrap shoes in plastic to keep, clothes clean and stuff with socks or underwear -.to save space. Bring travel -size: toiletries and put them in• your carryon bag along with valuables, medications and jewelry for easy access. Pack belt and ties around the edges of the suitcase. Last but not least, a name and address tag is crucial in case of accidental separation. - If couples have fallen into a destructive pattern of relating to one another, McCaf- fery and Penn will try to get them tp recognize this and to learn positive -flew ways of relating. This can be done through acting out methods or role play ing. Its not easy though. "People come for counselling and say they want their relationship to get better. At first though, the negative ways of relating are so well learned that they keep falling back into those ways and then they think that counselling isn't working,'.' says McCaffery. Penn agrees. "Many couples expect the counsellors to. solve their problems. But we just get them totalk abput their feel- ings and clear the way for them to see new methods of dealing with their,pro- blems. The couple has to struggle together and do the work. We just facilitate the process." McCaffery and Penn say that if each partner wants the marriage to work, they can probably be helped in six to eight sessions. "There is a lot of work involved though. We encourage each individual to write out what it is that he or she wants to change. We send couples off with homework. For example, we might assign them to talk together for a certain amount of time every day," explains Penn. Little Forethought Many churches are now offering pre - marriage courses and counselling. Mc- Caffery and Pennboth think this is a good idea. "Any input like this prior to a couple's marriage is fantastic," says McCaffery. "The more we discuss marriage and family life in the schools and through the churches, the better." She feels that WhZ2 many couples about to enter marriage will discuss things like whether to have children, where they will live, etc., they do not discuss such important issues as what they expect from one another, what they expect from marriage, why they are get- ting married, etc. "Many people go into marriage without a whole -lora forethought. They don't a�J� says McCaffery. wholelot of ing," McCaffery. think far enough past the hoopla of the She feels that many people get onto a marriage ceremony about day to day liv- Turnto page 31 • • • • • - • • • 00060000060000 • • • • • • • • •• • • • • • •• • • •- •- •• •• •• ••,1 •• •• •• • •• • • •• • • •• .• • • Special Gift FREE Personalized BRI DAL. BOOK for that special day. 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