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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 1985-04-03, Page 31v 444 N l Aq! t X91 ` l i t a,1985 --PAG •i fiedWomenToday meeting told •' Vitolen aever justified" he ltto,l le,duur a motel- discus - sloe on fa i -violence lthough each fof the ive • paneet, members were front various professio , the iverkleadS. them town a common goal - eh urinating, family violence• Freedom From .a, was the theme during,* discusston'which was held as part sof the Women Today's quarterly meeting on Marti 2!t, ;lighten,ig the audience and sharing their ; knowledge and madames was a panel conaisting of J e Tailor, Who was instrumental in thefounding:of the Sur- vival Through Friendship Organization in Goderich; Heather Ross, an articling lawyer from Seaforth; Laurie Thomson of the Huron .Centre. for Children and Youth; Debbie Selkirk, a registered nurse at the 'Alexandra Marine and Gerneral Hopkital in Goderich; and Valerie Bolton, executive director of Women Today and a Huron Coun- ty Task -Force on Family Violence memeber. , Survival Through Friendship Ms. Taylor explained the reasons why the Survival: Through Friendship Organization was formed and how plans for the transition house ,, in Goderich, (Survival Through Friendship House) are progressing. The organization startedin the basement of St. George's Anglican Church Parish Hall with women attending two days a week. Here, the women would discuss their pro- blems while.Their children were looked after by the babysitting service provided. The purpose of the ebi-weekly meetings were to "raise self esteem and give a new purpose to the women," said Ms. Taylor. The number of women that were meeting at the Anglican Church became too great for Ms. Taylor to handle, so she took the project one step further and applied for permission to have a : transition house set up in Goderich. On October 12, she was given permission to have the Survival Through Friendship House . with the 24 safe homes acting as back-ups. The transition house, located at 134 McDonald Street in Goderich, is scheduled to open on April 2. It will shelter emotionally and physically battered women and their children. Stop Violence. First In the summer of. 1984, the Huron Centre for Children and Youth in Clinton changed their approach in dealing with men who abuse their partners. "We felt we needed more than an in- dividual working with the men...we wanted groups, "explained Ms. Thomson. • According to statistics she has received from a group in London, 85 per cent of the men stopped battering their wives or girlfriends while they were in the group. Participants of the group can come volun- tarily or through 'referral's from doctors, police or other social service agencies or by court mandate. "They don't want to come at first, but ' -,after three or four sessions you' can tell that "they want to be there," commented Ms. , Thomson. The Huron Centre's philosophy is straight forward - no one deserves to be beaten, no matter what they have done, and, the abuser is the one that is responsible for his actions. "Violence is a learned behavior, a way of coping with stress. What is needed are other alternatives • of dealing with stress," ex- plained Ms. Thomson. The first issue dealt in the counselling group is reducing denial of abusive acts and the minimization of the seriousness and fre- quency of the abuse. Anoth!ermajor concern is stopping the violence in the home because the counsellors can't work with the families while the violence is going on. Freedom From Assault was the theme discussed during Women Today's ,quarterly meeting held at the Clinton Town Hall on March 27. The meeting featured a panel con- sisting of (left to right), Debbie Selkirk, Laurie Thomson, Heather Ross, Valerie Bolton and Women Today President, Fran McQuail. Also on the panel was June Taylor. (Anne Naiejko photo) "Working with1the batterer is the first part. We also need to deal with the women as well as the children who view the violence and the couples who want to stay together," said Ms. Thomson. The men who take part contract with the program for 12 week periods. This length of time was chosen because it was felt "not to be too threatening to the men at first." After the 12 weeks the men can renew their con- tract. There is also a follow-up and a three and six month evaluation done on the group • members. By the time the batterer leaves the group, it is hoped that he has learned to "recognize signs of behavior and use other methods of expressing anger. That's summing up the project in a nut shell," Ms. Thomson said. Condoned through history "Wife beating has been condoned throughout history ,and is today, to a lesser degree," stated Ms. Ross, who has been do- ing legal work with battered women.' Ms. Ross gave a number of examples on how men have treated their wives in dif- ferent eras. She said, "Wives have been kill- ed for doweries...and husbands have killed their wives for adultery." Causing a death is an extremeresult of abuse with bruises, cuts and crippling also resulting from abuse. According to Ms. Ross, physical and sexual abuse is only vne of three major forms of abuse commonly in- flicted on women. The other two forms are psychological and property abuse. Psycological, or mental abuse, can happen when a man wantsto pro- ve himself .right. He verbally batters his wife hour after hour, day in and day out. The result is the woman being as confused as, if she had been physically abused. Abuse of property occurs when "your sit- ting watching television and a guy smashes his fist on the glass coffee table and breaks it. Or it could be killing a pet or shooting at a wall with a gun. They may shoot a safe distance away as not to hit a person, but it is still abuse," explained Ms. Ross. She also -explained that there are three phases of violence. Phase one is when the woman tries to keep the peace and the man becomes increasingly angrier. Phase two is the explosion into violence. "This could last for days. She remembers everything but he denies that he laid a hand on her," said Ms. /loss. The third phase, or honeymoon phase, is the most dangerous. The man tries to be nice and the woman "wants to believe that the man she loves has changed - forgive and forget. But this is the most' dangerous phase." Ms. Ross also commented on the myths which, in some cases, "blame the victim and excuse the batterer." The number one myth is that alcohol alters a person's personality..However, Ms. Ross stated, "Between 35-50 per cent of the cases, it may be the facilitator, but not the cause." . The second myth is mental illness, but a very low percentage of cases have any pro- ven organic problem. Myth number three is male aggression, but their behavior is learned, (as in trying to be'the "macho type,") and is not biological. "If it was biological all men would beat their wives," stated Ms. Ross. Another myth is that the wife was to blame. This myth says that the wife nags her husband until he can't stand it any longer and lashes out towards her. However, a British study showed that 77 per cent of wife abuse was not brought on by nagging or other similar taunts. Citing an example, Ms. Ross told of a man who threw a pot at his wife because he didn't like the meal. With women's liberation, status im- balance has become, a myth said Ms. Ross. She explained that the wife may have a bet- ter job and -or a higher education, so in order to establish himself in the home, he beats her to show his power. But many abuse cases happen to women who work in the house in the traditional fashion. Ms. Ross , pointed stress out as being another myth: The man is under stress and can't cope, therefore, all family violence should happen in the lower classes, she said. However, reports confirm that violence oc- curs in all social groups, but it's "more visi- ble" with lower class people. Statistics show that many beatings occur between 5-7 p.m. and that fists and kicking are used as weapons on a regular basis. Research also indicates the average vic- tim is beaten 35 times before she seeks help, and that for every single call the police CHECK AND COMPARE 0 * Up to 517,500.40 available * Completely Open for pre -payment * Simple Interest * Life Insured If you are looking for a .,. New Car Loan. Used Car Loan, Home Renovations Loan, Home Refurnishing Loan. Holiday Loan. Paying -Off. Your -Charge -Card Loan, Bill Consolidation Loan. or any other Good Reason Loan ... Let's get together! We are the "People Helping People•' with payments to suit your budget and your best 'simple interest' open loan rate ... 12''2%. Check and Compare! 39 ST. DAVID STREET, GODERICH PHONE 524-8366 -Mamba► onta,fe Shan and Deposit Insurance Corporation - 4 71/;1 • OFFICE HOURS: Mon. to Thurs. 9:30 a.m. to 5:15 p.m. TM Fridays 9:30 a.rn. to 6:30 p.m. People Helping People Saturday 9:30 am -12 noon GOIDERICH COMMUNITY CREDIT UIIIION receive, 10 cases go unreported, Why stay' "They have no where else to go: they ere socially isolated," said Ms. Ross. "They feel as though they have failed as a wife and a mother." .. One of the major reasons why a wife stays and takes the abuse is because she is economically trapped. She has no xnalney to find a place -to live or further her education dr support her children. She may also stay because she resents. that she's the one that must leave the house and possessions, making her "t11Ie victim again." Another reason given by Ms. Ross was the fear of threats. Often the husband will threaten to kill her if she leaves him or he threatens to take the children. There are five legal actions, which the woman can take. The first action is to charge the husband with assault. The charge could rangefrom common to ag- gravated assault. Another course of action is to get a peace bond. This type of action would only be taken when the man is a mild batterer. "An amount of money is posted and a pro- mise is made to 1Reep the peace," explained Ms. Ross. If the peace is broken, the money is lost but he does not go to jail. A third course of action would be to peti- tion for divorce on the grounds of physical or mental cruelty. An injunction in civil law, as opposed to criminal law,' is the fourth option.' In order to obtain this, there would have to be proof of abuse and an application for divorce. An ex -party interim order is the final op- tion. It takes affect immediately, providing immediate protection and keeping the other party out of thehouse. Tell tale signs "T'he,medicalrpfession has a long way to go, as , does the general public," said Goderich nurses, Debbie Selkirk. "By ask- ing the right questions, we (nurses) could possibly find out if a patient is a victim and assist them in getting help. We have a duty to ask." Ms. Selkirk said there are signs, such as a • woman laving depressed or having bad nerves and frequently requesting tran- quilizers, which should arouse a nurse's curiousity. 'We should take the time to ask...Many times people say `oh no, not her again' and roll their eyes, but she could be a victim," she said. Ms. Selkirk openly admits that when suspicious re -occurring incidents . happen, nurses have problems asking if they are a result of family violence. Huron County Task Force The• Huron County Task Force on Family Violence has three goals. They are informa- tion sharing to increase the understanding of family violence,, co-operation with everyone involved and to increase public awareness so those who need assistance know what is available. Ms. Bolton feels that April will be a month that will show what themany hours of work. and planning by various groups has ac- complished. "There is the transition house opening on April 2 and the Women Being Well Facilitator Training (a course to prepare women to establish self-help groups) on April 1 and the new men's program. Women Today have taken on a long term position (in dealing with family violence)," she said. ERNIE and PETER of PERTH FURNITURE are BLASTING If ALL OUT!! THURS., FRI. & SAT. at 116 DOWNIE ST. 3. TilE-SiOREHAS _. RENTED ALL MERCHANDISE MUST BE CLEARED OUT TO THE BARE WALLS NO REASONABLE OFFER REFUSED PERTH 116 Downie St. OPEN THURS. & FRI. PERTH 2 THE SQUARE .......................... FURNITURE STRATFORD Tel. 271-3620 'TI. 9:00 P.M. SAT, 'Tit 6 P.M. 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