HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 1985-04-03, Page 31v
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N l Aq! t X91 ` l i t a,1985 --PAG •i
fiedWomenToday meeting told
•' Vitolen aever justified"
he ltto,l le,duur a motel- discus -
sloe on fa i -violence lthough each fof
the ive • paneet, members were front various
professio , the iverkleadS. them town
a common goal - eh urinating, family
violence•
Freedom From .a, was the theme
during,* discusston'which was held as part
sof the Women Today's quarterly meeting on
Marti 2!t, ;lighten,ig the audience and
sharing their ; knowledge and madames
was a panel conaisting of J e Tailor, Who
was instrumental in thefounding:of the Sur-
vival Through Friendship Organization in
Goderich; Heather Ross, an articling
lawyer from Seaforth; Laurie Thomson of
the Huron .Centre. for Children and Youth;
Debbie Selkirk, a registered nurse at the
'Alexandra Marine and Gerneral Hopkital in
Goderich; and Valerie Bolton, executive
director of Women Today and a Huron Coun-
ty Task -Force on Family Violence
memeber. ,
Survival Through Friendship
Ms. Taylor explained the reasons why the
Survival: Through Friendship Organization
was formed and how plans for the transition
house ,, in Goderich, (Survival Through
Friendship House) are progressing.
The organization startedin the basement
of St. George's Anglican Church Parish Hall
with women attending two days a week.
Here, the women would discuss their pro-
blems while.Their children were looked after
by the babysitting service provided. The
purpose of the ebi-weekly meetings were to
"raise self esteem and give a new purpose to
the women," said Ms. Taylor.
The number of women that were meeting
at the Anglican Church became too great for
Ms. Taylor to handle, so she took the project
one step further and applied for permission
to have a : transition house set up in
Goderich.
On October 12, she was given permission
to have the Survival Through Friendship
House . with the 24 safe homes acting as
back-ups.
The transition house, located at 134
McDonald Street in Goderich, is scheduled
to open on April 2. It will shelter emotionally
and physically battered women and their
children.
Stop Violence. First
In the summer of. 1984, the Huron Centre
for Children and Youth in Clinton changed
their approach in dealing with men who
abuse their partners.
"We felt we needed more than an in-
dividual working with the men...we wanted
groups, "explained Ms. Thomson. •
According to statistics she has received
from a group in London, 85 per cent of the
men stopped battering their wives or
girlfriends while they were in the group.
Participants of the group can come volun-
tarily or through 'referral's from doctors,
police or other social service agencies or by
court mandate.
"They don't want to come at first, but
'
-,after three or four sessions you' can tell that
"they want to be there," commented Ms.
, Thomson.
The Huron Centre's philosophy is straight
forward - no one deserves to be beaten, no
matter what they have done, and, the
abuser is the one that is responsible for his
actions.
"Violence is a learned behavior, a way of
coping with stress. What is needed are other
alternatives • of dealing with stress," ex-
plained Ms. Thomson.
The first issue dealt in the counselling
group is reducing denial of abusive acts and
the minimization of the seriousness and fre-
quency of the abuse. Anoth!ermajor concern
is stopping the violence in the home because
the counsellors can't work with the families
while the violence is going on.
Freedom From Assault was the theme discussed during Women Today's ,quarterly
meeting held at the Clinton Town Hall on March 27. The meeting featured a panel con-
sisting of (left to right), Debbie Selkirk, Laurie Thomson, Heather Ross, Valerie Bolton
and Women Today President, Fran McQuail. Also on the panel was June Taylor. (Anne
Naiejko photo)
"Working with1the batterer is the first
part. We also need to deal with the women
as well as the children who view the violence
and the couples who want to stay together,"
said Ms. Thomson.
The men who take part contract with the
program for 12 week periods. This length of
time was chosen because it was felt "not to
be too threatening to the men at first." After
the 12 weeks the men can renew their con-
tract. There is also a follow-up and a three
and six month evaluation done on the group
• members.
By the time the batterer leaves the group,
it is hoped that he has learned to "recognize
signs of behavior and use other methods of
expressing anger. That's summing up the
project in a nut shell," Ms. Thomson said.
Condoned through history
"Wife beating has been condoned
throughout history ,and is today, to a lesser
degree," stated Ms. Ross, who has been do-
ing legal work with battered women.'
Ms. Ross gave a number of examples on
how men have treated their wives in dif-
ferent eras. She said, "Wives have been kill-
ed for doweries...and husbands have killed
their wives for adultery."
Causing a death is an extremeresult of
abuse with bruises, cuts and crippling also
resulting from abuse. According to Ms.
Ross, physical and sexual abuse is only vne
of three major forms of abuse commonly in-
flicted on women.
The other two forms are psychological
and property abuse. Psycological, or mental
abuse, can happen when a man wantsto pro-
ve himself .right. He verbally batters his
wife hour after hour, day in and day out. The
result is the woman being as confused as, if
she had been physically abused.
Abuse of property occurs when "your sit-
ting watching television and a guy smashes
his fist on the glass coffee table and breaks
it. Or it could be killing a pet or shooting at a
wall with a gun. They may shoot a safe
distance away as not to hit a person, but it is
still abuse," explained Ms. Ross.
She also -explained that there are three
phases of violence. Phase one is when the
woman tries to keep the peace and the man
becomes increasingly angrier. Phase two is
the explosion into violence.
"This could last for days. She remembers
everything but he denies that he laid a hand
on her," said Ms. /loss.
The third phase, or honeymoon phase, is
the most dangerous. The man tries to be
nice and the woman "wants to believe that
the man she loves has changed - forgive and
forget. But this is the most' dangerous
phase."
Ms. Ross also commented on the myths
which, in some cases, "blame the victim
and excuse the batterer."
The number one myth is that alcohol
alters a person's personality..However, Ms.
Ross stated, "Between 35-50 per cent of the
cases, it may be the facilitator, but not the
cause." .
The second myth is mental illness, but a
very low percentage of cases have any pro-
ven organic problem.
Myth number three is male aggression,
but their behavior is learned, (as in trying to
be'the "macho type,") and is not biological.
"If it was biological all men would beat
their wives," stated Ms. Ross.
Another myth is that the wife was to
blame. This myth says that the wife nags
her husband until he can't stand it any
longer and lashes out towards her.
However, a British study showed that 77 per
cent of wife abuse was not brought on by
nagging or other similar taunts.
Citing an example, Ms. Ross told of a man
who threw a pot at his wife because he didn't
like the meal.
With women's liberation, status im-
balance has become, a myth said Ms. Ross.
She explained that the wife may have a bet-
ter job and -or a higher education, so in order
to establish himself in the home, he beats
her to show his power.
But many abuse cases happen to women
who work in the house in the traditional
fashion.
Ms. Ross , pointed stress out as being
another myth: The man is under stress and
can't cope, therefore, all family violence
should happen in the lower classes, she said.
However, reports confirm that violence oc-
curs in all social groups, but it's "more visi-
ble" with lower class people.
Statistics show that many beatings occur
between 5-7 p.m. and that fists and kicking
are used as weapons on a regular basis.
Research also indicates the average vic-
tim is beaten 35 times before she seeks help,
and that for every single call the police
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receive, 10 cases go unreported,
Why stay'
"They have no where else to go: they ere
socially isolated," said Ms. Ross. "They feel
as though they have failed as a wife and a
mother." ..
One of the major reasons why a wife stays
and takes the abuse is because she is
economically trapped. She has no xnalney to
find a place -to live or further her education
dr support her children.
She may also stay because she resents.
that she's the one that must leave the house
and possessions, making her "t11Ie victim
again."
Another reason given by Ms. Ross was the
fear of threats. Often the husband will
threaten to kill her if she leaves him or he
threatens to take the children.
There are five legal actions, which the
woman can take. The first action is to
charge the husband with assault. The
charge could rangefrom common to ag-
gravated assault.
Another course of action is to get a peace
bond. This type of action would only be
taken when the man is a mild batterer.
"An amount of money is posted and a pro-
mise is made to 1Reep the peace," explained
Ms. Ross. If the peace is broken, the money
is lost but he does not go to jail.
A third course of action would be to peti-
tion for divorce on the grounds of physical or
mental cruelty.
An injunction in civil law, as opposed to
criminal law,' is the fourth option.' In order to
obtain this, there would have to be proof of
abuse and an application for divorce.
An ex -party interim order is the final op-
tion. It takes affect immediately, providing
immediate protection and keeping the other
party out of thehouse.
Tell tale signs
"T'he,medicalrpfession has a long way to
go, as , does the general public," said
Goderich nurses, Debbie Selkirk. "By ask-
ing the right questions, we (nurses) could
possibly find out if a patient is a victim and
assist them in getting help. We have a duty
to ask."
Ms. Selkirk said there are signs, such as a
• woman laving depressed or having bad
nerves and frequently requesting tran-
quilizers, which should arouse a nurse's
curiousity.
'We should take the time to ask...Many
times people say `oh no, not her again' and
roll their eyes, but she could be a victim,"
she said.
Ms. Selkirk openly admits that when
suspicious re -occurring incidents . happen,
nurses have problems asking if they are a
result of family violence.
Huron County Task Force
The• Huron County Task Force on Family
Violence has three goals. They are informa-
tion sharing to increase the understanding
of family violence,, co-operation with
everyone involved and to increase public
awareness so those who need assistance
know what is available.
Ms. Bolton feels that April will be a month
that will show what themany hours of work.
and planning by various groups has ac-
complished.
"There is the transition house opening on
April 2 and the Women Being Well
Facilitator Training (a course to prepare
women to establish self-help groups) on
April 1 and the new men's program. Women
Today have taken on a long term position (in
dealing with family violence)," she said.
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