The Goderich Signal-Star, 1987-05-27, Page 21e Entertainment ®Feature
®Religion
eFamily e Mone
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GUDERICH SIGNAL -STAR, WEDNESDAY. MAY 27, 1987 - PAGE; lA
WILLI-' M I
THOMAS
Wrestling: a
headlock on
total lunacy
It was a madhouse front the flrst'nul-
ment. A large hulk of a rnan had one guy
in a headlock and another guy in a lug
stranglehold and with his free hand he
was choking yet another guy who was
stamping his feet and screarning for
mercy.
And that was just Arena Manager Reg
Redshaw trying to get his staff to work.
I tell you, they take wrestling,seriously
• in Welland.
My mom used to take me to the
Welland Arena when I played hockey in
that town and sit and scowl at every kilt
that put a hit on me and threaten to wash
foul mouths out with soap. Mom would
have needed a grocery cart full of •Ivory
' on this particular night.
These people are rude. And strange.
Wrestling today looks less like sport
and more like a Stanley Kubrick film
that escaped the editing room and took
on real lifei.n public. It has gone from be-
ing choreographed mat gymnastics to a
world of ,weird subtitled "One Flew Over
The Corner Post". ,
And yet it is entertainment, freakish as
a circus sideshow, but , entertaininent
nonetheless.
Take Crazy Chris Colt, Please, take
him back to San Francisco Bay. Inreal
life this guy . probably reads Leo
Buscaglia, watches Disney movies and is
a distant relative of Fred Friendly. But
• billed as . the "Punk Rock •Star" he
• dresses in leather and' chains, wears
studded dog collars, has a' beard, black
Dracula eyes and a safety pin through his
forehead from which yet another chain
dangles down his face and around his
neck. I mean this guy is giving the
punkers'a bad image.
Chris' favourite trick is to spit straight
up into the air and 'then run and get under
it. It's not a death -defying stunt nor one
that requires extraordinary dexterity but
it does have a certain amount ' of
' originality. It's the kind of thing that
' would 'get edited out of David' Letter-
man's "Stupid Pet Trick's segment.""
Please kids, this manoeuvre is perform-
ed by trained professionals ... do not at-
tempt to duplicate this stunt at home.
without one or both parents present.
For the benefit of those in the crowd
who do not immediately diagnose Chris
Colt as crazy by appearance; he staggers
around the ring strangling himself in a
grotesque manner which forces his
tongue out the side of his mouth,. Unfor-
tunately he always releases his grip
before losing consciousness.
His real problem. is that when the
crowd starts to scream his name, his
madness forces him to cover his ears to
keep the demons from entering his brain,
thus releasing whatever grip he has on
his opponent. This makes Crazy Chris
Colt the only wrestler who when he's at
i his best, gets beat up the worst. I think
it's this that's making him crazy,
Dementia dominates as the cast of
characters climb through the triple ropes
as if some perverse scientist is manufac-
turing them in the dressing room.
There was Little Mr. T., a pocket-size
replica of A -Team's. Mr. T. complete with
Mohawk haircut, gold chains and army
fatigues. Each time the referee would
bend over to deliver instruction in the
midget wrestling event, Little Mr, T.
would goose him to the raucous roar of
the crowd. It's strange but when a
midget wrestler leaps off the top rope
you're not sure if he's applying the flying
drop kick or attempting suicide.
Little Mr. T. prevailed, pinning. Fren-
chy I,amond, a muscular little 96
pounder from Montreal with 'a near -
silent body slam. Little Mr. T.'s persis-
tent biting' of Frenchy Lamond's fanny
was not nice, but it was not a factor in the
outcome of the match.
Suddenly, from out of the pages of a
John Irving novel and into the ring carne
a 500 lb. bear. Gentle Ben The Wrestling
Bear lumbers around the ring, muzzled,
leashed and declawed to the giggles tint
whistles of the kids at ringside. Then, in
rather unclassic 'lashes of man and
bear, Gentle Ben proceeds to heat the
beejeeses out of volunteers from the au-
dience. Really. Men leave their seats,
enter the ring, assume a wrestling stance
and Gentle Ben throws then bodily all
over the ring. And he's the one they have
on a leash!
There were many other characters;
Sweet Daddy Siki who's been around
forever, Angelo Mosca Jr. a handsome
and lean Hamiltonian who looks like he'd
rather be somewhere else, Joey W lr
V.',agle,,,a good guy in war paint and_head-
dress and "The Hungarian Wolfman"
whose goatskin shorts were riding up On
him.
There were also ladies, four scantily
clad women who punched, kicked and
dragged each other around the ring by
the hair.
"Sheena The V,1odoo Queen" was my
favourite, With tribal face paint, a spear
and leopard skin leotards, Sheena looked
like the last of the Zulu women warriors.
Sheena was muscular, made a lot of rude
gestures to the crowd and i'nade frequent
gestures toward a derriere that was
above average in overall' size.
Sheena kept up a running battle with
Turn to page 3A •
The Goderich Jr. C. Sailors raised $500 for the team by bringing the George Garden Cir-
cus International to ..town on Sunday. Nearly 2,000 people attended the two shows, in-
cluding many "special needs" children who attended on passes donated by Goderich
businessmen. Top photo, George Garden and his trained elephants. Ringmaster David
Maas (above). Above left: Bruno the tiger trainer. Left, one of several juggling acts.
Lower left: ariel specialist Delisa. Lower right, a clown takes a high wire pratfall.
(photos by Patrick Raftis