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GODEHICH S1GNAL,STAR, WEDNESDAY, AP1-tiL 29, 1987 ----PAGE lA
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The Home and Garden Shona attracted a number of people to the arena on the
weekend. ..
BY
WILLIAM
THOMAS
Lifestyles
f the rich
nd the pious
The print world loves a loser especially
one that has fallen fast and hard from the
exalted echelons of respectability. In re-
cent weeks television evangelists have •
publicly performed the religious Adapta-
tion of an aborted rocket launch. Soaring
so reverently above the clouds of accoun-
tability to altitudes measured by billions
and billions of tax-free dollars - suddenly
the system malfunctioned. Oral refused
to accept a call from God, Jimmy had a
$275,000 nooner and Tammy met Betty
Ford, clinically speaking.
An ugly, contorted trail of white smoke
:hung over America for as long as it took
the good ship "T.V. Evangelism" to self-
destruct and come crashing back to
earth. Now others, unreproachabie
preachers, rush in to collect the debris
and point accusing fingers at the sinner
in their midst who wrecked their billion -
dollar baby.
The sins nor the scenes are novel, all •
having been brilliantly played by Burt
Lancaster in the movie Elmer Gantry,
many years ago.
No doubt the classic example of
evangelism in excess was Ontario's
Aimee Semple. McPherson a model for
today's miracle -working millionaires.
Aimee, who was called home in 1944 and
perhaps put to bed without her 'supper,
ought to be memorialized by Oral, Jim-
my and Tammy with an autographed
photograph in their wallets right next to
their American Express Gold Cards.
Applying the snakeoil 'theory •to
religion Aimee went to Hollywood where
she founded the Angelus Temple in 1923
and her own personal religion, The
Church of the Four-square Gospels.
An early queen of scheme Aimee faked.
her own kidnapping in 1926 and faced
fraud charges in Los Angeles. Instead of
"send money or I'll be called home",
Aimee's angle was "send money or I'll
never come home!"
Aimee died of an overdose of sleeping
pills. There was a running joke of
Aimee's detractors circulating in the
1930's Question: "What's the difference
• between Aimee Semple McPherson and,
the Welland Canal?" Answer: "The
Welland Canal, is a busy ditch!"
Still today in a world marked by soap
operas and the worship of unworthy
idols, the excitement of such goings on
behind the pulpit are prurient to our
human nature.
' The whole thing left me wordless. I was
driven to write about it but could not find
the right vehicle..
At first I heard .the nasal and
nauseating voice of Robin Leach nar-
rating a two-hour special entitled:
"Lifestyle of the Rich and the Pious"'...
here we are at the broken home of Jim'
and Tammy Bakker ... where the paint is
beginning to peel on the convoy,of Rolls
Royces and the waterfall next to their
500 -room hotel and their' 25 -boutique
shopping mall is all but dried up. Their
palacial homes in Florida and California
have also suffered from neglect. Once
the hearthrobs of home television carried^
on 17$ stations, the B litters are now
down to their last $19D5 Ilion...
I dropped th ole nario. I shifted
to a deepe ..amore philosophical ap-
proach: ,"Why E.T. Went Home When He
Was Called and Oral Roberts Didn't."
Both got their instructions froth 'the
heavens (E.T. phone home! E.T. phone
home), both had strange haircuts, both
claimed superhuman powers. But then I
saw Oral begging and threatening for
money in front of millions of people and
'E.T.. alone in the kitchen, raiding the
fridge, drinking Coors Beer and
belching. 1 took to liking the little guy so
much I couldn't complete the
comparison.
Then I saw Oral Roberts' predicament
illuminated by the bright lights of
episodic television. here he was begg- '
ing for $8 -million and saved in the.nick of
time by a guy who races dogs for a living,
a guy who after giving him $1.3 -million
said Oral should get psychiatric help.
(Dear Mr. Collins.' I'm a writer from
Canada and I'm nuttier than two Almond
Joy bars and a Christmas cake. Sent
$1.3 -million or I'll wear my underwear on
the outside of my pants for the rest of my
life!) And after Oral got the $8 -million,
the next day he's back on television begg-
ing for another $8=million. That's .when I
saw it all as a weekly family show entitl-
ed "Eight Is Not Enough", starring Dick
Van Patten as Oral and Louis de Palma
as the dog -racing philanthropist.
Questions remain even on minds that
aren't normally inquiring. Each has his
own set of questions. Mine are simple
and 'straight forward. "Two hundred and
seventyfive thousand dollars for one en-
counto!? Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy what
did that woman do? This woman. must
know things that , would send Xavier
Hollander running to Dr. Ruth for
advice!
Oral? What kind of a name is Oral?
Does his brother Literal Roberts, write
his speeches for him? Does his other
brother Visual Roberts produce his
television shows'? What kind of a name is
Oral anyway? ( Not a bad handle for so-
meone thinking of getting into the
business: '`Hi, I'm Oral Anyway - this is
my brother I, iteral and my other brother
Visual...")
Will Tammy Faye Bakker, now that
she's followed some of America's
Home and
Garden Show:
Demonstrations, fashion shows,
and exhibits were ; rt of three-day
show sponsored by Figure Skating Club
Photos by Lou -Ann Hope
While•a variety of displays -were set up on
the arena floor, fashion shows, along
with. karate and aerobic demonstrations
took place upstairs:. From top clockwise,
fashion shows were given by The Old
Mill, Samantha's and Rosemary's. In
the bottom' photo, little Michelle Cook,
daughter of Debbie and Steve Cook, of
Blyth, enjoys a cookie amidst her balloon
• decorated stroller.
In the above photo, the talents of Ron Tyndale's Karate club were
demonstrated by a number of students during the Home and
Garden Show. Below, Mayor Eileen Palmer presents the award for
most attraetive display to Gail Falconer (The Falcon's Nest) and
Dixie Cameron (Dixie's Flowers I.
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