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HomeMy WebLinkAboutClinton News-Record, 1987-05-06, Page 15Panel- discusses family By Anne Narejko CLINTON - Finding a lead that will catch the readers' attention is usually one of the biggest challenges a writer has, but in the case of family violence, deciding which staggering figure to use first is the challenge. Which would have mo e that one in 10 women are bea in 100 goes to a transition ho a divorce or takes the prof court. Or that in 1981, 30 tario's homicides resulted pact? The fact n but only one Ise, applies for lem to family r cent of On- rom domestic Family voilence can occur at any level in society. "There is no typical wife assault situation. It happens at all levels - lawyers, doctors, farmers..,It draws no bounds," Ross said. One period where abuse "steps up" is when a woman is pregnant. Ross said this happens in about 50 per cent of the cases. "I can attest to that," said Ross who was using her experience as a family lawyer as an example. "Some are being kicked in the stomach with boots and some result in miscarriages." relationships, and of this 30 per cent, 52 per In a survey done in London, kicking, cent were women. Or how about the fact biting and hitting with closed fists were that 31 per cent of women who eventually go some of the most common ways identified in to a transition house have been beaten week- abuse cases. ly or daily? These facts were only a few which were thrown at an audience of 13 during an infor- mation and discussion night on family violence held April 21 at Central Huron Secondary School. The night, sponsored by the Ontario Women's Directorate and Survival Through Friendship House, featured a panel of pro- fessionals working in the field. They were Heather Ross who deals with family law; Nancy Brown -Brunton, a child worker; Sergeant Gerry Hilgendorff of the Goderich Police Department; and Doug Reburg, leader of Delta group which helps men deal with their violent behavior. What Is Assault° According to Heather Ross, many people are under the impression an assault means bruising or cutting another person. However, the "mere touching of another in anger" is considered an assault. Ross listed eight types of assault charges which can be laid. The first was common assault and the second was assault causing. bodily harm which leaves a bruise or a mark. Assault with a weapon can be any weapon. Assaulting a police officer would occur after the police have been called in. Sexual assault is assault of a sexual nature and aggravated sexual assault also causes injury. Charges can also be laid for threatening or intimidating another person. Explaining the threatening charge, Ross said this charge can be laid when the person believes someone will carry out the threat. A Peace Bond is then put on the person who made the threat, forcing him to keep the peace and stay away from the other person. A Peace Bond is usually used only when the person does not have a criminal record. If the Bond is broken, a fine is then laid. A charge of intimidation is laid when a person's right to move about freely is taken away. "1f he threatens, follows, hides personal property or watches the house after the separation, he can be charged," said Ross. "This, in effect, is harassment." In recent years, the .burden of laying the charge has been taken off the shoulders of the person who is being abused and placed in the hands of the police officers. Another type of abuse identified by Ross was psycological violence. In this case, the abuser is trying to get the person to do something she doesn't want to do. He then takes out a gun and shots the cat who is lying in the corner. By doing this, he wants to give the impression that if he can do it to the cat, he can do it to her. Another change in the laws has made it possible for a husband to be charged with raping his wife. In Huron County, one man has already been convicted of this crime while another is up on the charge. Family Violence On The Rise° Ross does not believe that family violence is something that has just started or is in- creasing. She believes ' he reporting of the crime is what is on he rise. Myths Untruths or myths only perpetuate the problem, says Ross. One of these myths is that alcohol causes wife assault. "It may be a facilitator, but it's not the cause," she said, adding that she knows of an alcohol problem that has been treated but the battering is still occurring. "It pro- vides a convenient excuse - blame it on the alcohol." A second myth mentioned was that the wife provokes the husband. Ross says this is "overly simplistic." She said violence does not occur because of a "nagging wife." Some women are "hauled out of bed," and others are victims of irrational jealousy. "This can range from the paperboy to the school crossing guard," she said. "This removes the responsibility from the man." Other myths are that the woman enjoys it and that the wife batterer is mentally ill. According to Ross's figures, only three per cent are suffering from mental illness. "There are far too many (batterers) for all of them to be mentally ill," she said, ex- plaining, "They confine their battering to the home. Outside the home they are calm and pleasant." The final example of a myth given by Ross was that family violence is not a criminal problem. "It is second to motor vehicle accidents with requests for police assistance," she said. 'Policeman's Role "Prior to 1979, police intervention into ( domestic) violence was almost nil," said Sergeant Hilgendorff. The City of London police officers, where the program to have the officers lay the charges was initiated, noticed the same trend Sergeant Hilgendorff and his col- leagues did, and that was that they were returning to the same homes week after week. When it was the responsibility of the wife to lay the charges, the husband would be an "angel" and the charges eventually drop- ped, he said. Sergeant Hilgendorff explained the police officer does not have to see the actual crime take place, but have enough reason to believe one did. If this is the case, they have the power to remove the man from the home and put the woman in the Survival Through Friendship House if needed. "Spousal abuse is one of the more serious crimes to deal with," he said, adding that policemen have been shot and injured dur- ing a domestic. "But I am pleased that we .dp have a home in the county. It's made my work and all police officers' work easier." Learned Behavior "Family violence is learned behavior," said Brown -Brunton. "They watch their mother and father. They learn that when they are angry, they hit. When they have a problem, they hit. "For little boys, they see power. Little girls see morn give in and they become passive." Twenty-five attend Flowers Twenty-five people attended a dinner at ARC Industries, Dashwood on April 15 to mark the beginning of the 1987 Flowers of Hope Campaign. Jerry and Anne, Boersma, Co -chairpersons of the campaign acted as hosts for the group, most of whom were team captains for the wide area to be canvassed. Jerry Boersma welcomed the volunteers with a reminder that the 1986 campaign was very successful in reaching the goal of violence From there, the behavior is carried on to the school yard where they deal violently with other children at times. Then, as teenagers, they carry it into their relation- ships, name calling, pushing and shoving. Brown-Brunton's job is to work with the child to show a different way of dealing with frustrations. If she does get a case where the child has been abused, she can go to the courts and ask for protective monitoring which will allow her to work with the family and protect the child at the same time. "Part of our mandate says we are to work with the children in the home to keep the family together," she said. Statistics show that one in 10 children suf- fer abuse. For girls, one in four will suffer sexual abuse before 18, either by observing or being an actual participant. The statistics for boys are one in seven. Dealing With The Problem Two years ago a men's group was set up to help there deal with their violence. Leading the program is Dr. Reburg. Dr. Reburg explained that the cor- nerstone to the program is everyone is responsible for controlling themselves. "There is absolutely no excuse for viloence with loved ones, or anyone else," he said. To date, Dr. Reburg estimates 80 men have gone through the program and is pleas- ed with the progress of the program. "Any program is only as effective as the community. support. We rely heavily on peo- ple talking abotit it; on press coverage and general discussion. You have to pass the in- formation on to those who. need it, or who you think may need it," said Dr. Reburg. The long term results of the program are just being found now .as it is relatively new. Dr. Reburg says that 60 to 65 per cent have reported no substantial violence after one year. "Where there is violence, it is less fre- quent and less intense," he said. "I feel con- fident the program has a positive effect." Why Do They Stay" During the question period, a lady shared her experience with the•group. She said she had a good friend who she thought was being abused. When she asked her how she got her bruises she denied it by saying she ran into a door or she used some sirnilar excuse. "Then one day I just came out and asked her," she said. Her friend didn't deny it then, but said she had rio place to go: ( At that time the Sur- vival Through Friendship House was not in Goderich.) She had children and didn't want to uproot them by moving to London. "So we opened our door and told her she was welcome day and night. But I still don't understand why she stayed," she said. Dr. Reburg said, "It's almost as if it's the ugliest secret in the world. It's almost a paradox, but families are so cohesive about it." Speaking from how she sees the women who end up in her office, Ross said, "They have no selfesteem left at all. They have become very dependent on the person." She also said the abuser has convinced her that if she went public with the situation, everyone would believe him, not her. "Also, when most of us get married, we get married because we love that person so you stay and try to work it out," said Ross. "When I have seen the cycle break ( the woman leave ), it is when the children are at risk, not herself, but the children." Summing up the question on why doesn't she leave, and sympathizing with the lady in the audience, Dr. Reburg said, "If you have a friend in that situation or if you work in the field, you know that is is one of the most frustrating situations to deal with. "It takes a lot of patience and understanding." of Hope $20,000. Tje goal for the 1987 campaign is set at 120,500. There are nearly 50 team cap- tains and over 400 canvassers volunteering their time to raise funds for the people in our community who have developmental handicaps. The area covered includes Thedford, Clin- ton, Exete, Zurich, Grand Bend and several other towns, as well as the townships of Hay, Stephen, Tuekersmith, to name a few. The funds raised go to support the various dinner programs riot tunded through the Ministry of Community and S(..Jal Services. The Flowers of Hope campaign will con- tinue throughout the month of May, with an afternoon tea on June 2 at ARC Industries, Dashwood. This will include a tour of the facilities, as well as refreshments. Afte the meal Victor Knip, President, reviewed the procedure for the campaign and wished everyone good luck in the 1987 campaign. It Stays Here... We've got 400 helpers! The largest number nt c amassers w e e e'er had. volunteers who are helping us help those citt7ens who arent as fortunate as we are Now we need your help yshen they ( ome to your 'door with their pa( ket of seeds The bright marigolds will give you enlovment all summer hut more than that they II remind you ot the part you played in enn(ping the IIS es ot our fellow ( rtvens We, as trustees of your ( ontrihutions carefully use these funds for programs not c oAered by government grants, spec ial equipment for train ing and c ommunity awareness and prey ention aC trvities Your response to this army of helpers has to the hest of our knowledge been the best of any area in Canada That's great enc ouragement to those of us who sere on the hoard and some trtteen committees Flowers of Hope Goal $20,500 ( omrnunity frying Central Huron ,'vtary Donnelly Pres Helen Watson FKe( wive t)tre( tor All proce-cls from the Flowers of I -Tope campaign are used to support the local work. South Huron and District Association for the Mentally Handicapped OFFICIAL - Vtr tor Knip, Prosrcienl (' ff f Anne and (,err, Boe`rsma, John (,ray'. Eke( utive Dire( tor. CLINTON NEWS -RECORD, WEDNESDAY, MAY 6, 1987—Pa:e 15 These youngsters were searching for bargains at the Holmesville Public School Garage Sale on May 2. Finding good buys were ( left to right ) Stephen Langendoen of Holmesville and Sara and Kyla Young of Goderich. ( Shelley McPhee Haist photo ) PROFESSIONAL DOG CLIPS & GROOMING * Weekdays *Evenings *Saturdays BY APPOINTMENT ONLY Karen Bruinsma 524-6033 and don't know which way to turn, call Pearls of Wisdom ���Tnble hnve' 1 created thee, yet thou hast abased thyself. Rise then unto that for hieh thou wast created" Baha'u'Ilah 1f you haze any questions about the Baha'i Faith you could like answered in this column, please phone or write: rderieh Box 212 Kincardine Box 1039 . :196-3589 ,-)24-4621) Clinton Box 1230 . 382.3388 Dungannon... 329-3169 F0R THE LOVE OF GOD. GIVE. 1 It you'd Tike to give to the Red Shield, Hut you weren't ,end \tour JI'tl,)ti(tn ,llttnv, with the coupon pon Your (hitt \vhethcr huge or srll,lll \\Ill help u` elect the ch,lllen cs of c,lch nc\v J,lv se Ian► r FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. GIVE. 1 n, !,'•c•,l picas(' tinct ! ,I,! !IL(' "'m(','n( r ,,,ill ('h,)n(' r.' Post I TI IF NATIONAL REI) 'E I I L I.1) APPEAL THE SALVATION .ARMY. Po Box 397. t axiench L . 524-9341 e'r 524=4335 1