Clinton News-Record, 1987-02-18, Page 51Pre -marital counselling helps
• from page 37
the group on the topics, give tips, follow-
ups and be available to answer questions.
He noted that the lawyer also discusses
wills, child custody, contract marriages
and family law reforms.
Communication is the third aspect of
the counselling session.
Rev. Ball noted that the areas of feel-
ings and emotions and "how to fight fair-
ly" are discussed.
"With feelings and emotions, you have
to learn to recognize how the other per-
son responds to certain things. If you
understand how the person responds to
situations, then you learn to not misread
their actions."
The fourth topic Rev. Ball likes to in-
clude in the pre -marital counselling ses-
sions is that of the initimate marriage or,
human sexuality.
He noted that he tries to have two doc-
tors in, a man and woman, so that the
couples can break into smaller discussion
groups and talk to one of the doctors.
Along with the doctors, Rev. Ball said
that there were many good films
available which he tried to show to the
group to promote discussion.
However, he noted that when he had to
do this particular session alone, he tend-
ed to share printed materials with the
group.
The fifth and final, but most important,
topic is that of the marriage itself.
"I try to make the couples realize that
marriage is more than just a wedding.
In marrying a person you are making a
committment that you will remain true to
one another. Learning how to give love
is truly how we see," he said.
Rev. Ball said he tries to make the cou-
ple aware of the importance of the mar-
riage ceremony.
"It is important to listen to every word
and participate in the ceremony. Unless
I can bring the entire group (the wedding
party and congregation) into the at-
mosphere that something important is
happening, then I've failed. They have to
realize that the marriage ceremony itself
is more important than the party
afterwards."
While Rev. Ball feels that counselling is
important, he sometimes regrets that he
isn't able to do it more often or more
individually.
"I can't do it (group pre -marital
counselling) in as great detail as I would
with individual couples. Sometimes I feel
guilty because a lot of time is spent on
the wedding itself," he said.
Prior to moving to Goderich, Rev. Ball
used to hold "pre -marital counselling
reunions" for couples who had taken
counselling sessions. They would meet
one year after the orginal sessions to
discuss one topic and see how the couples
were handling it. The reunion also allow-
ed for a "catching -up" (on jobs, children,
location) between himself and the.
couples.
"I've often wished to do a mile -one
assessment here," he said.
Pre -marital counselling sessions are of-
fered to couples who are getting married
for the first time, couples who have been
married for a short period of time and
who were unable to attend a session prior
to their marriage, and persons marrying
for a second time since, as Rev. Ball
noted, they bring new dimensions into the
meeting.
I would hope that the pre -marital
counselling experience has enhanced the
relationships of the couples who have .
taken the course. The percentage of
marriages where couples took counsell-
ing sessions may be better because the
couples asked to work on it. There is a
pretty good committment to marriage if
the couple wants to attend the pre-
marital counselling seminars."
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