Clinton News-Record, 1987-02-18, Page 49Showcase '87 page 37
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Pre -marital counseling
can enhance a couple's
relationship says minister
By LOC -ANN HOPE
Pre -marital counselling, to some ex-
tent, can reflect on the success of the
marriage and that is perhaps why more
and more churches today are asking
engaged couples to partake in pre-
marital counselling sessions.
According to Rev. Robert Ball,
minister of North Street United Chureh,
pre -marital counselling is not required by
all churches in Goderich.
"In some communities, they (the dif-
ferent churches) have ecumenical rules
that require couples to take part in some
form of pre -marital counselling. Here in
Goderich, the ministry is so wide that it
would be hard to agree on what to in-
clude in counselling sessions. Certain
churches do require counselling," he
said, adding that the Catholic Church has
shown an increased insistence on couples
taking some form of pre -marital counsell-
ing prior to being married .
At North Street United Church, there is
no "rule" that couples must take part in
pre -marital counselling sessions
althougth Rev. Ball does feel the sessions
are beneficial.
"I think we still look upon marriage as
a lifetime committment. I would hope
that couples entering marriage are at the
point where they are ready to make a
committment for life and are not just try-
ing marriage out," he said.
In this regard, he feels that counselling
is beneficial since a diverse range of
topics are talked about in an open discus-
sion manner.
"Couples need to really talk about
things. In the seminars, my role is not to
teach or to tell. It is to raise questions
and encourage couples to explore them.
I don't think the clergy in a counselling
roles has all the answers," Rev. Ball
explained.
Prior to coming to Goderich seven
years ago, Rev. Ball held pre -marital
seminars for groups of engaged couples
in one of two ways; either for two hours
once a week for five weeks, or, one all -
day session on a Saturday.
"Here, in Goderich, I haven't really
done it .that way (on a weekly basis)
because couples tend to move away
before they get married and they come
home just to be married. Usually, I tend
to hold a session on one Saturday," he
said, adding -that he hoped to be able to
hold a Saturday session before June.
In the pre -marital seminars, Rev. Ball
tries to cover five different topics.
The first topic is what Rev. Ball calls
"the marriage dynamic."
In this session, the group discusses
their expectations of marriage and what
marriage can do for them, he explained.
"We take a look at their personal needs
for marriage and their participation in
terms of roles, values and beliefs in
relationships.
"For example, there are still a lot of
men out there whose role model for mar-
riage has to be really checked out or else
the woman's going to be in trouble. (He
added that he could say the woman's role
- models needed to be checked out but he
felt that it wasn't as much of a problem
as men who still believed in women re-
maining at home.) By this I mean that
there are men who expect the woman to
stay home and do the housework and
have the meals on the table while he br-
ings home the money. It should be a
50-50 marriage and men should be willing
to come into the home more. Men
haven't moved into traditonal woman's
roles as much as women have moved into
the men's world," Rev. Ball explained.
The second topic of discussion concerns
finances, "dollars and sense" as Rev.
Inatirq
• `My role (as a premarital counsellor) is not to teach or tell. It is to raise questions and en-
courage couples to explore them," says North Street United Church minister, Rev. Robert
Ball. Premarital counselling is intended to help couple'e realize and discuss .their opinions
on a wide variety of topics concerning items such as the marriage dynamic, dollars and
sense, communication, the intimate marriage and the marriage itself.
(Gary Walden Photography)
Ball calls it.
In this topic, the group explores such
things as budgets, home financing, joint
accounts, insurances, analyzing budgets
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Rev. Ball invites a banker and a
lawyer to attend this session and speak to
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