Clinton News-Record, 1986-02-19, Page 47Showcase '86, page 27.
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New Beginnings offers marriage counselling
By Joanne Buchanan
Huron County has not been left un-
touched by the escalating divorce rate.
Unfortunately, marriage counselling ser-
vices in the county haven't kept up with
the pace.
Family therapists Sheila McCaffery
and John Penn are hoping to alleviate
this discrepancy with New Beginnings, a
private counselling service operated out
of an Office in Goderich and open to all
Huron County residents. •
Since the birth of New Beginnings in
September, McCaffery and Penn say they
have not been inundated with clients.
Because they both have other jobs which
require a lot of time and energy, they ad-
mit that they have probably not pro-
moted their service as much as they
could. However, they are certain their
business will grow over tune.
Communication Critical
While love tan be a starting point for
marriage, things like friendship and com-
mitment are important too. And both Mc-
Caffery and Penn agree that communica-
tion is a critical factor.
"Couples are often able to com-
municate their difficulties but they
seldom spend enough time talking about
how things are good between them or
what they appreciate about one another,"
says McCaffery.
To communicate their anger, Penn
says many couples fall into a pattern of
mutually punishing one another. A
classic example of this is when one part-
ner refuses to speak to the other.
;People get stuck in being angry or
upset and it filters into every part of
their relationship, often leading to bigger
problems," says Penn.
One of the methods he and McCaffery
.use in counselling is to teach people how
to mutually reward one another instead
of punishing.
"We ask couples what nice things they
would like their partners to do for them.
These can be small things. Perhaps the
wife would like her husband to serve her
a cup of coffee after supper. In the short
run, this at least puts the brakes on
mutual punishment," explains Penn.
How to pack
First, consider your needs. For short
honeymoons a garment bag and.carryon
may be enough, but if you'll be gone for a
week or two, an additional suitcase will
be needed.
The type of luggage you choose will
either be hard or soft. Hard luggage is
very durable yet heavier. Soft luggage
will be made of nylon or vinyl and is pro-
bably less expensive and lighter. Quality
varies so buy from a well-known
manufacturer.
Be sure to try out the piece before
making a decision. See if it fits you and
think about whether or not you want pad-
ded handles, wheels or shoulder straps
for comfort and convenience.
Once you get the new purchase home,
don't put off packing until the day before
the wedding. You'll have enough to think
about as it is.
Put shoes and heavier items at the bot-
tom of the suitcase near the hinge. Wrap
shoes in plastic to keep clothes clean and
stuff with socks or underwear to save
space.
Bring travel -size toiletries and put
them in your carryon bag along with
valuables, medications and jewelry for
easy access. Pack belt and ties around
the edges of the suitcase.
Last but not least, a name and address
tag is crucial in case of accidental
separation.
If couples have fallen into a destructive a whole lot of forethought. They don't ing," says McCaffery.
think far enough past the hoopla of the She feels that many people get onto a
marriage ceremony about day to day liv- Turn to page 31
Pattern of relating to one another, McCaf-
fery and Penn will try to get them to
recognize this and to learn positive new
ways of relating. This can be done
through acting out methods or role play-
ing. It's not easy though.
"People come for counselling and say
they want their relationship to get better.
At first though, the negative ways of
relating are so well learned that they
keep falling back into those ways and
then they think that counselling isn't
working," says McCaffery.
Penn agrees. "Many couples expect the
counsellors to solve their problems. But
we just get them to talk about their feel-
ings and clear the way for them to see
new methods of dealing with their pro-
blems. The couple has to struggle
together and do the work. We just
facilitate the process."
McCaffery and Penn say that if each
partner wants the marriage to work, they
can probably be helped ,in six to eight
sessions.
"There is a lot of work involved
though. We encourage each individual to
write out what it is that he or she wants
to change. We send couples off with
homework. For example, we might
assign them to talk together for a certain
amount of time every day," explains
Penn.
Little Forethought
Many churches are now offering pre -
marriage courses and counselling. Mc-
Caffery and Penn both think this is a
good idea.
"Any input like this prior to a couple's
marriage is fantastic," says McCaffery.
"The more we discuss marriage and
family life in the schools and through the
churches, the better."
She feels that while many couples
about to enter marriage will discuss
things like whether to have children,
where they will live, etc., they do not
discuss such important issues as what
they expect from one another, what they
expect from marriage, why they are get-
ting married, etc.
"Many people go into marriage without
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