HomeMy WebLinkAboutClinton News-Record, 1985-12-11, Page 48A Season of
The slinky red silk
nightie cut in a deep V
to the kneecap made
me feel like a scantily
clad sausage.
By Rachel Cope Goldfarb
ILhe major gift -giving
festivities are upon us
and the time seems right
for a little talk about
what to do with the
bounty you'll receive.
If you like/need/aren't totally
offended by the gift, of course
you keep it and thank the gifter
with appropriate comments about
his ,thoughtfulness/consideration/
orig inality .
But when the item fits none of
these categories, you enter the
season referred to as "many
happy returns." Only experience
and flawless judgment can get
you through this period
unbruised, physically or
emotionally.
The fruitcake Aunt Beulah
made in May to soak in
whiskey -saturated cheesecloth
that makes you break out in
hives can't be returned. The
diamond -and -pearl -studded
pendant custom ordered by your
mother-in-law in the shape of
her pet Chihuahua cannot be
returned.
And the mosaic eggshell
picture of a.spaceman made on a
styrofoam meat tray by your
child, especially for you,
absolutely cannot be returned.
However, the third
and e -cabinet can opener
yo eceived since September
can returned, if you can
convince each 'person who gave
you one that his is the one
screwed into your kitchen.
The size -I0 parachute pants
you cannot squeeze your aging,
generous thighs into can 4e
returned if your ego can
withstand ,giving "too small" as
the reason for taking them back.
The after -shave, named
something like Eau de Sewage,
which forces those close to us to
reconsider their position and
causes chest congestion in those
of us with the healthiest of
respiratory systems, can be
returned.
If necessary, 'apologies for
being so clumsy as to have
spilled the gift may be offered.
Toys which can't be
assembled by a master engineer
in 24 hours, .but can be
destroyed by a 4 -year-old in 20
minutes, can and should be
returned.
Persistence is the name of the
game here. Demand°that the
complaint clerk try to put the
plastic item of delight together
without tools as is claimed
possible on the package. If he
can -do it, get his phone number
for free-lance work next year.
Some thing just aren't "you."
A slinky red nightie cut in a
deep V to the kneecap made me
feel like a scantily clad sausage
and was returned.
The hot pink velour jogging
suit, which revealed the
many -textured essence of my
physique and appeared
flesh -colored from a distance of
more than five feet, went back
the next day.
And the goldtone earcuffs
which dangled eight synthetic
jewels were returned for reasons
of possible allergy to looking
self-conscious.
Good Things to Eat ..
FINNISH V11PURI
31/2 cups all-purpose flour
't cup sugar
' '/z teaspoon salt
'/G teaspoon ground cardamom •
'/e teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 package fast -rising yeast.
'/z cup milk
'/z cup water
2 tablespoons margarine
boiling water
confectioners' sugar glaze,
optional
multicolored sugar,
optional
Set aside 1 cup flour. In Targe
bowl, mix remaining flour,
sugar, salt, cardamom, nutmeg
and yeast. In saucepan, over'low
heat, heat milk, water and
margarine until hot to touch
(125F to 130F), stir into dry '
mixture. Mix in only enough
reserved flour to make soft
dough. ,On lightly floured
surface, knead until smooth and
elastic, about 8 to 10 minutes.
any Hap
Once you have decided to
return an item, preparefor the
process_ Get plenty of sleep the
night before; your head should
be clear. Bring sufficient
calm -inducing equipment (teddy
bear, white wine, a headphone
radio pumping lullabys, your
masseuse).
This preparation will help you
remain rational during the long
waits in lines and throughout the
interrogations by clerks who
would rather be anywhere else at
that moment.
A bagged lunch may be
Cover; let rest 10 minutes.
Divide dough in half. Roll
each .half into a rope, 3 feet long
and about 11/2 inches in diameter
at the center, tapering out
toward the end.
Draw ends of each roll in
toward center to form a circle.
Twist ends around each other
twice and firmly attach to other
side of circle to form pretzel.
Place on greased baking sheets.
Cover; let rise in warm draft -free
place' until doubled in size
(about I hour).
Sprinkle each twist liberally
with boiling water, Bake at 350F
for 20 to 25 minutes or until •
done.' Sprinkle with additional
boiling water several times
during baking period. Remove
from baking sheets; cool on wire
racks.
If desired, frost with
confectioners' sugar glaze and
decorate with multicolored
sugar.
Yield: 2 twists. ■
necessary, since leaving the line
for any reason means you may
return only to the end. The looks
I have seen (and been the object
of) when an individual steps out
of line to chase a restless child
(or spouse) have been enough to
turn breath frosty.
Finally, bring all your
receipts. It matters not whether
the item you are returning was a
gift, a proper receipt is expected
to accompany the chartreuse
scarf, sealskin boots, fold -up
axe, talking food processor or
package of festive sponges.
Regional Value Spotter, December 11, 1985
y Returns
They want the receipt.
If you don't have proof of
purchase, be prepared to
exchange your gift for another
item. But make a long list of
possible substitutes, because the
store will probably be out of
everything you want until
March.
My sister-in-law does not go
to the trouble to exchange gifts.
She merely recycles them. One
year she presented a beautifullly
wrapped box of candy to her
parents. Upon opening the
delectables, they found a note.
Page 17
Sis went gray. The note said,
"Happy Housewarming, Linda
and Ben. From the Petersons."
Her parents' names are Henry'.
and Doris, and the gift was for
their anniversary. °
So, as a woad of caution, if
you are going to "re -give" a
present, unwrap it first and
check for surprises.
Maybe you'll decide you have
nothing to return to stores this
year. Loving thoughts behind
even the most outrageous gifts ..
often make them worth a
treasure,
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