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HomeMy WebLinkAboutClinton News-Record, 1985-10-23, Page 46) Page 16 Regional Value Spgttisr, tab 1985 When Friends By Dorrine TurecamO Nof every friend is forever. We collect friends from particular times in our lives: school churns, first neighbors, our -kids -are -the -same -age friends, friends from former jobs or clubs or churches. Sometimes, we simply outgrow i_, each other. She may have been right for that period in your life, but you no longer speak the same language or have the same interests. Is it being unfeeling to want a reprieve from that friendship? How do you let go? What if she takes it personally or insists on clinging to what is not there anymore? Insecurity is the chief reason that keeps women from forming close female relationships. The centuries-old, 24 -hour -a -day competition for men and attention is being carried on by some into the job market. The truth is that female . friendships are generally more open and honest and less threatening in terms of opportunities to hurt and be hurt, says Penelope Russianoff, Ph.D., in her book, "Why Do I Think I Am Nothing Without a Man?" Studies by the Rational Life Center, New York City, show that it's important to build a vital and functional friendship network in order to go through our various life crises, to cope with developmental changes m our lives and to manage stress more effectively. We limit ourselves when we over -focus on the romantic relationship, which we expect will fulfill all of our needs. And we tend to think our friends should be exactly like us, in age, race, lifestyle, even appearance. This is not only limiting; it's boring. The best basis for a healthy friendship is shared interests. You realize you're not alone, that others have the same fears, insecurities and troubles. On the other hand, this breeds "supposed to" thinking. We expect more from each other. "She should have come when I was sick" or "She owes me a call." This is where the real trouble starts because real friends don't judge others or make assumptions according to the standards they've set for themselves. "Friendship is being part of an 'in' group," says editor and consultant to the American Management Association Margaret Higginson, "even if Nt: it's angroup of two. Friends either are, or have the potential of, becoming extended members of one's family. Like family, you accept each other's frailties, even if you don't like them." Following this line, even "loser" friends (those who cause you untold problems over and over) often remain a part of your life,, says clinical psychologist Herdie Baisden, because you realize a vicarious satisfaction from sdme sort of excitement she has -in her life. On the whole, though, your friends reflect you. They are a part of your autobiography, according to Allan Fromme, psychoanalyst. Interior design artist Jennifer Burger enjoys mixing with a variety of friends. She explains that each fills a need in her busy life. If she was going through horrendous problems in her • marriage, she would not call her best friend who has grown up with her, but she would probably call a not -so -close friend who successfully weathered severe marital problems of her own. Nancy Pines, a book publicist, thought about her three closest friends and found the friendship that was least close was held together by external things, such as good times and "living to • • : 0 . • • • • • • • •. ;• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •' formingArts KING'S SINGERS are one of the world's most sought-after and highly - acclaimed musical ensembles. Friday, November 1 at 8 pm in Alumni Hall SECTIONS 1V1: B $15 13 — Reg. 12 10 — Stu./Sr. Alumni Don Messer's Jubilee A. full-scale musical that recreates those special nights with Charlie Chamberlain, Marg Osborne and the Don Messer gang. 1t is a nostalgic look at a Canadian institution, written by John Gray. Don Messer's "Jubilee" lives 'again 'in this production from Neptune Theatre in Halifax. Thursday and Friday, November 14 and 15 at $ pm in Althouse College $12 — Reg. 10 Stu./Sr./Alumni The University of Western Ontario 1985-S6 All seats reserved. Tickets on sale now at campus box offices: Talbot Theatre box office in Talbot College and Central.' box office in UCC Bldg. Also downtown at Orchestra London and Sam the Record Man or call 679-3391 and: charge it. 0111100-•••••••••••••111•11•••••• 000:• laugh.* The other two women closely resemble her own personality, beliefs and background. Respect_ Trust. Honesty. Without hesitation, these three qualities were named as the prime requisites for genuine friendship. Elaine Aekmann, a radiological technologist, says, "I feel very secure with my few, but select, good friends. I have gathered lots of congenial acquaintances over the years, but five best friends and I'll tell you who you are" has some validity. However, Fromme says, "No one needs to be all things to any one. Each friend brings something of his or her own into another's life... The more facets there are to our interests, the more we need friends to share them." 1 know that no matter how I look or dress, whatever my lifestyle or level of income, whether I'm feeling high or low, my real friends will be right there to stand be me." Suzanne DeVito, a publishing manager, who began her career and changed her entire way of life when her two children were half grown, speaks of a need for friends she can tap into when she needs them, "someone I can be really candid with, and tell Please turn to page 18 TOLL FREE 1-800-265-4590 Local Call 284-2807 Colonial PlatOs & Dolls 7 Water St., St. Marys, nt. NOM 2V0 Open Mon. -Sat. 10:30-5 p.m. Sun. 2-4 p.m. THE NEW HORSE Reg. $85. Order Now LARGEST SALE OF THE YEAR! *Collector Plates 15% to 70% Off *Royal Doulton - 35% Off °Beswick Horses 30% OH *Tobby Jugs - 30% Off °Anri - 25% Off •Hummels 30% Off •Kierstead Prints 25% Off 'Music Boxes 25% Off °Dolls - 20% Off Most CHANCE TO WIN A FREE TRW TO FLORIDA OR ;600.00 WITH EACH PURCHASE —FREE COFFEE- FIGURINE SHOW AND SALE St. Marys Community Centre Sunday November 3rd •Hummols •Doultons •Koisor •Anri 'Precious Moments 'Lithos 'Etc. WANTED PEOPLE TO SELL FIGURINES AND COLLECTIBLES — PLEASE INQUIRE!