HomeMy WebLinkAboutClinton News-Record, 1985-10-09, Page 62•
Continued from page 5
And the battle isn't over for
Maggie at all. Li wit be very
hard for her to fight her fears.
Her psychologist says she will
have to learn the same lessons
over and over again — because
she has lived with a mother who
handles stress by protecting
herself from it."
Yet according to Weaver, if
Maggie does not get help now,
she will have serious problems
with stress as an adult.
"Adults who cope well with
stress were socialized to do so as
children," he says. "In cases
like Maggie's the socialization
process is very difficult because
one parent is working against it.
She's lucky her father is
determined she won't end up in
the same trap her mother is in."
While most parents will not
be as fearful as Maggie's
mother, many of us do suffer
from exaggerated fears in some
area which keeps us from
encouraging our kids to face
•challenge.
Weaver says, "This really
comes home in adolescence
when kids suddenly have to face
more serious problems. They are
confronted by so many choices
— about drugs and drinking and
sex. They have responsibilities,
their first jobs, driving. They
have decisions to make; and
their grades become so much
more important than they were
in grade school or middle
school.
"Teens who haven't learned
as kids to cope with stress are
more likely to resort to drinking
or drugs to handle stress —
especially if this is what they see
their parents doing."
Yet when we see kids abusing
drugs and alcohol, we seldom
think they are doing so in
response to stress. It someone
suggests our kids are stressed,
we may even ask what they have
r,
stressed• about" s ese are
the est . rears their fires•
Ia tl ::adult oda th
problel' ka ** s don't
compare pe and si e
threat of aJob Layoff or the -
repair bill which will wreck the
faatilybudt for a month.
Because !e nimize children's
concerns, we are often unable, to
help them effectively in dealing
with their problems -- and their
'stress.
"The first thing you have to
do to help an adolescent cope
with stress is'admit his problems
are genuine, that they aren't just
kid stuff," Weaver says. "If
you have no respect. for his
problems, the teen will know
it."
He says, "My parents went to
one of the first sessions with
Ime, and they thought the whole
thing was just a waste of their
money. They were willing to do
it because they are proud of
being upscale parents. And
therapy is upscale. They thought
it was like buying Nikes or
something."
After John completed the
eight-week course, they saw a
marked improvement in his
ability to cope with daily stress.
And they changed their minds.
"My dad has always been a
screamer. And my mom cries
when she is upset. She is never
able to articulate her end of an
argunfettt untit.she isa'I« ltk
anyutore Well this time they
learned something from me.
They decided to: loam stress
-management techniques too.":
The techniques taught in stress
management .seminars or
workshops are basically
communications skills and
relaxation therapies. Participants
are also taught to use good diet
principles and incorporate
regular exercise in their lives to
control the effects of stress on
their bodies. John says, "The
total message is to slow down."
He says he learned to talk
about his problems before those
issues became so magnified in •
his mind that he started
screaming — before he lost
control. "My therapist said I
didn't have a vocabulary for
essing non -threatening
_diger. Now I do. Now I have
learned I can control anger and
stress. It doesn't control me."
At first John regarded the
relaxation training as "silly."
Then he discovered it worked.
Some others have the patient
concentrate on each bony part
and will it to relax, one after
another. "The important thing is
that the stressed person use one
of these techniques twice a day
for 15 to 20 minutes. This is
very simple and effective way of
reducing stress."
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