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Clinton News-Record, 1985-10-09, Page 61I:. "People whosuffercatost from stress are those who feel they are powerless to solve their problems." Adults who seem very relaxed lust know •how to farce problems, how to handle stress. Children who see these parents eoPing if► positive ways also learnato use them easily. But health care professionals are realizing there is still much to learn about stress and stress management. For example, why does one child in a family handle stressful events without appearing to be undone by them, while another child, presumably the beneficiary of his parents' good stress -management example too, can't cope? Jay McLean, a medical researcher from Topeka, Kan., says, "We have some good scientific evidence now to indicate there is a harmful chemical response to stress produced in the body. Perhaps the chemical works in much the same way an insect's sting does. A bee might sting you; and you will suffer nothing but a small red bump.. Since I am allergic to bees, I will have a dangerous reaction. "We don't know but we can hypothesize that stress chemicals work the same way. Some people may produce more of the chemical or react more strongly to its presence in the body than others. We'll see some breakthroughs in this chemical research in the next few years. New research. findings should then help us deal more , effectively with stress." Meanwhile, according to Michael Weaver, stress management consultant, "If you suspect a child's behavior problems might be stress-related, it's worth modifying the way you respond to your child. Try a different approach. One way in which parents can help is by encouraging the child who never expresses fears or doubts to open op.". • -Eric,. age 10, is the only child of two career -oriented parents. "Both my husband and I are the stiff -upper -lip types," says Carolyn, his mother. "We have, always tried not to bring office problems home;.we have always prided ourselves on being independent and coping with our. problems alone,'not dumping them on each other. "We didn't realize we were setting Eric up for real trouble by giving.him.that kind of example." When Eric, who had been accustomed to "smooth sailing" academically and socially, began having some problems, he apparently thought he should handle them as his parents did. He expressed no doubts or. fears at home. But his stoicism wasn't .s, appreciated; Y011e.. discoverer he eras • 'aiiu* > '* they wanted to Irk why he hadn't toad them he was having a problem. "A lot Of things cane together far Eric f4t Once in a 'negative way," ciarolyo says. Ilis,hest friend moved. He was. transferred to a new school. Mid -year because ofrasing regulations.The he had to wear glasses. Too many adjustments; B"ut he seemed to be making them so easily. We didn't know that he was scared and hurt and confused beneath the bravado exterior. "He was trying to be just like his parents." Eric's stress symptoms were not manifested in acting out behavior as Terri's had been. Instead he developed chronic "stomach problems." An alert family physician asked the right questions and determined his physical problems had a psychological cause. "We got Eric to talk about the things which scared or worried him, and the stomach problems almost disappeared overnight. "When I told him I often had indigestion before an important meeting and couldn't eat when things weie bothering me, he was surprised. I guess we should have realized he saw us as stone gods, a dangerous thing." Sometimes stress management is just this simple — as easy as letting a child know he has a secure and supportive environment, a place where. it's OK to admit fear. Of course he must also know by expressing fear he isn't giving in to it. Jill Nelson says, "This is the' other part of the lesson kids need to have. They need to see adults talk about their concerns, then also deal with them, cope with them, not hide from them. "They need to be encouraged to do this in their own lives too. This is a difficult teaching assignment for parents who are bound by their•own fears. And here kids, really need outside help Maggie, 11, is the daughter of an agoraphobic. When she began showing signs of stress -- eating disorders, exaggerated fears, frequent and intense bouts of weeping — her father was not surprised. He says, "I expected Maggie to have problems. Why wouldn't she when her mother won't. go out of the house and won't get help to handle her fears?" — Helping Maggie was made more difficult because her mother will not get,help for herself. Ted says, "In a sense Maggie feels she is betraying her mother by trying to solve her .problems. (continued on next page.) 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